they have it easy....

[whiskeylullabye]

We all go through that...

But we've got to do what we've got to do to take care of our children and ourselves.

[one_luv]

Maybe what you meant to say was less responsibility? My husband would love to have a "real" job, pay bills, take care of this kids, etc. I know even on my worse day I still have the invaluable gift of freedom and choice. Where they're at, they are essentially slaves.

Regarding sleeping a lot, not everyone does. My husband gets up at 5 am 7 days a week to go to work. He works throughout the day and isn;t finished until 8 pm.

[Vlfl]

Quote:
Originally Posted by nimuay
Ahem. I can hear you. Yes, some aspects of being in are easier than being out. I did single parent with a 60-hour a week job, and could have died just of the frustratiion and anger and exhaustion sometimes. And out here I'm prey to all the same diseases, and liable to attack, rape, and all the other ills of the world. It's more condensed in there,
but doing the time while you're out and not guilty of anything is a damn tough row to hoe. Don't feel bad for feeling exhausted and angry.

Originally Posted by PSMITH3127

I'M TOTALLY WITH YOU ON THIS ONE..... IT'S OKAY TO HAVE BAD DAYS AND IT'S OKAY TO FEEL ANGER.. YOU DIDNT DO THE CRIME...

Well, I didn't get with my man until after his incarceration which my choice. Yes, I get angry at times....angry that I didn't find the love of my life until after he was in prison.
But I can't be mad at him since we weren't together before then. True, I didn't do the crime but I CHOSE to be with him and to wait on him.
And no, I don't at all feel they have it easy in there at all.
Yeah, he did the crime and now he (as well as the other incarcerated men) are serving his debt to society so I don't feel that should be used when upset.
I'm going to apologize in advance cause I'm quite sure some will jump down my throat. To me, the comment "I'm not the one who put him there" is a cop out. Although it may be true, WE ALL CHOSE TO BE WITH THEM DURING THEIR BIDS for whatever reason and weren't forced (at least I know I wasn't)
So all we can do is wait.
IT IS OKAY TO BE ANGRY, SAD , HURT, FRUSTRATED ETC.

[taylormade]

I used to think that A LONG time ago. But i was being real selfish to think that at all! He missed out on most of his daughters first year...but i know he's got it harder. We have family and friends to help us out on those sleepless nights and god awful days when we wake up and don't wanna get outta bed. All he has is a celly that is probably not too interested in what he's "feeling" that day. So no...i don't think they have it easier, i would give anything to have my baby home!

[JohnBrandi4life]

I don't think that it is easy either. At the unit where my husband is, they have a choice to get up and do something or lay around, and he gets up every morning way before i do. i have been raising our boys on my own for almost 6 years, and neither he or i have it easy. i don't think that there really is a easy way to live in prison or life in general. Every one will have hard times. God Bless!~~~Brandi

[PBE]

Nope , I don't think they have it easy . My baby works every day . ANd on top of that every day he has someone telling him what to do, what to wear, where to go , how to act, when to speak, when to eat, when to go to sleep.. About the only choices he gets to make for himself are whether or not he wants to eat the food and when to go to the bathroom !! That's definitly not easy.
And yet he knows that I don't have it easy here either... We may not have children for me to raise alone (yet) but that doesn't negate the fact that I have to get up at the crack of dawn every day to go to work and make the money that feeds, clothes and houses me ,not to mention gets him 2 food packages a month , and anything else he might need..

I think it's a trade off , we all have it pretty hard and sometimes it sucks major a$$

[afraid2trust]

I agree with Msroman and Regissweetness,

I to feel the stress and stain on how I will be able to take care of all the needs of my childern, myself and him when he surrrenders in Jan. I do feel some anger towards him for putting not only himself , but the childern and myself in this situation.

With the economy(spell) the why it is.... I'm not sure I will be able to pay the gas bill must less than the mortgage. I understand that he will not have the freedom he once had , however he don't have to worry about things like that. I feel like not only is he been punished for his actions, but so am I and our childern. We also have to get use to not having many of the things we were once use to having and doing.

What we must also remember that most of them had a choice to make when they comment whatever crime they did in order to to be in jail. I dont' don't know about you'll but I don't have any parts in the crime but I'm still serving the time. If I stay with him or leave me.
Don't get me wrong, I love him to death, I don't love what he did. Wrong is wrong!!!!!

[angelica916]

Originally Posted by PhillyGurLL

i USED TO feel that way, until my husband got to the prison he is in now! Long Story, but I wonder if he is going to be alive to see me another day Every day is NOT promised to him in there! I think he has it worse than the soldiers sometimes!

Not to debate the war, but our soldiers didn't commit crimes. They joined to defend our country. To ensure our freedom. Our soldiers endure situations on a daily basis that I'm sure a lot of us can't even begin to imagine. Many of them don't even get to shower for days and must use baby wipes to take a sponge bath. You might be thinking... Well, they knew what they were getting themselves into when they joined. True and so did our loved ones when they broke the law.

I love my man and worry about his safety, but there isn't anything I can do to change his situation. The crime is done.

Also Mrsroman, your statement wasn't harsh, just sounds like your sleep deprived. Wink. Get some sleep and you'll feel better

[Crstnamre]

Originally Posted by lyteeydlwyr

For those women that have done time, I have mad respect for them because I couldn't do it. They would have to commit me. It's bad enough as an attorney having to go to a prison visit to sort out details of a case. Being locked in a small room with no air and people watching---not for me.

Ya..its not very pleasant thats for sure. I remember when I first got arrested way back when and got sent to L.A. county for the first time. This is when Sybil Brand was still open and I was in the receiving dorm, I think it was 7200. Just sitting on my top bunk watching all the madness and thinking OMG!!!! Wow, what a reality check. It was very hard. The second day there I was standing in line for hours to use the phone and a BIG girl decided she was going to take the phone from me and I thought to myself "girl..if you let her do this, you will always be getting punked for you're sh*t" so I did what I had to do and ended up in lock up. Nope..it definitely was'nt easy. Nobody ever did try to take anything from me ever again...lol. And the guys, they have 100xs worse in there than women. At least thats my opinion.

[Crstnamre]

Originally Posted by mrsroman

Geez....maybe i chose the wrong word.....Ive just been so stressed dealing with my 2 girls,working full time and having very lil money after bills....but thanx to the ladies who understood.....

Don't get me wrong..just because I don't feel he has it easy does'nt mean I don't have my moment's when I am hella mad at him for leaving me alone out here in the first place. The first few months...I didnt even write him very much because I was pissed so pissed off. But I just realized..I love that man like crazy and it is what it is and soooooooo I wait. I think it's pretty normal to have those "resentment's" for him not being there for you.

[thatwiz]

I don't think paying a bill even compares to getting shanked in the middle of the night. It's good your man is able to sleep. My only gets a few hours at a time, because you always have to be aware of who is around you. Freedom can't even compare to being locked up. Your choices are at least you're own. The stress of outside and inside is no comparison.

[PhillyGurLL]

Originally Posted by angelica916

Not to debate the war, but our soldiers didn't commit crimes. They joined to defend our country. To ensure our freedom. Our soldiers endure situations on a daily basis that I'm sure a lot of us can't even begin to imagine. Many of them don't even get to shower for days and must use baby wipes to take a sponge bath. You might be thinking... Well, they knew what they were getting themselves into when they joined. True and so did our loved ones when they broke the law.

I love my man and worry about his safety, but there isn't anything I can do to change his situation. The crime is done.

Also Mrsroman, your statement wasn't harsh, just sounds like your sleep deprived. Wink. Get some sleep and you'll feel better

Never said our soldiers commited crimes! But my husband can go days without a shower too! I know what our soldiers do! My father was one for 17years!!!! and I know my husband knew he commited a crime! but damnnnnnnnnnnn...he commited the crime in 1996, still getting parole violated for silly stuff! They put him in a max prison, not knowing if he's going to make it out, when he did this at age 19, he is almost 29 now! Give him a break! He has a drug charge for selling drugs! That's all he knew! He was out trying really hard! Taking care of his only son (newborn) and they want to violate him for being in front of the house at 9pm, when his curfew was 8pm!

I'm not trying to debate the soldiers, etc....or justify my husband in prison! but come on....they act like he killed someone!

[youngnlov]

I think that sometimes when we start to go through the struggles and trials of this life such as taking care of children alone, paying bills alone, working or going to school alone, we may start to think hey he has it pretty easy in there. (Especially when they try to complain about something like a money order not being sent on time or something like that). It makes us think hey he doesn't have to worry about paying bills or whether or not he's actually going to get to eat today and it seems as though they have it easy. And a lot of people that I know would say that because of things like that they do have it easy but that so called "easiness" comes at such a great price.

Somone tells you what to do when to do it and how they want it done and sometimes the simplest mistake may jeopardize some of the few things that bring you joy in a situation like theirs(visits, phone calls, etc.). I think it just all adds up to stress most times.

[angelica916]

Originally Posted by PhillyGurLL

Never said our soldiers commited crimes! But my husband can go days without a shower too! I know what our soldiers do! My father was one for 17years!!!! and I know my husband knew he commited a crime! but damnnnnnnnnnnn...he commited the crime in 1996, still getting parole violated for silly stuff! They put him in a max prison, not knowing if he's going to make it out, when he did this at age 19, he is almost 29 now! Give him a break! He has a drug charge for selling drugs! That's all he knew! He was out trying really hard! Taking care of his only son (newborn) and they want to violate him for being in front of the house at 9pm, when his curfew was 8pm!

I'm not trying to debate the soldiers, etc....or justify my husband in prison! but come on....they act like he killed someone!

I didn't imply that your statement was about our soldiers committing crimes. You made the comparison of prison life to our soldiers. Also going without bathing is just a simple statement I made, a silly example, cause like I said, "I don't want to debate the war."

Your husbands story is just that, his story. Just as mine is his.

I have no intention on returning to this thread, since I have already replied to the person who was seeking support.

[PhillyGurLL]

Originally Posted by angelica916

I didn't imply that your statement was about our soldiers committing crimes. You made the comparison of prison life to our soldiers. Also going without bathing is just a simple statement I made, a silly example, cause like I said, "I don't want to debate the war."

Your husbands story is just that, his story. Just as mine is his.

I have no intention on returning to this thread, since I have already replied to the person who was seeking support.

I just said I think he has it worse than the soldiers sometimes!!!!! and sometimes he does!!!!! You have no idea what that man goes through! until you've walked a day in his shoes!!!!!

[starzzmom]

We all have it hard. I have many nights thought he had it easy. Like you, I was up all nite with a sick crying baby and have to get up and go to work and come home and cook and clean and do whatever other responsabilities I have. Everything is on me. And it is very frustrating. Life many times seems overwhelming.
And in this day and age, I too have to watch my back, make sure the doors are locked so someone doesn't break in and hurt us, or carjack us or snatch up my daughter or whatever other craziness is going on in the world. At the same time I have to worry about him because I know it is not easy in there. I worry everyday if he is ok. If I do not get a call or a letter I am waiting for that dreaded phone call that something horrible has happened. And just as I do those things, he is in there worrying about us. And knowing that he cannot help me out financially or with the baby. and he is missing out on so much in his daughters life. And that is hard. Prison life is hard on everyone involved. So we all have it easier in one respect and harder in another respect. As phillygurl said tomorrow is not promised, to ANY of us.

[HeSoHandsome]

Originally Posted by mrsroman

Hello everyone....I was just wondering...Dont they have it pretty easy in there? My hubby just called me at 11am and it was a bit upsetting to hear him telling me he just woke up after Ive been up all night with the baby cuz she has a fever....i wonder if anyone else feels the same sometimes.....

Maybe Im just having a bad day....

It could be just a bad day because if he wants to get up at 11, that's more time that his mind is off of him being where he is. When he's resting, he's resting peacefully, so let him enjoy that peace. Whatever there is for him to do in there, it's still there after he gets up. I'm sending this with wishes for blessings for a better and more cheerier tomorrow!!

[prisonwidow]

Originally Posted by mrsroman

Hello everyone....I was just wondering...Dont they have it pretty easy in there? My hubby just called me at 11am and it was a bit upsetting to hear him telling me he just woke up after Ive been up all night with the baby cuz she has a fever....i wonder if anyone else feels the same sometimes.....

Maybe Im just having a bad day....

Mrsroman, I understand where you are coming from completely. In addition to taking care of your new baby, PLEASE take some time out for yourself. Your load is a very heavy one as we can all attest to. Unfortunately, you have only yourself to look out for your own needs right now. Things will get better, I promise you.

[MsAloha1018]

Originally Posted by mrsroman

Hello everyone....I was just wondering...Dont they have it pretty easy in there? My hubby just called me at 11am and it was a bit upsetting to hear him telling me he just woke up after Ive been up all night with the baby cuz she has a fever....i wonder if anyone else feels the same sometimes.....

Maybe Im just having a bad day....

I think I would feel frustrated too, being on the outside having to take care of family, home, other responsibilities while they're incarcerated. As a matter of fact, been there, done that, bought stock in it too. So I know how you're feeling, Hun.

But I will bet'cha dollars to donuts that our loved ones would rather be on the outside, taking care of business alongside of us than being on the inside. I'm also willing to bet that they feel your frustration too, and feel helpless because they can't do anything to help.

Like one of the other gals said in this thread, you need to take some time to pamper yourself, because if you don't do so who is going to take care of your baby?

[2nice]

It sounds to me that you were just having a bad day! I feel like you do when im having a real rough day/week, but when we look at it with a realistic head, no they dont have it too easy. They have to watch their backs 24/7/365! That cant be too easy! They never know what is gonna happen from one day to the next. Could you imagine living the same ol routine day in, day out? That cant be easy at all! (Not having such a bad day today )

[shawns_baby]

I do not think it is easy at all. Shawn called me a few weeks ago and was telling me about a guy who got stabbed by another inmate. How is that easy? Then he was telling me about another guy who got beat with a padlock. These are the things that inmates have to deal with on a daily basis. They do not have any privacy at all. There is always someone there. They get shi**y food if they do not have money to get food from comminsary. How do you see that as easy?

[PhillyGurLL]

Originally Posted by starzzmom

We all have it hard. I have many nights thought he had it easy. Like you, I was up all nite with a sick crying baby and have to get up and go to work and come home and cook and clean and do whatever other responsabilities I have. Everything is on me. And it is very frustrating. Life many times seems overwhelming.
And in this day and age, I too have to watch my back, make sure the doors are locked so someone doesn't break in and hurt us, or carjack us or snatch up my daughter or whatever other craziness is going on in the world. At the same time I have to worry about him because I know it is not easy in there. I worry everyday if he is ok. If I do not get a call or a letter I am waiting for that dreaded phone call that something horrible has happened. And just as I do those things, he is in there worrying about us. And knowing that he cannot help me out financially or with the baby. and he is missing out on so much in his daughters life. And that is hard. Prison life is hard on everyone involved. So we all have it easier in one respect and harder in another respect. As phillygurl said tomorrow is not promised, to ANY of us.

I have been here too! Where I am having a very very bad day and think he has it easy sometimes!!!!! I was just telling her about him having to watch his back so she could see it from both perspectives!!!!! but NOBODY has it easy is right!

Starzzmom - what's UP? PM ME! Where is your hubby at now? My husband is on his way to NY, maybe we will meet up again!

[cosmodoll]

I think it's different for each couple, and each situation. My husband thinks he's in Camp Snoopy. He doesn't like it, and in a lot of ways he has "shut down", but what he tells me is "it's just jail".....as if to say it's no big deal. He sleeps. He reads. He works out. He plays cards. At the end of the month he gets a job, so things will change, but he says it's not that hard.

We decided that I'm having a worse time of it than he is. He can afford to mentally escape his life right now, whereas I can't. I have to be functioning on all cylinders, so to speak.

If I were him though, I'd be going crazy. I don't know how he does it. All those people. All those voices, all the time. No privacy. I'd lose my mind. (He's in a dorm). Maybe that speaks more to my inability to cope more than anything. Who knows.

But yeah. This is way harder on me than it is him.

[babygirl350]

No, I don't think my husband has it easy in prison. I don't have it easy in the free world either. Each of us have different stressors. He doesn't have to worry with bills, I am the one who worries with them. He has to worry with watching his back and keeping safe, being malnutritioned, lack of medical care, sleeping on a concrete bed.

The only aspect of prison life that I feel my husband has easier than me, is the ability to have time to write, read, watch tv, go to the gym, arts and crafts. I do not have that same luxury.

However, I have chosen to travel this journey with him and for us we just take it one day at a time.

There is something to be said for freedom. I like the example of living in your bathroom. My husband told me that many years ago. There is no way that I could do that years and years on end.

Just my opinions.