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Mrs_Bernabela · #26 11-07-2005, 09:40 AM

So we have decided the following:

1) When we go out with our friends, there are reasonable times for us to get back in the house.

2) We will not disrespect each other by arguing in front of others.

3) He will follow and meet all guidelines of probation and parole.

4) We will not let others' views of our relationship bother us (our families).

5) I will not allow my aggressive ways to demean him. (A LONG STORY)

These are just the tip of the iceberg!

whiskeylullabye · #27 11-07-2005, 10:38 AM

lol, thanks for all the responses ladies...there are many more things that my boyfriend and I will have to think about before he gets out, and we've got YEARS to think about it, lol

Silva · #28 11-07-2005, 11:19 AM

Yup, we talk about it a lot too, mainly because Ray is convinced we'd be living together now if he werent inside and he prefers to keep his mind focused on that. We dont really have rules, just things we've found that we both want or expect from each other; one thing was not smoking in the house ~ I said I didnt mind it indoors because neither of us smoke all the time, but absolutely not in the bedroom, and he said he would rather not at all in the house, so that's what we'll do. But if one of us does want to sometime, its no biggie, we'll just deal with it if it happens.
I know it's wise to caution that it wont all be hearts & flowers when they come home, especially for those of us who havent lived with our men before, but I also think that if two people want the same things, however small or frivolous they may be, it can be as happy as you want to make it.

Woody's Girl · #29 11-07-2005, 11:24 AM

The only 3 rules i have for woody when he comes home are
1) NO MORE HUSTLING
2) LOVE ME
3) LET US DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO STAY HAPPY

whiskeylullabye · #30 11-07-2005, 11:24 AM

I totally agree with you Silva and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who talks with their man about this, lol. It does give them something else to focus on, which is great.

lovespell · #31 11-07-2005, 02:55 PM

Communication, live by our wedding vows and patience are all three very important elements we live by, oh and a whole lot of lovin lol.
When they first come home, you will both need a lot of patience and communication with each other.
I completely agree, talk now about the future, there is always more to know about each other. You really are going to have to open up with him and let him know where you're coming from, what your expections are of your man, and how you feel about things.
We try one thing and if it doesn't work we try something else. I have had to learn to OPEN UP, he can't read my mind, he won't know if I don't tell him. Just keep asking questions and talking, I think you are both headed in the right direction

clg_247 · #32 11-07-2005, 05:33 PM

"I expect the obvious, he comes home at night, doesn't cheat on me, does nothing illegal, but I couldn't come up with anything other than that."

All that and to understand that when his "friends" show up, they will be shot on sight!!!LOL

haswtch · #33 11-07-2005, 05:34 PM

LOL I will have to cut out the beer and start balancing my checkbook and cooking real food, he needs to say yessir nosir if he gets pulled over and sue their asses LATER

savelloj81 · #34 11-07-2005, 06:32 PM

I have it pretty set in my mind what the dealbreakers will be when he gets out.......no contact with certain old friends, putting family 1st, going to work right away, no more hustling........[/quote]

My dealbreakers too!

BillieJo · #35 11-07-2005, 06:41 PM

I don' think that I will have to sweat him, honestly. his changes ARE remarkable with his anger and I know he ain't gonna be drinking when he gets home- those two things together have always got him in trouble. but this last time, the cop LIED his butt off about what really happened (no video, no pictures,nothing) and I think that he FINALLY realized how vulnerable he can be to the law- just by drinking and getting goofy...

whiskeylullabye · #36 11-07-2005, 10:57 PM

Yah I don't think I really have to worry, but part of me thinks he's just asking me these things because he wants something to think about and it gives us something to talk about and takes our mind away from his incareration ...

I guess I'll really only know how it'll be when he gets home.

amberandmatt · #37 11-07-2005, 11:24 PM

well, honestly we have had a hard time in our relationship. my husband would leave and be gone till 4 or 5 or 6 am then it got to where he'd come home the next am with horrible excuses. i got to where i quit crying and let it go then i left him and he talked me into going back so i left home in texas went back to illinois and the day i arrived was the day he'd gotten in his accident drunk and killed someone.

so from our previous situation, i'd like things set.

like what time he'll be home, if he's gonna be late to call and say so asap. i don't particularly want him out with some of his friends as horrible as it sounds..apparently he was an alcoholic and i'd never even noticed.

so if he goes to a friends i wanna know where and when he's gonna be home. if he plans on being gone for hours i'd like a call so i know he isn't out acting stupid. i'd do the same. he has to get a job atleast try to.

there is certain people i will ask him not to associate with..just out of respect for me if he does i'd rather it be in the day time.
but then again i need my own rules. like i need to forget what happened and we will start all over with trust and everything.

i think it depends on your situation really. but it's gonna be hard for everyone and be sure to see what rules or expectations he has for you as well. i can't ask anything of my husband that i wont do for him, you know.

and just don't forget to communicate too, even once he's out try to keep the talks and commucation like you both have now. i think it'll help tons and yer pretty much set anyways

whiskeylullabye · #38 11-08-2005, 09:18 AM

Thanks...I don't have any previous experiences to go off of in our relationship, just how he is now and from the things he says.

You're right though comminication is very important, we have to be sure that when he gets out we don't stop talking to each other the way we do now.

Juan's mamacita · #39 11-08-2005, 12:47 PM

My boyfriend is due home in about 3 months. I'm extremely nervous because I want us to start a new life... I wish that finds a job and straights his life out. He isn't a bad guy at all, but he is a follower (not blaming anyone for his actions). He's promised me the sun, moon, and Earth... I simply just hope he holds true to that. Also I think he's trying to ask me to marry him... He seems to be hinting around to it by saying things like "would you like to have my last name..." I won't marry him until I know he has his act together... I pray for the best.

whiskeylullabye · #40 11-08-2005, 07:01 PM

aww, he's probably scared you'll say no!!! have you guys ever talked openly about marriage? that might be a good way for you to tell him that you won't marry him until he gets things together.

hopefully things will work out for the best for the both of you...he's almost home

mz.k · #41 11-08-2005, 07:31 PM

I say now ask your man the same question. I asked my man this and it started an interesting conversation.

He expects for me to:

Be patient with him.
Love him.
Be a role model for our girls.
Respect our relationship.
"Lovin" everyday (yea right) lol!
Cook dinner at least 4x week and breakfast on weekends.

The cooking deal............I thought he had almost lost his mind, but he quickly reminded me that he cant even boil an egg. So i had to back down on that one and agree.
But like I said it started a good conversation. Almost too good, after our mins were up he said he was going to lay down and think of some more.

Im afraid to hear from him tomorrow.lol.

whiskeylullabye · #42 11-08-2005, 07:34 PM

I plan on asking him the same question when I talk to him tomorrow - depending on his mood - or in a letter It'll be interesting to see what he says.

mz.k · #43 11-08-2005, 07:50 PM

I say ask over the phone. Right before we hung up my man said "Bay I love you soo much, I knew this phone call would put a smile on my face". It actually lightened up the mood for the both of us, cause we were kinda in a "i hate this ish" funk. So that really helped.

whiskeylullabye · #44 11-08-2005, 07:57 PM

awww, Yah I probably will ask over the phone, but he's got a security hearing tomorrow and if he doesn't get it lowered he'll be in a BAD mood, so I'll just be letting him vent and making him laugh ... now the day after that -- I'll ask lol

HeSoHandsome · #45 11-08-2005, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mz.k

He expects for me to:

"Lovin" everyday (yea right) lol!
Cook dinner at least 4x week and breakfast on weekends.

The cooking deal............I thought he had almost lost his mind, Im afraid to hear from him tomorrow.lol.

Girl you are too funny!!

But I am feelin him on the cooking thing, especially if there are children.

whiskeylullabye · #46 11-08-2005, 10:08 PM

Nuh uh, he is not cooking. I do not trust his cooking skills after he goes on and on about how mixing nachos, lasagna warmed up in a drier, roast beef and ramen all together is soooooooooooo good and he can't wait to cook it for me when he gets home.

Thank you but I'LL be cooking.

mz.k · #47 11-09-2005, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiskeylullabye

Nuh uh, he is not cooking. I do not trust his cooking skills after he goes on and on about how mixing nachos, lasagna warmed up in a drier, roast beef and ramen all together is soooooooooooo good and he can't wait to cook it for me when he gets home.

Thank you but I'LL be cooking.

Im with you 100%. I will not be eating any "breakdowns" or any other prison recipes. So I agreed with the cooking deal.

Tulip · #48 11-09-2005, 11:36 PM

Uhm, how about breakfast in bed every morning and a foot massage every night, they sound like good rules to me...........
Seriously though; yes, there will be agreements made when we come to that. We still have a few years though and a lot of other things to work through before we come to all that.