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rnjones00 · #1 11-09-2005, 06:09 PM

How many of you out there believe that family history played a part in your guys incarceration? (example: like growing up in a single parent household or not having "role model parents.")

I strongly believe that my spouse's upbringing contributed to him being where he is. My spouse's parents were not married, his mother died when he was 15 and he was the youngest out of six kids. Because of the way his father treated his mother in regards to support of the kids left a bad taste in his mouth towards his father which would in turn push him to the street life. To make a long story short, he missed out on the nurturing and affection that a young man needs from his mother during a very crucial period in his life that he also wouldn't/couldn't get from his father.

samsfi · #2 11-09-2005, 06:16 PM

I have to say I think it does. I was a bit surprised when some of his family visited and it was like so and so is in jail - so in so just got out of jail. I was sort of shocked but it seems to be sort of the norm for the people he grew up around... I sort of felt like jeez he never had a chance!

WaitN4Him · #3 11-09-2005, 06:16 PM

I know it did. Have you read my post about his dad? He's totally crazy!

TakinItDaybyDay · #4 11-09-2005, 06:19 PM

That and the drug use, but then again, his dad was the one who gave him the drugs.

BrandsGApeach · #5 11-09-2005, 06:24 PM

Well, as a young child his life was great, he's family was together and great! Then his Mom decided she wanted her freedom and left, my man was about 17 at the time. She went her way and after a few years she realized how great she had it with her ex-husband, she wanted him back he rejected her and she went off the deep end! You guys have seen my posts, she is the reason B sits where he does!

mel2020 · #6 11-09-2005, 06:31 PM

ABSOLUTELY! His little town is like what samfi said, people in and out all the time. No one's surprised when someone goes to jail. Very few people in that area have not visited the county lock up at least once. On top of that, his real dad doesn't have much to do with him, his step dad didn't much like him, and his mom didn't have a family. She didn't know her father or siblings until a few years ago. His mom did her best, but the anger for his dad and step dad made him what he is today. Besides his mom, he's never known someone to believe in him until I came along. It means a lot to him, but I can't replace a father figure. He tries with his father but he's always rebuffed. I hurt for him. Its sad

rnjones00 · #7 11-09-2005, 06:44 PM

Dang Mel2020 I can relate for sure to the town thing and the trying to bond with the dad. I hurt for my hubby also who I wish would forgive his father and step-mother for all the wrongs that happened in his life along the way that they were responsible for, the stories that hubby tells me just makes me feel so sad. His dad tries to reach out now 19 years later but my hubby still has that ought in his heart towards him and the step-mom and is not trying to hear it.

HoustonTX · #8 11-09-2005, 07:22 PM

YES, his family history has played a role. Let's see...beatings as though he was a grown man, crackhead parents, surving on his own at times when he was young, sleeping on the streets, etc.

dars00 · #9 11-09-2005, 07:48 PM

Yep sure did all of his family were alcoholics. Alcohol is why dh is in jail now.

whiskeylullabye · #10 11-09-2005, 07:52 PM

Sure did, he would have never started hustling if it wasn't for his home situation. It's sad to see how nurture really does effect people sometimes.

denverswife · #11 11-09-2005, 07:58 PM

Since his family history encouraged drug use and lawlessness, I'd hold it responsible for all aspects of his life.

stylesgsgirl · #12 11-09-2005, 08:42 PM

Hell yeah his mother is crazy as hell, she even encourage to an extent the drug selling. He has never met his father. The streets and his "homies" raised him, but that is noooooooooooo excuse for the things he did. But he has learned and hopes not to repeat with our kid(s)...

Scarysgirl · #13 11-09-2005, 09:38 PM

I don't want to say his family is crazy or anything they do a lot for me and him. But he did have quite a few emotionally tearing things that went on from the age of about 10 up, and I don't think he ever really emotionally recovered from it. And getting negative attention just led from one thing to another to another.

He stole his first car when he was 10, so that pretty much sums it up right there.

one_luv · #14 11-09-2005, 09:43 PM

Let's see, my man was born to a prostitute (she's now a born-again jehovah witness) and a pimp. Lived in the hood and all his role models: uncles, cousins, brothers were huslers and pimps. It has just a tiny bit to do with it.

Jillian · #15 11-09-2005, 10:31 PM

yes i think it had something to do with it

nimuay · #16 11-09-2005, 10:32 PM

You mean does my narcissistic, alcoholic ex resemble his narcissistic, alcoholic father? Wellllll, could be!!

HeSoHandsome · #17 11-09-2005, 11:14 PM

It starts at home; yep, you can count my husband in. He's even said that to me, himself.

Silva · #18 11-10-2005, 03:21 AM

Yes but not in the same way as some of the stories so far. Ray's family was a model one on the outside; good church-going people (his dad was a minister & army chaplain), didnt divorce until Ray was 20, adopted 2 babies because the 'couldnt' have children of their own, music lessons, grandparents on both sides too around....

But on the inside the family was, and still is, as disfunctional as any with the history of the others mentioned here. Lies, so many lies, about small things and big things, generally not talking or saying how anyone really feels, repression of all kinds, bullying, co-dependency, religious biggotry, inconsistancies, rejection .... it surprises me most that Ray got to 45 before he snapped

mshoffman · #19 11-10-2005, 06:11 AM

I know it had a lot to do with it...

HeSoHandsome · #20 11-10-2005, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silva

Yes but not in the same way as some of the stories so far. Ray's family was a model one on the outside; good church-going people (his dad was a minister & army chaplain), ....

Actually sweetie what I have learned in life is, and I don't mean to be offensive to anyone but, those who came up in the church and do the church thing are the same or have even more drama in their own homes. That's why I always wonder "what are you saying, so what does that mean" when people ANNOUNCE "I'm a Christian", "I'm a church going person", "I came up in the church" because from what I've seen, I wouldn't make that announcement, I would just let it reflect inward out. If it's there, others will see it, and if it's not, they won't, and that is why I don't understand the ANNOUNCEMENT. Muslims and other religions may feel the same because I NEVER hear them make that ANNOUNCEMENT.

Silva · #21 11-10-2005, 07:18 AM

HeSoHandsome ~ I absolutely agree with you there. Dont get me wrong, I get on well with Ray's mum, she's a lovely lady, but as a whole, the family was (is) messed up.

sharonno1 · #22 11-10-2005, 07:29 AM

yes i do...... wicked and evil

teajai71 · #23 11-10-2005, 07:54 AM

My baby was in placement for most of his life. He was removed from his home at 4. He was in about 19 different placements (family, foster, group homes) between 4 and 18 with occasional family contact. He is one of five children and all of them were removed from the home and raised separately. His homies were his family before I came along, but they aren't involved in too many positive activities.

But he's still an amazing man in spite of or because of how he grew up!

TJ

moniqueSC · #24 11-10-2005, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samsfi

I have to say I think it does. I was a bit surprised when some of his family visited and it was like so and so is in jail - so in so just got out of jail. I was sort of shocked but it seems to be sort of the norm for the people he grew up around... I sort of felt like jeez he never had a chance!

I felt like this exactly when meeting my guy's friends and family.

misssusiequsie · #25 11-10-2005, 09:33 AM

I believe that most people, not just my man, are where they are today because of their upbringing. You have few cases where the person is just that way because they want to be. In my family for example: I have 1 older brother and 2 older sisters. My brother has been in and out of prison his whole life, my oldest sister had all 3 of her kids taken away and is into drugs bad, my other sister also had all 3 of her kids taken away and is heavy into drugs and in jail. I am the only one who has my stuff together. Maybe because I saw wha they all went through I didn't want to do the same. I was headed down that path but realized quickly that I didn't want a life like that. Just my