Prison Visitation - Things NOT to Do Inside the Walls

[slimlin49]

I am taking my almost 86 year old mother to see my brother at Petersburg. She has her replacement cards(knee and hip) since she knows she will set off the metal detector(and one of his friends was not allowed in cause she didn't have her cards)-she uses a cane or walker sometimes. What other things co I need to know to make this visit go as smoothly as possible?I am driving from NJ to VA and don't want to lose a minute!

[PTO-92958]

~slimlin49~
Sounds like you've thought well ahead. You may still want to call the facility to ensure that you've got all your bases covered though. Have a safe trip and enjoy your visit.

[tica1224]

Originally Posted by MattelMade

I am getting a lining sewn in and wearing a slip and leggings just in case. Can never be too careful.

I wore leggings underneath a dress and was informed by the CO that leggings are not permitted at all. I thought I was covering all bases. They let me slide w/a "don't do it again".

[JasLovesRico]

Ok so here it is, I have not touched Rico since I have been his wife. Ceature of habit? Yes very much so. And YES my habits got our visit(s) terminated.. Rico and I in the outs cant keep our hands off each other, not in a dirty disrespectful way either. We hold hands our knees are touching some body part, hands, knees, you know object of affection. So we are in this visting room --by the way in the past contact visits everywhere else we have been you can sit and hold hands--NOT here. This story still really hurts me as well. I made some heavy realizations that day..That is for a different thread though. I hugged him kissed him when he came in (we are allowed that) and then we sat and talked there is a bench not a table between us and I had started crying and he leaned in moved my hair from my face and kissed my nose and the went to kiss my lips--it was what he would normally do, nothing obscene just sweet and innocent. Right then and there no moments past ---TERMINATED after only one hour. Getting lost and driving 300 miles to see him. Next day we got to see each other stayed with him four hours got this much of the vistit and we were talking pretty intimately, quite, and concentrated on each other he accidently brushed the outside of my leg with his hand and I did this cirlcle with my finger on his knee and TERMINATED. Wasnt even thinking, got comfortable let my gaurd down and did something very innocent. Of coarse it is upsetting and it hurts but I didnt follow the rules, that is not my house, and wether I like it or not when I walk on those grounds, I lose my rights. Rico is not MINE. He belongs to the STATE. I am lucky that this C.O was "cool" because apparently, as he yelled at me he could have susspended our visits for 6 months. I still feel really grosed out about the whole thing.

[mrs.grumps]

my friend showed up at her visit (after driving 13 hours) and finds out her visit will be behind glass.... for the whole 6 hours, "no contact". when she asks the visiting srgt "why", the srgt replies, "you'll get a letter". so she gets home & the letter from the warden is there. apparently, her & her man got their "feels" on during their last visit, they did not get caught..... but she wrote about it to her hunny!
her visits will be "no contact" for the next 6 months, then her visiting application expires & she has to submit a new application & a letter to the warden asking for approval & explaining how she learned her lesson.

so remember, they are always watching, listening, reading, etc.

[jnwinnie]

Lets see i have been yelled at at one place for sitting not facing forward, for hugging to long, for not being able to see my hands, and for kissing... at another place for touching to long and for him handeling money.... and then most recently my husband was in what is called the cage and my 1 year olf daughter was with us and I wasnt paying much attention to what she was doing in my arms but she took off her sock and stufffed it through the cage to my husband and we got yelled at and they threatened to suspended all our visits and then i guess he was searched more then normal on his way out... even though he was handcuffed and had the cahin around his waist....

[HisBustItBaby]

I have to wait for them to look back at the video footage from the visit to see if my visits are terminated. I have only been to see my man 4 times, the first time they tried to say that his fly was open or something, B*****S*****, this last time, one of the CO's was on everyone, so we just held hands, and snuck a few pecks of the lips in, he moved my hair from my face, but at the end of the visit he grabbed my butt, but he asked the sargent when he first got there if he was able to grab my butt at the end of visit, the sarg said it was fine. The CO came to me at the end and told me they had to look at the tapes. I think that is bull. I pray they don't take them for a little grab, I will be devistated.

[mswebbs]

I am planning my first visit ever to a Michigan prison and after reading these posts I am close to losing my nerve. I didn't realize it was so intense. Is there anyone from Michigan who can give me some tips? Especially about the underwire bra???? I am a size G and underwire is a MUST. Is this really an issue? What are some alternatives? I know this seems silly, but I don't want to mess up my first visit. I will have to ride a motor scooter for at least four hours to get there. Don't want to have to turn around and get back on that scooter right away!

[blueyed]

When i first went to see my man..and got all the rules and blah blah, they told me i could not wear my jacket with a hoodie on it in..WTF is a hoodie gonna do to anyone????? anyways i took it off..to the last post I am from Michigan and where my man is they have never said anything bout a underwire..I can only speak for where he is at..u can call and get the rules and ask them bout it

[LoveMyCreekMud]

Wow, sounds like some of y'all have had bad experiences with visits. I've never gotten much more than a "keep your hands where we can see them" at a contact or a "don't sit on the table" at a window visit. I feel kinda lucky about the whole situation now.

[LovinMeNow]

While visiting my bf at a medium security prison in NJ, and driving 1,000 miles to do it, I was amazed at how horrible some of the female co's can be! I purchased clothesjust for the visits and the first weekend I had no problems. The next weekend I wore the same clothes and on Sat was told by this one female co that the top that I wore was not appropriate because it buttoned down the front and I could unbutton it!! Now, this top was loose, long and had regular sleeves. Nothing sexy believe me! I certainly would not unbutton my top in a room for of men, let alone a room full of men who have been in prison!! LOL! Anyway...I had to put a tshirt underneath the top. Funny thing, the week before when this co wasn't around, I had no problem! The next day I wore a black dress, loose about an inch above the knee. This same co claimed that it was too short and had to be 3 inches BELOW the knee. Now....I had just received their handbook the day before and it stated in the handbook that nothing could be worn shorter than 3 inches above the knee or 3 inches below the fingertips with your arms down. I told her that she was wrong and to read her handbook! She then said that I could go in, but not to wear the dress again! While I was in there sitting down, she came running over and told me to pull my dress down and to stop sitting with my legs spread! I just looked at her because not only was my dress covering the top of my knees, but I also had my hands folded on my lap with my knees together! When the visit was over, I went up to her and told her how I felt about what she said. I told her that I always sit like a lady and never would I sit with my legs spread!! She responded that I had my skirt hiked up to the top of my thighs!! I could not believe the way she was talking to me and neither could my bf! He wanted me to report her! The funny thing again was that I had worn the same dress the week before and there was no problem! My bf told me that this particular co was always walking thru the unit and flirting with the men and always making remarks. After that weekend, she yelled at my bf for anything and everything including him coming out of the shower room without his shirt. He said that when it is hot, the men all do it because they are too hot in the shower room to put it on, although they always put on the rest of their clothes. Anyway, on the weekends they are allowed in the yard without their shirts, which she has seen many times, so why all of a sudden was there a problem! Believe me, I am no lowlife.....far from it, although she looked pretty rough! I seemed to be the one that she targeted that day! My bf says that she no longer flirts with him!! LOL!

[Jayzwife]

I have a visit coming up this weekend and I am so nervous haven't seen hubby in two months don't want to be too over the top. I just miss him so much I can't wait to hold him in my arms.

[prisonwife1965]

My husband is at Desoto correctional Institution in Arcadia, Florida. They allow inmates to hang out with other inmate visitors while the person that came to visit them sits alone. They allow them to kiss and hug other women not in their visit. This caused me my marriage because my husband left me for that woman that he was allowed to hug and kiss that was not in his visiting list.

Originally Posted by Whitney

I got my visit's suspended for thirty days
because when I was visiting my husband at the end of the visit I hugged one of my husband's boyz my brother-in-law good-bye as he was in the visiting room at the same time. We have always hugged hello & good-bye for the last four years and never been told anything, so it just goes to show you they can and will do whatever they want whenever they want EVEN if you have been "getting away" with it. (althou we didn't know we were getting away with anything) Our visit's were terminated because you are not allowed to touch another inmate than the one you are visiting. Good idea for a thread!!!

[mrswilliams]

Originally Posted by LovinMeNow

While visiting my bf at a medium security prison in NJ, and driving 1,000 miles to do it, I was amazed at how horrible some of the female co's can be! I purchased clothesjust for the visits and the first weekend I had no problems. The next weekend I wore the same clothes and on Sat was told by this one female co that the top that I wore was not appropriate because it buttoned down the front and I could unbutton it!! Now, this top was loose, long and had regular sleeves. Nothing sexy believe me! I certainly would not unbutton my top in a room for of men, let alone a room full of men who have been in prison!! LOL! Anyway...I had to put a tshirt underneath the top. Funny thing, the week before when this co wasn't around, I had no problem! The next day I wore a black dress, loose about an inch above the knee. This same co claimed that it was too short and had to be 3 inches BELOW the knee. Now....I had just received their handbook the day before and it stated in the handbook that nothing could be worn shorter than 3 inches above the knee or 3 inches below the fingertips with your arms down. I told her that she was wrong and to read her handbook! She then said that I could go in, but not to wear the dress again! While I was in there sitting down, she came running over and told me to pull my dress down and to stop sitting with my legs spread! I just looked at her because not only was my dress covering the top of my knees, but I also had my hands folded on my lap with my knees together! When the visit was over, I went up to her and told her how I felt about what she said. I told her that I always sit like a lady and never would I sit with my legs spread!! She responded that I had my skirt hiked up to the top of my thighs!! I could not believe the way she was talking to me and neither could my bf! He wanted me to report her! The funny thing again was that I had worn the same dress the week before and there was no problem! My bf told me that this particular co was always walking thru the unit and flirting with the men and always making remarks. After that weekend, she yelled at my bf for anything and everything including him coming out of the shower room without his shirt. He said that when it is hot, the men all do it because they are too hot in the shower room to put it on, although they always put on the rest of their clothes. Anyway, on the weekends they are allowed in the yard without their shirts, which she has seen many times, so why all of a sudden was there a problem! Believe me, I am no lowlife.....far from it, although she looked pretty rough! I seemed to be the one that she targeted that day! My bf says that she no longer flirts with him!! LOL!

I have the same problem with them tramps; alot of them are mad because they are nothing outside of prison. so being that they are fake cops up in there they think that they can say and do anything to them inmates and/or thier family and get away with it. I dont blame u i would have told her how i felt too

[mrswilliams]

I have never had a visit terminated but i have had issues with the dress codes that nearly cost me my visit. I had on some sandles that had a mini heel on them and they told me that i couldnt wear them because it was dressy. I had just left church and they were dressy to me.lol. So when i left and came back she said my dress was too short, so i was hot as hell; i asked to speak with the warden and she kept saying that the warden was unavailable. there was no way i was going back to the car without seeing my husband, so finally the major came out and he handeled eerthing, I think he was kinda angry at her for holding up the long as line cause there was no way if i wasnt going to be able to see my husband then no one else in that line was.

[MrsVedo989]

I have yet to go visit my husband. I really appreciate this thread. He has been in prison for 84 days. I can't wait to see him!!!

[halfway house]

Originally Posted by MrsVedo989

I have yet to go visit my husband. I really appreciate this thread. He has been in prison for 84 days. I can't wait to see him!!!

One bit of advice be humble and let the guards feel all of the power. My family visited often even though i was 6 hours away.Dress conservative make your time count. be careful on the phone in advance.
comments like can i bring you anything will cause you both to be searched more or denied a visit. yes this happened at Edgefield.

[Scrpachick]

Lysbeth, thanks for the heads up with the legs! I also sit like that, always, and Oct 3rd will be my 1st visit so I am reading up like crazy on what I should and shouldn't do. This is an eye opener for someone who has never been in a visiting room..thank you all

[prisonwife1965]

When my husband was at Hamilton there was a co that was very uptight. I mean he kept all eyes on everyone I don't know how he did it. Nothing got by him. They always had a list of rules on the table. Rule #9 was no kissing other than the one coming in and the one going out. He would always walk by us out of nowhere and tell us read #9

[-ride or die-]

Originally Posted by halfway house

One bit of advice be humble and let the guards feel all of the power. .

I think that's why they have unchecked power... people just take it. It's a hassle but you don't just have to let them treat you like dirt. Report them, do what you have to do... there are rules that they have to abide by.

I have two stories... When my husband was in Fishkill he was rubbing my back (not in a sexual way, just in a my-back-hurts way) and a CO came and took him to a back room where he basically told him he would beat him up if he did it again. We didn't.

My only complaint about Sing Sing is the ion tester. I get "randomly" selected every time. I don't do drugs so it isn't an issue, but I wonder why, ya know. So usually I ask the CO, they tell me it's random, I laugh, I pass the test... but this last time I was like "Are you sure it's random?? I get tested EVERY time" and he rudely said "Why? What do you think the result will be? You can refuse" I was like "No, I want my visit, I am just asking a question" and he kept being rude through the whole thing as if I were nothing but a trashy drug mule. If he had denied my visit because I asked a question I would have made a scene to remember

[missy513]

Originally Posted by blueyed

When i first went to see my man..and got all the rules and blah blah, they told me i could not wear my jacket with a hoodie on it in..WTF is a hoodie gonna do to anyone????? anyways i took it off..to the last post I am from Michigan and where my man is they have never said anything bout a underwire..I can only speak for where he is at..u can call and get the rules and ask them bout it

The same thing happened to me at my visit yesterday.I asked my bf what do they think I'm gonna do with the hoodie give him the hoodie let him put the hood on his head and sneak him out?And what made me more upset with the situation is that I was checked in by 2 male co's,left a package with the next male co,had my bagged checked by another male co and they all saw that I had on a hoodie.BUT when it was time for me to go thru the metal detector it was the FEMALE co that had a problem with the hoodie.I passed 4 MALE co's that said NOTHING and then this chick tells me I have to take it off.PLEASE someone tell me what harm can a hoodie cause????????????????

[ppeachess1980]

Don't you guy's feel sometimes we are subject to the mood or mental state of the officers who work at these places? I mean for example the female or male who comes into work and is not wanting to be there and is upset or bitter? I have felt many times that because of mood I was harassed or had to pay for the emotional state of the officer, such as having to turn a shirt around, remove something, gotten a "wedgie", rechecked, had to move or not have a full visit, etc. The truth is there is no recourse and no it isn't right. Sometimes it os my feeling these people are not on my husbands side or acting as an unbiased custody provider, I have felt it was there mission to spread the ugly they feel and harbor.

[LionessLove]

We have a 5 yr.old.The childs part of the room is on one side.We were on the other.She was running from one side to the other.They told us if she did it again we had to leave the visit.
Another time we were holding hands but it was over his lap(about 6 inches above it) and he was written up for us being too close.
Another time he was wispering in my ear and I had a look of shear love on my face.(that time we were only talking regular stuff though-I was just happy to feel his breath on my)They wrote him up.
Another time I was leaning into him.He was rubbing my shoulders.He was written up.
Another time similar to above we were talking lovey(but this time heated)and they called him up to write him up.
(All of that was with one certain CO.I really think she was jealous of my hubbies and I's relationship.She would give me an evil eye EVERYTIME I came.She also always made it a point to say hello to everyone, but never to make eye contact w/me.I think it was her way of feeling powerful.I also feel he was made an example of those times too.)
Another time I had a car rental.They have a receipt which is similar to a temporary registration, showing your able to use the car.On the receipt the tag number was barely readable.He warned that he could not allow entry b/c it could just as well be a stolen vehicle.(They check for insurance,car registration, and ID everytime you come.)I let the woman know to print out receipts more clearly.Her response was that he could have called her to verify.I was like yeah at 8 am on a Sunday?She said no.The next weekend I had the same rental,diff.receipt.No problems.
One time we went to the detention center and they had run over w/the peoples visits before by accident.(By 15 min.)They cancelled mine,but allowed my father in law in.He was one person ahead of me!I complained to the supervisor.I asked to speak with the warden.I made it known that the attitudes they make towards us are unjustified.We are out here and even while he was in there he was still innocent until found guilty.I was so upset(I drove for 3 hours to see him for 30 min.)I was almost in tears w/ extreme pain in my voice.She said she would allow me to wait 4 hours to see if someone elses visit didn't show.I waited(4 full hours on a bench) and at the end she allowed me to visit.As each other visit left they complimented the behavior of the staff that day.I was so happy that my upsetting matter was turned into a positive experience for others.

[LionessLove]

They also said one more warning he gets a "shot" on his record.

[LionessLove]

And they made us sit in the front row for the next 6 months of visits.