How is it really?

[ACarter05]

I want to know how it is taking your kids to the prison/jail to see your husband? I am very skeptical about taking our kids this weekend, but I know they need to see him as well as he needs to see them. Our kids are 2 and 4 and we have told them that he is at "work". Of course kids believe what we tell them, but I want to know where do your kids think their dad is and if you take them how are the visits? Do they cry when it is time to leave, do they get tired of being there if you go and stay all day? Any input will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

[tlcsindon]

Well we have 3 children, ages 7, 4 1/2 & nearing 2 years old.
My children are well aware that thier Daddy is in jail, I decided just to be honest from the very start. He has been in custody since November 2005.
I haven't been able to see him since the last week in February as he was transferred to State Prison and is still in reception.

However my experience in the county jail was a rollercoaster ride of emotions with the kids. My youngest was most oblivious and just passed it off with a smile, but the other two were affected.

Seeing as the limit is 3 visitors , including minors for non-contact visits in both county jail and prison we made rotations. My eldest (daughter) was hesitant to go, and for good reason, once she saw him for the first time she just stared at him thru the glass , and once she spoke to him on the phone she balled, had tears falling from cheek to chest. I had explained to her prior that she would be unable to hug him because I thought it would prepare her better, but reality is reality. She decided she didn't want to talk to him and hid behind a wall to hide her tears from him on the first visit, and the next time she went she said that she would not cry, and didn't -held up well.

My middle child (son) is initially shy when he saw him, but warms up and is excited to stand up on the countertop to the glass and show his Dad how much he has grown.....

Leaving there is not always fun, because the kids don't want to go home, it feels sad a lonely when walking down a cold hall with your kids explaining that we can come back again to see him.

Once I knew he was in the process of being transferred I told the kids that he was going to a new place and the next time we saw him they could actually touch him and hug thier Daddy, so it is a bitter sweet reaction but they jumped and smiled.

I have sent in a visitor approval form but in the meantime they are constantly asking "when". I have no timeline and no contact with him while he is in reception so mail is the way the kids and I keep in contact for now.

I would base it on the kids ages and emotional maturity,it is a rollercoaster for everyone , that's all I can say.

Take Care Now

[ricksgal]

Our son is 4 1/2 and his daughter is 8. I take both of them to visit. We go about once every 3- 4 weeks. Rick's been away since Jan 2002, so this is all they really know. His daughter knows where he's at and why and she loves to go see her daddy, the part she hates is sharing him with her little brother. Our son also loves going to visit. He gets so excited when it's a daddy weekend. He thinks his daddy is at work. It's a term he came up with when he was 2 and I just don't feel he's old enough to tell him different yet. If he were to ask if daddy was in jail, I'd tell him yes, but I'm not ready to be the one to bring it up. They do get somewhat bored there after a few hours of not being able to run, be noisy, normal things kids just have to do. And the "kids area" there is a joke, a large filthy rug to sit on with ripped up books and broken toys. But I've never regretted taking them, the kids need to bond with their dad. And yes, sometimes they do cry when it's time to go, and so do I. All and all it's worth it. Good luck and God bless!