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paw79 · #1 07-16-2003, 06:35 PM

now that is has been a week and I have seem to get a grip on this.Part of me still feels really guilty and asks what i could have done better to raise my ds,the other part of me is peaceful knowing he is away and can't get into anymore trouble. Part of me could never feel at peace just waiting for the other shoe to drop till all this happen. I knew it was coming just didn't know when although he was behaving himself up until May or so. Does this make sense? Pam

JDay · #2 07-16-2003, 07:40 PM

Oh, yes, Pam - it makes sense, or at least as much as anything else we go through around this agony. Do you remember the ad that used to run on TV - "It's 10:00 - do you know where your kids are?" Well, now we know. And even though I still worry, at least I know he's a lot healthier than he was on the outside - wierd as that sounds! He's been in and out of prison for a dozen years or so, and always does better inside (off drugs, etc.), so maybe he really does need that kind of order and to not be able to make too many of his own choices. And of course I feel guilty for feeling this way!! There's just no winning, is there!
- Jane

paw79 · #3 07-17-2003, 08:39 AM

Jane,
Yes I see what you mean. I have a strong feeling that my son still doesn't get it and might not for along time from things he has said to me so far. I feel better not bailing him yet. I don't think he has learn anything yet. He tells me that he needs about 30.00 a week for things. Like i really want to make it easy for him in there. Like I have that kind of money. He has a truck he just got and we are thinking of taking over the payments and keeping it ourselves. I have his POA or else it will go back and then he will have his credit ruin. He just doesn't get it. Pam

Trikess · #4 07-18-2003, 12:32 PM

I've been reading your messages, all of you, and paw79 I have to agree with you, they just don't get it. Do we still keep trying to trust them? Do we still support them? Of course, we will always love them, but should that be putting us on prozac?

paw79 · #5 07-18-2003, 07:01 PM

I wish I was on prozac. I am doing all this without medicine. Sometimes I wish I was in la la land and not knowing what is going on. Pam

Valerie · #6 07-18-2003, 07:37 PM

Pam ,Yes what you said does make perfect sense to me..And I understand the guilt thing too and always wonder what could I have done differently.Oh, I'm not on meds either and sometimes wish I were.I hope this isn't as hard on my son, as his being in prison is on me.

paw79 · #7 07-18-2003, 07:45 PM

Valerie,
I visited my son for the first time tonight. It was so very hard. We both cried. What makes this so bad is that we have a state sentator who killed a homeless man claimed he thought it was a stop sign and he got house arrest. Somebody please explain to me when killing someone is not as serious as having sex with a girl who was willing. Pam

Trikess · #8 07-19-2003, 09:02 AM

You've got it all wrong. Medicine really does help. I was about to lose it totally and when I went into the doctor's office I had a panic attack. I don't do things like that, but all of it just came out. It's been over a year and I took myself off the medicine, but it helped me at a time when I didn't even know I needed it. It doesn't make you not feel, you can just deal with it without breaking out into tears. I was crying over dirty laundry!!!Anyway it's better now.

I have just gotten some very disturbing news about my daughter once again, but I can handle it better now.

It does get better paw79.

paw79 · #9 07-19-2003, 04:28 PM

Thank you Trikess. I am really serously thingking about going to the doctor for medicicne. Had to go over to sons apartment today and clean some more rooms. Very hard to do. I was getting mad at son for making me do this when I had other things I could be doing.
Sorry to hear about your daughter. Hope things turn out okay there. Pam