Not all MWI relationships are created equal...

[newtomelove]

I agree! People should just give it up- be smart about following your heart and everything will be fine-

[Legend19]

Patty,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. One thing is for sure that you said it does not matter where you met the man he is still just a man. He is subject to make a wrong choices any relationship that is worth having is worth fighting for!

TO MUCH IS GIVEN MUCH IS REQUIRED!

Lady L

[s.daymk]

I couldn't have said this any better. This is perfect.

[kattylynx]

I have had a hard time reminding myself that I am the one who can make this love and life work or not work. The drama and doubts that everyone brings up can cause so much damage if we allow ourself to fester on them. Communication is so important no mater how your relationship began and I have learned to not over analyze the situation.

[samanb1213]

Patti, you are awesome!

[samanb1213]

Totally agree with you!

Originally Posted by leeperjeeper

I have a MWI relationship and I have to stress I wanted it to be a bed of roses and candlelight but then the reality hit me. My companion has been incarcerated for 17 years--his whole adult life. It would be unrealistic of me to expect him to come home and wine and dine me. He has no one so we will be together but not in a romantic sort or way. He needs to grow and learn about life and love at his speed, not mine.

He has sent up red flags at times, but I attribute them to being unsure of his emotions. It may be all good or it may fall apart. But he fills a need that I have right now and I for him. And I have dated some real bums on the outside so users are everywhere--including church.

[samanb1213]

You are lucky your family changed and support your relationship.


quote=campbell1984;2849691]You just don't ever know what God is going to hand you in this life and besides life is fair too complicated as it is without adding more stress to it. When I first realized that I loved Jason..the only thing that I could think of was "Is he going to use me". I still can't answer that question now but my family has helped to shed a lot of light on that particular question. Which was a shock to me because of the way I was raised. They don't believe in dating men in prison or county jail. It doesn't matter that was always an absolute NO. But now they have been nothing but great. We discuss things. Such as my feelings and where I hope that this thing is going to go and I like I said the answers haven't come yet. But I know that they will. Anyway, back to the point. To make this seem like it's a common situation is just wrong. It sheds darkness on all of the other men in prison who might are doing the right thing. Seeing those kinds of threads only makes you wonder what is going on out there. Me being in the situation that I'm in...only makes things worse when I see stuff like that. I'm not blaming anyone. I'm just making a point. I can't fault anyone else for my low-selfesteem and insercurities. I'm just saying that this could easily happen with anyone. Just because you meet a man/woman outside of prison doesn't mean that they won't use you. In fact, it's more likely to happen then. Instead of with someone that's in prison. I know that it does happen because we all have heard about it at some point or another but like I said it doesn't really help most people. I wish that everyone did have a secure relationship but that's just not the way that it goes sometimes.

I try to look at things like my mother says "You don't know that man in prison and you don't know that man who just walked past you. So, what is the difference?" [/quote]

[samanb1213]

Hi everyone. I have a MWI. I was first just a pen pal. I wrote him when his case hit the newspaper. It was bad, however I had a similar case involving my children who my ex abused. My MWI they said was abused as a kid. Due to our similar shitty situations I felt I wanted to write him. Anyway he wrote me back and when I came to visit him it was love at first sight. I totally wasn't expecting it and neither was he. I am older than him but we are both very attracted to each other. I think it's good that we have each other. I can't imagine life without him. He is in the hole alot and has psychological problems and I happen to have son with similar problems. We have a lot in common. We have an understanding for each other because of what we been through. It was totally meant to be. About all this worry on this sight about what will be and will he cheat or will someone cheat, it happens everywhere. My first son's father called himself a Christian but left me when I got pregnant because I wouldn't have an abortion. He was a teacher! My ex husband called himself Catholic and he totally abused my kids and I found out and am getting divorced. He was an anchorman on t.v.! People aren't who they say they are and when and if you find a good one in this life who loves you and understands you, all you can do is try and see if it will work out because shit look at the others that didn't! Love has it's ups and downs, shit happens, people come and go, and all I know is that he needs me and I need him right now. What will be will be. Too much drama in relationships today. People stop worrying over the future and doubting your loves! If it is meant to be it will be and all you can do is try until you find a good one. All I know is this man really loves me and has had a shitty life. If I can lift his spirit I will. He was suicidal before and now he is coping and it is because of me. Love is nothing to be traded.

[Guthrie2293]

Thank you so much for this thread! I came to this web site for support only to feel looked down upon by a lot of people on this site for details of our situation. My guy had been in and out of the system from age 8, locked up for good at age 17. In his mid 20's he figured it out-too late. How else was he supposed to meet someone? You have certainly been where I am now. Thank you!

[Legend19]

One thing is for sure G_d will show you any and every thing that you want and need to see. I am a MWI and I love my inmate and will stand by him. We pray together fast and believe G_d. What happens when he gets out is up to G_d and not either of us cause our paths might change does it boher me No!

Keep the faith, keep praying and never stop loving your inmate


Lady L

[sweetdaisydream]

Thank you thank you THANK YOU for this post! I have been getting SO much grief from family/friends. I know they wanna protect me, but I am an adult. I have a penpal. Yes, he is in prison. But do they understand how much his letters make me smile for hours afterward? Probably not. This is why I joined the site. To find like minded people who completely understand that I have to read his letters over and over ... and over ... because I love what they say

[OnlyTheLonely]

Originally Posted by n8sgrl

I have had a hard time reminding myself that I am the one who can make this love and life work or not work. The drama and doubts that everyone brings up can cause so much damage if we allow ourself to fester on them. Communication is so important no mater how your relationship began and I have learned to not over analyze the situation.

Exactly

[OnlyTheLonely]

Originally Posted by sweetdaisydream

Thank you thank you THANK YOU for this post! I have been getting SO much grief from family/friends. I know they wanna protect me, but I am an adult. I have a penpal. Yes, he is in prison. But do they understand how much his letters make me smile for hours afterward? Probably not. This is why I joined the site. To find like minded people who completely understand that I have to read his letters over and over ... and over ... because I love what they say

Exactly again.

[HassGirlfriend]

My mom was unsupportive and still is in a way of my decision to be with my bf... hell she still mad cause I went to jury duty - which was when I first saw him lol. I love my MWI- BF more than anything right now. He brings me more happiness and joy than anybody would believe. Just talking to him over the phone brings all kinds of smiles and giggles to my lips. Also folks think its a waste cause Im a college student and have my own apt/car/etcc... and he's locked up. So what though...In Gods eyes we are EQUALLY YOKED because when we met we both sought a God-fearing partner who shared a love for Jesus and thats what we found.

[katie_kate86]

Amen!

[babylove30]

N8sgrl......you couldn't of said it better. My love said its all poison to the mind.....def don't read to much into things or over analyze..

[wifey2the1<3]

i really get sick of people putting shit into my mind because of my relationship with my baby...I dont really care that we MWI...I looked at it as a blessing. No one could be suited better for me. I hope that those that do insist that they are being scammed kno that if their man doesnt really have those intentions it will cause him to look at you differently. I believe that if you believe them and learn to trust each other then there shouldnt be an issue. You might hurt someone's feelings and lose a good thing. Serves you right...Didn't your parents teach you not to believe everything you hear?

[mija0107]

This is something I read just to see what was on the forum and I just want to say Thank You. I wish I could get my family to understand that it is a decision between Jay and I not Jay, me, and my whole family lol. They think he is some horrible man but he isn't in prison for murder or a sex crime he is in there because he made bad choices. In the end I just want them to realize that although something on the outside may look nice the inside maybe the opposite. Again thank you.

[FastCarGirl]

Reality is, we're out here and they are in there. We have no "real" way to know, for sure, if they're scamming us until they get out and are with us or their not. Likewise, they have no "real" way of knowing if we're cheating on them or not, until they get out and we're with them or we're not.

Prison relationships when you met in prison are interesting because the only thing holding it together is faith, trust, honesty and communication. Which is a pretty good foundation for any relationship. I tell my guy the only thing that can come between us or break us up is us.

We only have control over ourselves. I made the decision that I'm going to do the right thing by my guy, and treat him the way I do because I love him. If it means I'm just an idiot who was scammed, well, now, that's on him and he'll have God to answer to. It doesn't change the fact that I love him and I'm going to do right by him just because it's the right thing to do.

And my guy is doing right by me as well, so I think my faith isn't a blind faith. I am truly blessed.

[*Chuck's Girl*]

Thanks! This is a great post <3

[Vixen311]

Originally Posted by Patty

Yanno much adieu has been made lately about MWI scammers and other various notions that while the ideas are not completely lost on me I find them to be just that ideas that breed, fester, serve to make people in even the most righteous of relationships question intentions...

STOP THE INSANITY!!!

Your relationship is what you make of it, whether by MWI or any other means. You get what you put in and if you happened to hook up with a bad seed then you might have done so had you met him in the free world.

I gotta tell ya cuz I like to keep it real even at the risk of exposing my less than perfect relationship. The point being AIN'T NUTTIN' PERFECT!!! But I gotta say it has NOTHING to do with the way we met (misdialed phone call, him to me from the county jail).

Sometimes Sebastian gets on my last nerve and I question or requestion his/mine/our intentions it's completely natural, however it doesn't happen because PTO member a b or c posed a question or is living a certain situation because guess what ???? I am me and you are you and they are they and while we can share intimate and/or general information about our relationships no two relationships, MWI or otherwise are the same.

Just because someone was scammed doesn't mean you will be. My mama (RIP Mama) was always quick to remind us not to go borrowing trouble. She often made sense well except for that "marry a nice man from our church" advice she spewed, my niece took it and was soundly robbed for all she was worth INCLUDING our family home by A NICE MAN FROM OUR CHURCH.

At the same time I feel the need to add that just because some are hangin' in there, havin' happy lives with our MWI mates doesn't mean you will, again because WE ARE ALL ON DIFFERENT PATHS, what you have to learn and live yet is different from what I have to learn and live yet and so on and so forth so yeah take the happy stuff with the proverbial grain of salt as well.

Bottom line ya gotta do you, you gotta see the signs, read between the lines and pursue or choose not to based on what works best in YOUR life, cause in the end that's what you get to deal with: YOUR life.

Here's hoping it's all good,
Patty

in the words of a friend of mine "girl you aint never lied" excellent post.

[VCSGIRL67]

I am new to this and I just want to start by saying thank-you to all of you that have posted. I have been reading all of your posts for months and finally decided to put in my thoughts. I met my inmate while I was working in the facility he is incarcerated in as a nurse. I have worked in many many facilities and said that this would never happen to me. Although I never expected it and wasn't looking for it I would not change one minute!! I always told Anthony that God was punishing me for something I have done in life wrong becauuse it is so hard....but he always says it was God blessing us. I have met men at bars...church...through friends and I was completely single when I met Anthony and had been for several years. No matter when or where you meet someone as all of you have said there are no guarantees. Our situation is verry difficult because the fact that I worked in the facility they won't let me come see him for three years. We never broke any rules and I resigned from my job when I decided that I wanted to start corresponding with him. If anyone has any suggestions at all of how to get past this or through this please respond. Thank you.....

[sweetgirl22]

yes i agree with you

[Vixen311]

i'm not new here but i have found a very nice penpal.he's so down to earth. i've been there and done that with the scammers. this one just seems so different,actually i'm comfortable in saying i KNOW he's different.his letters just got a whole different feel about them. i'm happy i didn't give up after the last disasterous attempt at penpaling. i thought long and hard about it.then decided to give it one more try. so i'm here to say they are not ALL bad.

[Aane]

Can I get an Amen to that?! AMEN.