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ricksbabe · #1 07-06-2007, 04:08 PM

Well here I am enduring the b.s. The system has to offer after getting a break for 2 months. I personally never said that I would never do this again but I did say I hope I don't have to. I guess I didn't hope and pray enough b/c 2 months later here I am again.

During the first bid here on pto I came across a lots of " I would never do this again" remarks so I'm just wondering how many are here for the 2nd time around and how many highly doubted that they would be in this situation again.

Rays_Lady · #2 07-06-2007, 04:18 PM

This is my first time with my honey, however my ex was in and out of the system here and with him, it got very old and I had to cut ties and we are just friends now. But I would never say never because you never know what may happen. .I can just pray and hope that once my honey is home that he remains home..
Sorry that you are back again, how much time do you have to deal with this time?

ricksbabe · #3 07-06-2007, 04:33 PM

Yeah I can see how it may get old when ur going in time after time for petty stuff that can be prevented. Unfortunatly my babes situation is a little deeper. His first bid was 8 years and now he's officialy in for 18 months for a parole violation and he's also fighting a murder charge.. I'm glad I never said never again cause I sure as hell would've been feeling stupid lol but I certainly didn't think that if I had to go through this again it would be for a murder charge and def. Not 2 months after his release but I guess these are the cards we've been dealt so we have no choice but to deal with it.

It is what it is

thatwiz · #4 07-06-2007, 04:38 PM

I wouldn't say never to anything regarding him and I. It wasn't anticipated that he would ever be locked up again, but he is. For some reason a second time is our journey.

seezo · #5 07-06-2007, 04:38 PM

This is the first time I have been through it also.. But its not the first time my man has been to prison... Thats why I have so many doubts in my head that he will get "better" this time around..

ashleyrw88 · #6 07-06-2007, 04:42 PM

Right now, Im saying I would never do this again...now if it was for something that truly wasn't on him...then possibly. And its not because I don't love him...I most definitely do or I wouldn't be here now. I say never again because...I feel like, Im still young and about to go to college and all that...I can't be spending time and money and all the things Im willing to do right now. It really wouldn't be that hard for him to stay out of trouble if he really wants to anyways, hes just in for possession with intent...so I dunno.
Thats just me though!

Rays_Lady · #7 07-06-2007, 04:42 PM

Ricks - I am sorry to hear about that, I hope that things work out for you all and he is home sooner than later.. I know my ex did a 7 yr bid, then a 2yr for a VOP - 18 months VOP - then 44 months and now he is down until 2011 - Dealing drugs he will never learn but that is just how he is, we are still friends though...
If you ever wanna chat hit me up, I wish you all the best !!!

Kat

DirksWifey · #8 07-06-2007, 07:29 PM

Awww, im sorry about your situation. This is my 1st time going through this and I hope the last. Once my sweetie gets out he better not wind up back in prison. I cant say that I would leave him because he would never let me, but I would be disappointed & hurt.

jenni_L · #9 07-06-2007, 08:39 PM

Well my guy's first bid was 3.5 years and he said the whole, "I'm never coming back" b.s. He was out for 10 days and then went back for violating parole...judge gave him 18 months to 15 years...quite the sentence. He saw the parole board about two weeks so within the next two weeks I'll know if he's coming home soon or if he's gone for a while. I don't know if I can say I'd stay or leave if he goes back again. I know I love him and I'll be his friend at the very least...

I'm glad last time I didn't say never again, too! I suppose I'll try to never say it...

nimuay · #10 07-06-2007, 09:28 PM

Not only did I say "never again", I did it. He knew, and fouled up again, and that's that. Love isn't enough to keep going through an endless cycle of crap.

mrschris · #11 07-06-2007, 09:29 PM

i was just talking to my hubby about this. he said that he was with a few of the guys in the yard and they were talking about doing repeat/multiple bids.

he said that the general belief among the guys is they can do what they want, and it doesn't matter how many times they get locked up, their girls/wives will be there. so while they may not want to neccessarily go back to prison, it's not that important for them NOT to go back to prison because they always got support, no matter if they do mess up again or not. he also said many of them bluntly say they can't wait to get back to the streets to continue the activities that put them in prison.

fortunately, he was one of the two or three guys that admitted they knew their wives were only down for one bid, so they were truly not trying to come back. this is our first (and last) bid together, so he knows. the only way i'll stick by his side again is if he goes back on something totally unpreventable or for protecting himself/his family.

other than that, he goes back, i'm out. our conversation backed up my theory that people do what they can get away with. i need my husband and my girls need their dad more than the njdoc needs him. so if he prefers prison over us...he can keep it. i am of the firm belief that any man that repeatedly goes to prison likes it there, and that i am an enabler if i stand by while he disrespects this household and family to return to jail.

Jesse'sbabygirl · #12 07-09-2007, 04:36 PM

I told him Never again and he said i wont have to. But i really will not do this ever again I did this once when i was younger and here i am again having to wait 6 years he has done his time in Maryland and now he just hit his one year mark in VA. After this I am done with waiting I cant do it anymore it's to hard waiting that is.

caitybug · #13 07-09-2007, 06:36 PM

I did say never again. But this is my best friend, and this is his second time in. 3years, out for 3 months, and got a VOP and he has been back for another 3 so far. I only said never again because I am the only one he has, and I have never threatend such a thing. It's just a hope of mine that he will straighten up. We love each other more than anything, and if he is gonna change for ANYTHING, it will be for what he loves. I would stick around as his friend though. I won't stop my life for him though.

northstar · #14 07-09-2007, 06:53 PM

Unfortunately, once a person has a record, it's like open hunting season for the law...inmates are COMMODITIES....they are income, commissions, and economic gain for the prison industrial complex.....it wasn't always like this, but when the laws changed and allowed the privitization of prisons, it changed the mindset of state governments and populations....I'm not saying that there aren't inmates "can't wait to get back to the streets to continue the activities that put them in prison." But it's really easy to get violated, especially depending on your PO....put it this way, if you're looking for a conviction because your job in the judicial system depends on it, or need to keep the beds filled at a prison, it's much easier to send an ex-con back. ...Life in the food chain...

Oceansdrm · #15 07-09-2007, 11:42 PM

This is my first time as well but to say I would never do it again I cant ... I love my man and if a second time does come up as long as it was that he was not picked up for running the streets and being stupid like that then no I would not do it again and he knows that ... We all wish we never had to do it again but wishes dont always come true for all ..

Mahogany7 · #16 07-10-2007, 04:38 AM

Yes I have said "this is it I will not do this again" and here I am. 1st bid 10 years, 2nd bid 4 years now 3rd bid 7 years..THIS IS REALLY IT and I am also very nervous because I don't want him to go back to being the way he was. I see improvement and maturity, but I just pray that this time enough is enough for him too and he is ready to truly choose his family before the streets.

FAITHHOPELOVE · #17 07-10-2007, 09:35 AM

Rick's first I want to extend my sincere apologies to you. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this again. I have answered a thread similar to this before. I am one of the ones who have told my husband that there is no going back to prison. The courts have indicated if they see him again it is LIFE without. I love him with everything that is within me, but there is no way that I am going to be able to do a life sentence in a state where they offer nothing.

No family visits, NOTHING!! So, when I say NEVER do this again. that's what I mean.

I made this clear before we rekindled our relationship and I made it clear BEFORE we got married. I have no hard feelings against those that are waiting or in a relationship with their lifers but it just NOT for me!

Sadie80 · #18 07-10-2007, 09:59 AM

Yep, I was one of the ones that said, "never again." I waited 18 months and he re-arrested within 9 months. I've been doing MY time this time around. I didn't have much contact with him for the first year he went back but we have rekindled our friendship and I suppose I am wondering what the future will hold for us when he is released.

gapeachwifey · #19 07-10-2007, 11:56 AM

I am going to say that I will never do this again.

He got in trouble years ago and only got a half way house, but now that he is actually doing time, I will not go thru this again.

This is so hard on me and the children and for their sakes I will notdo this again, and I tell him as much all the time. High school sweethearts or not, this is it!

My hat goes off to those of you that can stand strong thru multiple bids.

MrsPhil · #20 07-10-2007, 12:11 PM

This was his first time going to prison. And he has been there 24 years! I seriously doubt he will ever go back. He and I have been together almost 7 years and I will never say that I will never do this again. I am 58 and don't know how many years I will have left on this earth but I know that I don't want to spend them with any one else but him. So no matter where he is I will be here for him. He has Life w/ parole and sees the board next year. Hopefully they will be good to us.

ILuvChito · #21 07-10-2007, 08:33 PM

This is my 2nd time waiting. The 1st time was for 27 months. Then He got 3 years last year. I said I wouldn't wait, But, I am. I choose to stay with him cause our love is real and I refuse to give up on him like so many others have.

RAG4LIFE · #22 08-07-2007, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ricksbabe

During the first bid here on pto I came across a lots of " I would never do this again" remarks so I'm just wondering how many are here for the 2nd time around and how many highly doubted that they would be in this situation again.

I may be in this situation again...but Im not too sure if I would wait this time

FAITHHOPELOVE · #23 08-07-2007, 03:16 PM

I told my husband that if he goes back to prison after this bid then it is a wrap. I can not continue to go through the emotional roller coaster ride that being a prisoner's wife offers. I mean what I say and he knows this too.

kristanadam · #24 12-10-2007, 09:10 PM

never is all relative for right now, sorry to bring up such an old post but i keep seeing the same threads with the same responses because they are at the top all the time...any

soinlove2004 · #25 12-10-2007, 09:19 PM

I learned quick when I first decided to go the long haul with my man that you really cant say you will "never" do this again. You realize how the system works and how easy it is to get cought up in things that normally arent an issue in life. Like my man was home for 4 months and got violated for virtually nothing.. That is how I see it, however to the system he is a big bad criminal. So I have never and would never say that I would no do this again!!! I am with him for this ride!!! He is on parole... I am basically on parole, he cant do it I dont do it... It is a huge partnership being with a man in prison or on parole. For me it is worth it, my man is the most amazing man I have ever met!!! I would not trade him for the world. I would do this over and over again until he is done with parole and we can live our lives as a normal happy couple!!!