Who do you feed first?

[shya3]

Im posting this thread because far too much I see on PTO and on the streets women going all out for their man. Thats fine understandably your in love but how far does love go? Is it to the limits where you go without things so your man does'nt have to? Or your children going without new shoes and clothes so your man can have comminsary? On the street I see women who will have four, five kids and will take there food stamps and government money and spend it on these men. Take 500.00 worth of food stamps and buying shrimp and steaks to feed there men while there children eating hotdogs everyday and Ramen noodles. The reason why the title is "Who do you feed first" becaused Ive analyzed this and Ive found it to be true as its happenings, who you feed first is who is most important. For example as a child my mom would finish cooking dinner and she would fix everyones plate she would fix me, my sister and brothers first. Secondly my father and then herself. I find when I cook dinner and Im fixing plates I fix my daughters first and then my fiancee's and I(when he was home) at the same time. Reason being for this my mom didnt want to run out of food feeding us and then she would eat what was left to make sure her family was satisfied sometimes her portion would be smaller. I feed my daughter first and then what is left we divide. I see alot of people fixing food for their man first. So who do you feed first?

[s0lita]

i personally dont have kids, but if i did i would feed my kids first! ... i wouldn't send money to the bf/hubby in prison either, he can eat exactly what everyone is eating. i'm sorry but my kids would come first for anything and everything!

[cincysbabygurl]

i feed the kids first...they come first and foremost and then i make his n mine together also...we equally divide whats left over!!!

[Ant's Girl]

The kids come first in everything.

What ever is left over is then divided amongst other people based on their need at that time.

I am always "last" but I prfer to do for others before myself. Once I break down and do something for myself, it is becasue I really needed it.

[babygurl919]

Since I don't have kids, I feed myself first. I will try to help out my husband if he really truly needs it, but I always come first. Call me selfish, but I've f*cked myself over many times in the past by putting others before myself. He doesn't want me going without or struggling because of him anyway, so it works for us.

[donutandpickle]

I don't have any children so I have to answer this hypothetically. My children (when I have them) will come first. I would never let my children go without for anyone including myself.

Now since we don't have any children yet it is just about me and him. I put both of us equally first. I would not go without buying necessitys to send my man money. I would however go without wants to send him money if he really needs it.

[mrschris]

of course everyone here is feeding their kids first.

no one is going to answer this question honestly if they don't feed their children first.

i missed visit this weekened because i had to tithe my money to my church...and it was my last bit of money. so visit got cut short.

i gave to God first. then i feed my children. then i feed my hubby (but he's not that hungry thank Goodness)...then i feed myself. my hubby and i usually split eeverything we have down the middle, after the girls get their share.

i'd never spend bill money or my children's money on my hubby. nu uh. no one here goes without. now that being said, if i have an extra 100.00 and my children want new shoes (don't need but want) and my hubby needs food...he gets the 100 dollars. as long as their feet look neat, they can wait til next pay to get the shoes. it's about neccessity and getting NEEDS met before all else.

any woman who takes care of her children last will do that anyway, regardless of if she has a man in prison or a man period. i know a girl that has a man in prison and she never misses a food package. her kids don't have much but her man does. i would think that she put her man above them recently...however this is the same woman that has no furniture and constantly has her heat cut off...but she's always looking nice in the club, and that weave is always done right.

so that let's me know that her children will always come last to her material items and her man. that's just how she is anyway.

[barky586]

N/A in our case. There are just so, so many ways to find a happy medium. Coupons matched to sale items can feed an entire family very, very economically. Second-hand clothes are fine for children - they don't need Belk everything. Gap clothes are to be found in abundance at garage sales for $1.00 an item! There are just so many ways to economize without *looking* like you economize. I am not the wife or girlfriend - I am the mother(in-law). I do make a fairly good income and my husband is retired (medically). We are able to help my son(in-law) out and do so because we *want* to. He would never ask - and he always thanks me both via my daughter on the phone and at visit when he sees me after receiving it. He knows that by a certain day of the month, he will have a money slip. He budgets that amount of money to last him all month. When I get my 3% cost of living raise every year, I up his money by $10 a month because his costs go up every month - just as ours do. That way, I am a little ahead and he is a little ahead. Once my daughter finishes college and obtains decent employment, she will take over sending him money. Or she will send him some and I will send him some.

[aNt's wIfE X 10]

our child comes first and there is no misunderstanding between us about that. I love them both but my son comes first. But honestly before our son was born I would fix his plate before mine but I never really paid any attention to it until this thread. I guess I was just catering to my man since he deserved it.!!

[MrsPhil]

My kids are grown and married so that is not an issue for me. I have learned to stretch money really far and if there is something he really needs and I can go with out, then yes I will send him money. I have juggled monthly bills to help him a few times. Didnlt tell him cecause he always tells me to makle sure the house is taken care of. And I do. Never get a month behind on any one thing and have never had anything shut off. But what I am saying is if I can, I will feed him first! Trust me, I am not under nourished!! Just ask mrschris!! LOL

[jose&alicia]

i dont have children, but they would be up most first, with that being said i come before him, call me selfish but i work for my money, and i like to have nice things. then he gets.............

[MissTara]

I dont have any children so I have to say I feed myself first. I make sure my bills are paid, and whatever I need first then he gets what he needs. Sometimes theres a compromise about how much and he understands.... I think its all in perspective. I didnt stop living just because he got locked up. I still went out with friends, had fun and my life didnt stop. I think those that give too much and give up being themselves run into problems first. And the women out there do put there men first before there hubbys b/fs or whatever shouldnt be having kids thats just so wrong on so many levels ...

[Gemini Gem]

Like MrsChris said,no one will admit they feed their children last. To this day, my son eats first. I make it a point. I wish I could beat down parents that put their children last

[shya3]

Originally Posted by Gemini Gem

Like MrsChris said,no one will admit they feed their children last. To this day, my son eats first. I make it a point. I wish I could beat down parents that put their children last

Do you think that putting your man infront of yourself is equvilent as putting him before your children?

[Gemini Gem]

Originally Posted by shya3

Do you think that putting your man infront of yourself is equvilent as putting him before your children?

It depends on what it is and the situation. I'm not going to be tore up and hurting while he is fine. When we are out together, you know we are together. It's in my nature to put someone,anyone first as far as them being comfortable. But I won't go unsatisfied. I won't bend over backwards if it's not a life or death situation. Handsome always compliments me on taking care of our son. This is what kept his respect for me.

[irshnrse]

My man wants me to keep everything straight at home before I take care of him.

[mia_101]

I don't understand that....I'm low on cute clothes right now and I haven't highlighted my hair in a while....because I'm not going to go scratching for bill money all the time. I don't buy anything extra unless all the bills are paid early.

[irshnrse]

You don't understand what?

[shya3]

Originally Posted by mia_101

I don't understand that....I'm low on cute clothes right now and I haven't highlighted my hair in a while....because I'm not going to go scratching for bill money all the time. I don't buy anything extra unless all the bills are paid early.

What is it you dont understand?

[meganlea]

Personally, I don't believe that you have any business sending money so someone can go to commissary if you're on food stamps. As a former welfare caseworker (the single worst job of my entire life), your finances are already stretched thin and you're given assistance to help make ends meet. They have their basic needs met in prison... There's a reason I've never sent a buck to any penpal of mine. That's my two cents.

[berniesangel]

My husband would never allow it any other way. I can't even think about coming to visit if home is not correct. One of the rules that we have is take care of home\kids first, then myself, and then him if i can do so. My hubby never asks for anything. I send things when i can. And that's that.

[Hotspot]

My babies come first the one we have together and the older one by his BM. He knows the deal but that doesn't mean we haven't but heads about it before.

[msmomto4]

Well i had my children before i had my hubby so they have always been fed first. He would roll on me hard if i were to make any of our kids go without to do for him. He prefers i only do the quarterly package thng within reason and when i do go a little overboard, he feels as if i have done too much. But generally the quarterly package for him is about 125 and that is only if i have the money... if money is tight, then no package. he works and goes to canteen monthly and he is assured three squares a day... may not be what he prefers but he will eat. We balance the needs of all in the house based on need first and then want last.

I tend to agree with mrschris though. Most who are feeding their men over the children wouldnt admit the truth if they were here. I too see lots of women who go without so their man can have all the goods while inside. I have never played like that.. i too am like most here... kids first, hubby second and me last.

Hubby even fusses when i give to him and not to myself but i am a provider for all of my family right now so i do what comes natural to me. That is just how it goes at my house.

Great question though

[Tamter143]

Definately, no doubt, my daughter....she comes first. And then my man and I will sit down and eat...but of course, all as a FAMILY!!

[MrsVLQUEEN]

I believe it is human nature to be inclined to put yourself first until that moment you have children. Then there is something really wrong with the person that would feed their child last. My husband and I have been really blessed that we've never had to make the decision not to eat to feed our child. However, we have had things come close and he always made sure we were taken care of first and would never have it any other way even if I tried to do children first and then him. It's my nature now (after growing and maturing) to take care of the other's in my life first and often we will butt heads trying to take care of each other. But that's not such a bad place to butt heads.