Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

pensgirl3 · #1 08-27-2007, 10:03 AM

ever since my man and i got back together, i quit drinking. i feel like all i do is work and wait for him to get out. i miss going out to parties, seeing my friends, etc. hell, i'm only 19 years old and i wasted my WHOLE summer on working..and i didn't have one sip of alcohol(since may!), etc. i feel like if i do, he'll be pissed off or be like "well, it's nice to know you're out having the time of your life while i'm stuck in here and i don't know what you're doing".

i told him i wouldn't go out/drink until he gets out. now , i'm missing my old life.

anyone else the same way?

donutandpickle · #2 08-27-2007, 10:09 AM

Yeah I have a life & a busy one at that. I work, go to school, spend time with my family and honeys family, visit my honey, etc. I'm only 19 years old to but my partying nights are few and far between. Not because honey is gone but because i'm over that. When honey comes home we will be partying so he can catch up on the times he missed. Until then i'm happy with the little partying I do.

If you are so down about this you should talk to your man about it. Don't stop yourself from doing the things you want just because he is gone. That is no way to live. Life really is too short. Don't assume he will be angry that you want to go out and have a good time. Just talk to him about it.

Leafcat · #3 08-27-2007, 10:51 AM

pensgirl3,
It sounds like you have a life to me, a grown up life. You have taken control of your life and are on a better path .... sounds to me like you becoming mature and responsible person. And at 19 that is quite an accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself! Don't stop having fun because you are out and he isn't ... I feel the same quilt whenever I do something fun, but my husband always says not to. He says just because he can't doesn't mean that I have to suffer too. If you told him that you wouldn't "go out" while he was in, find a different kind of "fun".

doughnutandpickle,
I am amazed at you also, at 19 I was not so mature and although married and having a child, I could have never taken care of myself.

I am very impressed with both of you!

pensgirl3 · #4 08-27-2007, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leafcat

pensgirl3,
It sounds like you have a life to me, a grown up life. You have taken control of your life and are on a better path .... sounds to me like you becoming mature and responsible person. And at 19 that is quite an accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself! Don't stop having fun because you are out and he isn't ... I feel the same quilt whenever I do something fun, but my husband always says not to. He says just because he can't doesn't mean that I have to suffer too. If you told him that you wouldn't "go out" while he was in, find a different kind of "fun".

doughnutandpickle,
I am amazed at you also, at 19 I was not so mature and although married and having a child, I could have never taken care of myself.

I am very impressed with both of you!

aww, thank you very much. a lot of people have said i've changed, but in a good way. i don't need all that partying and craziness in my life, i just miss it at times.

yaya'sbaby · #5 08-27-2007, 11:18 AM

Yeah I Feel Like I Have A Life. My Life Isn't Consumed By This Prison Situation. I Still Have To Get Up, Go To Work ,pay Bills And Live My 26 Y/old Life. I Still Go Out And Do My Own Thing. I Refuse To Act Like Im Locked Down...cause Truth Be...if It Were The Other Way Around They Would Be Living Life Just Grand While We Suffered Boredom In Jail.

pensgirl3 · #6 08-27-2007, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yaya'sbaby

.cause Truth Be...if It Were The Other Way Around They Would Be Living Life Just Grand While We Suffered Boredom In Jail.

that is so true. i know my man wouldn't be stayin home every night if i was locked up. as much as he may deny it, i know.

liselda · #7 08-27-2007, 11:27 AM

I agree with everyone. I think that you should still be yourself and enjoy life without feeling guilty about it. I'm 20 and i live in a new area so unfortunately i don't know anyone here. But i appreciate every single one of my girlfriends; i always call them just for a laugh or a little gossip, you know girl stuff. My man tells me that i he wants me to be happy and to do what i have to do- so i am. I am working, going to school, saving my money, and enjoying time with my family. I agree with Leafcat, it sounds like you're living a grown up life.

javisbabymama · #8 08-27-2007, 11:32 AM

Honestly honey you are 19 and these are your prime years. If you can handle going out without getting caught up then why not - just because he is in jail doesnt mean you have to suffer completely. You can support him 100% without completely losing yourself. As long as you are faithful to him and are there for him then why not have a little fun...dont make yourself miserable behind his mistakes

pensgirl3 · #9 08-27-2007, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by javisbabymama

Honestly honey you are 19 and these are your prime years. If you can handle going out without getting caught up then why not - just because he is in jail doesnt mean you have to suffer completely. You can support him 100% without completely losing yourself. As long as you are faithful to him and are there for him then why not have a little fun...dont make yourself miserable behind his mistakes

i want to, it's just i know he'll be pissed off about it if i were to tell him i was going to a party.

i can't lie to him, because if i do, i'll feel guilty, he could find out and think i really did something wrong.
i never cheated, nor have any intentions on doing so. i love him.
i just know he's so insecure and we'll be questioning my every move if i did happen to go out.

last year, when he was locked up in a different place..he got out and saw pictures of when i went out. he stormed out of the room and said "this is what you did while i was locked up?! how nice of you." that started a big fight.

javisbabymama · #10 08-27-2007, 11:40 AM

To me it sounds like he has some growing up to do - honestly if my BD and I were together that would not be up for discussion because like it said earlier if he was out he would be out partying too - what if it was you locked up? Do you honestly think he would just be sitting at home? I dont think so - I believe you should be completely honest with him and again I stress you are 19 honey dont restrict yourself now and regret it later on - even if you or with him for life it doesnt matter at some point you could start resenting him for what you have missed out on. It doesnt have to be extreme you dont have to go out EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK just a couple of times a month if you can it would make yo u feel better. THIS IS SPEAKING FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS. When i was with my oldest son dad - he was out in the freeworld with me and didnt like me to go out and yet he did - and guess what I was 18 - 19 and when we broke up I was so mad at myself for all that I missed

shya3 · #11 08-27-2007, 12:01 PM

I have a couple of lives. I have a family life, a social life, a career life, a night life and a love life. Its kinda hard for me to feel like Im missing out because they all keep me busy not always saying I like them all either but I keep something going for myself so my hands wont become idol.

spooky77 · #12 08-27-2007, 12:18 PM

I stay busy and i do what I want. When we decided to make a go of a relationship my man and I discussed that he would trust me and he has never made demands on my behavior beyond not wanting me to do anything that would be self-destructive. I have a busy career, an active social life, I go see bands, I hang with my friends, I travel. \

My fiance' was the one that brought up that I shouldn't have to pay for his mistakes. He loves it that I am my own woman and very independent.
xoxo,
Spooky

Chris'swifey · #13 08-27-2007, 12:29 PM

I stay busy because it keeps me from bein sad and dwelling--But I'm a mommy to 2 kids, a fulltime student and a fulltime job so I have my plate full--time is sure flying so I'm glad--

Ant's Girl · #14 08-27-2007, 12:32 PM

The only way that I stay sane is to stay busy. Work, school, kids and so forth. My kids were gone with their dad all summer and I didn't work either (Teacher) and I about went stir crazy.

The hard thing about our lfestyle is that we are comitted woman kiving a single lifestyle. (Alone) I went through a phase where I felt guilty for going out and ejnoying myself while he is locked up but I had to get over that and do me otherwise I would have sunk into a deep state of depression. I am learning to not let life pass me by while my life is on hold as I wait for him.

happy_in_NV · #15 08-27-2007, 12:37 PM

all I can say is live life, but keep your "partying" in check you know? just cuz u choose to go out doesn't mean u need to be doin it every week. i have a girls night out maybe 1 time in 6 months...?? it's enough for me. your man, if he loves you and trusts you will understand, if not, maybe you need to do some soul searching?

pensgirl3 · #16 08-27-2007, 12:40 PM

i literally feel like i'm going insane. i need to get out. the last time i saw most of my friends was back in may.
now, the summer's pretty much over and all i've been doing is working and coming home. day after day.

this friday when i talk to him on the phone, i'm going to tell him how i'm feeling and then ask him if he really trusts me (he really has NO reason not to. i never did him wrong in the past. he did me wrong, therefore i have to work on trusting him). if he says he has a problem with it and won't trust me, then i'll tell him there's no point in continuing the relationship if there's no trust.

ughh. off to work for me. thanks for all the advice.

Ant's Girl · #17 08-27-2007, 01:15 PM

Yeah- you have to live life. I never "ask mine" if I can do anything, because I make smart choices anyway and he knows that he can trust me. Still, I just give him the courtesy of telling him what I will be doing....who will be there.......when I plan on being home.... stuff like that. I did spend a good chunk of time doing nothing, and almost needed to be comitted......so...........never again.

pb4me · #18 08-27-2007, 02:29 PM

I definately recommend having a life. I know, sometimes, they can make you feel guilty (and not even on purpose) when you go out and have fun or do things that they would love to be able to do, but guess what you didn't do anything to put you in prison. It is not only your right but your obligation to your self to be the best you can be, and that means, work, school, hanging out with friends, being happy and enjoying your life. Of course, everything would be sweeter and better if he were doing things with you but until he can.... do what you need to do.

Enjay · #19 08-27-2007, 03:02 PM

I think most here are missing an important point. You're 19 and you were drinking, I assume quite a lot. It seems he is more worried about your drinking then you seeing your friends. What is the drinking age where you are? I'm sure his big concern is things happening while you are drinking. Can't you go out and visit your friends and have fun without drinking? It is a big transition but can be done. When my ex quit drinking we had to change friends because he couldn't be around it without drinking. All we had ever done was go to bars (i don't drink) so it was weird trying to find other things to do. But it is doable! We had BBQs and invited friends and played cards, no alcohol. It was fun.

andysgurl · #20 08-27-2007, 07:38 PM

I have some what of a life, but since we got engaged and I moved out of my parents house I've come to realize my life out here during the week is surrounded by doing things for him. I mean I go to work Monday-Friday, come home, write him, wait for a call, prder his package, send him this send him that. There have been a few occasions where I took a day off just to relax and I ended up doing errands for him. It can be draining sometimes especially on Fridays because Friday morning I would load my weekend crap in my car and leave for the weekend visit right after work. My break time at work was to get dollar bills from the bank to feed him both Sat and Sun. I do get bruend out because I feel like I dont do anything for just ME anymore. Guess this is what married life is all about even when they are locked up!

pensgirl3 · #21 08-27-2007, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enjay

I think most here are missing an important point. You're 19 and you were drinking, I assume quite a lot. It seems he is more worried about your drinking then you seeing your friends. What is the drinking age where you are? I'm sure his big concern is things happening while you are drinking. Can't you go out and visit your friends and have fun without drinking? It is a big transition but can be done. When my ex quit drinking we had to change friends because he couldn't be around it without drinking. All we had ever done was go to bars (i don't drink) so it was weird trying to find other things to do. But it is doable! We had BBQs and invited friends and played cards, no alcohol. It was fun.

that's not the point i was getting out. drinking or not, i shouldn't feel guilty for going out and having fun. i know i won't cheat or do him wrong, so why must he get angry about it.

like i said, i'm going to tell him about how i've been feeling lately (like a hermit), and that i'm going to go out every once in a while. if he can't trust me then what's the point of continuing the relationship.

Ant's Girl · #22 08-28-2007, 12:12 AM

Just to keep it real-------------back in "my day," we did all of are drinking before we hit the age of 21. By the time 21 came around, we were already "over it."

Do whatever makes you happy for your happiness (and misery) will be felt by him.

pensgirl3 · #23 08-28-2007, 11:01 AM

i think i'm gonna let him know friday night when i talk to him that i'm going crazy and i need to get out more. i just don't want him to get mad and think i'm off meeting other people. he needs to stop being so insecure and/or stop listening to the other inmates. just because they have cheating girlfriends, doesn't mean all women are like that!!! i'm going to go shopping and get my hair cut friday afternoon.

tessa78 · #24 08-28-2007, 11:29 AM

Pensgirl3 -

You hit the nail on the head!! It is other inmates filling his head. My man told me that that is all he hears in there "we're down and they're out there messing around! Not saying that it's not true for some, but believe me that's what they spend alot of their time talking about. And you're right he wouldn't be sittin at home the way you are if you were down. Look you are 19 years old, just because he is doing time doesn't mean you have to be a prisoner in your own home. You need to be you and you need to enjoy your life as much as you can. Life is short!

Tessa

aNt's wIfE X 10 · #25 08-28-2007, 01:20 PM

I continue to live my life as I always have but there are/were times that I am sad that he is not able to physically be with me and have chosen not to go out and have fun because I am not in the mood. My sweetheart always encourages me to keep myself busy and to continue to enjoy life but it is hard at times. My life has not stopped since he has been in prison but it is definitely different~ The love of my life is so far away....