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Tre's Treasure · #1 09-23-2007, 11:48 PM

Over the past couple of weeks my man has been somewhat distant I know he is unhappy about being reclassed and spending another year in lockdown.

But today at visit he got really angry about something stupid and hits the glass and tells me to get out. He has never done anything like this in 3 years.

I felt humiliated..................hurt. He looked at my eyes and then began to calm down and talk but not really about this issue.

I got the standard "I love you look in my eyes I really do" somehow it just was not the same.

I drive 2 hours each way every Sunday(my only day off) for a 2 hour no contact visit. Am I wrong to feel he should be more appreciative. Or is this one of those the honeymoon is over type things.

mstony · #2 09-24-2007, 12:27 AM

I don't think you'll ever really no how he's feelin unless your in the same spot he's in now! My brother was locked up for over 5 years and my mans in now. My brother told me that when he was there he felt people should feel the same way he felt and that was horrible. Not sayin it's right by no means but I couldn't imagine all that a man has bottled up inside him self in there. It's hard for them to understand that we are going through the same if not even more, just because they see us as being out here in them in there! I'm sure he feels bad for what he did. Talk to him and tell him how that mad you feel and let him no by no means it he alone through this. That if he was you wouldn't be there! Good luck on everything God bless you both

Tre's Treasure · #3 09-24-2007, 12:32 AM

Thank you I just finished a 4 page letter letting him know I am here ............I am not going anywhere and reassuring him I am confident in the choice I have made to stand beside him. Lately he keeps saying 6 years is along time .....hell we have made it 3 we are a third of the way. I have just never seen him with this mindset usually I can read his moods and work around them

bridgettelynn07 · #4 09-24-2007, 12:42 AM

Hes just frustrated cause he cant be with the woman he loves like he wants to be... that's all it is.. they all go through the stage of anger then it`ll be sadness...

mstony · #5 09-24-2007, 12:44 AM

Just keep that out look on things and you'll be just fine! I pray I keep stong as well. My man has been in county for over a year and we've been through glass the hole time, 15 min visits don't last long. So far he has not gotten the mad side of him. He got life so we have a long road ahead of us. I be kidding to myself if I thought things wouldn't get bad for us at times. I just pray a lot and keep my faith strong!

BabygirlNGary · #6 09-24-2007, 02:23 AM

they do get mad like this at times. just stay strong and be there for him no matter how hard he tries to push you away! good luck!

GenaMarie · #7 09-24-2007, 03:30 AM

Try not to worry too much. I know when my man was going through a rough period a couple months ago, he just kept saying "I'm in prison....What do you want from me?" & it wasn't even about anything I wanted other than his appreciation. I was so hurt but later we talked it through (he didn't realize how he'd made me feel & I was not being very understanding about what he was going through as much as I tried I failed to understand him because he doesn't like to talk about whats going on in there. I found that it was not about me at all, it was about what he was going through on the inside. It's really hard to imagine what it's like day to day in prison when your stuck there for a long time. I didn't think that a good excuse for him to treat me bad. I had to check him on that, but now I have a better understanding than I had before. Sometimes it takes just going through stuff with them that we don't understand. & they sometimes just need us to be there to vent to & who else can they vent to safely but us? The one who loves them? So actually it's good that he's getting it out (venting) but I know how much it hurts and stuns. Once my man & I got through it, we also got a over an obstacle in our relationship that brought us much closer together, but I always try to remember that this is part of what we're going through and it will happen again most likely only next time I'll be able to understand it better and deal with it more appropriately.

Just hang on and try not to be hurt, remember everything your man is saying to you is most likely very true & he's having a hard time (that's hard for a man to admit) but it's good that he's comfortable enough with you to let you know. What you're going through with him is very common.

Just keep supporting him, loving him and letting him know that you are there for him.

Tashi_1982 · #8 09-24-2007, 05:04 AM

I would feel hurt too! They go through a lot in prison and sometimes don't know how to handle it. He may have been upset over something that had nothing to do with you but ended up taking it out on you, which sucks! But hopefully if he calls you or if he writes he'll apologize for his actions yesterday, my King does that sometimes but always apologizes when I bring it to his attention, in my man's case he's not use to someone being there through thick and thin! So I try to prove it to him all the time! I'm not going anywhere and I understand that he goes through things! But I also try to make him understand that it's hard for me out here too! And that I too go through things out here and he always seems to understand after I explain it to him, so my advice to you Tres is to talk to him about it and see what happens? I hope that helped?

clockwise61006 · #9 09-24-2007, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GenaMarie

"I'm in prison....What do you want from me?" .

That saying must be a standard in the inmate handbook. When my fiance gets into his moods this is his standard answer, He uses it when he calls and if I say whats up, if he had a bad day thats the response I get. Or when he's depressed or when he fights with me over nonsense he uses that line . Most times I just let it go but sometimes it wears real thin with me.

BrandNewGirl · #10 09-24-2007, 05:51 AM

The only thing to remember..don't make excuses for him. Just because he IS in prison doesn't give him the right to treat you badly, no matter what he's going through. He still needs to give you the respect you deserve, particularly since you drive a 4 hour roundtrip for a glass visit.

Don't let him walk all over you, just because he's locked up.

Nance

SexyChef1 · #11 09-24-2007, 09:07 AM

Solado has been on lockdown for over 3 years and it gets to him...never has he done anything like that but he does tend to overreact to every situation. Be patient with him maybe he'll come around Soldado will usually tell me whats wrong later on. Just preparing to come into the 4x4 room and visit you through the glass is painful and humiliating to him sometimes Soldado is pissed at the guards for shackling him too tight or something and takes it out on the whole visit.

Tre's Treasure · #12 09-24-2007, 09:38 AM

Thank you all for your support..............I really needed to vent where I could be understood. I don't get the what do you expect I am in prison saying his is "lock yourself in the bathroom for 2 years and tell me how it feels" Sometimes I cry myself to sleep cause I feel so helpless not being able to take away the pain. "
I was thinking about the only other time I had seen him uncontrolable around me......you see when he was on the streets we were just very close friends chemistry was there but his lifestyle and mine were very different. I was not a part of his world and he came to mine to escape when the "life" got to be too much. The last time I saw him as a frre man was when he came to my house acting crazy and very high, We had a huge fight and some pretty ugly things were said by both. Then as he started to leave I looked in his eyes and saw terror and confusing.

My last words to him that night were I love you and you are bettr than this, I know the real you!! I knew the man that would drop everything to sit with me after a chemo treatment or drive cross town just to give me a hug, not the drug dealer that stayed awake days on end and used people for his own gain. I did not speak to him for 3 months. I later heard He was arrested that night and I found out that had been the day he found out he would be going to prison. He came to me wanting to be comforted but did not know how. When I finally went to see him in county his first words were I have been waiting what took so long. He always referes to me as his Treasure, his gold coin.......the only thing that ever made him want to be more........to learn to love himself as I do. This man and I have been thru his 2 trials my 2 bouts with cancer, my LSATS and accepteance to Law School. It has truly been a rollacoaster ride but we have remained solid. Sorry this became a novel I get to talking about the glue that has held us together and well I get carried away. Again Thanks for the support

Tre's Treasure · #13 09-24-2007, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tashi_1982

I would feel hurt too! They go through a lot in prison and sometimes don't know how to handle it. He may have been upset over something that had nothing to do with you but ended up taking it out on you, which sucks! But hopefully if he calls you or if he writes he'll apologize for his actions yesterday, my King does that sometimes but always apologizes when I bring it to his attention, in my man's case he's not use to someone being there through thick and thin! So I try to prove it to him all the time! I'm not going anywhere and I understand that he goes through things! But I also try to make him understand that it's hard for me out here too! And that I too go through things out here and he always seems to understand after I explain it to him, so my advice to you Tres is to talk to him about it and see what happens? I hope that helped?

Yes, it helps my Baby Boy has never had anything in his life he felt was stable and finds it amazing yet hard to comprehend that I can love so unconditional that I am will to do this time with him.

Enjay · #14 09-24-2007, 10:19 AM

Misplaced anger...we have all been guilty of it from time to time, not realizing it. He is angry with himself, with the system, but I'm sure it's not with you!! They just have nowhere to vent it. It's hard but that is part of this kind of relationship. Tell him how you feel but be patient with him. (((hugs)))

or-mtwt · #15 09-24-2007, 11:44 AM

Something you also have to remember is that even though he is happy to see you he will not always be in a wonderful mood and really you shouldn't expect him to be. I keep having to tell George "You also has a right to be pissed off!" He doesn't have to be happy all the time. He is a human being too, and believe me when I want to rip some new a$$ I let it go.

With your man getting the added year put on, he also has to think about if you are still going to be there or are you going to get tired of coming here? (like I got yesterday), they shake in their boots each and every visiting day scared you won't be there and scared you will and tell them you aren't coming back...

These big bad men, sitting inside there get down right scared when it comes to loving someone and not being able to do anything about it while they are in there and have to worry that if someone else comes along will we go with them to have the life that they want us to have with them when they are out here... or will we pass them by and stay with them.... They do not see just because you have been there so far it doesn't mean that you are still going to be there when they come home and when they see woman all around them droping other guys that are inside they at times push away from you or push you away from them so that its under their terms not ours. Some will never be in a bad mood when you come to visit because they think if you see that side of them you will run as far and as fast as you can to get away from them and when you don't that scares them too...

there are times that I wish I could slap him upside the head and tell him to get it out of the "three foot area" and look around at how long I have been here and 4 1/2 years isn't $hi t when it comes to him and when he comes home..

Tre's Treasure · #16 09-24-2007, 03:00 PM

Yeah I hear you , my outlaw that is such a bad a** has said many times he could not survive without me and is he being fair allowing me to put my life on hold. Just yesterday I reminded him he is not allowing me to do anything I chose to be in this to the end with him . The only thing on hold is sex!!! They strip them of so much I try to remember the humility of being in a cage behind glass and being so careful as not to appear weak. At the same time watching me tear up over something and not being able to reach out and touch me. It kills him to not be able to protect me.

LamontLover · #17 09-24-2007, 03:54 PM

Man, they have so much to deal with behind those walls... and let's face it... he ain't always gonna be in the greatest of moods. You gonna love to love him, attitudes and all... and you live so close! What a blessing! Isn't it something how we come here to PTO and we have so much going on, until we read someone else's deal... my heart and prayers are for the both of you... keep Lamont and our family lifted as well...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tre's Treasure

Yeah I hear you , my outlaw that is such a bad a** has said many times he could not survive without me and is he being fair allowing me to put my life on hold. Just yesterday I reminded him he is not allowing me to do anything I chose to be in this to the end with him . The only thing on hold is sex!!! They strip them of so much I try to remember the humility of being in a cage behind glass and being so careful as not to appear weak. At the same time watching me tear up over something and not being able to reach out and touch me. It kills him to not be able to protect me.

Tre's Treasure · #18 09-24-2007, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LamontLover

Man, they have so much to deal with behind those walls... and let's face it... he ain't always gonna be in the greatest of moods. You gonna love to love him, attitudes and all... and you live so close! What a blessing! Isn't it something how we come here to PTO and we have so much going on, until we read someone else's deal... my heart and prayers are for the both of you... keep Lamont and our family lifted as well...

Thank you.....you are in my prayers too. Venting this out hear with all the support helps me to stay focused