Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

blondebabe · #26 11-17-2007, 04:27 AM

I said no but its depends how mature they are .I know myself at 18 or even 21 I was still a kid and could never have held it down.

AmyLynn · #27 11-17-2007, 04:46 AM

I think optimistic said it well. There are to many lessons to learn.. And as a mom I would die if my child put her life on hold for some boy at age....

dotson24 · #28 11-17-2007, 07:10 AM

I dont think its the age of the person, I think its all about if you truly love that person, then it doesnt matter how old you are you will wait for them

PineStraw · #29 11-17-2007, 07:43 AM

Ooooh.
This is a fun topic!

From my stand point, which there seems to be a lot of people like me, I believe age is just a number.
Im 17 and my boyfriend is locked up. But that doesn't mean I've put my life on "hold".

I still go to school, I still work, I still hang out with friends. Blahsay-blahsay-blahsay.
I just tell him what happens, and who it happens with.
I tell him if I've had fun, or if it was a bad experience.
Just like a long distance relationship. Sure he's not with me physically, but he is still WITH me. Does that make sence?
He has never told me to put my life on "hold" for him. In fact, he tells me "go out, have fun, experience life, don't let me hold you back."
I believe it takes a certin maturity level, some girls have it, others don't.
I'd like to believe I have it, but I wont know till 10+ years down the line right?

Life takes maturity, Not just relationships.

Oh and about that whole dating thing.
I myself HATE dating. I hate the social bull surrounding it. I hate the akwardness. Not to say that I haven't dated. I've gone on a few dates, and have had a few relationships but to me they seemed like childish crap that was revolved around "ooo look at my boy/girlfriend, arn't I cool" and sex.

But my Tree out of and IN jail made me feel something else. There was nothing social. It was just me and him, or atleast it felt like that to me.
And If he can stick up for me in there when every one of his block and cell mates are telling him Im just going to leave. Then I can stick up for him, and be here when hes out.
People may say that he wont continue to be here when he's out, or vice virsa. But I'll take that in strides when it happens.
My parrents raised me to be a strong willed lil'fuka.

**LeBeau** · #30 11-17-2007, 07:57 AM

Well, I don't know about "too young", but I do hate to see situations where a teenager is putting her life on hold for ANY guy, for any reason- incarceration, college out of state, military service, whatever- Those years are too precious, too important to spend them waiting when you could be, and should be, developing your own interests, talents and goals, trying new directions and either succeeding or falling on your face and getting back up- This is a time for exploring, spreading your wings and finding out who you are and I find it sad when this time gets poured out in waiting.

Of course, it's never easy to maintain a bond with limited contact but when the reason is incarceration, there are some extra challenges, loving an inmate is a VERY HARD ROAD....it's about slogging through endless paperwork, it's trying to keep up with rules that seem to change every week, it's waiting for incredibly expensive collect phone calls that might or might not come and when he doesn't call, praying with all your heart that the phones in the day room are just either too busy or broken and that he's not hurt or on lockdown, it's becoming obsessive about checking your mail and the heartsick feeling that comes over you when the letter you want so badly isn't there,it's about getting writers cramp and spending $20 a week on stamps and stationary, it's about dealing with either keeping it secret or dealing with disapproval of the relationship everywhere you turn and mostly it means living in a future you can't be sure of and that really does take a toll.
If I had a choice, I wouldn't do it, but I've loved the guy for over 20 years and I can't quit now...and I'm almost 40, so it's not as if I'm spending my youth dealing with the Dept.of Corrections...think carefully, Sweetie, it is a hard, hard thing to do and no guarantees.

Wobabi · #31 11-17-2007, 08:09 AM

An 11th grader waiting on a man in prison? Uhh No!
A 21 year old who has graduated from college has a good job her own apartment and pays her own bills,,Yes!

SexyChef1 · #32 11-17-2007, 08:17 AM

From 16-21 is very young and so many things change during that time span...whats cool today isnt tomorrow...At that age I was still in high school and then college...waiting around from a man in prison wouldnt have happened, I wasnt mature enough. I say if the girl/woman is mature and thats what she wants to do... me personally NO I wouldnt have done it and If it were my daughter Id support her choice but I most likely would silently pray she'd move on and enjoy her young years because you cant get them back.

PineStraw · #33 11-17-2007, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wobabi

An 11th grader waiting on a man in prison? Uhh No!
A 21 year old who has graduated from college has a good job her own apartment and pays her own bills,,Yes!

What about a 12th grader, getting out of highschool early who has their own job, has their money saved to rent/buy an apartment, and who is already paying some of their bills (car and cellphone)

And what about the 21 year old, who is still living at their parrents home, who doesn't have a stable job?

And if we keep going.
What about the 30 year old ballancing 2 jobs and kid trying to live hoping their next rent check doesn't bounce?

I can't say who and who cannot wait.
Its personal choice.
Its personal maturity.

Wobabi · #34 11-17-2007, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PineStraw

What about a 12th grader, getting out of highschool early who has their own job, has their money saved to rent/buy an apartment, and who is already paying some of their bills (car and cellphone)

And what about the 21 year old, who is still living at their parrents home, who doesn't have a stable job?

And if we keep going.
What about the 30 year old ballancing 2 jobs and kid trying to live hoping their next rent check doesn't bounce?

I can't say who and who cannot wait.
Its personal choice.
Its personal maturity.

I say NO!!! to all of the above!!!! and stand by my post,,NO woman should WAIT for a man in prison!!!
but if she has to or chooses to,, the BEST SCENARIO is the one where she can do it with EASE

ladyaj · #35 11-17-2007, 11:10 AM

I chose I dont know because it all depends on how mature the young lady is. Age really to me is not nothing but a number because they are many people who are older but are still not mature.
Also if it does not work out then you just learn from this experience and move on cause you are still young

LovinJavan · #36 11-17-2007, 12:01 PM

PineStraw Ur Reply was Very Pos And inspiring!! Gud Luck 2 u Gurl!! U Remind Me So Much Of ME!!

Forever_Lovers · #37 11-17-2007, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PineStraw

What about a 12th grader, getting out of highschool early who has their own job, has their money saved to rent/buy an apartment, and who is already paying some of their bills (car and cellphone)

And what about the 21 year old, who is still living at their parrents home, who doesn't have a stable job?

And if we keep going.
What about the 30 year old ballancing 2 jobs and kid trying to live hoping their next rent check doesn't bounce?

I can't say who and who cannot wait.
Its personal choice.
Its personal maturity.

I'm a 30 year old who is balancing a job, school and three kids hoping that none of my checks bounce. I married for better or for worst. There's a big difference between boyfriend and husband.

WrInThs2gthrNow · #38 11-17-2007, 01:32 PM

i thought reading this was going to make me mad for some reason but it didnt...
i chose no.. because i am only 19 years old, but i am mature enough to go through this and i dont by any means let it hold me back from anything in life. i still go out with friends, ill be working again soon and starting school. the things a 19 yr old should be doing. my man doesnt expect me to put my whole life on hold because hes not here. and he knows i wouldnt anyways. ill be 22-23 when he gets out and i refuse to be the person whos done absolutely nothing with my life at that age. but like a lot of you have said, it all depends on the person and their maturity level.

PineStraw · #39 11-17-2007, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugargallon

I'm a 30 year old who is balancing a job, school and three kids hoping that none of my checks bounce. I married for better or for worst. There's a big difference between boyfriend and husband.

Thats awesome! And I wish you good luck I really truly honestly do.
Nothing against you... I was just trying to set an example.
Im just wondering whos can say you're aloud to love and wait for someone you care for.
When I'm not?

If anything I have less responsibilities, and can put my life on hold (which Im not) a lot easier then someone in your situation.

And also I do plan on getting married to my boy. Through everything I've always loved him. For better or worse.
But.... Not right as he gets out, Ima give it a few more years to prove I truly love him and he truly loves me.
Rebuild our relationship.
Not start new, yet not contiunue where we left off. Something in between.
Is that as confusing as I think it is?

Ive read and reread my post over and over again, and Im not trying to press buttons or say something to offend someone else.
Im just trying to get MY point heard, and say it as clearly and nice as possible.

bridgettelynn07 · #40 11-17-2007, 03:24 PM

bridgettelynn07 · #41 11-17-2007, 03:24 PM

No one has the right to sit here and say who has the right to do anything. If they feel they love their men enough to wait on them then let them do It. If you think It makes the younger females stupid for waiting, then what does it make the older women waiting? Overall, age is nothing but a number. I`m 20 years old and I'm waiting on my man.. No one can sit here and judge a person by their age and who should wait and who should not. Nobody knows what those two people have been through together or how they act towards each other. Point blank.. Im out, peace

optimistic · #42 11-17-2007, 04:16 PM

Bridgette I don't think anyone is saying who has a right....I think we are sharing our personal views on the question asked. Open dialogue.....it is how we expand our perspectives on life.....see the other side....gain insight.....GROW!

I don't think anyone called anyone stupid, judged or said you can't be w/ the man. Girl relax......we are all passing time and gettin' support while 'waiting' for our men. No need to be so defensive!!!!

mrse.d.84 · #43 11-17-2007, 04:57 PM

I constently have to defend myself in this situation. I'm 19 years old and everyone tells me that I'm too young for this and that this is the best years of my life. Honestly my age does not define me I define me and my will to stand by his side. I know what I want in life and i'm determine to get it but people for some reason think he is holding me back and in no way is he doing so.

It may be true for some people that this isnt the right situation for them, but the age doesn't have anything to do with it. I think it depends if a person can handle this emotionally. I've met people older than me that are not really emotionally to go through this. It all depends on your will and love for him.

Enjay · #44 11-17-2007, 04:58 PM

The poster asked for feedback-our opinions-on the subject (didn't she?). I didn't hear anyone say that someone else was stupid for waiting. I DID hear women who have been through it and are going through it give their opinions and tell their stories. Good thread, by the way. I've thought about this very question a number of times, but from the other side (older).

Thumper81 · #45 11-17-2007, 05:26 PM

i think that 16 and 17 is too young im sorry but I don't care how mature you are at that age you are still naieve and will believe anything a man says. goodluck

MYFIRSTBABYDAD · #46 11-17-2007, 07:15 PM

I think that at the tender age between 16 and 21 they need not be tied down with anybody, prison or not. They should enjoy their youth.

FaithfulWifey · #47 11-17-2007, 09:45 PM

That's kinda hard to say...16,18...I'm going to go with NO...How about pick up a book....18 and over,there grown,do what you see fit,would'nt advise it...Only the strong survive,lol.......As for me,if he were not my husband I would'nt be waiting for a damn thing.

ahobb0ad · #48 11-17-2007, 10:42 PM

I fall on the high end of your age scale so I'll throw in my thoughts. My man was 19 and I was 20 when this whole mess started, we're both 21 now and when he gets out in July he'll be 21 and I'll be 22.

I think that we were able to stick it out because he had a short sentence (relatively speaking), and because we don't have any resentment in our relationship. You're a young girl, and you have to go out and live your life! If you don't, you're going to resent him for it when he gets out. I feel sad that he hasn't been around to share some experiences with me, but I don't feel like I've been "waiting" either. I've done basically everything that I would have done if he was here, I've just had to do it by myself.

pinkybaby7 · #49 11-17-2007, 11:00 PM

i do think 16 and 17 is to young.. but 18+ isnt.. im 19.. im waiting for mine.. but like everyone said i didnt stop living my life and wait for him.. i still go out with my girls.. and have my fun.. i just dont do it with guys.. well i have guy friends but no more then friends... i do the same things like if he was out.. just dont stop your life and sit there and wait..

pensgirl3 · #50 11-18-2007, 04:18 AM

i'm only 19, going on 20, and my man's 20.
we've been together on and off going on three years.
we grew up together and learned a lot.
age is only a number and i don't think you're ever "too young" to be in love and want to spend the rest of your life with someone (enless you're like 12).

so, my answer is no.