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mrs.battsiii · #26 11-26-2007, 09:13 AM

immediately. after the police and doc. i would need him the most as he is also my best friend.

shymyamimi · #27 11-26-2007, 10:06 AM

Well ok Im glad to hear all these responses and me personally my man is in the feds he just came from a u.s.p and is in an fci. Call it me babying him for now but I would not tell him while hes in there our reactions about each other are the same cause when stuff is being said in the visit by the co's we both be ready for some bonnie and clyde action so my answer is no tell him and then he ends up in the hole for breaking the nexts dudes face and he didnt even do anything, so to spare him and me because I would need to my baby call and say "whats up woman" and then him and my uncle are in the same facility and with a rape or attack nothing is sacred so both of them in the hole which will not help me help them so thats just my opinion and everyone is entitled to their own, what really matters is knowing that person and trust I know my man!!!

SpicaRigel · #28 11-26-2007, 02:49 PM

If i had a man who was in, no way would i tell him till i consulted with a rape counselor or professional, i think telling your man would rip his heart out, or maybe worse..accuse you of perhaps allowing it to happen.
Listen i was raped, beaten and robbed by three white marines, and when i showed up at work the next day i was sent right to personnel to explain why i was black and blue all over and i told them...they looked at me like i was scum and made me take a week off with no pay!
They got caught and the cops had a field day with me at the station that night..."how do you spell "penis?" "two n's or one?"
No, i would never tell again except my closest friend and a crisis counselor. I would not want my man to lose respect,or begin to doubt my love for him.
Think twice before you speak, and all i can say is if this hasnt happened to you, i pray it never does, because it leaves you feeling dirty and like no one is there for you.
I will never forget, i have forgiven, but never will forget those 3 marines after the case was thrown out and them across the street outside the court house laughing at me and flipping me the finger.
I've said this before, but it was right then and there i realized in this country if you are not a white christian heterosexual male(with money) you fall somewhere down the ladder to one degree or another...

Rox73 · #29 11-26-2007, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wendi_Antares

If i had a man who was in, no way would i tell him till i consulted with a rape counselor or professional, i think telling your man would rip his heart out, or maybe worse..accuse you of perhaps allowing it to happen.
Listen i was raped, beaten and robbed by three white marines, and when i showed up at work the next day i was sent right to personnel to explain why i was black and blue all over and i told them...they looked at me like i was scum and made me take a week off with no pay!
They got caught and the cops had a field day with me at the station that night..."how do you spell "penis?" "two n's or one?"
No, i would never tell again except my closest friend and a crisis counselor. I would not want my man to lose respect,or begin to doubt my love for him.
Think twice before you speak, and all i can say is if this hasnt happened to you, i pray it never does, because it leaves you feeling dirty and like no one is there for you.
I will never forget, i have forgiven, but never will forget those 3 marines after the case was thrown out and them across the street outside the court house laughing at me and flipping me the finger.
I've said this before, but it was right then and there i realized in this country if you are not a white christian heterosexual male(with money) you fall somewhere down the ladder to one degree or another...

I'm deeply deeply sorry that you had to go through that Wendi

This is exactly why I didn't say anything back then. But now.... I WANT to think that times have changed. I don't know how many times I've almost slapped myself for not pressing charges, saving the clothes, have myself checked out at the doctors etc. I salute you for standing up for yourself like that even though people were stupid enough to give you the "it's your fault" treatment.

It's because of women like yourself that times HAVE changed (or are changing) and people put the fault where it belongs.

mrschris · #30 11-26-2007, 04:43 PM

i would tell him. i'd be to afraid not to tell him, as if i were keeping something VERY crucial from him. he has the right to know if anything ever happens to violate me.

MrsForeverMine · #31 11-26-2007, 05:17 PM

I would tell him. I tell him every. He knows even when I am just having a bad day and trying to play it off.

MrsForeverMine · #32 11-26-2007, 05:18 PM

Sorrry! Bad post.

carron · #33 11-26-2007, 05:23 PM

I'd Tell Him. We're Very Honest And Open About Things.

HisSweatpea · #34 11-28-2007, 11:10 AM

I would tell him. He would know something was wrong and he'd be so hurt and upset if I kept it from him. We tell each other everything as it is, I can see not telling him something no matter how bad it may be.

barbie16118 · #35 11-28-2007, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wobabi

I think I would first talk to a professional about it before I went telling anyone. I gotta know I can handle the situation on my own before I involve others in it,,thats just me.
I also don't beleive in telling a man in jail everything,,,if its not going to help or do him more good than harm,,why would I? It might only fuel him to get in his own set of problems in there and that would not help either of us.

wobabi

i wouldnt tell him till he came home

SpicaRigel · #36 11-28-2007, 12:13 PM

Yes, thank you babi. im not sure how many women who have posted have actually been raped, but i cant explain it, it's so horrible..it's not sex, it's so sick.
Rox, im sorrry that you did not get the chance to prosecute...i had no choice, the three guys ran right smack into a squad car with a bar full of people screaming to stop them.
I stand by what i say, i wouldnt tell my guy,it would only make him crazy, and then maybe lose his respect and cause him all sorts of doubt.
These men are dealing with enough, why add an extra burden? what good would it do? Get a "im sorry baby, if i was there i'd beat the s**t out of him?" Inflaming another's emotions over something they are powerless to do anything about is so wrong, and in my opinion, very bad judgement. Sometimes life happens and when it does you have to shoulder it, and bear it. Some things are just best left alone..you DONT have to share EVERYTHING with your loved one. And you already know that, because you dont share everything, that aint humanly possible.

SexyChef1 · #37 11-30-2007, 09:01 AM

With Soldado's temper I dont know that I would tell him...He's been on lockdown for over 3 years because of his temper...so for me I dont think I would tell him for his own good. 65 more days on lockdown and my baby goes back to GP...so me telling him wouldnt be wise.

shymyamimi · #38 11-30-2007, 09:15 AM

I feel u bmarley not in his best interest. I think its more on a case to case basis cause my man is like that as well, I definatley would not tell him on a vi cause he might cause us to not have visits hell to the naw

lilithinwaiting · #39 11-30-2007, 09:33 AM

Yes, I would tell him.

emo · #40 12-01-2007, 11:37 PM

I would tell.. In a relationship - I do not keep secrets.

bmorediamond · #41 12-06-2007, 03:51 PM

Sadly, this happened to me two years ago when my man was locked up. I was raped. A man climbed my porch to the second floor and broke in through a window that wasn't locked in the middle of the night. I knew my attacker by sight, just from seeing him on the block. He kne my man was locked up and that I was living alone-perfect oppurtunity. I told my man and it about tore him up. He blamed himself saying that if he had been there it wouldn't have happened (which isn't true-this man was determined and would have done it anyways). I pressed charges on the man, but unfortunately he ran away before he could be caught and is still a fugitive. My man would kill this man if he could find him. I regret telling my man because it really affected him and he felt very guilty. Unfortunately I couldnt' hide it from him or wait until he was released to tell him as it was the talk of the neighborhood and one of his boys would have told him if I hadn't
My advice if this happens is to tell your man if you think they can handle it. You need the support from them and they are going to be able to tell something is wrong with you.

Bookworm1 · #42 12-06-2007, 06:25 PM

If I were raped, Steven is the FIRST person I would tell. I would NEVER fear him "losing respect" for me. The victim is NEVER at fault, and there is NOTHING that a woman can do to "deserve" to be raped. Steven wouldn't blame me for what happened. It is true that he may feel guilty that he wasn't there to protect me, but he would never want me to keep something like that from him. He wouldn't want me to suffer in silence, and to have to go through that alone. He would want to comfort and console me, and support me through my ordeal. If you can't turn to your partner at a time when you need his love and support the most, what kind of a relationship do you have?

I would be more concerned about telling him if he were "free". I feel quite certain that Steven would kill him(no exageration). He is very protective of me. The ONLY one he would blame is the man who did it! No man who has any respect for women could ever blame a rape victim for what happened to her. I know Steven would be so hurt if he found out I had kept something like that from him. If(god forbid) he were the victim of a sexual assault, I would want to know. The thought of him feeling shame or guilt over something that was not his fault, or the thought that he would not feel safe confiding in me, would be devestating. He is my best friend in the whole world, and I am his. We have no secrets. We are a team! What happens to one of us, happens to both of us.

Lisa

Bookworm1 · #43 12-06-2007, 06:26 PM

The fact that a woman would feel that she had to keep this from her man, saddens me. After all, she wouldn't keep the fact that she had cancer from him, right? It is clear that on a subconscious level, the woman blames herself for what happened and fears that her spouse might to. Unfortunately, a lot of people still believe that if a woman is raped, she MUST have done something to deserve it. And that antiquated belief is what makes a lot of women feel that they must suffer in silence.

Lisa

LaVidaLOca · #44 12-08-2007, 07:57 AM

I had plenty of roadsigns that me and my Ex were just not going to work out. Of course I chose to ignore them and flush 10 years of my life down the shitter....I was with him only a year when I had followed him to another prison (lil girls in tow). I moved outside of Spokane Wa. with no friends or family in tow... just a few scandalous fellow prison wife "friends" and anywho I got raped by Knifepoint (a really terriable experience that took a long time ..... years to recover really... Anywho my Nasty Ex consoled himself with a Nasty CO and gee what a dumb bunny I was stayed with him.....sure wish I would have dumped his dumb ass. Oh well live and learn. And as they say NEXT.... Sexy, Lala