Update from life in Mexico

[MandyMeMe]

Becca..i just saw a wonderful documentary about missionaries in Ecuador it was called... Beyond the gates of splendor..it's awesome.... tells about the indian tribes in the jungle. Great Great movie. I'm sure you would not be living in the jungle but it helps to see some history of the country you are going to.

[firedancer]

Originally Posted by MandyMeMe

Becca..i just saw a wonderful documentary about missionaries in Ecuador it was called... Beyond the gates of splendor..it's awesome.... tells about the indian tribes in the jungle. Great Great movie. I'm sure you would not be living in the jungle but it helps to see some history of the country you are going to.

Mandy that sounds great I will definitely try to find it so I can watch it! I've never been to the jungle there, only the mountains and the coast so far but I would like to get some more perspective so this movie sounds like a good idea to watch. Thanks for the heads up!

[zunigan]

Stay out of down town tijuana, that is where all the cops are. They love to stop anyone. We have gotten stopped twice down there. I cross at Otay and never San Yisdro.
My husband had gotten stopped like 4 times now and each time he really did do something, like run a red light or not stop. He ended up paying and they let him so. They also reminded him not to tell anyone I guess they know he can get in trouble. Its a fact of life here and they are trying to change but so far it still goes one. And for anyone living with your in laws- MOVE if you can. Believe me they can drain your money fast. My inlaws do not work and rely only on what the children here in the usa send. So when they come to visit or we go there its money money, I told my husband we come first, and anyway its my money.

[MandyMeMe]

Oh Zunigan i can tell you first hand about the draining...my fiance pays for almost all the food. And i'm not sure what else...i know that the money went so fast when i was there. Zunigan i'm going to pm you when i get a chance. I'm back from a week at the beach with my mom, that was nice to not have to cook or do anything. I'm going back next week with my kids, for thier spring break, they are looking forward to that.
All my friends are trying to talk me into staying here and having the baby here in the states. It's so hard because i want my fiance to be there for the birth of our baby. If i have the baby here then i have to wait at least 3-4 months till i get the babies passport/birth certificate before we can go see daddy. It's hard because everyone wants to tell you what to do but no one really knows how it feals to be in my shoes and see what i'm really going through. I dont know how to respond when they start in on me about everything. It's easier for them cause they have thier husbands and there kids and there good jobs here and now i really dont have any of that. I have my kids on the weekends and my house that's half empty. I dont have a job i dont have my suv...it's in MX...i dont have my husband. Oh this is so hard having to choose between all this.

[zunigan]

Mandy I feel what you are saying. And until they are in the spot you are and live it no one can really know what you are going through. I deal with it this way. When someone family or not asks me why I am doing this I tell them. If it were your husband and you loved him where would you want to be? I spent 27 months alone, I do not want to do it again. Its hard and family some times thinks they know best. But until they walk in your shoes and see what you do then there is just no way they can feel what you do. As for the baby thats a hard one, I have not had children in 34 years, thats the age of my baby. I am a big chicken when it comes to some things and thats one, I would need to be here in the usa and in a hospital with a doctor I trust. And yes it would take months I guess to get it together get the baby a passport and go back. I would love my husband to there at the birth, but in the situation we are in I guess that would not be possible. If you feel good about having it down there then I would go ahead, but if not maybe come back here. Will your husband even think about moving away from his parents??? pm me when you can and we can talk about this one Take care and enjoy your time here.

[MandyMeMe]

I was talking to my fiance last night and he's back in Mexico and he said the temperature last night at midnight was 81 degrees....so this morning i checked out weatherbug and the average temp for this week in the town that we live in MX is 104..the average high...oh my goodness that is so hot. And me being prego's, i'm not sure how i could handle that. Plus this is just the begining of the heat down there. A huge part of me is so glad that i am in the states right now. I'm not sure if i could even to begin to imagine how i would make it being 6-7-8-9 months prego's in 100 degree weather. Ok i'm enjoying every part of the weather here in NC..it's raining and cold today and i love it...lol
He also said that when he walked into our part of the house last night it was dirty..and i said what do you mean and he said the tile floor was all dusty. Yeah no one has been there for 3 weeks and the floors get so dusty just in one day i can only imagine what 3 weeks worth looks like.

[Italian]

Mandy Me,

Yes it is very hot here I can barely handle it and it is only the begnning like your husband said. I have a fan in my room and it is on all night. It is 9;30 am here now and already hot you put your clothes out to dry and they r dry in an hour. Last summer was absolutely miserable for me yet I know what to expect this year have my fans and put blinds up in my rooms. I do all my shopping in the early am cause by noon I just want to be in my house where it is cooler. It makes me look forward to the rainy season in July when it gets this hot. I feel for you being pregnant and all it is hot hot hot here, we are trying to get pregnant also found a very good OBGYN that speaks fluent English I guess I am pretty lucky living where I am at I feel safe with my Dr and my Dentist. Good luck to you and you are in my Prayers!!!!!!! Hang In There i am sure you will do what is best.

[galgrif]

I have to post. I dont think I have ver posted in here before, but I want Mandi and Zubigan to know that I have been reading this forum for months, if not more. I admire the two of you. Your stories are so, well, inspirational. I hope you both know that while maybe you are not conquering a new country, you are both pilgrims in a huge way. Thru the conversations that you have shared, your ups, downs and all arounds, many others will follow, watch, learn and listen. Each and everyone of us sacrifice for our families, but generally we take measured steps. We know that if we move from Oklahoma to Texas, life will not be all that different. We have an idea what to expect. Anyone who takes the steps that you have, and shares it with all of us, you are a pioneer. You each pave the way for others. I appreciate your honesty and your abilty to be real. I appreciate your stories, and I hope each of you will comtinue to post your stories of life, love...and ultimalety...FREEDOM.

My bra is off to all of you!

[MandyMeMe]

Wow thanks so much...it was has been very empowering for me to start this thread and continue with it. It's been actual therapy for me and along the way of made many wonderful online friends. Since i'm in the states i've not written much as being here is familiar to everyone already. However i will continue to update on what life brings me next. Thanks for the wonderful insight.

[LOWRYDERHYNA]

WOW MANDYMAE,
U MAKE UR STORY SOUNDS SO ALIVE SO INTEREST AS IF I AM THERE GOING THRU THIS WITH YOU. I USE TO LIVE IN TIJUANA WITH MY EX AND I COULDN'T HANDLE IT FOR 1 MONTH I HAD TO GO BACK TO THE STATES. THERE WAS DAYS WHEN THE WATER PIPE WOULD NOT WORK AND WE HAD TO GET THE WATER FROM THE WELL TO USE TO WASH OURSELVES. THEN THERE WAS DAYS WHERE THERE WAS NO GAS AND WE HAD TO GO GET OUR PROPANE. THE DRIVING AROUND THERE WAS CRAZY.
I CAN'T NOT AND WELL NOT EVER MOVE BACK TO MEXICO.. I GIVE U PROPS TO HANDLE IT BUT GOOD LUCK WITH UR CHILD AND I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST. I AM GOING TO KEEP UP WITH YOUR STORY. MY OLD MAN MIGHT GET DEPORTED TO LAOS, IN THAILAND AND HE EVEN ASKED ME IF I WOULD MOVE THERE WITH HIM. I AM LIKE WHOA ME THERE I DONT THINK SO .. BUT EY I LOVE CHINESSE FOOD SO MAYBE ITS A DREAM COME TRUE..LOL.

[MandyMeMe]

Today i was looking at picts from Mexico..of my son playing with chickens..picts of my honey painting the house..picts of us having a good time..and i start to feel a overwhelming sense of guilt. I'm not sure how to process these feelings. I think to myself..was MX that bad? Am i feeling this way because i'm in the states and missing my honey? Am i missing that family feeling that we had in MX? I know i'm missing my fiance..i know that my little boy is missing daddy..he even said so today. When i talk on the phone with fiance i hear the rooster crowing in the back ground..i hear the catorra chippering away. But then i start to think...why did i not like it so bad...what was it that made me so crazy being there? Am i better off here in the states right now? Would life be easier in MX right now? I start to get emotional thinking about all this. It's nice being able to hop in the car and go get a sweet tea to go and drop in Walmart for a few things. It's nice going to church on wednesday night...it's nice seeing my girl friends for dinner on fridays. Yet it was nice having my fiance there every night when i fell asleep..it was wonderful waking up next to him in the morning..it was wonderful having someone to share parenting with. I'm so torn. It's awesome seeing my oldest kids on the weekends..it's awesome that i get to take them to the beach next week. In away i feel lost with my life. I know that God will provide away for all of us to be together. It's just that i have to let go of my wants and desires and trust in God and let him take control. I had that down pat real well while my fiance was in prison..nothing was in our control then...it was easier to let God have his timing. Yet now that he is out of prison i want to do things on my time and do things my way. And it doesnt work like that. God has an ultimate plan for our life and i have to give my control over to him and trust him. Sometimes that is a hard thing to do. So i am working on that as i write this.
I feal that my fiance needs some time to him self out in the real world to figure him self out and to figure out what he's going to do. Us being away is a good thing right now. It helps him to be more motivated to get moving and figure something out. If we were there maybe he wouldnt be so focused and maybe he wouldnt being trying harder...God knows what he's doing and i'm here in the states and he's in MX for a reason. This is all part of God's plan and i except that.

[Adrienne]

Just wondering.... do you have a date that you will go back to Mexico, like a plane ticket or are you just waiting until you feel ready again? Time will help you figure things ou whether it is time in the US or time in MEX.

[MandyMeMe]

I love to hear from you Adrienne...you are so awesome...i do not have a date nor a plane ticket. I did one way as i came from MX to DR then to here. I was thinking to go back in 2 weeks..however i will stay until my fiance decides what to do. As i can not live in linger in MX. Time has helped me figure out so much. I know that in 2 weeks we will be much further along in thought than what we are right now. I am taking it one day at a time for now.

[LOWRYDERHYNA]

Good Morning Mandy..
How are u feeling? Well it was nice to hear from you again You mention about what your finacee will chose if u dont' mind me asking what is it you are hoping for? What if he decide to stay there and do any change? Have you actually told him how u feel about that place now that you are back in US and you really feel icky about the enviornment. What about the baby? aRE YOU going ot have it there adn bring it across is it going ot be alot of hassle? Just curious like i said your story is like a book and i love it so do contineu to give us more updates okay mandy ..
have a nice day and enjoy the sweet air.

[MandyMeMe]

Hey thanks for asking...i'm doing great..just missing my honey. I'm not sure what i'm hoping for as where we will end up living. It's to dangerous here..yet mexico is out...he even said so today. He said he's got to get out of there soon. So looks like DR may be the next option..but again...he changes his mind every few days. So i will continue to live one day at at time. My finace know how i feal about MX..he saw first hand how much i didnt like it. Plus being prego's i was a mess in MX...i cried alot and was just miserable. So he says today...i'm glad that your doing good up there. It was hard for me to see you cry everyday. I said..yeah your right it wasnt good for the baby or me to stay in MX during my pregnancy. However i still need to go back to get our stuff together. But that will come with time. I am doing some research on having a baby abroad. Since i am a US citizen it's not that hard to get a pssport and bring the baby back to the US. I will have to find a US embassy and go that route. I am still unsure about where i will have the baby. However i know taht where i am at the time i will have my baby at home. I am 100% mentally prepared for that. So that's one thing that i am sure about....lol. At least i have one thing for certain.

[Italian]

Hi Mandy,

I must tell you that when my husband was first deported back it was a very hard decision to make for me to leave my family and the US and finally I decided that at 41 I had to live my life I waited 12 years for him to get out of prison and I was not going to let a border stop us from finally having the life we both so deserved. So I told him yes I will come but you must first spend some time with your family, than get a job that you are happy with than find us a home. It took him 1 1/2 years to do all this, he spent time with family went to places he had not seen for 30 years, He went through 4 jobs before he finally got the opportunity for a partnership than he remodeled an apartment his brother owns for me to come too. When I got here he had no furniture all he had was a twin bed a stove and a refrigerator, I could not wait anymore, I wanted to be with him so bad so I sacrifised and left the US. We slept on that twin bed for 4 months until finally we were able to establish some credit and little by little we have built up our home. We also moved after 5 months, we lived in a dirty area of Jalisco, had to climb 5 flights of stairs, electricity kept going out in the building one day I even fell down 3 flights because of no lights. My home now is wonderful our life is wonderful but if I would of came when he first got out I am sure that I would have had the same thoughts you have right now. What I am trying to help you with is that you should give him the time to get it together, doesn't have to have a mansion for you but a good home and some stability than I think you will be okay here. Heck I still get lonely for my family and friends yeah it's hard but I get through it for I would not change my decision for anything.
Put it in God's hands for he will lead the way for you guys.
Take Care

[Adrienne]

Well Mandy please know that I do read this everyday. It is just most days that I don't know what to say or can't exactly relate. I am blessed that my husband comes from a middle class family. We did live with the in-law for 6 months and that was not fun. But now that we have had our own place since January it has helped. I think Italian might be on to something. Your man probably can't make up his mind because he probably never imagined having to go home. My husband always knew he wanted to return to Colombia one day to raise a family....just not under the circumstances that he did. My husband still does not have a job that he deserves to have (he has a master's degree in the US so he is over qualified for most positions here.) It does cause stress but financially we are okay. I was lucky that my house sold back in September...2 months after I moved here. I know it was a huge stresser on me when I was paying on it and not living there. The offer I accepted was even a bit low but I accepted because I could see where the economy was headed. Now I am extreemly thankful that I did. Plus I still came out ahead anyhow so it was just money anyhow. I guess all of our situations are a bit similar and we have been through a lot but I guess I can't place myself in your shoes so easily because I don't have kids, I live in a city where I can find almost all that reminds of home....well, I did have to learn to make tortillas since they don't have good mexican food, I am working and have a job that I love. My husband has a good job and better jobs seem to be just around the corner for him. We have our own place and I love latin culture. Lately (since Easter) I have been a bit down myself missing my friends. They all had a party last saturday and I called and spoke to all of them for about 2 hours. In case you are wondering, I use Skype which is through my computer so when I called their cell phone it only cost me like 2 cents a minute. It felt great to hear them but it made me miss them even more too. I still don't have hardly any friends here so I miss that feeling of giong out like I did when my husband was inside. Yet, when I truely think about if I would want to leave the answer is plain NO. I am living a dream I have always had...I have always wanted to teach English abroad and live out of the USA. So if I was to give in to wanting to be with my friends, I would be losing other dreams that have nothing to do with my hisband, such as living abroad and teaching. I know I am rambeling but I guess your blog is helping me sort things out and be happier also. Thanks!

[MandyMeMe]

you guyes hit it on the nail...he needs time to figure out what to do with his self. While in prison he had plan A-D they all involved Mexico...well since he's been there and see's how it's like his plans are not working for him the way he thought they would. He had not been in Mexico for about 8 years...alot has changed since then. I agree that he needs some time to think all this out. We talked today about how living with his famliy is draining him..and he agreed. He even said he went off on all his sisters because they dont do anything to help his mom around the house. I told him dont do that...your mom has to speak up..not you. See they all look up to him like he's the king of the castle..because he pays for everything so what he says they do. It's all very odd to me..but i know this is another culture..i'm learning more about everyday. It's stressing him to be there now...it's interesting because how he's feeling right now is how i was feeling a month before i left. Just frustrated over everything. I couldnt stand how they did things..i couldnt stand the kitchen..well he's getting that way. I feel kind of bad..yet when i was feeling those feelings they were real feelings. I could not help that i felt that way about everything. And now he's going through that same thing. He says he misses our son so bad. So i know that adds to the frustration. But like Italian and Adrienne said...time will help sort out everything.
Italian...i have tried and tried to get him to check out other parts of Mexico but he wont do it. I know that if we could find a place away from where he's at right now and start over. It's ok with me if we live in an aprtment..as long as we have each other and our own place. We can make it. It's just so hard now he wants to leave MX...and DR is on his mind. It's practically the same way there. Oh it's out of my hands and God has control...i have to let go and let God.

[Italian]

Mandy,
I was just talkin with my husband about all this and he too agrees that you guys need your own place and that he needs the time to do it. One of the hardest things for him coming here was adjusting to the way of life after 30 + years in the states and that sounds like exactly what your husband is going through. Yeah he wanted to leave after he first got here and all the frustration was takin a toll on him yet when he knew he would look at life in the Feds he put the brakes on and prayed hard. I remember when things were not too good when I first got here his business was new and kind of slow and than all of the sudden he got real busy and was makin decent money and after about a week of things pickin up I said to him "wow whats going on is everyone here wreckin there cars" he said "everyday Mia but you know about two weeks ago I was sitting at work wondering what I was gonna do, how was I going to take care of you if it was this slow and I said to God 'I gave myself to you, I have done your work and all that you expected from me so if you are going to help me now is the time to do it" and low and behold he started getting business. I am a true believer that God will lead the way and I know it is hard but hang in there. Hopefully your husband will stay focused and know that he is not alone when things get so tough, Mexico is hard to adjust to after being away for so long but it can be done and I pray that you two find your home wherever it may be and live the wonderful life that we have found here.
Take Care

[Demi]

Mandy,

I looked at your pictures. I couldn't believe the curls your son has!! He looks like he could be a handful. I can just imagine him running around chasing chickens and getting into everything. He's beautiful and I'm sure he is a true joy.

Something caught my eye when looking at one of your pictures, I enlarged it to see more closely and sure enough..you seem to have my skin- those freckles. Girl, how in the world do you think you can live in such a hot climate
without air conditioning when summer comes..Oh, and pregnant!

I guess I'm encouraging you to stay here at least until after the baby comes. I just think you would be physically miserable on top of everything else in that heat.

You have stayed by him and took care of things up to now. His future is you and the children. I think he just needs to realize that his responsibility to you is stronger and a greater priority than to his family in Mexico. Prayers up!

[MandyMeMe]

Demi, you are so right about me staying by him while he was locked up and now it's on him to show responsibility to us. He has..yet he continues to keep us his family too. I think he feels sorry for his parents because he see's his mom working so hard. Yet that is all she knows...she would work hard where she went. She is not the type of person to sit and not do anything. She just keeps going and going. So i agree that we are a greater priority right now. Yet that is the mexican culture to take care of your elders. At least from what i see. Yet none of the other brothers or sisters help out his parents at all. So maybe it's not a mexican culture thing..maybe it's him. Who knows?
Yes my boy has a ton of curls..his hair has never been cut and he's 3 1/2. I'm not sure when we will cut it..it's to beautiful to cut.

[Demi]

I think taking care of your elders is part of the American culture too but it's
done when they can no longer take care of themselves.

I don't know if you will get married but I believe you love him with everything in you as you have shown it on this board. Part of the traditional marriaqe ceremony is taken from the new testament:

Matthew 19:4-6

At the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.


I think "leaves his father and mother" means putting you first.
I hope it can work out so you can have the life you want with him. I really don't know what else to say, this is really hard.

I'm sorry your hurting but I know your strong. You will be okay Mandy. Here, look at somes pics. It's a cool site..nice escape for a while.

http://pixdaus.com/index.php?setstyle=1&sort=ever

[zunigan]

I just looked at your pictures, you guys truly look happy. Hang in there. My husband feels the same, his parents he feels because he is the oldest that he is the one that has to do everything for them. Thank god me live far from them. But his brothers are worthless and he knows it, they don't help them at all. Its sad, but thats the way it is. When he was in the hospital the first time in 1999, they were also not there for him or them when they came up here to see him. Nothing has changed, and I don't think it ever will. I will not live to close to them no matter what.

[MandyMeMe]

I have been thinking that we need to get married. God will bless us then if we do. Despite all the mess with him helping his parents he is truley a wonderful guy. I just wanted to have a nice wedding, but we cant afford it now. So i guess i will settle for a not so big one...plus i'm prego's..i wanted to be skinny for my wedding. So all that's out for now.
I am at the beach with my kids and were having a wonderful time. It's hard being on vacation with out my fiance. But again i should be used to doing things without him. As i did for 3 1/2 years. When i see other family's as a whole it makes me a little sad. At least i have my kids with me and were having a great time.

[zunigan]

Good luck and thats what counts.