Is She Serious? (issues with his childs mother)

[UMMGHAZI]

OK GURLS I GOT A QUESTION I'M NOT TRYING TO BE ALL GHETTO AND STUFF BUT I'M NOT FEELING MY FIANCE'S SON'S MOTHER! NOW I AM A MOTHER AND WOMAN BEFORE ANYTHING AND I WANT FOR MY SISTER WHAT I WANT FOR MYSELF. NOW BEFORE ME THEY {JIHAD AND HIS BM} HAD THEIR SHARE OF DRAMA HE CHEATED, SHE CHEATED BUT SHE ENDED UP HAVING A CHILD TO HIS FRIEND NOW BOTH ARE INCARCERATED BUT SHE HAS NOT WROTE JIHAD IN OVER A YEAR BUT SENDS THE OTHER BROTHER MAD PICS, CARDS LETTERS ALL THE WORKS! HE TOLD HER ABOUT ME AND HE SENT ME A PIC OF HIM FOR HIS BOY I SENT IT TO HER BUT NO RESPONSE I FEEL BAD FOR HIM I MEAN MY KIDS LUV HIM TO DEATH AND MY IBN CALLS HIM DADDY BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO REPLACE HIS SON WHAT COULD I DO TO KINDA MAKE HER GET RID OF ANY BAD BLOOD AND KEEP HIS SON IN HIS LIFE?

[zmadyun]

Originally Posted by UMMGHAZI

WHAT COULD I DO TO KINDA MAKE HER GET RID OF ANY BAD BLOOD AND KEEP HIS SON IN HIS LIFE?

This is a tough one. I know I will be going through this type of situation once my man gets out. His son's mother is something else and has totally cut off all communication. She won't accept his phone calls and wouldn't let his son speak to him. I told him once he gets out, we are going to do all the necessary things to ensure that he has an active part in his child's life. I am a lawyer, so I know a lot about how family court works, so my man is lucky but there are so many men who aren't so lucky and have to be subjected to the mercy of the crazy BM All you can do is try to extend an olive branch to her, see if she will sit down and talk to you so she can get that you just want what is best for this situation all the way around. But know that she may not be receptive and may even think you are interfering in some way.

I'd suggest in the meantime just try to document all of the contact your man has tried to make that has gone unanswered and ignored. If there is any money to be spared, help your man open a savings account for his Son, that way if you ever have to go to court to have contact mandated it will show that he really wants to be in his child's life and has done things that will attest to that fact. Just my . I hope it all works out for the best.

[COMPLETElyhis]

Originally Posted by UMMGHAZI

NOW I AM A MOTHER AND WOMAN BEFORE ANYTHING AND I WANT FOR MY SISTER WHAT I WANT FOR MYSELF.

Do for her/him as you would want done for you!

Peace and blessings...

[AmyLynn]

As a mother I know that I have stopped my kids from seeing thier father a few different times. There are two sides to every story. She could be protecting her son. There really is not anything you can do to make her let him have anything to do with the child. When he gets out go though the court system.

[Wobabi]

Salaam, I gave up on Boo and his BM ish. You can't force a woman to do whats right for her kids. Women will never stop using kids as pawns when it comes to men. But it only hurts the kids in the long run.
All I would do is be an ear for your husband and lend support where it does not put you and yours in a tight spot.
If she does not want her son to have his father in his life then thats on her but I would let my kids enjoy the father in my man to the fullest.
Because whats going to happen is,, as much as she is busy romancing the other dude, as soon as he is out and acting up,,she will be right back to looking at your man crossed eyed.

[robs_angel]

You cant force her to do anything, you may have to support him and his stressin times with this til he gets out and goes to court for help..

[UMMGHAZI]

He Slept With Her Friend But The Baby Has Nothing To Do With That Plus She Has A Child Now By His Best Friend Jerry Springer Stuff Gurl

[MontiisAngel]

U rite girl that sound rite off Maury and Jerry Spring lol but my boyfriend babymama like that she getting betta tho she used to refuse phone calls and wouldnt take him to go see him but now her mother steps in and lets the calls thru. Someone was rite when they said women wont stop using they kids as pawns or bribes to make a man feel bad but he already going thru enough . I kno my man thinks the highest of his son was going crazy without him for real....So just try if all else fails keep encouraging his relationship wit your kids and he will still have some since of family

[krackergrl]

i would say just do what you have been doing, you can't force a woman to change her colors when shes like that. the only thing i can say is have him file something in the courts. theres a few cases in family court where i work, that the mother is court ordered to send monthly updates to the father who's in prison, and copy the letter/pictures to the court file

[Frezell]

OK sis, this is drama. But you are a good woman and I commend you on being fair and upright. Women really need to learn how to move on when it's over and be a mature, intellegent adult.

As women we really need to look at how we react to the fathers of our children's new woman (never let the other woman make us act like a fool even if they are going sideways, maintain composure) . Also, we need to look at how we try the nuture the relationship with our children and their fathers once we break up with them. It is a damn shame to use the children against the father when the issue is between the adults.

Sista, pray for the woman and remain strong. Be a sounding board for your man and when needed try to help him stay on the right path. If you ever get a chance to bend the ear of the young lady who is totally confused and lost then give her words of wisdom to encourage thought. Be respectful and have a silent pray to yourself before you address her. Just let GOD move through this situation and it will work out.

You are alright with me, stay up!!

Peace be unto you,

Frezell

[MsAkbar]

Hmm tough one but not really when you look at it. You have reached out to her to give her a pic. All the past drama has nothing to do with you so that's where you are good. I would reach out to this sister, because if you intend to marry this man she WILL be a part of your family. I would try and make peace and to bring the family together, not only will it make life easier for all. He will respect you and love you more for this and all the children will benefit from the love from all sides. They are over now and all the drama shouldn't matter since children are involved, so the hard part is getting over the bruised egos and pride. Once that is accomplished things should go smooth. Try not to be judgmental and proceed like any Muslimah on her dean would Insha' Allah things will fall into place MINUS the drama.

[UMMGHAZI]

well i have an update on this situation i called her {his son's mom} i told her that the picture he sent to them came back can she give me the correct adress? i asked her how was lil maine and she said fine i said his dad and his grandma miss him all of y'all really she said that she didn't have long distance so i got her a calling card and read her the numbers al humiduillah

[MsAkbar]

Now that's how more should do it. You all will be involved with each other if you intend to marry this man. Peace is always the easiest meal to digest. I wish you and your new extended family well...

[Iuse2bhere]

Good for you...you are a wise woman and just let your wisdom guide your steps!