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michellef999 · #1 06-15-2008, 07:41 PM

This is in the same category as another blog “Doing your man’s time with him”. But different. My fiancée is the only time I’ve ever had to deal with someone in jail. When I get to talk to him he asks me about my day. Today was father’s day and I spent it with my family of course. My fiancée would have been there too. He’ll be gone for 7 months and I just don’t know what to tell him when I have such a fulfilled day. Not that I didn’t think about him, because I thought about him a lot during the day. But I feel guilty about having fun. Now, I have never been in trouble with the law and am not responsible for his current situation. I’m not planning a night on the town with the girls or anything. I’d feel too weird about it, him not being here and all. I want to tell about my day, but does he want to hear I’ve had a good time or a good day? Will this make him sad or depressed? Do you all tell your loved ones if you went out and had fun or do you just keep it to yourselves? I don’t want to hurt his feelings? Or have him thinking I don’t need him and doing fine without him. I’m miserable without him, but coming to grips with our situation. Thanks for your help!

Moeshaforever99 · #2 06-15-2008, 07:45 PM

I have always sais, some things are better left unsaid.. but when you have had a great day you can share it with him, I have always told Maurice when I have a great day or a bad day, he can tell it in my voice, but sometimes when I have been out with my girls that is when I use.. somethings are better left UNSAID!!
I am glad to read you had a great day... life is too short to have anything less...
Hugs Shay

Sunshine26 · #3 06-15-2008, 07:57 PM

My husband knows life didn't stop just cuz he got locked up and he doesn't expect me to stop living my life. He is always happy to hear I've been somewhere or have done something that has been fun. I tell him just about everything...that way he can kind of live thru me the things I do, places I go...he just can't wait to get out so that he can have fun once again.

There has been just 1 day though that I did feel guilty for having fun and I told him and I told him everything I did. He told me "I should never feel bad for having fun." The reason I felt guilty was because I was supposed to be visiting him; it was the day after our wedding; I got to the prison & they were on lockdown. What was I to do? My children & I ended up in Mexico that day & had a ball...I MISSED him the whole day and felt terrible.

Girl, ENJOY yourself...your life didn't stop just cuz he got caught up. I hope he is as understanding as my guy!

DWsgirl · #4 06-15-2008, 09:07 PM

I tell my man when I have a good time. When he first went in I did not do anything. He had to start telling me to go out with our friends. Now he will call to find out what I did the night before. Or call to make sure I am not sitting home on a friday night. He understands that my life cant stop just cause he is gone. The one thing I do feel guilty telling him is when my son does something new. Dan is not his bio dad but he is his daddy. HE is the only one my son has. I feel so bad that he has to miss out on the little stuff. At first I didn't tell him but even though it does make him sad he still likes to hear it. He wants to know that I am happy. If your man really cares he will feel the same way. He will be happy that you had a good day. He maybe sad that he couldn't be there but glad that you were.

BabygirlNGary · #5 06-15-2008, 09:09 PM

He wants me to have fun and he wants to hear all about it. It's me that's the problem cause I like to have all work and no play. He wants me to get out more and send pictures so he can feel like he was there

cls7779 · #6 06-15-2008, 09:14 PM

You shouldn't feel guilty at all! My man is always telling me to go have some fun, to go do something for me. And I tell him everything, I love him with all my heart but it's not my fault he screwed up, it's his fault he's missing out. But, he is always glad to hear I had a good time, because he loves me and wants me to be happy, and he knows I miss him every minute of every day.

starzzmom · #7 06-15-2008, 09:21 PM

Never feel guilty about having a good day. My hubby always wants me to go out and have a good time, no matter who it's with (well except another man of course - lol). I try to take pictures for him so he can see what i am talking about. He knows we've had fun together and we will have plenty of good times when he comes home. Yes you are doing his time with him, but you have your freedom, and you NEED to enjoy it.

LostTime · #8 06-15-2008, 09:26 PM

Well I do tell my man all about my days BUT and that's a BIG BUT LOL but I don't tell him like Oh I went to the beach and it was so beautiful! Now I have told him like on Mother's day I went to my sisters and we bbq'ed and things like that but I don't go on and on about it and I don't mention words like Oh I had a wonderful time I'm sure he can tell but I just tell him about the day in general! But once I told my man about me taking my God daughters to the lake and how wonderful it was to lay in the sun and have the water on me and things like that and he cried and ever since then I've never described in detail how things were I just would say oh we went to the beach and I took so and so and the girls were being the girls acting crazy yadda yadda!
Of I always say you know everything was good today but it would of been Great with you but don't worry honey not much longer and we'll have many great days together!
But just lay off on the details and you should be fine and DONT feel Guilty and although I know that's easier said than done your allowed to enjoy yourself sometimes it's ok! God Bless

frontlinelady · #9 06-15-2008, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by michellef999

This is in the same category as another blog “Doing your man’s time with him”. But different. My fiancée is the only time I’ve ever had to deal with someone in jail. When I get to talk to him he asks me about my day. Today was father’s day and I spent it with my family of course. My fiancée would have been there too. He’ll be gone for 7 months and I just don’t know what to tell him when I have such a fulfilled day. Not that I didn’t think about him, because I thought about him a lot during the day. But I feel guilty about having fun. Now, I have never been in trouble with the law and am not responsible for his current situation. I’m not planning a night on the town with the girls or anything. I’d feel too weird about it, him not being here and all. I want to tell about my day, but does he want to hear I’ve had a good time or a good day? Will this make him sad or depressed? Do you all tell your loved ones if you went out and had fun or do you just keep it to yourselves? I don’t want to hurt his feelings? Or have him thinking I don’t need him and doing fine without him. I’m miserable without him, but coming to grips with our situation. Thanks for your help!

Going on our 7th month too. I know what you mean. If I do anything that he would enjoy doing too I feel so guilty...except for church services. I will tell him how great a church service was and even though I know he misses being by my side @ church that is something I tell him cause I just can't help but tell him how God has blessed me and encouraged my heart. He knows that is how I keep going.
I went to a concert (Winter Jam w/ Skillet) right after he went in because he and i promised to take my teens so I took them by myself. I enjoyed certain parts of it but I missed him so much. I felt so guilty so I knew he should have been there with us. I don't go many places anymore or participate in too many extra curricular activites that don't involve church so a good day is usually church, visitation with him, time with his little girl, and time with my children.

lilipettway · #10 06-16-2008, 02:50 PM

I Feel You On This, Its Like I Sometimes Avoid Fun Situations Not Because Of Him, But Because I Dont Want To Have Fun While Hes Doing His Bid. It Just Makes Me Feel Bad. Its One Thing If Your Going Out With Guys, But As Long As Your Not Putting Yourself In Any Kind Of Situation Then He Should Be Cool. Lord Knows They Dont Want Us To Be Miserable. Its Crazy To See That Yalls Men Be Trippin When They Got Some Months To Do, My Man Got Sentenced To 18 Years And Still Keeps The B.s. To A Minimum.

KNC · #11 06-16-2008, 03:11 PM

While I feel badly that he is where he is, I don't feel guilty about having fun or telling him about it. He once told me....."No matter where you go or what you do I am always with you..... I am a part of you." I think it's only fair that I let him know "we" are still able to have a good time even though we can't be together right now.

myliss · #12 06-16-2008, 04:35 PM

of course share your day with him! most of our men want us to continue on with our lives (while still supporting them of course!) and they understand we are not the ones locked up! don't feel guilty at all! i don't think i have ever felt guilty because bay let me know from the get go that he expects me to go out! which i did just that! even if i go out to a club with my girlfriends i tell him and send him pictures! he likes to see that im having fun and not moping around all the time!! i do the time with bay to a certain extent but i will never give up my life!