Would you leave him if he got HIV from a tattoo or IV drug use?

[SpicaRigel]

To the original poster...it seemed to me you were tossing the gay card in when you put in paraenthesies if he got it thru drugs or tattooing,like that made it more acceptable than getting in thru sex. its hiv whether you got it thru needles,tatts, sex...its still hiv.
When i said i couldnt believe some of you would deman to know how he got it. "demand" is a very harsh word,and i think it reflects alot about you. i know there are men inside who just dread coming home to their ladybecause they are demanding,controlling and just flat out selfish women. when i was younger sure i demamded to know where my boyfriend was when he came home at 3am,but now,i guess it comes with age and experience, its like hey,glad your home and enjoyed whatever you were doing.
I cant pass on my experience to you,you have to find it on your own journey.
It just upsets me that HIV is such a BIG NO NO. if you get it, you must have been on the down low. like its a moral issue. it isnt...its a disease like any other.
I remember a woman telling me if her son ever came home and told her he had it,she'd rather die than hear that.
There was a time i was going to 2-3 memorials a week for friends that died.
How many of you in your young years have had to experience that? whatch your friends just drop like flies in a short period, then you tell me you think you know how devastating that is. You take your righteous attitude and tell me,ok?
and...so many girls on the outside mess around and dont even insist the guy use a condom! how does she know who he has been with? so, if you got it,how would you want your man to respond? and there are people here who do that and dont cop to it, and thats your business.
Unconditional love...i know unconditional love. and i know conditional love. and its just my opinion,and like a$$holes, everyone has one...that many of you are demonstrating that your love IS conditional,NOT unconditional. Just go look in the mirror and be self honest..i do it all the time.

[SpicaRigel]

and ricksbabe i am everything you said,a sucka,a fool, yes i let men take advantage,i am aware of that and working on it and i have come a long ways.
i'd wager alot of women here are in the same place i am.
I just believe in practicing compassion,and not standing over a guy holding a hammer ready to knock him over the head everytime he messes up. That;s your stuff your issue.
i dont cling and suffocate men anymore, i did my share of it when i was younger. one tree cant grow in another one's shadow, all of us need to check our shadow out,is it maybe a little too big? then maybe we better do a little pruning back on ourselves...and when you prune,new growth begins, and thats a good thing.

[laydlyke]

Originally Posted by Wendi_Antares

To the original poster...it seemed to me you were tossing the gay card in when you put in paraenthesies if he got it thru drugs or tattooing,like that made it more acceptable than getting in thru sex. its hiv whether you got it thru needles,tatts, sex...its still hiv.

First, I didn't put that in parenthesis in the title a MOD did that after I stressed it in a reply. I didn't want this to become yet another cheating thread so I specified that the question was regarding drug use or tattoos because frankly, I think we've all had enough of the cheating talk to last us through this bid and any others that might come along!!!

Maybe it's painful for you because you're taking what people say and compairing their responses to your relationships and feelings and then coming down on people for what they would do in THEIR relationships because it's not how you would do things. Everyone's relationship is different, every person is different.

Theoretically, this thread was meant to have everyone's reply start with...."well I would..." Not, "I can't believe you said..."

Support and sharing experiences ladies, isn't that what PTO is about in the first place?

[Temeron0926]

FYI: To set your minds at ease about Hep C & HIV:

The risk of sexual transmission of HCV is low – less than 2% in monogamous heterosexual relationships.

There is no need to change family or personal routines, such as using the same washrooms and eating utensils, simply because one member of a family has hepatitis C. Just take appropriate precautions when there is likely to be blood-to-blood exposure

Pregnant women with hepatitis C seldom transmit this infection to the baby in the womb. However, the risk of the baby getting the infection during delivery may be as high as 5 to 10%. There is no additional health risk to the baby, and pregnancy does not put an HCV-infected woman at risk either.





HIV is spread by sexual contact with an infected person, by sharing needles and/or syringes (primarily for drug injection) with someone who is infected, or, less commonly, through transfusions of infected blood or blood clotting factors.



I know I posted before, but I thought some might like this info.
That said, I would NOT leave Ray if he contracted HIV through sharing needles (tattoos, he doesn't do IV drugs). I would leave him if he contracted it through sexual contact, NOT because he had HIV, but because he CHEATED. There IS a difference.

[ricksbabe]

Originally Posted by Wendi_Antares

and ricksbabe i am everything you said,a sucka,a fool, yes i let men take advantage,i am aware of that and working on it and i have come a long ways.
i'd wager alot of women here are in the same place i am.
I just believe in practicing compassion,and not standing over a guy holding a hammer ready to knock him over the head everytime he messes up. That;s your stuff your issue.
i dont cling and suffocate men anymore, i did my share of it when i was younger. one tree cant grow in another one's shadow, all of us need to check our shadow out,is it maybe a little too big? then maybe we better do a little pruning back on ourselves...and when you prune,new growth begins, and thats a good thing.

im sorry u took what i said personal. thats not how it was meant. i dont know u or ur situation nor do i care. it was pretty much and example stemming from your "fact" about someone not loving their s/o.we all answer the op from our feelings and i found it real crazy for you to say what you said about someone not loving their man because of our decision. u love how you love and we'll love how we love. for you to put a label on someones feelings and matter of factly tell someone they dont love their man its ridiculous. you cant put your definition of love and force it on everyone and denye someone of theirs b/c its not the same as urs.

[QPunky7408]

Well I think everyone is taking things a lil too personal it was just a question without any harm intended be it however it was contracted i believe she wanted to know if it was something u could handle however he may have gotten it....but cheating changes that answer normally. My man due to the reason he is in prison lost a lot of blood and he received 3 blood transfusions and they test him in jail every 6 months for HIV and other things. If it comes up positive I wilbe crushed at the same time i have done some things that I am not proud of and could myself one day test positive. I have always thought to ask him if he would stick around if I ever tested positive. Would I? I would love to say yes definitely but honestly i would be scared i know of people who have it and I know that people are living longer healthier lives but I also know the horrible death it eventually will cause. So for me to say I could go and have sex with him while knowing he is positive I just do not know and that was my answer - Im not sure. I may stay without sex if he would be down for that. mean i just cant call it thats a hard one. I have since changed my unsavory ways (lol) and I hope it is nothing to worry about. He has battled cancer and i been with him the whole way as best I could with him in prison so its not the illness that is the problem it is the relationship problems and contracting it thats scares me would i want to put my life at risk like that even if it minimal with the right precautions now that I have changed my ways. Sorry I am babbling this one just hits home a bit with me.

[Lemmons]

Well I think everyone is taking things a lil too personal it was just a question without any harm intended

I totally agree. This is the kind of question that a person will naturally have to answer based solely on personal and subjective experience, and there is no "wrong" or "right" when it comes to these sorts of questions, and decisions of this kind are always hard to come to.

I have known caregiver spouses of people who are permanently disabled who left their wife/husband-not because of the way their spouse became disabled, nor because they stopped unconditionally loving that person, but because being a caregiver for someone who is severely ill is an incredibly difficult, physically and emotionally draining thing, even life threatening for the caregiver because of severe depression. There's a reason why the divorce rates for couples who experience disability are higher than those who do not; it's because of the numerous health complications, financial burdens, societal pressures, and physical and emotional losses that go along with the disability and/or severe illness that require a constant and daily price that has to be paid, and the cost goes up and up as time goes on. It is not because of a lack of unconditional love. It's sad, but love, no matter how true or real, doesn't make everything bearable.

I also know of caregivers who stuck it out until their spouse passed away, as I did, or are still dealing with having an ill spouse every day of their lives. They live in a different world 7/24/60/60-believe me. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. You've just gotta experience it like that to understand. And they are the last people to judge anybody who decides they can't handle being married to someone who is severely disabled/ill any longer, because they understand all too well what it's like.

It's a dreadful thing, when you begin to wish for the death of your loved one, so they will no longer have to suffer. It's a dreadful thing, once they have passed to not only feel mind-breaking sorrow, but a horrible sense of guilty relief. And those are just a small part of all that's involved for families dealing with terminal illness/disability. It's not a thing I would wish on my worst enemy. And I heartily hope no one here has to face it.

[SpicaRigel]

This what i like about PTO,you get alot of opinions and for me it helps me see things in a different light.
Yes, i was reacting from my heart because of my experience...
About caretakers, yes this is difficult...a couple i know,the wife got breast cancer and because neither one qualifies for aid,and they have no money,they had to go to Guam for one week,then they could file for divorce,and they did...now she is eligible for puclic aid. her husband is a home caregiver.
i volunteer for hospice, and it has been a really good experience for me.
i have a good appreciation for life,and i dont waste time like i used to.
My apologies for putting my values on those who would leave if their man came up positive. thats right people have different values,and one is no better than the others...
I am very codependent,and just cant abandon people. and this is not always a healthy choice!
Well it did come down to be a "cheating" thread, because in reality,thats what was originally put out how it was worded by either the op or a mod.
Back to values..see..i have been cheated on and yes it hurts but over time i have realized people are human and dont always live up to the standards they set. they are human,we all are and we all at times make a choice that might be negative. So...what can you do? Forgive. Just forgive and let it go...if you hold on to it you just keep yourself in resentment. and that only is harmful to you.

[Lemmons]

About caretakers, yes this is difficult...a couple i know,the wife got breast cancer and because neither one qualifies for aid,and they have no money,they had to go to Guam for one week,then they could file for divorce,and they did...now she is eligible for puclic aid. her husband is a home caregiver.

Isn't this so sad? I know a few couples who were forced to make the same decision as well. In my area we call them "medicaid divorces". One friend of mine agonized over making this decision, but sometimes people just don't have a choice.

Back to values..see..i have been cheated on and yes it hurts but over time i have realized people are human and dont always live up to the standards they set. they are human,we all are and we all at times make a choice that might be negative. So...what can you do? Forgive. Just forgive and let it go...if you hold on to it you just keep yourself in resentment. and that only is harmful to you.

I can only agree that holding onto resentment will only make things harmful, and forgiving is the best choice. I know the correct moral stance would be to stay in the relationship because I don't see a person having a disability as being a barrier to love-and I also don't see a person making mistakes like cheating or iv drug use or getting unsafe tattoos as things that are so terrible they can't be forgiven. The problem is-the consequences of such actions, when HIV or Hep C are involved, last much longer than a few weeks of "honey I'm so sorry I screwed up" and they affect more than just the person who took part in the unsafe behavior. The entire family suffers. Even behaviors which led up to their being incarcerated is easier to forgive than behavior that leads up to contracting HIV or hep c, because while there is loss involved in both cases, at least in prison there is hope for recovery, and most inmates will be released someday.

I guess, for me anyway, I was wearing rose colored glasses, making heartfelt "forever together' and "til death do us part' declarations with my first husband, and I meant them (and I still mean them-he is still with me). Yet I truly had no clue what life had in store for us and our future children when we married-even though I knew he was sick and I knew he would in all likelihood die young. I just simply had no clue. But now I do know what life is like when one spouse is disabled, and I guess the possibility of it happening to me and my kids again scares the crap out of me. :P

[LadyChampion]

I ANSWERED THE QUESTION THAT WAS POSTED- IT SAID "DUE TO TATTOO'S OR DRUG USE" THE QUESTION DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IF THE MAN GOT HIV THRU CHEATING!

Originally Posted by UncagedHART

well, if he got HIV by cheating then that would mean he is the one who broke the vows. i'm sorry but cheating is just unforgiveable in my book especially when they are putting you at risk of contracting a deadly disease. it's just plain selfish.

[SpicaRigel]

to me, it was what wasnt said,that seemed loud to me. not what was said.
i think i was coming from a place where i remember parents who lost children to it,and they were somewhere people were saying terrible things about people with hiv,and the parents were so hurt,they thought people should be quiet because they have no idea who may of lost a loved one to hiv. it hit home with me....hey.we dont like people talkin smack about people incarcerated...they dont know if we have a loved one inside.
anyhoo...i enjoyed the responses...they all have a point. im in the minority here i know..if i love someone,there isnt anything they could do that i'd want to leave.i do and can forgive. i dont know how many here have a loved one who committed a violent crime, but if my love had done that i would stand by him. who here has never been so furious they didnt think of killing someone? i think all of us have been there at one time.
my values..yes.. and i own them. just like everyone owns theirs.

[punkie2525]

Originally Posted by k&dchoice

I love my man and have been with him for almost 10 years but if he involved himself in risky behavior in prison and contracted HIV - I think I would have to leave him. I don't think I could live with the betrayal of his selfishness let alone all of the obstacles this type of disease would create.

i couldn't agree more. that is very selfish, and i already have a son to worry about that isn't his, and we plan to have children together upon his homecomming, but the 1st thing he needs to do is take a HIV test before touching me without a rubber! and if its positive then we seriously have to re-evaluate our relationship....

[arieschick]

I would have to leave. As a married woman who is waiting faithfully on her husband- I would absolutely get a divorice if my husband contracted it. He is supposed to be through with the life he led. So why would I stay if he was using again? If he contracted it through tattoos, he probably should have known better to do that. I just don't see myself putting me and our children at risk for something that he knew the consequences of.

[Brent's Babe]

Hep C I could deal with no problem, but HIV NO I would leave if he got it in prision

[Catoneswife]

Yup Im gone.... I dont have it and Im healthy and if he wasnt I'd still love him but the diease alone would complicate our entire realtionship.

[xgot420issuesx]

OK, I read the choices, IV drug use or a tattoo ...... I would not leave him. Here is my reason why. First of all, I love him and our vows said in sickness and in health. Hep C, it is completely possible to maintain a safe sexual relationship with a person who has Hep C. HIV, it is also possible. See, when I met my husband, I knew he was an addict, I also knew he loved to get tattoos. Anything is possible as far as him getting HIV from either. I wouldn't leave if he got HIV. Sure I would be upset, but I wouldn't leave him because of it. Sickness and in health, that is what I vowed.
Now changing it up a little, if he got HIV from being unfaithful, hell no, there is no way in hell I would stay with him.

[Miss Superwoman]

We would just have to be careful and be safe but no I would not.

[dawn34]

If he cheated and caught it I would leave but I would not if he got it by way of tat.

[ShaadGyrl]

I would leave if he contracted HIV...I am still young so I have my whole life ahead of me...I would make sure he knew I loved him, but not enough to spend my life on medications, getting poked and proded at the doctors office, and the unbearable pain and sickness that would soon begin to set in....I have witnessed my aunt deal w/AIDs, full blown for the last few years and it gets worse....

[LadyBell]

I promised him in sickness and in health in our wedding vows. I love him too much to leave him cause he got sick.

[MissMarissaOX]

I'd leave - not because of HIV itself (although that in itself is a serious thing), but because of the way he got it.

I'm not okay with jailhouse tattoos or drugs.

[BlueEyedEllie]

if he got hiv from getting a tatt or drug use inside no way i'd leave him. i'd love and nurture him till the day he died. loving him the way i do i cannot imagine him dying alone. if he had sex with a man in prison and got it that way no way i'd stay. to me that would show he had a total lack of concern for my health and well-being plus i consider that cheating which is a deal-breaker for me anyway. BUT though we'd no longer be together romantically i'd still nurse him till the day he died. i wouldn't want him dying alone whether we were still together or not.

[Gotti's Wifey]

Wow what a question!!!! But I have to thought of this!!! My man has been getting tattoos and I concerned about his health!!!! I plan on letting him now how I feel next visitation!!!!
But really I don't think I could leave him,I have to much love for him! So I would stay I took my vows so I plan to stay by them!!

[canthelpbutwait]

If he contracted it by cheating YES - I do not tolerate cheating in my relationship. But if it was not from cheating- then NO i would not leave

[ant's wife]

i don't know and i pray to god i don't have to make that decision