Omg I Am Losing It!!!!

[meg'smom]

Why would I think everything was going to be ok? I am going freaking nuts here. Here we go again!!!!!!! My son just called me and He has been arrestted !!!!! I am going to throw up! I can not beleive this. Stupid Stupid Stupid!!!!! What the hell is wrong with these kids? Omg I am about to seriously go nuts here.
He was on Probation for some stupid crap and now has been arrestted again. The last time we were in court he was told if he shows up agian he is getting 6 months ..... This is unreal!!! I truly can not handle this anymore. I was just getting to where i could breathe some with Megan and Porsche and Now My son is sitting in jail. He is 16 and I know this is not the adult system but I can not take anymore!!!! I do not know howto do this. AM I that horrible of a mother that my kids cant be right? What did I do? I dont understand this ........ Now i am sitting here waiting the police to call me and find out when i have to court for him. I just want to die right now. ALL three of my kids are in the system!!!! I dont know what to do anymore. I am crying right now and just want to go disappear. I cant face another trial.... I cant go through this agian. I cant handle this pain anymore. I just dont know if i can sit in another court room and watch another child of mine being taken away.

[reggie42]

BIG Lori....I'm so sorry. You are not a bad mother....we can't babysit our kids 24/7. They make some horrible choices, but it is in no way, a reflection of us. It is their life, and their lessons to be learned. Sadly, we just suffer through it too. Find out all the facts before you start thinking the worst. Maybe his PO will get him into counseling instead. It sounds like he could be acting out.... just not dealing well with his sister's sentence right now. One detail at a time Lori....facts first...than you can figure out how to help him. You are strong, and the Lord will keep you strong....prayers going up for your son.

[diane2]

Lori, hang in there baby, I,am praying right now. HUGS

[dutchgirl1]

Lori. oh hon, I am so sorry you are now dealing w/this on top of everything else. please know that it is not a reflection on your parenting. Not at all. maybe you could call Teen Challenge for your son ? they have high success rate. may help.

prayers for you dear. with all my heart I lift you and your kids up to the Lord.
hang tuff lady. You can survive this. Trust the Lord in all things. good and bad .

d'gal

[MDF1965]

Lori, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain again. This is not about YOU - it's about their consequences to their actions. It does not reflect what kind of mother you are and we all know you love your children very much. You didn't teach them how to do bad things, or how to break a law. Just get a grip of yourself and realize that GOD is with you and this is NOT the end of the world. He'll be okay. You'll be okay, too. It must have been very hard for him to call you w/ this news knowing what you've been going through. Snowballs happen sometimes to roll into being bigger and bigger -- just remember, you're not alone. Everything will be all right. Take care, Lori.

Love,
Mary

[sassiegrammy]

Originally Posted by reggie42

BIG Lori....I'm so sorry. You are not a bad mother....we can't babysit our kids 24/7. They make some horrible choices, but it is in no way, a reflection of us. It is their life, and their lessons to be learned. Sadly, we just suffer through it too. Find out all the facts before you start thinking the worst. Maybe his PO will get him into counseling instead. It sounds like he could be acting out.... just not dealing well with his sister's sentence right now. One detail at a time Lori....facts first...than you can figure out how to help him. You are strong, and the Lord will keep you strong....prayers going up for your son.

MEGS I THINK I AGREE WITH REGGIE ....WITH THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ARE IN AND HES IN I THINK COUNCELING WOULD/SHOULD BE ENOUGH PUNISHMENT!!
YOU BOTH ARE IN MY PRAYER lots of love to all of you!!we are here for you!! dont ever forget you have family here that loves you!!

[diane2]

Heard anything yet??? Diane

[djsmom]

lori,i am so sorry you are going through this. im sure you are not the first,and you probably wont be the last....of many many GOOD parents whose kids just made the wrong choices. Please dont blame yourself. i am on a rant anyway right now,before i even read your post,about people pointing fingers at parents all the freakin time. i am sick of it. i have to go back to work,but my thoughts are with you....................

[meg'smom]

Well, They called. He is in there overnight until tomorrow but he will be held from i am hearing. he is being charged with a felony burgarly and resisting arrest. He is hysterical and i spoke with him. he is so scared and keeps begging me to not stop loving him. I promised i am not leaving and i would never stop loving him. He keeps saying what if they lock me up forever? I keep telling him that wont happen then he says they did to my sister. I tried to tell him the two situations are totally different but he is freaking out.
He keeps telling he is sorry and he is so scared of loosing me. I am trying to reassure him this is NOT going to happen but he keeps thinking about what happened to his sister.
The bottom line is really He HAS TO STOP! I told him you cant continue to do this or you are going to end up like your sister.
His P O called and he is pissed. I dont blame him but dang this is not my fault and he doesnt need tobe screaming at me. he told me that he is going to recommend he gets locked up for a minimum of 6 months. What a butt plug!
I dont know what to do really. I cant afford an attorney and these public defenders suck. I know i have to be in court tomorrow morning so they can tell me he isnt coming home and then go back at 2 pm to his arriangment and maybe convince the judge to let him out on house arrest. I dont know. this isnt the first time this has happened with him which is why i am paniced becuase this kid is seriously playing with fire here.
I truly do not understand why everytime I start to think I am going to make it, the world crashes again. This is beginning to be to much for me. I have survived so many things in my life and it has to stop at some point. I am tired, exhausted, emotionally worn out, broke, and just cant keep doing this.

[judean07]

Lori, Tears are running down my face just thinking about what you are going though. As reading the post I just kept thinking about all the times I son was locked up before he ended up in prison. I wish I would of known about this site then. Maybe I would of been able to make the hard choices. I don't want to seem unfeeling but I do want your son to know that he will end up in prison if he does not change his ways. If I knew then what i know now, I would request that he goes into a in-care rehab. Have the judge to order it, instead of spending his time locked up he can be getting the help he needs. Your son most likely will fight you on this but he needs to get the help he is in need of. He may hate you now but in the end he will thank you. This is the time when your input will matter, start calling every place you can find, find a program that will except him and have it ready to show the judge that you are trying to get him the help he is in need of. If I could of done one thing different it would of been to react stronger when he was under 18, because after that it is out of your hands. Do you think the girls would write him a letter? It may wake him up, if they pull no punches and tell him how and what they are going though. Lori, I am so sorry you are having to go though this. I know at times the world gives you more than you can handle, but with our help we will get though this. It's time to start praying, GOD will help just ask. For every purpose there is a reason. May GOD be with you and your children. Oh! please stop thinking it is your fault, it is NOT!! None of us are perfect and our children have a mind and they do know right from wrong. I'm here praying for you.

[BrandNewGirl]

Lori, sweet Lori..if there was any time to cry out even louder to the Lord, it's now! I'm praying for you and for your son. Please know this is not your fault--none of it is. You've got so many here who love you--let them all lift you and your son up in prayer. I'm sitting here in Texas doing just that.

Nance

[judean07]

http://www.hopelinks.net/drug-rehab/teen/ohio.html

Lori, here is a link to some teen rehab centers in Ohio, hope it helps. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know. loving you

[MotherJ]

Lori, just when we think we can't deal with one more thing it seems to happen....one more thing to handle. I'm so sorry for you and your son. This comes at such a bad time for you and I know your son is hurting also from all that's happened. I'm wondering if this isn't maybe a cry for help. Both of you have been through so much. So often our children react to their pain in self destructive ways. There have been so many devastating things that have happened to your family (not your fault at all) and it seems to me that any child who goes through all that probably needs some very good professional help. I don't consider sitting in some juvenile facility for a minimum of 6 months to be help. As Judean suggested, if you think letters from your PTO sisters might help, I would gladly share my son's story with him. We love you and your kids and will continue to hold you in our prayers.

[meg'smom]

Well God must be listening and must know how dangerously close I am to completly loosing it. My son called me again. ( i will tell you about that later , he is such an butt) He is terrified of being locked up for anymore time. Anyway as I am trying to calm him down he starts crying and says to me." Mom, I am going to be honest. I need help. I didnt start getting into trouble until i started getting high. Can you please help me? I dont want to end up like my sister."
I just fell to my knees and thanked God.
He went on to tell me that he cant sit still anymore and he keeps doing these things becuase he has to find money to get high with. So we talked for a moment and I told him IF he is serious and honestly wants to stop I can and WILL help him. But he has to want to do this for him not me. HE crys some more and tells me that on his way to jail today he kept thinking about how bad this is hurting me and that I just lost Megan due largely to drugs and he remembered what Megan had told him how he NEEDED to take care of thier mom. How I was not always going to be here and all this stress has taken years of my life. ( LOL I know) Anyway he tells me that he does not want to loose me and he knows how much i love them becuase i did not turn my back on his sister. I was just stunned.
I told him that i will advocate for him tomorrow and every other day i can to find him the help he wants but he has to be willing to do it and to change. He wants to move away from here becuase some of the friends he has and even though we cant right now I promised him we will soon.
Then I get online and I find this post from Judean and the link to rehab centers here. Thank you so much.
I am continuing to be amazed at all the love here and support.
I do not know how long he will be in there or if he may be released on house arrest which is what i am trying for. however if he does not come home i will be more than happy to let some of you write him.
I am hoping that maybe if i canget his attorney to help me and tell the judge how we want him in rehab maybe they will give him a chance. I told him he needs to communicate with the courts and tell them the truth and tell them he wants help. it would much more meaningful from him than me.
Again thank you for all the support. I cant beleive he was so honest with me but I know how scared he is too. Oh I hope this is a true wake for him!!!! I don't think i can bear to loose another child like this.

[judean07]

Lori, I would be more than willing to write to your son. better yet I know my son would write him a letter, if you think it would help just let me know. How are you doing? Please dig deep it's in there be strong and don't let them bully you.

[meg'smom]

Judean,
I am ok for right now. He keeps calling me because he is so scared. I think I am running on adrineline right now and not really feeling anything. It would be wonderful if you or your son could write to him. I will let you know as soon as i figure out excatly what is going to happen. I wont know anything until tomorrow afternoon.
I called my mom and my brother insisted on coming down here tonight becuase i think she is afraid i will loose if i am laone too much. LOL I know great just what i need my brother lol
It just seems like lately as hard as i am trying to get a grip here something else happens. I mean dang when does it stop?
Thank you so much for the link you sent. You are a God send.

[judean07]

Lori, If I can do anything...I mean anything I will. If we can together stop one child from having to go down this path I'm there. If you need me to call I will, I will find out all the infor you need, if you don't have it in you right now please lend on us. Just let me know. My heart goes out to you and I want to help. I'm so happy that he ask for help...this is the first step but please beware, the thing you need to remember is that the cry for help will end, if the help is not found. When they ask the reaction must be now, they have a chance of mind very fast when they are set free. at least my son did and I was a enabler, not meaning to be but I was. "I've done all that I can do now, Help me ,help you. GOD Bless.

[judean07]

Lori, I am so happy that you have some family to lend on. YES, your brother needs to be with you right now. He will beable to help you, you should not be a lone and me, thank you lord for sending lori the support and love she needs. If I could, I would be on the first plane to you. It's all to much for one person to handle, thank you lord for hearing us pray and sending lori what she needs.

[mlgrjs]

Lori, OMG, I am streaming tears...geez, not fair to the mama! I know where you stand in at least a few ways and I sure can't imagine the grit you have woman! 16 -- he sounds good and scared. You know he's going to be okay; you know they make it through and aren't tortured; they scare themselves to death. Don't know Ohio's system, but CA, I only panicked the first time my son was picked up. I met the people and discovered that they were aaaalllllllmmmmmoooooosssssstttttttt working with the parents to change the situation to the positive. Your son is relatively safe for the moment I think.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU MAMA; YOU ARE A POWERFUL, STRONG, DEDICATED, ON-TOP-OF-IT MAMA; YOU ARE THERE, HAVE BEEN THERE, HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE even when others were not; YOUR CHILDREN ARE BLESSED BECAUSE THEY HAVE YOU FOR THEIR MOM...THEY PICKED YOU AND THEY PICKED WELL

(even the ones we birth, I always told my kids when they were in the "I hate you Mom" mode that they had only themselves to thank because we picked each other and I was quite happy with my pick. OH LORD you should have heard them wail at me! LOL)

Take a second for yourself. Breathe, and don't let yourself forget to take VERY GOOD CARE of yourself. You are spread terribly thin right now. Now you have to stretch your psychic energy (not to mention the physical) to wrap around this as well. You can do it, you ARE doing it, we can see it in your words.


Megan son Porsche
STRONG MAMA LORI


So not fair...

[flymom]

Oh Lori, my heart breaks for you as well! This is a time when you can't think of an "entire" day, just take it minute by minute. Pamper yourself, put some lavender on your pillow, anything to help calm the nerves!
I too, will pray.
I've heard good things about teen challenge, you are your son's best advocate! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

[Judeca]

What tests you are being put through. Doesn't it seem like when we can't take anymore that's when we really get pounced? At least he knows he needs and want's help, so if it took a wake up call like this then so be it. This is horrible, no two ways about it, but if it saves him from going to prison someday then it's a good thing (if you can bring yourself think anything about this is good ). Maybe letting the Judge know what he's had to deal with lately will help. God speed and take care.

[socal mom]

I am so so sorry, but maybe this is the wake up call that he needs, you know kids
never think they will get caught. You right in that he needs to get some kind of help
Right Now - I wish I had done that many years ago - it doesn't get better without
some professional help I think. Don't know what he is using, but drugs are so bad
they just take over a persons whole life.
I can understand how you feel like giving up - I have a son in prison, now his sister
is drinking, going through a bitter divorce, and being a jerk. When does it stop.
I guess never maybe. Let your brother help you if he will, you need some one to
lean on, you have shown such strength with the girls, but a person can only take
so much. My thoughts are with you all.

[4evermom]

I would have to agree with Judean- I wish they had kept my oldest son is when he was only 17. he was always very hard to control and talk sense to. I tried my best, but at 22 he ended up in prison. they wil only let you get by on probation for so long, and after 18, its prison time. so I Pray he gets to go into a rehab program. The DA , even with "minor" charges and what I thought they were blowing way out of proportion, yaknow didnt matter. even if they were, if its against the law, then he woudl for sure get the worst, and it all racks up on their records. then DA says" shows a continual lack of respect for the law and authority" and can go next level up . Mine had many chances, didnt make the best of them, and now I am here, but I didnt have his cooperation either. GREAT to hear your son voiced he wants to change! YAY! thats the hardest part isnt it. He will get thru and he will get the help he needs to stop the viscious cyle! they cant change til they admit they have aproblem and try to get help - which he has, so whatever happens, keep in mind its the end result that will help him change his life for the better - he has a long life to live. better to turn it around right now so he can enjoy the rest of it and doesnt end up in the prison system. I am so sorry to hear of your girls too. I dont know you or situation, but I can only imagine, and think you are a very strong Mom and wish the best and some peace for yourself . you have many prayers going out to you and your children! My heart went out for you reading your posts. I know how you feel, and am fighting with my youngest son to stop drinking with DUI he got in Feb- he just turned 21, so yes here we go again too. I thought what he saw his brother go thru and go to prison after all would wake him up, and he always got mad about his brother and upsetting me, and how I shouldnt help him, now hes in a situation too. I dont get it either. I will keep after it though, try to get youngest to straighten up, and help my oldest when he comes home to begin a new life. All we can do is try our best, although at times I just want to live someone else's life, cuz being a Mom has got to be the hardest life of all, but we have to, cuz we are the MOMs. The rest of moms and dads here sure appreciate what you have been through , we know how hard it is.
God be with you and give you strength!

[mercedes howard]

Lori, I'm so sorry you are going through so much right now. Do everything you can to take care of YOURSELF. I know that must sound wierd but like others have said none of this is your fault, so please stop beating yourself up over it. The only thing you can do after doing you best you can for you children is when you lay down at night surrender Your children to God along with ALL your troubles, Because as long as we hold on to them the harder it is for GOD to do what he needs to do for us. We have to learn to let Gods will be done. It has taken me a long time to realize this in my own life. Now I just do what I can and let GOD handle what I can not. Your in my thoughts and prayers as well as all of your precious children.

[OnMyWay12]

Lori
I am so sorry you are going thru this. I will be praying for your son and for you. God will give you the strength you need to get thru this. He will walk beside you and when needed he will carry you. I do not post often but when I saw your thread I just wanted you to know that I am praying. Take care of yourself. You are a great mom you love your children. They are very blessed to have you in their lives.
Sue