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nimuay · #26 12-27-2008, 02:23 PM

Hon, you write a letter to him to explain and to the warden of his prison asking for a *no communication* order to your PO box by ANYONE from that prison. You hit #7 and just go forward. Don't think he won't figure out why. It's time to be cold and hard. You're right that you don't need to be dealing with this, but if you keep listening, writing, accepting calls or visiting, then he can still try the sweet-talk and reel you back in. Stopping is the surest safety.

Rene.E2008 · #27 12-27-2008, 04:23 PM

You can write the warden? I had no idea I could do that. I was just gonna have the Post Office return the mail, but this will be a hell a lot easier. I wonder if I could just call.. I think I'll call first and see then write if I need too.

Thank you so much!

PTO-110524 · #28 12-27-2008, 04:34 PM

I'm seriously questioning why he wants you to get rid of the dog. Is it a large dog? A dog who he might fear would attack him if HE were to abuse you? I mean what does he tell you is the reason he wants you to get rid of the dog?

Your post is VERY disturbing to me. I'm a former battered wife and what you wrote had the hair standing up on my arms. I'd advise you to maybe visit our Domestic Violence forum and just read if you don't want to post.

This man sounds very dangerous to me. I don't care how nice he used to be - most abusive men can be VERY charming.

Please take care of you.

WithTheFlow · #29 12-27-2008, 04:56 PM

For me, everything and anything, (a relationship, customer service, work...) is about RESPECT. You don't want to be in a relationship that lacks respect, from what I read, you have given him respect and he has used it in an attempt to own or control you.
The hardest part about walking away from someone or something, is actually doing it. From what I can tell, you are ready to do it, except that you aren't...you just need to get to that point where you are convinced this is what needs to happen. As tempting as it is to hear "his side," inside yourself you know that there is a chance he might convince you to stay when what you are feeling is that you need you leave.
You know what you have to do, so take your time and a deep breath, and get it done. You know you deserve better and you'll get it, you have plenty of time.
Good luck and please let us know what happens.

negretelove · #30 12-27-2008, 04:57 PM

this absolutly has NOTHING to do with the dog!!!!

this is total control on his part....my personal opinion is he wants to see just how much control he can have from the inside....because he will have 100 times more control when he is out!!!!
please drop all contact this is not a man ths is a potential monster....and i do not want you to go through anything that i have experienced or anyone else that has been abused.
remember you owe him nothing he owes you nothing! do not explain and do not ask for an explanation. if you allow any kind of contact you have left the door open and that is what he is wanting. example you can tell him you are over the relationship but if you do not back it up with blocking calls and writing to the warden asking for no contact, and returning mail then he will still have a hold on you. back everything with actions not words!
always remember the words scared and fear are very strong and when you use those words while talking about your relationship then it was time to pack up and go long ago.
you will be in my thoughts and prayers

discoball · #31 12-27-2008, 05:54 PM

i have read all the posts and i finally got to the end and saw someone post what i wanted to tell you... its about controlling you. im no psychologist but he sounds like a narcissist or one or those disorders and if that is the case, girl, there is no reason to wait around to hear his reasons. you will not get any clarification, validation or closure only someone trying to reel you back in.

its best as Nimuay said it break off contact, and disallow mail and phone contact. dont keep riling him up. just move on. get away and stay away.

also, for your own piece of mind and for those things i mentioned above that you wont get from him, look up a book called the wizard of oz and other narcissists on amazon. you dont have to buy it, just look at all the comments and just from what you described, you just might find yourself identifying with some of those people and their situations.

some people have been raised wrong and their wires got crosses and unfortunately so far it seems we have not come a long way towards helping them. so being 18, i would move on. you are young and dont need this to deal with. you have a lot to look forward to. good luck. pm anytime.

princess69 · #32 12-27-2008, 06:03 PM

My dog comes first. My last boyfriend hated my Sophie and I told him that I had my dog way before him and if he didnt like it then there is the door. He left. You should never have to be treated like that. No man should ever tel a woman to shut up. They do have a lot of stress in there but they shouldnt take it out on you.

Wobabi · #33 12-27-2008, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rene.E2008

I am 18, I am so young that I shouldn't be dealing with this,

thats it in a nut shell,,,my best advice is to
STOP DROP and ROLL,,,just like you would if your house was on fire.

Rene.E2008 · #34 12-27-2008, 07:23 PM

id rather be in a house fire haha, at least it would be easy as pie to leave.

i called the prison and they said the warden can't 'stop' anyone from writing me. i hate that prison.

i'll just have the post office return the letters to him.

thank you so much everyone for the support. i swear i couldnt have left him without y'alls support.

negretelove · #35 12-27-2008, 07:35 PM

don't under-estimate yourself.....you had that gut feeling something wasn't right and you reached out and asked for others thoughts and opinions. that in itself makes you a very strong woman. do not let anyone ever take control of you or ask you to change in any way shape or form. stay strong and know that you have friends willing to listen anytime. you will be in my thoughts and prayers. please feel free to PM me if you need or want!

negretelove · #36 12-27-2008, 07:38 PM

oh yeah if it is a po box just close the box the mail will be forwarded back to him he will get the hint eventually

Rene.E2008 · #37 12-27-2008, 07:51 PM

Oh okay, haha, I didn't know I could close the box early. I wonder if I could get some money back lmao. Waste of $20.

Thank you for your kind words Negretelove. It means a lot to me.

loving_ricky · #38 12-27-2008, 10:21 PM

My boyfriend only complains if my dog sleeps with me. He told me I needed to get the dog and the baby out of the bed before he gets out!!! He loves the dog but thinks a dog should be on the floor. It may be stress that you are dealing with but I would be very cautious.

poodlegirl · #39 12-27-2008, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by negretelove

this absolutly has NOTHING to do with the dog!!!!

Yeah! What she said!

Now getting back to the dog, I once saw a t.v. segment about people who got rid of their pet's for their partner's sake. The relationship almost always ended in failure, because nothing builds resentment in a relationship like having to give up something that really means a lot to you.

xgot420issuesx · #40 12-28-2008, 09:55 AM

All I have to say is DON'T answer his call. You already admitted you fall for his words every time. I have NEVER heard of a prison warden not stopping contact from an inmate to another person. That is crazy. Sweets, you are 18, do not get caught up in an abusive relationship and this one is abusive. I wouldn't allow a stranger to tell me shut up let alone someone who claims they love me. My husband said F-you to me ONCE. He learned his lesson quick on that one.
I was in an abusive relationship for 14 years, it took me a long time to come to my senses, but I did it and I took the lessons I learned from it and moved on with my life. I no longer allow people to ever treat me with disrespect, least of all my husband. Abusers are always good at being nice, but they are better at brainwashing women into believing they are no good and there is no better for them out there. My ex would be the most horrible person to me and then the next day when he sobered up, he would buy me anything I asked for and be the greatest guy in the world.
Close the PO box, block the calls and move on with your life. Asking for others help and opinions was the first step to making your life a better one. I wish you the best.

StormyLove2 · #41 12-28-2008, 10:04 AM

i totally agree

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

simple answer - if you are afraid in any sense, then this relationship needs to end. This wasn't one day of bad attitude, but a systematic attempt to make you into his creature. This won't end when he gets out - that remark about pride is a clear enough indicator that everything you do will eventually run up against his pride and therefore need to be changed. There won't be any "you" left by the end of the process.

HisAngel2 · #42 12-28-2008, 10:06 AM

He is absolutely controlling you! You remain strong!

My man doesn't like cats and I have 4 of them. I told him from the beginning that they weren't going anywhere and that if he loved me he would have to deal with them. He did and does and I can promise you, there is no man worth giving up my babies for...the unconditional love and companionship they give me is just want I need to get me through the lonely days and nights without him.

My cats are my children and I'm sure you feel the same way about your pooch.

Good luck, Sweetie.

StormyLove2 · #43 12-28-2008, 10:13 AM

You need to end this relationship, if he is conrolling and changing you from behind bars, what's he gonna do when he gets out? I feel he is going to keep you in a box as in ....you will not be allowed to talk to family and friends. He can't stand for you to have a dog. He will want to control your every move. You need to get out of this relationship. If I were you I would move to a new city, if not that a new address, I would be afraid to stay at an address that he knows.

If you tell him its over, he may pretend to change, so you will not leave him. Why are you afraid of him? Has he threaten to harm you? Most men who say they are going to straighten you out, are talking about abusing you. You do not need to be in an abusive relationship.
God Bless You and give you the strength to do what you Must do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rene.E2008

Oh wow. Um, I'm too upset to make a real reply to everyone. And I'm not upset with what has been said but more about the truth of it. I just find it funny that I'm letting an inmate abuse me in such a way. It just sounds weird; abusive locked-up boyfriend. I could easily block his calls, and quite writing him but I'm having such a hard time actually doing it.

I have thought of at least 3 times of leaving him, almost carried through before he talked with me about the issue and I changed my mind. And now I'm too scared to leave him. But just reading everything makes me feel more confident almost.

Thank you so everyone. I really appreciate everything.

missi1969 · #44 12-31-2008, 09:02 PM

This isnt even about your dog. This man is trying to control you and put fear in you. If you are afraid now while he's locked up what will it be like when he comes home? No one should disrespect you like that especially someone who loves you. I would really consider this relationship now and consider how its going to be when he is actually out. Will you be able to live like that? I'm all for sticking by your man, but this sounds like it could cross the line into an abusive relationship to me.Even if it is stress, he shouldn't take it out on you and treat you like this. YOu should never be afraid of the one that you love.

missi1969 · #45 12-31-2008, 09:11 PM

call the prison and put a stop to all the mail going to your address. You can also put a block on your phone if he is calling collect. If he is using a calling card you can call the prison and have your number removed from his phone list. All numbers have to be approved at my fiance's prison. Poof - he is gone!!
Move on , you can do much better.

mrschris · #46 01-01-2009, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajsangel

I haven't read everything on here so excuse me if im reposting anything, but my mom always had a quote and it was "you can judge a man by the way he treats an animal."

amen...and this is the point.

i'm a Christian by and far...but i wouldn't dump any of my animals for my husband unless he had a valid reason. sorry.

i hope you found the strength to leave him rene. he doesn't even sound kosher--and there's no way i would even waste my time with him.

it's not stress--it's the real him. don't be afraid...he doesn't know where you live...and he's probably a manipulator that will move onto the next person instead of hunting you out...because he's got more things on his mind...such as using and abusing.

i would get out while the getting is good!