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Inmatez Wife · #1 12-29-2008, 03:35 PM

My husband keeps sending me letters saying he is so sorry for asking me to wait again, this being his 2nd bid. I keep telling him that he is not asking me, I wait willingly because I love him. He is my husband, my soul, my heart.
I don't understand this. I reassure him that I am here because I WANT TO BE HERE.
Can you ladies please help me think of some other ways to "say" I am here because I want to be?? Maybe he is just not getting it, or is this his way of letting me know he needs to be reassured??

Thanks in advance. I love you all!!!

ant's wife · #2 12-29-2008, 03:38 PM

i told my man i could have any other man in the world but my choice and my heart have me sitting here with you

AlwaysUs2011 · #3 12-29-2008, 03:40 PM

Although my situation is a little different, it's kind of the same. He tells me he can't make me not mess around on him because he's in there and I am out here. And that it's not fair for him to make me wait. I just got done writing him a letter letting him know that he doesn't MAKE me do anything. That I CHOOSE to, such as wait and so on and gave my reasons. I think it is just part of their guilt. If this is his second bid with you, he probably is feeling extra guilty and sensitive. He probably thinks in his mind you are crazy if you wait for him again and that he is holding you back. Good Luck

**Patty** · #4 12-29-2008, 03:53 PM

You say it everyday in every way, trust me it's not any one big gesture it's the continuity, the letters/phone calls/visits and in continuing to be the "you" he has come to know and love.

Patty

PTO-110524 · #5 12-29-2008, 04:00 PM

Yep - what Patty said.

Each day you stick makes it easier and easier for him to relax and know you will stand by him.

Just keep doing what you're doing and eventually he should simmer down.

krainium · #6 12-29-2008, 06:02 PM

I agree, as time goes by, he will learn to become secure with it that's the only way I can describe it. Constant reassurance is what it is.

myhopeneverdies · #7 12-29-2008, 06:06 PM

he is probably insecure because he messed up AGAIN....

thats why he is probably worried!

but just be there for him as always, writing letter about your love and plans for when he comes home.... etc and he will eventually get it!

xoxo

seansbabyluv · #8 12-30-2008, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Each day you stick makes it easier and easier for him to relax and know you will stand by him.

I wish I could say that's true in my case. It's been over 7 months and he was just transferred to his facility. It hasn't gotten better. I'm angry. Not only do I not know if I can do this again, why should I? I don't want to hear about love and trust. Because neither one of those 2 things mattered to him. If they did he'd be out and this would have finally been done back in September the way it was supposed to be.

There's no trust here. I struggle to get through every day without just saying screw it. HE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME! And personally I am tired of everything being all about him. His needs and his wants. My heart is shattered AGAIN. My granddaughter, his two boys, his dad. This is my 2nd time with him. It's his 5th time in prison. I doubt seriously that anything or anyone will keep him out. He just doesn't give a damn. He's always worried about rejection...it doesn't take a fricking genius to understand why people walk away from him. No one wants to keep going through all of this pain and hurt. He's comfortable where he is. I try to look at the big picture and understand how he grew up and I do. But that will never change and apparently neither will he. I thought finally going to see him over the weekend would make me feel better. It didn't. I resent it. I resent having to be told what to wear and that I can only kiss him for 20 seconds closed mouth. I hate it. That's why I don't break laws and go to prison! I can't fight for him any more he needs to HAS TO learn how to fight for HIMSELF.

nicoledelking · #9 12-30-2008, 11:37 PM

Well-you could simply explain to him that Y0U make Y0UR decisions based on what Y0U feel; simple as that-if Y0U didn't want to be with him-Y0U wouldn't.

**nevaeh2morrow** · #10 12-30-2008, 11:40 PM

(seansbabyluv)

StacysWar030 · #11 12-30-2008, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Can you ladies please help me think of some other ways to "say" I am here because I want to be?? Maybe he is just not getting it, or is this his way of letting me know he needs to be reassured??

Oh I'm sure he hears you, he just don't understand how you can do this again. He's feeling REALLY guilty for puting you thru this yet again. He needs to work this out in his own mind. He probably thinks he doesn't deserve you. He will need to forgive himself first. Truthfully, he needs to go thru all this in order him to straighten himself out....

Hang in there girl, he'll move forward as he heals

Stacy