Help! ~ I don't feel appreciated, I feel obligated

[foreverwifey]

My husband and I were not on good terms when he was sent to prison in fack I was even considering the big D. He was never faithfull or even tried to put his family before himself and we have been together for over five years. Its just that all his women and most of his friends have deserted him and I feel obligated to be there for him because I'm his wife. However I dont feel he even appreciates all the things I do for him and I feel trapped in a situation where i'm being used does anyone have any advise?

[nevaeh2morrow]

just curious why you feel "obligated" to be there for him when he apparently never has been "obligated" to you and your family?

[Savvy Sista]

You shouldn't feel trapped . . . you can still be there for your husband and live your life at the same time . . . there are a lot of ways to be supportive without being miserable . . . . if you feel that he truly doesn't care about his family . . . then tell him . . . be honest about your feelings and if you feel the need to move on . . . then move on . . . IMHO . . . you should be here because you want to be not because you have to be and if it's going to make you unhappy . . . maybe you guys can just be friends and you can offer you support that way and see how that goes and hopefully you guys can get back to where you need to be . . . just a thought . . . but don't stay out of obligation . . .show him what it feels like to be left high and dry . . .

[LadyBell]

Do you love him? Are you still in Love with him? These questions needs to be answered by you. Do you feel that your marriage can be saved? Are you willing to work to to save the marriage? Do you feel that you are better off without him or do you feel lost without him. How important is it for you to keep this marriage? Listen to yourself, really take the time to listen, then do whats best for you and your life. Maybe take a little "vacation" away from the marriage to see where you stand in your life with him. But in the end you are the only one who can tell you what you need to do. Good luck to you!

[rodeointx]

my marriage was quite simular. i am married to an addict as many know. i actually turned my husband in to save him from him self. when i turned him in i cut him off from my self fully knowing his drug buddies would not help him. his family was discusted in his actions and would not help him so that left him alone. in truth i was so discusted in his addiction that i was going to do the big d as well. but something happened. he wrote me all the time, but i refused to go see him or even answer one letter. he heard nothing from me and felt as though he was all alone. my preacher called me to come back to a class we were already taking but had stopped attending due to his use of dope. the class was a bible based course called celebrate recovery. it just happened that the topic of the month was forgiving.

i went to the class and despite my fighting the urge to forgive him God got in my heart and i started healing. after i had left my husband alone for a month i showed up at the jail. i was angry and bitter and did not go back for a couple of weeks after the first visit cause in truth he needed to bake a bit longer he was not heading in the right direction. i came home from the visit and sent him a package of letters that i had been writing since the day before he got arrested all the way thru the present for that time. emotions in the letters were off the chain one extreme to the other. after the next couple of weeks i went back. i saw a change. i went to regular weekly visits not twice a week at first but enough for him to know that if he were to wise up he had a shot at our marriage.

it eventually led him to researching him self and with the help of a book one of our dear friends sent him on generational curses he opened the doors to closets he had long ago closed and buried. i went to visit him without knowing that he had done this and he cried like a little baby in jail right in front of all those other men. he cried so hard i could not understand what he was saying at times. when he finished he said, God said to confess and ask for forgiveness and it would be given i would be clean. i confess, it is done I AM CLEAN! tears poured down my eyes my heart ached for him and i could do nothing but stand there and watch cuz of the glass between us.

he was arrested early july he confessed early september moved to priosn in late october and we have a better marriage than ever where communication respect and bonds are concerned.

its all up to you sista, you have to decide how far you need to go with the marriage. you are not obligated he did this to his self. but both of you need to get help. both of you are ill on different levels because of what took place between you with the adultery and so on. if you feel that your marriage is something you want to save do what you have to do to get him to seek help and you do the same even if it means you do not have any communication with each other for a while. you gotta miss what you dont have in order to want to save what you miss.

[iloveyoumore]

Don't feel obligated. You are not responsible for his feelings. And he never honored his vows to you. One person can not do everything in a marriage. It takes two. If he is not willing to do some SERIOUS soul searching and make some SERIOUS changes to himself he will always bring misery to your marriage. So what if everyone else went away. Eventhough he may be all pitiful now you shouldn't feel sorry for him...get strong in you and decide what YOU want to put up with.

[im his tia]

Just stop doing things for him and i bet his appreciation will come back real quick

[MzDynamique]

Sometimes you have to look a patterns... Why did everyone back out of his life...?? And now you want to do the same.. People don't like the feeling of obligation..or being used. You should be feeling appreciation....if you were this question wouldn't have came up.

[jackjack]

Im with Rodeo 110% on this one....marriage is sometimes about working through those seasons when you dont feel appreciated. There is something at the heart of his lack of appreciation that you need to focus on. The enemy would like for you to stay distracted by your own feelings of being offended and never look deeper into your husband to see what binds him. It takes a firm relationship with God to gain those spiritual eyes but it is possible and though it may not seem like it now, your husband can change. The thing that always helped me through difficult times with my own husband was my reflection on the patience that God had to have with me while I ran the streets and rejected God's Will. If God could have that infinite patience with me...then He could help me to have the same for my husband. And He did. And I survived. And my husband changed. And life is wonderful now.

blessings~

[BlueEyedEllie]

maybe your feelings of obligation are trying to tell you something. maybe it's time to start your life over WITHOUT him. i mean if he's never been faithful..... what reason is there to stay, really???