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JohnBrandi4life · #51 03-12-2009, 07:49 PM

My hubby has been in 9 years now....I have been completely faithful to him. God takes care of our needs and our marriage.~~~Brandi

acedthetest · #52 03-17-2009, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Countin'Days

Lately My Fiance has been really stressing me to tell him everything that's going on in my life out here without him.....So, Me, being the woman that I am decided to tell him the truth about my sex life. He has been gone for 6 years and have another 3 to go

And somewhere in those 6 years I fell weak to temptation. I thought that he would understand and continue to honor our decision for marriage but instead I have got the complete opposite response. He has became very distant & does not respond the same to my "I love u'" anymore. I am very confused!!! Please leave any advice on how to deal with this....should I move on or continue to try to make things better?? I am starting to feel like I lost my husband

Thanks for sharing this. It's really your decision on what to do, but I will say this. When it comes to infidelity, women care about if their man got emotionally attached to another woman. Men care about the sex. I can't say for sure if your relationship will ever move past this. I have told past boyfriends things about me that I considered "secret", but in my attempt to be honest, it backfired. And these things weren't even about sex! So who knows? If you love him, hang in there. I'm sure part of his distance is due to maybe feeling a little guilty that he can't be there to supply your needs at the current time. So be patient. If you really want this to work, stick with it until you can't see it through. Once he's out, he'll either forgive you for it, or move on. Unless you make a decision before that, it seems like something you may just have to wait out.

Mrs.Jboy · #53 03-17-2009, 04:03 AM

my man got 25 hes dun 10 has 3 more before his 1st parole hearing n for da last 4 mths ive been cheatin on him. He knows abotu it and its hurtin our relationship.. Yeah i no i sux but its hard or maybe it just cuz im weak.. But lately it been gettin to me to da point that i cant eat or sleep nomore. I love my husband and i dont wanna hurt him nomore. i commend all ur females who are holdin it down.. :-(

iloveyoumore · #54 03-17-2009, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Countin'Days

Lately My Fiance has been really stressing me to tell him everything that's going on in my life out here without him.....So, Me, being the woman that I am decided to tell him the truth about my sex life. He has been gone for 6 years and have another 3 to go

And somewhere in those 6 years I fell weak to temptation. I thought that he would understand and continue to honor our decision for marriage but instead I have got the complete opposite response. He has became very distant & does not respond the same to my "I love u'" anymore. I am very confused!!! Please leave any advice on how to deal with this....should I move on or continue to try to make things better?? I am starting to feel like I lost my husband

This is strictly my opinion....the guys inside hear all the time..."you didn't lose your girl, you just lost your turn" or something equally disturbing. If you are planning to marry someone why on earth would you be out here sleeping with other guys? If you discussed it prior and it was okay with him that is a different story. A man (for reasons I can understand) does not want to share his woman with anyone else. For us if we are not emotionally involved its no big deal but for a man the thought of another guy being with his woman in a marital way is something disgusting to him. That is probably why he is being distant from you. And as thugwife always says...and I have seen this myself...how can you expect your man to come home and be faithful when you have not? Be faithful to your fiance or go out and play the field but don't try to do both it never turns out good.

iloveyoumore · #55 03-17-2009, 10:52 AM

By the way...I am one of the ones who has a long time to wait (11 more years). I am not saying that things don't happen and people don't make mistakes or bad decisions. I hope I never hurt myself or my guy that way. I don't live under any false ideas that this is going to be easy. We talk about this alot and having communication about it is good. My hope is one day at a time...I will make it having been faithful the whole way. What a great gift for both of us.

MKGS561 · #56 03-17-2009, 09:51 PM

I am loyal 100% - if you dont plan on being loyal than why even bother wasting everyones time?! (family visits are a plus!!

)

Miss Superwoman · #57 03-19-2009, 08:37 PM

It is not easy at all but no I have not been unfaithful.

melancholy · #58 03-19-2009, 08:38 PM

Yeah, yuck, I'm not tempted to do it with ANYONE!

purplerose212 · #59 03-20-2009, 01:51 PM

I have never been with my fiance but I am 100% faithful to him. We have had phone sex with each other and we write sex letters to each other but we have not been able to actually make love yet. We will be married within the next couple of months so when he gets out we will finally be able to consimate our marriage and our love and I don't want to tarnish that by being unfaithful to him now or ever. He is the ONLY one that I want and the ONLY one that I desire.

iceblue diamond · #60 03-20-2009, 02:56 PM

no i have never cheated, or have it crossed my mind to do so. We had a long distance relationship before we got married. And it was two years before i got to visit him. I have only had two cottage visits with one more to go. The hard part was just not having him here with me and our family. The sex part was easy. Because through my life i have gone without for years at a time by choice.

blondebabe · #61 03-20-2009, 04:40 PM

I used to be a very sexual active woman but i have been totally celibate for almost 4 years not very long considering what some go through,but to me after one year regardless of how long it is the feelings are just the same no more weaker or stronger.But i will wait for him.

Mrs.Official05 · #62 03-20-2009, 06:45 PM

I voted "no, I would not ever do that".

I love my babe I can't do that to him..

LittleCharmer · #63 03-20-2009, 09:46 PM

I don't do anything that my husband would disapprove of. However, that being said, we are freaks. I wouldn't recommend what we do to anyone else. All I know is that for 10 years what we do works for us. We have been open, honest and highly communicative in ALL things. I do not feel that I have been disloyal or unfaithful in any way at all. And neither does he. And we DO get trailers.

My husband knows that NO man can take me away from him. Not even if I sleep with another man can our love be diminished or our relationship be shaken. My husband leveled with me that if the situation were reversed he'd be doing the exact same thing; taking care of me and standing by me, but still getting his. The only stipulation is that if I were to catch feelings, or some guy catches them for me and I know it I have to stop sleeping with him. At this point me catching feelings for someone else is laughable. Even if I DID by some random chance develop some affinity for some guy..... there's just nothing that can hold a candle to my husband and me. I have chosen my husband and despite sleeping with other people I still forsake them in favor of him. I also won't sleep with anyone who is disrespectful of my relationship or with whom I don't feel some friendship; a mutual sense of respect and understanding.

Sex isn't such a defining characteristic for me. But going without it would be like asking me to give up the internet or books or bacon for over a decade. It wouldn't ruin my life, but it would be difficult and it would make me unhappy.

My husband has asserted that AS my husband it is his responsibility and priority to see to it that my sexual needs are met however he can. Thus far we have had very little problems because of this. But he and I are cut from the same cloth and we don't pull any punches or say one thing when truly meaning another.

He's gonna get his when he gets out? Fine, I expect him to. He's not paroling to me and I'm not moving to be there with him, so why shouldn't he? At this time we both feel that we cannot imagine wanting other people when we live under the same roof, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I don't take it personally, I'm not wired to attach sex and emotions automatically. It's amazing when it's both, but I'll take one without the other and have no problems keeping it that way.

I'm good with people doing what works for them. What makes them happy. What they've agreed to openly and honestly with their partner, whatever that decision it. Again, I don't recommend my choices for others. I don't take my cues from other people and I don't expect them to take any from me. I just know that it is working for me and it's nice that we don't have to worry about it. "Cheating" isn't an issue. He never wonders if I am "stepping out" or if another man is stealing me away. He knows many have tried and failed and that even sex can't lure me away, that I'm definitely not going anywhere.

I've teased him from time to time that he could have a woman who would move into the town where he's locked up, visit every weekend and put half her paycheck into his packages, commissary and books etc, never so much as looking at another man. He laughs and says that would mean having a woman who isn't me and I'm the only one he wants. He claims he'd start wondering who the heck he was with if I started acting like that! He never tries to impose his bid on me in any way and I love him for it.

It's a shame that people can't be more accepting of different choices that work for different relationships. I can tell you that I doubt we'd have made it this far if we did things differently. Our love and out marriage isn't any less valid or strong than anyone else's and I think we are able to get through dang near anything because of how we do things. Everyone has to make a choice that suits them and their partner. I've been lucky enough to be with someone with whom seeing eye-to-eye is more frequent than not.

ant's wife · #64 03-20-2009, 10:02 PM

my man has been locked up for 5 years if i felt i couldn't do this or had any desire to be with another man i would of left day one!!!!! there's no way i would be able to tell him i loved him and cheated on him in the same sentenced i don't have the heart to do my man wrong

ericsolja · #65 03-20-2009, 11:05 PM

I would never. He tells me what he doesn't know doesn't hurt him. He says as long as when he gets out I'm only his he doesn't worry about who I'm with. He's only been gone about a month now and has about 6 months left and I have no desire to be with some one else

~Hustle_Bunny~ · #66 03-20-2009, 11:22 PM

my man said as long as it is another female he is okay with that. LOL. its been almost two years since he has been gone and i have yet to meet anyone that even tempts me away from him. im a very sexual person but my heart is stronger. do i think he would do the same for me? honestly, no, but i have severe trust issues with all men. i still have no desire to "make it even".

stinkypenut · #67 03-21-2009, 03:26 AM

My man was my first love in Jr. high school. We rekindled our love in our mid twenties and had a child together. It's been 2 years and I haven't slept with anyone and I have no desire to. He's supposed to be out in 6 months but the guards are starting to accuse of him of crap so he can't get parole...our PFV's finally got approved, so in about 2 months we'll be together for 3 whole days!!! Beats nothing!!! I can't wait!

MissYouDee · #68 03-21-2009, 10:31 AM

Well my ex was locked up while we were together for 2yrs., and I did end up sleeping with someone else. Of course I felt bad & I told him about it. The one thing that hurt the most was that when I went to visit him & told him, he shed a couple tears because he was so hurt. So me & him both were crying..lol..anyway, he eventually got out, we got back together. Things were just differen't between us & we broke up. He moved back to his homestate & i'm still here in Tx. Well, he's locked up again, but this time in Louisiana. He had his little brother contact me & wanted me to write him. So, we've been writing each other since this past Dec. & are actually talking about reconciling once he's released.

My point is, ladies..I said "i'm gon hold it down for my man, I'm not gon' do nothing." Yea, it gets hard & when you're used to being with that person every day of your life & he's just gone. I didn't know what to do, i was half working when he went to jail & we just weren't in a good situation. But we've both grown up & been through things & we just feel like we're meant to be together no matter what happened in our past.

babygirlk · #69 03-21-2009, 02:01 PM

Ive known my fiance for 24 years. He was my best friend in elm school. We've only been together for 1 1/2 years. We've never had sex. But its killing me when we're together

. I've told him every time I've had sex with this guy. It's only one. I can tell he doesn't like it. But we have this open honest relationship. I tell him everything. But we're getting married July 11 2009

. I want to last and wait for him. I've been trying no sex any more. It's been 7months whooh. And do you know when your trying to be good, all the temptation comes out the wood work left and right phew

. But I'm holding in there. What I've notice in his voice when we discuss it, it bothers him, but he won't say STOP DONT DO IT

. like in an demand. I love him alot so I'm trying. He has 8years, he's been in for 4years. All I could say is be strong, Pray, Pray,Pray

cause it has helped me Alot, And keep yourself busy

. You could do it.

carole54frogs · #70 03-21-2009, 02:19 PM

I think it's alot easier, for us "older women"...I could never hurt someone I Love, in that way...

Doesn't mean I don't have needs...just lots of self control I have no desire to be with another...ever...guess it's gonna be "till death do us part"

RobertWideman · #71 03-21-2009, 02:21 PM

What is interesting is that I think that we as women will wait until other better halfs get home. But would a man do the same for us. I do not think so.

carole54frogs · #72 03-21-2009, 02:26 PM

MINE WOULD NEVER ABSTAIN!!!! I know this...he was unfaithful when we were in our 20"s...

and somehow it was implanted in my brain, (I am from the "50's)...that it's okay for a man....

I get alot of flack on these issues....women do the cleaning, taking care of the kids, always have dinner ready when the man gets home, etc...

cupid0214 · #73 03-21-2009, 02:36 PM

My Husband and I have been together since I was 16 (19yrs) and has been in Federal Prison since 2002. I stayed faithful to him while we were together (13ys) but I have to admit after a year of him being in I did mess around. I realized after a while that it just wasn't worth it. I had my own drama and didn't need anyone else's. I'm also raising our 4 children and didn't want anyone else in their life but their Dad. So....it's been 3 years since I have been with anyone and he get's out soon. I've definately been tempted and I miss the affection but it made me realize that I love him and only want to be with him...

MrsCruz2012 · #74 03-21-2009, 02:48 PM

I love my fiance we have been together for ever.. And i would never think about cheating on him.. I love him.. I only was to have sex with him so

it easy for me to be faithful..ive never been in love with anyone else .. Its hard ... This site helps..

carole54frogs · #75 03-21-2009, 02:55 PM

I have had sex with 2 men, in my 58yrs...and I was married twice.... I am a little old fashioned...if you are with a man, you are commited...if not...I would get out.....