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ladymaravilla · #1 08-15-2009, 01:44 AM

I was just wondering how many other girls here experience jealousy? This is the first time Kenny (my man) has gone away for more than a month or two. I get so jealous when I see other couples, even other couples who are seperated by prison walls to. I can't visit my man for a while, so those who do get to I hate them. I can't afford to talk to my man all the time, so hearing about other's phone calls... makes me want to cry. Count downs to people's releases, weddings, married couples, happy people, it all makes me so jealous! I know there are worse case situations than what we are in but I'm so filled with hate towards anyone's happiness I know it's jealousy I just don't know if it's normal. I want to marry my man, I wish I wouldn't have had a miscarrige with his kid, I wish we would've taken more pictures and had more time together... Can anyone relate or tell me ways to deal cuz I'm going CRAZY!

Hisfatgirl · #2 08-15-2009, 02:07 AM

I understand about the jealousy thing. I thought my boo was coming home and the day he was scheduled to get out they didnt let him go.....so trust me I understand. One of my friends fiance just got out today and all I could do was cry because my boo is not home. And to make matters worse I havent heard from him since they moved him! Just think positive, keep yourself busy. And dont regret what you didnt do, just make sure that you do them when he gets home!

ladymaravilla · #3 08-15-2009, 03:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissB.G.

I understand about the jealousy thing. I thought my boo was coming home and the day he was scheduled to get out they didnt let him go.....so trust me I understand. One of my friends fiance just got out today and all I could do was cry because my boo is not home. And to make matters worse I havent heard from him since they moved him! Just think positive, keep yourself busy. And dont regret what you didnt do, just make sure that you do them when he gets home!

Oh my god I totally went through the same thing. Kenny was supposed to be released September 29th of last year, and on September 29th they indicted him on federal charges. Almost a year later he finally was off to prison and all they've been doing is transferring him everywhere and I haven't gotten to hardly talk to him, he hasn't gotten half of my letters! My best friend's man just got out and all I've done is cry because it's not fair, and I hate their happiness! I hated hearing about him getting out, it made me more miserble.

Hisfatgirl · #4 08-15-2009, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladymaravilla

Oh my god I totally went through the same thing. Kenny was supposed to be released September 29th of last year, and on September 29th they indicted him on federal charges. Almost a year later he finally was off to prison and all they've been doing is transferring him everywhere and I haven't gotten to hardly talk to him, he hasn't gotten half of my letters! My best friend's man just got out and all I've done is cry because it's not fair, and I hate their happiness! I hated hearing about him getting out, it made me more miserble.

Girl who are you telling that its unfair? I feel like a BIG chunk from me is missing. It would at least be better if I could hear from him, it would put me more at ease about the whole thing....and I hate their happiness to, when I see them together I just want to cry!

mywife19 · #5 08-15-2009, 04:41 PM

Jealousy...I hate that word. I've never been jealous about anything in my life because I've never put so much consideration into anything where I would be capable of such strong feelings. But yeah, I've been feeling a little jealous lately. Every time I go see my husband I hear of a new man in his unit that's getting out. Worse thing is my husband always says, God bless, his family must be so happy that he's coming home. It doesn't seem to bother him as much as it bothers me. Of course he gets a bit saddened, but I get green with envy and sometimes even frustrated. I want my husband home--why does everyone else get to go but my husband has to stay (sorry, that's the little girl in me coming out---wow, that's never happened out loud)?

So I know how you're feeling all too well...let's hope and pray that our hubbies get to come soon so we can feel some joy...

readhead · #6 08-15-2009, 07:57 PM

YES!

I know exactly how you feel. I HATE seeing happy couples... I mean, I dont hate them and I'm glad that they are happy, but I think it is SOOOOOOOO unfair!

I totally think about all of the do-overs and the regrets... the whole take more pictures and do this and do that....... and the I wish we hads.......

YES! I totally agree and understand.

MrsBus · #7 08-15-2009, 08:02 PM

It is hard when you are apart - seeing other couples just reminds you all the more that you can't be with your loved one. Even though you know your day is coming sometimes it just seems so far away....

Adams Lady · #8 08-15-2009, 08:14 PM

I have random days where I get a little jealous of happy couples out here. Those thoughts come and go though. In my eyes, NOTHING is unfair. We CHOOSE to be here, and yes, its hard, this is the hardest thing I have gone through other than my sister's death. But, remember, each and every one of us is choosing to go down this path, and you CAN stop it if you want to. As far as others release dates, I can only be happy for them, they have served their time, and are now going home. Just like, eventually, your man will serve his time and go home. This is hard, but bringing jealousy and negativity into the picture make this a whole hell of a lot harder!

hellokittymom1 · #9 08-15-2009, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mywife19

Jealousy...I hate that word. I've never been jealous about anything in my life because I've never put so much consideration into anything where I would be capable of such strong feelings. But yeah, I've been feeling a little jealous lately. Every time I go see my husband I hear of a new man in his unit that's getting out. Worse thing is my husband always says, God bless, his family must be so happy that he's coming home. It doesn't seem to bother him as much as it bothers me. Of course he gets a bit saddened, but I get green with envy and sometimes even frustrated. I want my husband home--why does everyone else get to go but my husband has to stay (sorry, that's the little girl in me coming out---wow, that's never happened out loud)?

So I know how you're feeling all too well...let's hope and pray that our hubbies get to come soon so we can feel some joy...

I'm so sorry about the way your feeling. We have all gone through it. I remember feeling the exact same way NINE years ago, when my husband got locked up for 14 years and our baby girl was only 3 months old. My entire world had come to a complete S T O P!!!! but you know what...you WILL get throught it, and it makes you such a much stronger person. Your husband MUST think of things in a more positive light OR ELSE HE WILL NOT SURVIVE WITHIN THOSE PRISON WALLS! Try to use his positive energy to help you get through your day, and if you can be strong too, then he can feed off of your positive energy too. I bet it will make your relationship much less stressful, and it helps to relieve stress off of your husband. I'm sure he worries sick about you, knowing how difficult this is for you. But once things get way outta hand and your feeling depressed, then you must re-evaluate your situation. you have to decide if this is something that you can deal with until he gets home. Two years is a long time, but there are women who don't even have an out date, and they remain strong and KNOW that this is a decision that THEY chose and that helps to get through the day. I'm not saying that what your feeling is wrong, I'm not judging you by any means, but I've been SOOOOO depressed that it was ruining my life, and my marriage, it was affecting my daughters life, and I couldn't put anymore stress on my husband. It's a difficult life to live in prison, and I just could put any more added stress on him. My feelings are that the woman who stands next to her man who is prison is ALWAYS the stronger figure within that family. Us women keep it all together for ourselfs, our kids (step kids too), our husbands, and our relationships.

I completely understand about the jelousey!!!! I hate that my daughter has to spend every holiday without her Daddy. I hate that I cant spend our anniversaries together at dinner. I cant make my husband dinner. But worst of all is that my husband has never been there for our daughters first day of school, or on Fathers day when they have Fathers Day lunch. I'm VERY hurt and sad that our daughter didnt get to have those experiences with her daddy, but at least she knows her daddy. atleast she gets to see her daddy. Our situation can be a lot worse, so if I sit and think and remember all of the negative things, I cant be happy for the positive that we do have in our life. We are all very blessed and we should take a little more time out to remember ALL THAT WE DO HAVE!

Try to get some couseling, it does help. If you are a religious person turn to the LORD. And tell yourself everyday that you are beautiful and amazing! you WILL get through this!

Good luck to you! Stay strong

ahannah1561 · #10 08-15-2009, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mona1800

I'm so sorry about the way your feeling. We have all gone through it. I remember feeling the exact same way NINE years ago, when my husband got locked up for 14 years and our baby girl was only 3 months old. My entire world had come to a complete S T O P!!!! but you know what...you WILL get throught it, and it makes you such a much stronger person. Your husband MUST think of things in a more positive light OR ELSE HE WILL NOT SURVIVE WITHIN THOSE PRISON WALLS! Try to use his positive energy to help you get through your day, and if you can be strong too, then he can feed off of your positive energy too. I bet it will make your relationship much less stressful, and it helps to relieve stress off of your husband. I'm sure he worries sick about you, knowing how difficult this is for you. But once things get way outta hand and your feeling depressed, then you must re-evaluate your situation. you have to decide if this is something that you can deal with until he gets home. Two years is a long time, but there are women who don't even have an out date, and they remain strong and KNOW that this is a decision that THEY chose and that helps to get through the day. I'm not saying that what your feeling is wrong, I'm not judging you by any means, but I've been SOOOOO depressed that it was ruining my life, and my marriage, it was affecting my daughters life, and I couldn't put anymore stress on my husband. It's a difficult life to live in prison, and I just could put any more added stress on him. My feelings are that the woman who stands next to her man who is prison is ALWAYS the stronger figure within that family. Us women keep it all together for ourselfs, our kids (step kids too), our husbands, and our relationships.

I completely understand about the jelousey!!!! I hate that my daughter has to spend every holiday without her Daddy. I hate that I cant spend our anniversaries together at dinner. I cant make my husband dinner. But worst of all is that my husband has never been there for our daughters first day of school, or on Fathers day when they have Fathers Day lunch. I'm VERY hurt and sad that our daughter didnt get to have those experiences with her daddy, but at least she knows her daddy. atleast she gets to see her daddy. Our situation can be a lot worse, so if I sit and think and remember all of the negative things, I cant be happy for the positive that we do have in our life. We are all very blessed and we should take a little more time out to remember ALL THAT WE DO HAVE!

Try to get some couseling, it does help. If you are a religious person turn to the LORD. And tell yourself everyday that you are beautiful and amazing! you WILL get through this!

Good luck to you! Stay strong

great post!!

girls remember even the happiest couples are going threw struggles 2! my man just came home after almost a decade in... while mostly all my post are upbeat, we are going threw a stuggle also... if you think that this just ends and life goes back to normal... THINK AGAIN! today as a matter of fact is a bad day for my man... he has been home a week and a day, and boy did he act like he was adjusting well, well he better think again also! i sit at work and get on this site, he has been calling me left and right, bitchen about this and that... after taking some time to think, i called and told him i know he is having a hard time adjusting and even tho he pisses me off to no end i will stand by him and help him threw this tuff time... there was a time when i turned my back on him while he was in becuse i could not deal with all the stress, heartach and lonleness..We can pretend this is ice cream and cake, but even the after math is HELL!!

to the OP... sorry your going threw this, i 2 went threw this and still do... we just want everything to be "normal"... but we have to learn to deal with our own demons and not let the devil win!! keep your head up, stay strong for you mans sake!! the day them gates open will not be the end to this!!

amy

hellokittymom1 · #11 08-15-2009, 08:59 PM

Thanks - LOL WOW my husband and I were just talking about that today. When he finally gets home, its not going to be "back to normal" BY ANY MEANS!!!!!!! he has changed and matured SO MUCH and I have too. We will be starting all over again...learning eachothers new ways. we talk on the phone everyday and sometimes we get on eachothers nerves LOL every relationship goes through rough patches and this is one of them for us. If you go through life watching people and relationships through a glass window you are fooling yourself into thinking that THEY ARE LIVING A GREAT PERFECT LIFE! l m a o and its just NOT true.

FIRST HE WILL HAVE TO RE-ADJUST TO SOCIETY, THEN TO EACHOTHER, THEN TO OUR HOME AND TO THE WAY WE DO THINGS AT HOME, AND JUST MAKE ADJUSTMENTS AS TIME GOES ON. AND OMG he will have to adjust to the fact that his baby girl will be at that age where she will start to like boys and want to be on the phone. whoooo its going to great having my husband home, but WE BOTH know that it will be lots of hard work!!!!

One day I was driving home from work and I seen this random couple (a man and a woman) next to me at a stop light. they were in a nice suburban and through the windows you can see that there was kids in the back. I thought to myself Shit!!! I wish that was me and my family! So at our next visit I had told my husband what I had seen and I told him that "I wish that we could be driving to the movie theater on a sunday afternoon with our kids, in our nice car and go out for dinner afterwards....His response was "well baby, what you see is always what you think." It could have been a married man driving along with his "other wife" or that man could be a total ass hole. You just never know what goes on behind closed doors...even closed car doors LOL It was pretty funny afterwards...and I realized that I would never envy anyone again, because MY husband and family is what I want, not what I think someone else has! Our situation is what it is, I chose to walk this path side by side with the man i love and adore and whatever come with this package is what we have to deal with. and if you are determined to make it work IT WILL WORK! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSES.

Well im happy that you and your husband are together again. Good luck and stay strong

Tiny xo · #12 08-15-2009, 09:04 PM

i wouldnt call it jealousy. im happy for other happy people, ya know? some people really deserve it. but i do literally feel an ache in my heart when i see other happy couples. i get a sick feeling in my stomach knowing he's not here & that we cant take pictures like other people, go down the shore like i see all these people on vacations w. their boyfriends & we cant, we cant even take a simple walk around our neighborhood like we used to. & i wish i knew when my boyfriend was coming home so i could have a countdown

oh & i do get a feeling of rage when i think about the fact that the kid who's fault this is, is free enjoying his summer when he deserves to be in jail if not INSTEAD of my boyfriend then at least WITH him.

NoOne1994 · #13 08-15-2009, 09:52 PM

I wanted to drop-kick this couple who were feverishly making out at the state fair today.

CMaJoR · #14 08-15-2009, 10:02 PM

Let me tell you something.. I am jealous every damn day. Having a kid with them is no different, because you have to look at the precious child you created with the one you loved, and know that half of them is always with you; and you are constantly reminded they were in your life enough to create a child.

Don't get me wrong, I love our daughter. I love her with all of my heart and I would never want to "go back" and erase her, but she is a constant reminder of how daddy hasn't touched her, smelled her, laughed with her, seen her make a funny face, or watched her roll over on her stomach.

I'm not saying NOT having kids doesn't make it any easier, but having them? Makes it hard to just get through my days sometimes. My daughter looks like my husband.

mywife19 · #15 08-16-2009, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DameT'sDoll

I wanted to drop-kick this couple who were feverishly making out at the state fair today.

LMAO!!!!!! Yo, I can't stop laughing! Thank you thank you thank you!! First time in months!

EbonyGoddess01 · #16 08-16-2009, 04:38 PM

You know, I used to get real jealous too of seeing other happy couples together. Or sometimes I hear females complaining about my man doesn't do this, and he won't do that, and he's so lazy, blah, blah, blah. I'm just thinking to myself you all need to be greatful that you even have your man at home with you. But I try not to get drawn into the whole jealousy thing anymore. When those feelings creep up on me, I read my bible and it helps me to keep everything in focus. I spoke with a lady a few days ago whose husband was killed in a car crash last weekend and it was a definite reality check. As bad as things may seem, they could always be worse. We all have our man's homecoming to look forward to. But that poor woman will never see her husband alive again...

MRS. DONEZ · #17 08-17-2009, 06:27 AM

i know what you mean, for almost twelve years now, i've always been the only one that never has a partner, the third wheel! I would get sad to see everyone else happy around me and then one day i told a friend of mine about it and he said, don't be jealous of anything or anyone because that's not good! Know that in time, if he is worth it and you wait, you will feel the same happiness that others do! My husband is worth it, now that all this time has gone by, honestly, i get my happiness out of seeing other people happy! I know it sounds crazy but it's true! I hope that you feel better!

lmmerci · #18 08-17-2009, 05:20 PM

I understand the jealousy thing. But I experience annoyance too. I work with the public and I see couples all time. I get tired of seeing women talk to their men like they were children, bitch at them, and take them for granted. It makes me sick because they don't know how lucky they are to have their men around everyday and they don't know how quickly things could change and then they'd find themselves alone and wishing they could take it all back.

loveispatient13 · #19 08-17-2009, 06:01 PM

OH man I feel you i feel like happy couples follow me cuz there EVERYWHERE haha!

Hummingbird81 · #20 08-17-2009, 10:39 PM

Yeah. It's hard. My best friend just got married and I was there. Without him. It was hard. I wanted to run away but I needed to be there for my girl. I do just want to scream at some folks though when I see them all "Lovie". I just want to go "oh would you go away already!" But really, it's not their fault.

Hummingbird81 · #21 08-17-2009, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lmmerci

I understand the jealousy thing. But I experience annoyance too. I work with the public and I see couples all time. I get tired of seeing women talk to their men like they were children, bitch at them, and take them for granted. It makes me sick because they don't know how lucky they are to have their men around everyday and they don't know how quickly things could change and then they'd find themselves alone and wishing they could take it all back.

I work with the public as well. I couldn't agree more. They take their men for granted when they dont really know how lucky they are.

davivi · #22 08-19-2009, 12:51 AM

OMG thanks for this post because I experience this all the time. Whenever I am feeling myself getting jealous I talk to him about it. He tells me that the people who are in love,getting married etc. had to wait as well. Its really hard I don't want anyone being miserable but I don't have my baby home with me and its so hard.

ladymaravilla · #23 08-29-2009, 02:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adams Lady

I have random days where I get a little jealous of happy couples out here. Those thoughts come and go though. In my eyes, NOTHING is unfair. We CHOOSE to be here, and yes, its hard, this is the hardest thing I have gone through other than my sister's death. But, remember, each and every one of us is choosing to go down this path, and you CAN stop it if you want to. As far as others release dates, I can only be happy for them, they have served their time, and are now going home. Just like, eventually, your man will serve his time and go home. This is hard, but bringing jealousy and negativity into the picture make this a whole hell of a lot harder!

I just want to say to everyone else thank you for making me feel less crazy and mean for wanting to strangle people who are happy and in love. Sorry, I'm jealous I can't help it. Even happy prison visit pictures make me want to cry because I don't even get that anymore. But as for saying we choose to go down this road it's not like we WANTED this. Yes we CHOOSE to stand by our men but that's because we LOVE them! If we didn't love them yeah we could throw our relationships away over time. But if you TURELY LOVE someone you have NO CHOICE but to travel this road. What we don't do is we DONT choose to be jealous, especially since no girl likes the feeling or admitting it. We can't help how we feel, if we could none of us would love the boy spending years locked in a prison far away... we wouldn't feel sad all the time or alone all the time or even unhappier when we see happiness. If we could help how we feel we wouldn't think "why us?" everytime we see someother couple on the streets and know they aren't innocent either.

ladymaravilla · #24 08-29-2009, 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hummingbird81

I work with the public as well. I couldn't agree more. They take their men for granted when they dont really know how lucky they are.

Oh and I forgot to add you girls are soo right! So many people take their men for granted, and don't realize that they are lucky they have them. I try to tell my friends that, they don't listen. I would love to have my boyfriend out here doing dumb things for me to yell at him (especially since at least he's here to do them... rather than across the country) for and slap him in his face, be angry then have good make up sex but I can't. But when I can... I'll appreciate it more than ever before.

LadyBabyJoker · #25 08-29-2009, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladymaravilla

I just want to say to everyone else thank you for making me feel less crazy and mean for wanting to strangle people who are happy and in love. Sorry, I'm jealous I can't help it. Even happy prison visit pictures make me want to cry because I don't even get that anymore. But as for saying we choose to go down this road it's not like we WANTED this. Yes we CHOOSE to stand by our men but that's because we LOVE them! If we didn't love them yeah we could throw our relationships away over time. But if you TURELY LOVE someone you have NO CHOICE but to travel this road. What we don't do is we DONT choose to be jealous, especially since no girl likes the feeling or admitting it. We can't help how we feel, if we could none of us would love the boy spending years locked in a prison far away... we wouldn't feel sad all the time or alone all the time or even unhappier when we see happiness. If we could help how we feel we wouldn't think "why us?" everytime we see someother couple on the streets and know they aren't innocent either.

Man I agree, yes we choose this path but it's the only choice you have when you love someone. If you could just walk away when someone gets locked up obviously you don't really love them. I think it is normal to be jealous, no matter what the case is. People think it's bad to be jealous but really it's normal and it's okay. Everyone is a little jealous of something someone else has. Sometimes it's physical like bigger boobs, better stomache, other times it's mental like man that girl is strong look at all she can do with a smile on her face, or whatever the case is. When you have someone you love taken from you, you hurt and seeing other people not hurt makes you realize what you could be having and where you should be. Of course that hurts you more, which could seem like jealousy.

Oh and by the way, I want to strangle some happy people too!