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BlueEyedEllie · #1 08-17-2009, 01:55 PM

I have read some stories these past couple days that have really made me feel sad. and so i just want to vent a lil bit. i have actually cried over some women's situations on here as they remind me of myself and what i used to accept and put up with paying the terrible price of sacrificing my dignity and self respect. listen,God made each and every one of us and we are all precious in his sight. far too many women are throwing away their dignity and self-respect all in the name of love. let me just tell you ladies something. when a man loves you,REALLY loves you he will not cut you down with words,have babies with other women (while with you,and "claiming" to love you),hit you,neglect and abuse you and your children,etc. etc. etc. I don't care if your man cries till the cows come home,IT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING unless those tears are backed by actions. and yes,even with their limited resources in prison they CAN show their love,writing regularly(though some hate writing,that's understandable) so they may not write as frequently as some and that's ok as long as they do write something consistently. they will call you when they say they will,they will be understanding when they ask you for money and you can't send any because you need it for you and your kids,etc.etc oh and lets not forget those slick willies who are sneaking in other women to visit them,that is NOT being loving to you. i'm not saying expect a perfect man,not at all heck my man frustrates me to the utmost sometimes as i also do him,we are all imperfect people,the thing about love though is they care about YOU and YOUR needs and YOUR feelings.any man can tell you he loves you but it's his actions and words that will prove it. NEVER let any man treat you as second best. i'm talking about men in and out of prison. those of you who are in toxic relationships,WISE UP,time is ticking,you only have one life. cherish it.

ps and i need to add this street goes both ways. women can claim to love their men too and treat them horribly. either which way,always remember a man will only treat you the way you allow him to. don't be stupid like i was. i believed the crocodile tears more than i watched my ex-husbands actions and both myself and my children paid a price. a heavy price. allowing yourself to be abused in the name of "love" is so not worth it.

Tiny xo · #2 08-17-2009, 02:08 PM

i dont know what else to say except i loved this. you really put into words all the things that come to my mind when i read some of the things on here.

**Patty** · #3 08-17-2009, 02:17 PM

One thing to remember is that while you or I or we may not tolerate one thing or another there is always someone who still has to go through that, it doesn't matter if we have, we can only lend support. Wouldn't it be nice if others could learn from our past mistakes? Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

On the flip side there may be things we do (like my willingness to do multiple bids for example) that others wouldn't consider and so it goes, I hear ya though it's often frustrating and sometimes means just pullin' the chair back and refocusing one's energy.

Patty

june5 · #4 08-17-2009, 02:35 PM

Beth, this was a really nice thread to see...I know most of the time I see threads like this it's "how could you put up with..." as in "how can you be so stupid." It's nice to see one from a compassionate angle. I was in a bad situation for years and I know from personal experience everyone has to learn in their own time--the only thing anyone can do is encourage them in a positive way. Thanks for posting this.

rockys lil girl · #5 08-17-2009, 03:03 PM

Beth good thread i love it 100% Can i just add alittle to it pretty please. lol We as woman need to start valueing what we are worth i think that some of us may have some low self esteem and that is why we put up with it. Mind me I love my man and he has never put me through some B,S thank god i just want to say that we need to start valueing life and ourselves that we need to start demanding respect and we need to keep our dignity intact. Beth you have inspired me so much by this thank you sweetie.

t'slovingwife · #6 08-17-2009, 03:08 PM

Thanks for the positive thread--nice to read.

Eternal Sunshine · #7 08-17-2009, 04:03 PM

Wonderful thread and very true! Thanks for posting it!

Emansgirl · #8 08-17-2009, 04:30 PM

All i can say is DAMN! aint that the truth!
N im glad that my baby really do LOVE me
...i used to let myself be treated like that
before...but he showed me my WORTH- N
damnit! I KNOW I deserve Better now... thank you.

MzBlaque · #9 08-17-2009, 04:32 PM

Nice thread Beth...........! Hugz

J&D7 · #10 08-17-2009, 04:37 PM

I agree with you 100%... lately I'll read something on here and I am literally dumbfounded by what others are going through.. but as Patty mentioned, I do recognise that its a lot easier for us, as outsiders, to see the bad stuff in a relationship, its completely different for the ones living it.

One of the reasons why I love PTO is that all it takes is one person to read about someones past expierences and LEARN from it to make a difference in someones life.

justbeth · #11 08-17-2009, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marcsbeth

I have read some stories these past couple days that have really made me feel sad. and so i just want to vent a lil bit. i have actually cried over some women's situations on here as they remind me of myself and what i used to accept and put up with paying the terrible price of sacrificing my dignity and self respect. listen,God made each and every one of us and we are all precious in his sight. far too many women are throwing away their dignity and self-respect all in the name of love. let me just tell you ladies something. when a man loves you,REALLY loves you he will not cut you down with words,have babies with other women (while with you,and "claiming" to love you),hit you,neglect and abuse you and your children,etc. etc. etc. I don't care if your man cries till the cows come home,IT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING unless those tears are backed by actions. and yes,even with their limited resources in prison they CAN show their love,writing regularly(though some hate writing,that's understandable) so they may not write as frequently as some and that's ok as long as they do write something consistently. they will call you when they say they will,they will be understanding when they ask you for money and you can't send any because you need it for you and your kids,etc.etc oh and lets not forget those slick willies who are sneaking in other women to visit them,that is NOT being loving to you. i'm not saying expect a perfect man,not at all heck my man frustrates me to the utmost sometimes as i also do him,we are all imperfect people,the thing about love though is they care about YOU and YOUR needs and YOUR feelings.any man can tell you he loves you but it's his actions and words that will prove it. NEVER let any man treat you as second best. i'm talking about men in and out of prison. those of you who are in toxic relationships,WISE UP,time is ticking,you only have one life. cherish it.

ps and i need to add this street goes both ways. women can claim to love their men too and treat them horribly. either which way,always remember a man will only treat you the way you allow him to. don't be stupid like i was. i believed the crocodile tears more than i watched my ex-husbands actions and both myself and my children paid a price. a heavy price. allowing yourself to be abused in the name of "love" is so not worth it.

It was the AAron Neville the other night wasn't it?

HisAngel2 · #12 08-17-2009, 06:48 PM

"Words without actions are just words."

Thanks for a great post Beth!

Snowbaby62 · #13 08-17-2009, 07:09 PM

Great Thread Beth.

And just to add: Love comes in so many different colors, shapes, sizes but as Beth made so clear love NEVER comes with the intentional infliction of pain. I know for me I didn't know what love looked like so I had to try them all on and it was never a comfortable fit. Too tight, too little, too loose, too contraining, and always too painful. I know what love looks like now, and it's pretty darn handsome if I do say so myself.

sage26 · #14 08-17-2009, 07:17 PM

yea great post beth, i never knew i was worth any thing till i started dating my fiance, he has showed me love and respect, something that i have never had in my life, now i know i deserve better, and i,m worth a 100%. my fiance has never put me down,or talked mean to me. so i know that he really does love me.

canthelpbutwait · #15 08-17-2009, 07:41 PM

Great thread hun! You really gave some kind compassionate words to perhaps enlighten peoples minds- even if they are not in a situation you are describing. Thanks for the words of wisdom!

Imisshimsomuch · #16 08-17-2009, 08:32 PM

This makes me sad, but it is all true. Beautifully written, Beth.

Fancy · #17 08-17-2009, 10:21 PM

Yeah, most of the ladies on PTO give so much to their relationships and families...AND HELLO...we deserve respect and love too.

When we tolerate anything else...it ain't good.

Preach on Sister Beth.

Stray · #18 08-18-2009, 08:11 AM

Such a wonderful post to read first thing in the morning - thanks for sharing

I think sometimes people need to be reminded of how special they are.

24jf · #19 08-18-2009, 11:30 AM

Beautiful thread Beth...

Sininen · #20 08-18-2009, 12:46 PM

Great post with wonderful insight!!!! We as women should be the pillar and the backbone, we have emotional and mental strength beyond any man.... which, on a downside often leaves us as doormats.... Some of us take too much too long. Unfortunately. May your words encourage someone who may be goin thru it all..... =)

kimshei · #21 08-18-2009, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patty

One thing to remember is that while you or I or we may not tolerate one thing or another there is always someone who still has to go through that, it doesn't matter if we have, we can only lend support. Wouldn't it be nice if others could learn from our past mistakes? Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

On the flip side there may be things we do (like my willingness to do multiple bids for example) that others wouldn't consider and so it goes, I hear ya though it's often frustrating and sometimes means just pullin' the chair back and refocusing one's energy.

Patty

Just wanted to say: I love love love your signature! (if I've got the right post!) The red stamp, correspondents to an inmate ...! Very cool!
************************************************** **
I feel foolish and confused. My heart (or is that my intestines?) go one way, and my brain the other. I sent my inmate a "Dear John",so he phones and phones. I finally break down, answer, then saw him Sat. Two big mistakes I JUST figured out. This "problem", for me, when I get serious, will have to be dealt with completely. I will have to change my phone number for one thing. I can't afford to hear his voice, it's a "trigger". I didn't know that!

So I feel like a migraine coming on all day. I've been pretty spacey since I saw him. It was a good visit but I'm not in denial of his disrespect towards me, how loud he can be..so much in such a small package. It's by no means a normal "relationship". He's not allowed at my apt more than once a week because I just can't handle that much (I have a severe anxiety disorder, but that only makes it worse).

Thursday is the big day.The day I pick him up from jail. He promises he's going to spend time with me, not run downtown for drugs.The door will be VERY locked if he makes the (last) wrong choice with me!

I'm terribly overwhelmed, yet somewhat excited. (or is that a heart attack coming on?) ( ;

blondiegyrl · #22 08-18-2009, 04:56 PM

Again Beth you have a way with words and reaching out! Your gifted! I always appreciate your posts and they always hit home for me. Your just a positive strength and I am sure and see everyone agrees. Bravo and great words of wisdom!!! Bravo! Rock on girlfriend!
(((hugs)))

comradrahrah · #23 08-18-2009, 07:42 PM

Good thread Beth.

Everyone has to grow at their own pace. Individuality is just that individuals doing them. I know it's frustrating at times, but you have to allow people to be themselves with the hopes that they don't stay stuck for to long, and that they learn and grow to be a wiser person as a result of a particular lesson. I know just for me, experience has been the best teacher of them all.

SpicaRigel · #24 08-18-2009, 09:37 PM

What wisdom, darling!
You shared your experience, helping other's by posting this...its wonderful when member's here do that.
You are wonderful! XO!
You are also a beacon of light...you are illuminating the dark corner's of alot of people's lives.
I think all of us have seeds planted in our lives at different times, and we never know when they will sprout.
Beth you are such an example of GRACE.
Thank You.

BlueEyedEllie · #25 08-18-2009, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpicaRigel

What wisdom, darling!
You shared your experience, helping other's by posting this...its wonderful when member's here do that.
You are wonderful! XO!
You are also a beacon of light...you are illuminating the dark corner's of alot of people's lives.
I think all of us have seeds planted in our lives at different times, and we never know when they will sprout.
Beth you are such an example of GRACE.
Thank You.

wow,i'm all choked up now. thank you for such a kind compliment.