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Travs_girl · #1 01-20-2004, 11:21 AM

I went out with Travis' mom on Friday night to have a few drinks and chit-chat. Well, he called on my cell phone and she snatched the phone to talk to him. She starts telling him about two guys that she wants to hook me up with, blah, blah, blah. They get into an argument, obviously, and she hands the phone back to me. After I calmed him down and got off the phone, she spent the next hour lecturing me about "wasting my life on someone in prison". I get so sick of hearing that.

She kept going on and on about how I'm throwing my life away by wasting the next 10 years (actually, it's 7 years and 10 months, but who's counting, right?) waiting for a man who'll end up right back in prison. I finally had to just cut her off and leave. She doesn't listen to me when I tell her how happy I am with him and why I want to wait for him.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. Do any of you guys have people hounding you about waiting on a long-term offender? I wish people (like his own mother!) would offer me support instead of telling me how to live my life and trying to "help" me by getting me to go out with someone else.

bigbree31 · #2 01-20-2004, 11:27 AM

Excuse me was that a typos when you said you went out with his mom or was it your mom because I have a hard time wonder why his mom did that. How many drinks did she have?

cwmram · #3 01-20-2004, 11:45 AM

Sad but True! My family is more supportive of Chuckie and me, than his family could even think of being. There has been many times that his family has tried to start stuff between us on the "waiting" issue. Thank God mine and his relationship is so much stronger than that. It has to be to look at a 10 year sentence and never considering any other option than staying right by his side. For better or worse. Right?

We finally just kept contact with his family down to the barest possible minumum and things are a lot more peaceful!

Good luck with the MIL......you are gonna need it!!

Much Love
Becki

Travs_girl · #4 01-20-2004, 01:55 PM

BigBree.... nope, it was his mom that did that. She didn't have that many drinks. She's just all of a sudden on a kick that I can do better and shouldn't waste my time on him. I think it's because they're not on very good terms right now.

I'm going to have to cut contact to the bare minimum. It makes me sad, because spending time with her makes me feel closer to him.

Becki's right... for better or worse.

bigbree31 · #5 01-20-2004, 02:00 PM

`Ya you got to drop his mom fast instead of trying to hook up you she should be more supportive that you are standing by her child. Wow I can't beleive how she went off on you. I dont talk to my man mom at all that's why we are still together lol.

daddysgirl1102 · #6 01-20-2004, 03:50 PM

I dont think you need other peoples negative thoughts even if its his mother. I would keep the relationship healty butkeep a distance. Its hard enough without anyone's negative thought!!! especially from his mother you know the saying misery LOVES company and she might not be the happiest woman alive.

MrsP · #7 01-21-2004, 08:20 PM

I agree with daddysgirl. This is way too hard to have added negativity in your life. I keep the positive, supportive people close and slowly ease the negative ones out of my life.

CET · #8 01-21-2004, 08:24 PM

It kind of makes you wonder how supportive his mom was while he was growing up! She sure isn't in his corner.

Travs_girl · #9 01-22-2004, 12:31 PM

She sure isn't in his corner. And she never was. I've known Travis my whole life and with a mother like her, it's no wonder he ended up in prison. Sad to say, but true. I didn't have contact with her for many years, and I was thinking that it was time for a new start. I guess I was wrong!

babieboo · #10 01-22-2004, 12:55 PM

I get it sometimes when people ask how long he will be away. I just ignore them cuz they will never understand unless they themselves are in the same situation. Only God knows the content of my heart..

lovinbilly4ever · #11 01-22-2004, 03:59 PM

IMO--you should tell her straight up HER WORDS FREAKIN' HURT. SHE might think SHE is being helpful or whatever her stupid reasoning is for being a meanie--BUT, she has every right to know how her actions & or words are affecting YOU.

Billy's family is really supportive of us. Well, his mom was WHEN she feels like emailing me...I make it a point to send his dad fathers day, bday, v-day, xmas cards...and surprisingly enough--he is real supportive too. his mom told me a few months ago...i can see a change in billy & you are a postivie influence in his life. which was like awww mom thanks! lol

THOSE type of comments are the best. not little snotty ones..

anyways, yeah i still think that you should tell her how it makes you feel & maybe she should butt her nose out of your business. Maybe you shouldn't go out w/her for a while? i dunno. but good luck!
mel

spyda · #12 01-22-2004, 04:48 PM

WOW!?! I am just as surprised as the next person that his mother would try to hook you up with other men. Not only that but to tell him about it, how terrible would that feel? I don't think that people (in general) not in our situations can understand where we are coming from.

You know during these lil or big (depending on how you look at it) moments, you need to have tolerance. Not much else that you can do ~ everyone has their own opinion, will always feel the need to share it, and we have to except it. It sounds stupid but we can't change the world-right? I would think that his mother would support him during this time. That must be hard for the two of you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

bikerbaby45 · #13 01-23-2004, 10:28 AM

Just wanted to say that I know what you mean about all the negative input you get from family and friends. They are always telling you why you should not love a man in prison. And that you wont be able to wait that long on someone. But if your love is stong enough you can. I have felt more love from my man than I ever felt from one on the outside. My baby is doing a 45 year sentence, but we are going to be married on March 7, 2004. Hope things get better for you. Keep the faith! :fb:

msvbabygirl · #14 01-26-2004, 10:20 PM

OH NO! I would not have stood for that. I am so glad his mom is supportive of us. I can tell you right now...no one is going to be wasting my talk time with there negativity. We don't even get negative on the phone. The time is too precious. I would have to cut the contact with her until she comes around on that one. I think it will only lead to trouble.

Travs_girl · #15 01-27-2004, 10:39 AM

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I have pretty much cut off contact with his mom since then. I was seeing her a few times a week, but I haven't seen her since that night and only spoken two her once. She keeps calling and leaving messages for me to come visit, but not until her attitude changes.

On a happier note, I FINALLY got to see Travis this weekend after about 6 weeks of no visits (thanks to the snow!). It was a WONDERFUL visit and I feel so much better now. I don't think I can handle going that long again. Hopefully it won't snow the rest of the winter.

Bevie54 · #16 01-27-2004, 10:56 AM

I guess there are those of us fortunate enough to be able to love and it looks like you ladies are in a class by yourself when it comes to giving love. It breaks my heart that my son's wife ditched him after only two weeks of incarceration. I would give anything to have the kind of daughter in law like TravsGirl. I hope he finds someone like you.

Travs_girl · #17 01-27-2004, 12:36 PM

Aww... thanks, Bevie54. That was the best compliment I've received in a long time. Everyone else thinks I'm an idiot for sticking around. Thank you so much!

JWSPMS · #18 01-28-2004, 08:37 AM

James's family are nice to me but I get the feeling they wonder why I am staying with him. His younger brother talks all the time about how he screwed up etc. But my family well actually my mom she tries to be supportive but even she has her moments to tell me she doesn't like my choice in men. Why they can't understand it's my life and I know better than anyone what's good for me. I have friends you support me and those who I constantly hear I am waisting my life on a man in prison. So I basically just don't talk to much about it with alot of people any more. My uncle worked for doc and filed my mom's head with crap about James and it makes me sick. I don't talk to him too much any more. what kills me is all these people telliing me I'm waisting my life and are so damn unhappy in their own lives and some have already been through a few divorces. James and I have the closest relationship of anyone we know. And we do have are share of problems and little fights. I can't believe that was his mom saying all that. I hope she doesn't sit around thinking she had no part in him being where he is? I told James the same thing abut his family and he agrees. Anyway I wish you the best of luck. Spikeswife

Bevie54 · #19 01-28-2004, 10:06 AM

It has to be had to face the onslaught of "un-well-wishers" that tell you that you are wasting your time waiting. One good thing the two of you can be doing while apart is planning and setting it up so he doesn't end up back in prison. You can bet your sweet bippy I am, and will be doing all I can to help my son stay out of prison once he is out. I have plenty of people in my own family who have turned their back on me. They haven't said what they think (because they are of Norwegian descent and have never learned the art of communication) but I know they would love it if I just cut my son loose. We have to prove the meddlers and doomsday sayers wrong. Our loved ones may have made mistakes but they are still worthy of our love and belief in them.