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P&C5YEARS2GO · #1 09-11-2009, 05:09 PM

Using drugs again?
What would you do?
If he stopped using drugs 10 years ago and everything was going great for both of you but then he gets moved far away from you and everything is taken away from him and falls into a deep depression and turns to drugs again and then once again your life turns into a lie, living hell.

Would you leave? Would you stay?

MovingOn2Day · #2 09-20-2009, 07:32 PM

I would leave. After 10 years I would have hoped his coping skills would have improved so he would be able to make a positive decision rather than go back to what destroyed him initially. JMO

Has he been in therapy during these 10 years sober?

My first husband was an alcholic. He tried to 'do it' himself for many years. He would not stay in AA or any therapy. He finally died at 38 yo with cirrosis. (I am sure that is spelled incorrectly)

Leenie46 · #3 09-21-2009, 12:19 PM

my loved one happens to be my son who has struggled with drugs and alcohol since he was in his teens. He done many county jail stays and then he did his prison stint and is now back on drugs again. This time Im not sure who he is cuz he sure as hell aint my son.

Will I do it again? No. Im done. When hes my son again, we will talk. But I cant do it again. Even tho I was forced to "show him the door", his drug use is destroying my family. My heart breaks for him yet the anger and resentment is growing.

So...no...I wont do it again. Ive tried to help but its like talking to a brick wall. The world revolves around them and no one else.

I will always be his mother and love him unconditionally, but that doesnt mean I have to decend into hell with him.

Cisco's Wifey · #4 09-22-2009, 02:48 PM

Hello! So I've been in your shoes, I can say my husband had been clean for a minute which was 5 years things were going great, we both were working living good. Then he relapse and has not only picked up one case but 2. I asked myself this question so many times before what am I to do, when things get out of hand I tried tough love, I tried being there for him, I went to meetings encouraged him will he was in a program and after 2 long years of trying different approaches I found that prison is the only thing that keeps him sober or being on parole. I'm completely lost with any direction of what to do now, cause he is seeing double digit numbers for his stupidity of getting high and trying to maintian his addiction. I wish I had an answer. But I'm like you not knowing what I am going to do. I love this man, not the addict but the man without the drugs, he's my children's father and I do not see my life without him. Many don't understand and sometimes neither do I.

Sorry for rambeling off.

Missinhim24/7 · #5 09-25-2009, 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cisco's Wifey

Hello! So I've been in your shoes, I can say my husband had been clean for a minute which was 5 years things were going great, we both were working living good. Then he relapse and has not only picked up one case but 2. I asked myself this question so many times before what am I to do, when things get out of hand I tried tough love, I tried being there for him, I went to meetings encouraged him will he was in a program and after 2 long years of trying different approaches I found that prison is the only thing that keeps him sober or being on parole. I'm completely lost with any direction of what to do now, cause he is seeing double digit numbers for his stupidity of getting high and trying to maintian his addiction. I wish I had an answer. But I'm like you not knowing what I am going to do. I love this man, not the addict but the man without the drugs, he's my children's father and I do not see my life without him. Many don't understand and sometimes neither do I.

Sorry for rambeling off.

damn.. this is mt greatest fear.. My honey is an Addict and I'm scared to death that when he comes homehe will fall back into his old ways... I cant go back to that...

badd bxtch · #6 09-25-2009, 09:10 AM

I should be asking him this... because he won't even take ibuprofen for a frickin' headache. He's a wild boy.. but he doesn't like to do anything that he could get addicted to. While he was out.. he drank maybe once a month. MODERATION. He has good self control. He's the one trying to stop me from doing what I do. We just had a discussion about this yesterday because I was complaining about $ problems... then I realized where a large portion of my $ goes.

The role is reversed on this one

Mz.MM · #7 09-25-2009, 02:13 PM

I definately would leave!!!!.... Being clean is a huge accomplishment and should be commended... however; we all are well aware that being addicted to drugs nothing but problems and heartaches.. I think it is selfish of a person to take the risks that will cause pain/hurt to the ones they love and that love them.... Also, risking thier lives/freedom. I understand depression is a sickness however; they should seek PROPER treatment vs resorting to using drugs as a TEMPORARY outlet... unforunately once the drugs wear off here comes the depression rearing its ugly face.... the outcome of resorting to drugs vs getting proper medical treatment for depression in most cases are more severe/traumatic to everyone involved..... GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!

Tommy2tone · #8 10-08-2009, 11:19 PM

Good post,sadly the terror of long prison time rarely stops one from useing drugs.Breakups,leaving,yes that is a given one does not stop until thier DONE.Some don't have a bottom and stay in it until death.I got clean then found the love of a woman and pray everynight for the addict that still suffers

missmyhubby735 · #9 10-09-2009, 10:34 PM

Well I dont think I would leave UNLESS the drugs are illegal or if he is drinking. Me on the other had, I suffer from MAJOR anxiety and depression so yes I do take med's, but only for my anxiety. I refuse to take depression med's b/c they make you worse "THEY DO NOT WORK". I know the feeling of being sick and not being strong enough to control it. And I cant be a hippocrit to my man if he ever does need to take any type of medication. But NO will i put up with anything stupid or illegal or drinking. As long as the med's are taken as prescribed I'm fine with that.

blonde_asl · #10 05-02-2010, 08:04 PM

I agree, addiction is a sickness that no one really understands why but the addict themselves. My dad has been in and out of my life for 25 years and last year he got out and started to straighten his life around until he started hanging with his old friends. Now my dad sits in prison waiting for his life sentence for drugs as his so called friends steadily continue to use and testify against him. Unfornately me and my siblings are the ones who are suffering. My dad will never walk me down the isle, see his granbabies grow or even step foot off the grounds of the government for atleast 25 years and then he will be atleast 70 years old. I pray for all the families of addicts and addicts themselves that they can get the strenth to say no.

D4C · #11 05-02-2010, 10:19 PM

I would drive his happy ass to the nearest rehab and request that he check himself in. If he refused then I would be done. But if he chose to go into rehab then I would stand by him every step of the way.

Ok, I missed the paet about him being moved away from me and just answered it as if he were home.

decoprincess · #12 05-02-2010, 10:37 PM

Hum; If he got moved far away from me and started doing drugs? Not much I would do, he's already gone. And we'll be so old by then, we'll both be in assisted living.

bigc#1baby · #13 05-07-2010, 02:58 AM

we had a wonderful relationship and things began to change he had alot of guilt n his life an it consumed him an he fell right back into using drugs it was a downward spiral of hell an he took me along for the ride i tried to get off but i just couldnt leave him when he needed me the most. the drugs an the cheating damn near killed me an him he try to stop doing drugs by picking up a drinkin habit lol yea he thought if he drank instead of smoken dope he would be alright but of course all he did was add to the problem an now he is doing 3yrs an 8mons because of it some people say prison only makes a person worse but im hoping this will make him realize life is nothing to play with i havent talked to the sober man in years an now im getting that chance to remember why i fell in love with him in the first place i just thank god he saved his life before he ended it the dui that could have ended his life an others involved put him in a place were he has to think about the choices he has made an thank god he has the chance to start over an get it right

bigc#1baby · #14 05-07-2010, 03:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blonde_asl

I agree, addiction is a sickness that no one really understands why but the addict themselves. My dad has been in and out of my life for 25 years and last year he got out and started to straighten his life around until he started hanging with his old friends. Now my dad sits in prison waiting for his life sentence for drugs as his so called friends steadily continue to use and testify against him. Unfornately me and my siblings are the ones who are suffering. My dad will never walk me down the isle, see his granbabies grow or even step foot off the grounds of the government for atleast 25 years and then he will be atleast 70 years old. I pray for all the families of addicts and addicts themselves that they can get the strenth to say no.

i agree i also have a father who was on drugs but got clean an still is my step dad also was a drug user an has been clean for 8yrs an my uncle who was a drug user an got clean but dead shortly after due years of drug use his body just gave out now i am dealing with my hubby an his fight to stay clean its very hard for the family i think its even harder because when cant take anything to get rigde of the pain its so hard to watch your loved one destroy there life an feel powerless to stop it so my prayer is the same as yours

pinay19 · #15 05-20-2010, 06:16 PM

I would definitely leave.. My hubby is in prison right now because of drugs..he relapsed after being clean for 4 yrs. I gave him a chance and will stand by his side all through out his sentence... But if he choose to use drugs again i will not have second thoughts of ending the relationship..i love him with all my heart but i also love myself and my son.

Brittney Nathan · #16 05-28-2010, 06:22 AM

Sort of going through something like that. I THINK he might be back into it. Before he went to prison, he was completely over it, but he'll always be an addict. In prison, that stuff is thrown in your face every day. He's been hustling money left and right from the family. He gets out in a little over a month.
We're gonna have a lot to work on. We have three children, and he's not going to be around them if that's going on, simple as that. It hurts, and I'll be there for him as much as I can, but I can't put them or myself through that if that. This is only a hunch, but my hunches have always been right on about this in the past.

NoOne1994 · #17 05-28-2010, 06:26 AM

In the scenario you've presented it seems like the relationship has already been dissolved so no, I wouldn't wait.

downup28311 · #18 04-11-2011, 06:55 AM

I would not be able to go through it again. I've made that quite clear to "my loved one." Doesn't mean he won't relapse. Just means he knows where I stand and the choice is his as an adult as to whether he loves and respects me enough or his "true love" is the drugs/alcohol. Sometimes love is just not enough.

Good luck on whatever decision(s) you choose, and my heart goes out to you. Take care. ((((HUGS)))).