Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

deeintx · #51 10-01-2009, 06:06 PM

Khaos..I know were making light of things here....I hope you can smile and I'm glad your holding up.. you know we're rooting for you and for you son..I hope he gets the message....Lesson learned no turning back.....
From the bottom of my heart I wish you well

Good Luck and stay strong...dee

sadmominOH · #52 10-01-2009, 06:31 PM

Khaos, I am not sure if taking the hoodie was good or bad, but it was hilarious. You are doing a good job being strong and saying no. I hope I can do as well when my son comes home.

Thanking you for making me laugh

haggis · #53 10-01-2009, 06:33 PM

you poor lamb im thinking of you.. xxx lor

sleepless in Tu · #54 10-01-2009, 06:56 PM

I'm so sorry this is happening.Please remember this is not you fault .You'd wish only the best for him.There are some people who don't have the ability to understand how another person feels.Everyone gave you such good advice:Your keys in yor pillow case at night,keep one step ahead of him,and help your other son to set up a bank account with a debtbit card.The card can be on yor son's person and in the pillow case at night,also,a pin number is neede to access the money !Stay strong you are not crazy !!!

MOTHER OF HIM · #55 10-02-2009, 02:30 AM

I am so sorry your having all this going on....
May GOD bless you and keep you strong....

JShipsMom · #56 10-02-2009, 06:18 AM

Khaos,
Why is his PO not checking in on him? Jason's been home a month now, and his po has been here at least 10 times !!! Came yesterday and piss tested him, he's clean. Is he not on Parole? His PO is actually really a decent man, not to hard on him. Maybe if his PO would check on him more regularly he'd realize this isn't a game and if he keeps it up he'll lose...
Praying for you and your family Always

Khaos · #57 10-02-2009, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JShipsMom

Khaos,
Why is his PO not checking in on him? Jason's been home a month now, and his po has been here at least 10 times !!! Came yesterday and piss tested him, he's clean. Is he not on Parole? His PO is actually really a decent man, not to hard on him. Maybe if his PO would check on him more regularly he'd realize this isn't a game and if he keeps it up he'll lose...
Praying for you and your family Always

Uhh, PO has been here exactly once, 2 days after he got out. Never seen him again. He has to go into the office once a month, and now since he has a full-time job, he doesnt even have to do that. He's on parole for the next 5 years.

I gave him back the hoodie because i couldnt find the receipt

He's been shutting the lights off now!

Things really haven't been bad this week;I'm sure thats because he has NO money. We'll see what happens over the weekend, Fridays are paydays.
Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts - have to keep my sense of humor or this becomes unbearable!

dutchgirl1 · #58 10-02-2009, 01:20 PM

khaos, I am so sorry I am so far behind all this. it seems some days I think I am making headway back to normal since my sister passed away, then realize I am only taking baby steps. faltering all the way.
but just trying to catch up. OH I am so sorry this is happening again for you. everyone has given such good words of advice.
all I can do is promise to keep you in prayer for wisdom and courage. You will get thru this.

hugs n prayers.
d'gal

Khaos · #59 10-03-2009, 12:15 AM

((((((( D'gal )))))))) I'm so very very sorry for your loss. i cant even imagine. You have to crawl before you can walk - it will be ok

I think i am going to set a deadline where he needs to move out. I cant do this again, stay up all night worrying. He came home at midnight, i presume for more money, and left again. I think it's going to be my rules or the homeless shelter, I don't care, but I got so bad the last time right before he went to jail that i was hospitalized for a breakdown-not doing that again.
It's so horribly sad when hes under the influence - it isnt the son i knew at all, i cant even stand looking at him or hearing him talk. How do you cope???

wendy tyler · #60 10-03-2009, 09:39 AM

Keep doing what you have been doing Khaos, and stay strong. If you don't enable, you can't kick yourself for things not working out. If you give him a deadline...stick to it! Think of a reasonable time it will take him to save his $$, shoot for that and show him some tough love if he can't pull it off. I'm like you, this will be my first and last hoorah. I'm doing all I can for this rodeo, but I will not go back for seconds. I have made every excuse I can to make this experience so much easier for him. He must have this, he must have that. As long as he is trying to improve himself while there....and he is enrolled in college courses, and tutoring, seems to be getting a grip, I will be there. Screw up again, and it will be a lonely existence. I no longer have to send commisary money, he's making his own. I do send him quarterly packages that make his days easier, but that will NOT be an issue if he effs up again. I have made that very clear. Obviously he won't be able to parole for 5 years to Mexico, so that will be an expensive issue. He has got one shot, and one shot only. I'm not backing down and he knows it. I have gained so much strength from my fellow moms here, and for that I'm eternally greatful. So far you have been some what strong.....tighten up the reins sister, and get some control of your own life back. You will like yourself a whole lot better, and in the long run he will too.

We lose control of our child at a very young age. Either they make the right choices and live by the rules of society, or we lose them to the DOC. It is then up to them to decide whether or not they want to live by the rules of society. I intend to, and if that means not enabling a child of mine, so be it. I am not cold, he is still my every waking thought, but just hell no. I don't think I would be doing him any favors if I thought differently.

Khaos · #61 10-10-2009, 04:15 AM

Hate this, hate this, hate this. Can't get him up for work, of course. His boss is beating on my door at the moment. I'm too embarrassed to even answer it so maybe if i pretend im asleep he'll go away. I can only imagine what my neighbors think.

jkmom · #62 10-10-2009, 09:54 AM

Khaos,

My heart hurts for you - it is all so familiar and I can feel that knot in my stomach just reading your posts. I'm so very sorry for you and wish that no parent would ever have to go through what you are again. I hope 'power in numbers' can travel over the net so you can feel the force of mothers you have standing with you today.

JKMom

deeintx · #63 10-10-2009, 07:35 PM

Khaos....I'm so sorry.... I don't understand addiction enough... I'm truly sorry for you but, also sorry for your son ...why he just can't see the damage that he is doing? Why can't he stay strong enough to say no.....maybe today will be the day it gets better ....God I hope so ..keep the faith .. he has managed to hold on to his job -so that's a little bright spot... ((((HUGS)))) dee

jancy · #64 10-10-2009, 08:07 PM

natural consequences. ignore him and let what happens, happen. if he loses his job, so be it. do not wake him up for work. let him fail. do not rescue so he learns a lesson.

Khaos · #65 10-10-2009, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jancy

natural consequences. ignore him and let what happens, happen. if he loses his job, so be it. do not wake him up for work. let him fail. do not rescue so he learns a lesson.

Well, i apparently am the poster child for sucker. The boss came back 3 times and my dogs were waking the neighborhood up. I cant even begin to explain what a pathetic graphic sight dragging a 23 yr old out of bed until he falls on the floor is. At first I didn't even think he was alive, so the panic set in.
I really really can't do this again. I'm making a psychiatrist appointment so I can just live in zombie world on tranquilizers.
WHY WHY WHY cant they see what they are doing?!
The hell with them, they are destroying everyone who loves them.

And do i even need to say he is out again tonight, he spent his whole paycheck last night, but today was 'extra work', so he got paid cash.... i dont know, this has to be someones idea of a cruel joke.

Leenie46 · #66 10-10-2009, 09:40 PM

khaos - I cant even begin to count the times I called my sons work lying and telling them that he was sick. How many times I gave him cigarettes, cell phones and money so he would not be shamed in front of his friends. Now look where I am at. Please listen to all this wonderful advice cuz these are wonderful, wise people. It sounds like you are doing the right thing and I can surely understand the feelings that you are describing. I too wonder when the nightmare is over and why this keeps happening.

Unfortunately my situtation is really ugly at the moment, but I have been in your shoes many times and my actions did not help my son at all. I was weak and gave in. Way too many times.

You sound like a very strong person and I commend you for that. I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

Leenie

jkmom · #67 10-11-2009, 05:50 AM

Khaos - I'm right there with you on the poster. Once I actually took a storm window off and jimmied the window open so I could climb in and wake my kid up for work. Good thing we live in a small town or I probably would have gotten arrested. I was going to drag him out of bed but once I got inside, he had locked the bedroom door (probably because he knew I'd show up). I beat on that door until he had to get up and open it - he was very indignant that I had woken him up because he was 'sick'. That's was the last time for me - I couldn't believe the lengths I was going to just to try and get a 24 year old to go to work. Insanity.

Michaels Mom · #68 10-11-2009, 06:30 AM

*whispers* go to alanon. it has reallly been helping me to stay strong...

Butterfly21 · #69 10-11-2009, 07:37 AM

I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. My heart goes out to you. My son, in such a short time, put me through a lot too, I tried to help in ways I never thought of before, so many different ways, some of it was for him, some of it was for me I think because we live in a small town and embarrassement was setting in so I covered for him, I felt bad for him, I hurt for him. I tried and tried to talk to him but in the end he still ended up where he is now. I had become an enabler in such a short time. There is only so much we as parents can do. You have to let him take responsibility for himself as hard as that is to do sometimes... Maybe we both should take the advise about going to Alanon. Michales Mom whispered that in your ear, thank you Michaels Mom,your whispering words may just help. I have never been to a meeting before. Have you Khaos? Even though my son is in jail right now maybe going to a meeting would help me understand where he is and was coming from and the same for you. Hugs to you and your family.

jancy · #70 10-11-2009, 07:45 AM

the KHAOS and insanity can end whenever you choose. or when you die.

I recommend choosing and not letting this kill you. take charge and throw him out. today. he will find a way and when you remove the safety net....he will have to set the alarm to survive.

puh lease!

angel mathews · #71 10-11-2009, 08:52 AM

Wow I never had a boss who would show up at my house and drag me out of bed that man sounds as if he has a few enabling problems of his own Every job I have ever had, had a policy of no call no show no job...I would however take Micheals mom advice of going to an alanon meeting they do help alot....I never had to go because of my children but was married to not one but two acholics learned my lessen after the second marriage and have learned to stand my ground and standing your ground is much easier with the support of such a great support group as alanon and of course us here at pwcip ((((((((((((((HUGS TO YOU))))))))) Angel

jancy · #72 10-14-2009, 11:44 AM

how ya doing K?

dutchgirl1 · #73 10-14-2009, 01:25 PM

Khaos. just wanted to say that my heart and prayers go out to you.
the Lord is our strength and tower and shelter in our storms. He will calm the
storm and bring peace, but the hard part is knowing this all happens in His time.

I am @ peace about my son but inside I am a storm of emotions. I cry constantly I miss my sis so much. but in His time, He will bring me some peace. maybe it is I who is holding the storm in me. I need to release it.

Lean on the Lord and trust Him.

hugs
d'gal

Leenie46 · #74 10-14-2009, 07:52 PM

Just checking in on you...hope all is well and peaceful at your home..

MIKESMOM58 · #75 10-15-2009, 01:44 PM

k
hope things are ok, prayers and hugs dee