Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

mandarose · #**1726** 06-17-2012, 08:58 PM

Definitely communication & honesty.... and for us laughter (lol idk just is)

kristi2578 · #**1727** 06-17-2012, 09:21 PM

My boyfriend has been away since March of this year. He is 6 months at the Walker Sayle Unite (SAFPF) in Breckenridge, Texas. The hardest thing that I've had to deal with so far is the judgment of my family. Many of my family members have their doubts, and my own mother has encouraged me on several occasions to find someone new. I have to tell them, it's my life, and it's my choice, and I choose to stick by him no matter what anyone else thinks about it. It's tough. There are days that I have to pick myself up and tell myself that everything is going to be ok.

My boyfriend and I have been together for less than two years. I knew before we started this relationship that he was an alcoholic, but I saw past that and know what a great man he can be. In July of 2011, he was convicted of his 3rd DWI (he's 30), and in March, he was sentenced to 6 months at SAFPF and will have 3 months in a halfway house and some other continuing therapy for 9 months. I have been thinking about going to Al Anon classes myself to try to educate myself on how to help and deal with a recovering alcoholic. Does anyone have any other suggestions or guidance on how how I can help him, and help myself once he has finished his time and is back into society? My biggest fear is a relapse. I want to do whatever I can to help him stay on track when all this is said and done, especially since he will be on probation for seven years.

mallafri · #**1728** 06-18-2012, 05:38 AM

Trust, support and communication, being able to talk about everything and anything. Making each other laugh!

marissaa · #**1729** 06-18-2012, 08:02 AM

TRUST, communication, support, honesty, loyalty... the basics(:

sarbear831 · #**1730** 06-18-2012, 09:10 AM

Communication is number one. Everything else builds off of communication! There also needs to be trust and loyalty! These needs to be present from both people!

starbright31 · #**1731** 06-18-2012, 09:30 AM

communication, trust, loyalty

wesmkbud2 · #**1732** 06-18-2012, 09:59 AM

I just try and not think about her.

wesmkbud2 · #**1733** 06-18-2012, 12:20 PM

works pretty much. Unless I go w/o for a lil' while.....u know.

babydollx · #**1734** 06-26-2012, 03:58 AM

this is my first time posting on here... and i have read some of your stories.. and it has kept me going... i know its only been a month since he has gone in but that first month is always the worst. just want to say thankyou for keeping me sane and knowing there are others like me out there who are doing whats right and sticking by there man.

RachelMarie2286 · #**1735** 06-29-2012, 08:36 PM

What kind of things do you send that stand out or that he appreciates??

Quote:

Originally Posted by PTO-189145

Great Post

What helps my days and my relationship:

* I write...and i write A LOT...atleast once a day...sometimes more.. we dont talk on the phone so..our letters are pretty much our only source of communication. It keeps us strong.

* I learned to be understanding of his feelings as well as mine. Communication is key. We do a lot of discussing..and compromising..

* I've learned to hold my head high despite peoples negativity. I handle it gracefully and I hold it together (For both me AND my boo).

* I visit as much as I can...(which is only about once a month) That helps a lot.

* I remember that this DOES NOT DEFINE HIM. I realize that he is so much more than this...this is only temporary..while our love is forever.

* Communication and honest ARE the answer...and trust. Without trust there is nothing

* I send a lot of creative things in the mail to him...he says the guys call me the "model girlfriend"

* I take it day by day...instead of lookin at it in whole...I've made it this far..and i KNOW i can do this.

* I come on PTO. It helps more than you can possibly imagine... These women are so strong willed and driven. Driven by the same thing I am..... LOVE. And if they can do it....so can i

great thread!!!!!!!!!!!

Julie Bojorquez · #**1736** 06-29-2012, 08:53 PM

I have read all your females post and trully understand all of you guys cause at last we here for a reason. Never let family or friends come in between a relationship cause at last the only one that knows how we trully feel is our selfs.. Patience is a virtual and i know we ain't no weak mind'd females. Every day every night every hour minute and second we learn how to be strongers. We tell out mens YOU DO THE TIME DON'T LET THE TIME DO YOU so true but back to us let the time be cause at last everything will be worthy

syar01 · #**1737** 07-01-2012, 05:18 AM

Hello, i just signed up on prison talk & i do not know how to ask a question, can someone please help me for what links i press? Thank You

!!!

Teddysgurl · #**1738** 07-02-2012, 02:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kristi2578

My boyfriend has been away since March of this year. He is 6 months at the Walker Sayle Unite (SAFPF) in Breckenridge, Texas. The hardest thing that I've had to deal with so far is the judgment of my family. Many of my family members have their doubts, and my own mother has encouraged me on several occasions to find someone new. I have to tell them, it's my life, and it's my choice, and I choose to stick by him no matter what anyone else thinks about it. It's tough. There are days that I have to pick myself up and tell myself that everything is going to be ok.

My boyfriend and I have been together for less than two years. I knew before we started this relationship that he was an alcoholic, but I saw past that and know what a great man he can be. In July of 2011, he was convicted of his 3rd DWI (he's 30), and in March, he was sentenced to 6 months at SAFPF and will have 3 months in a halfway house and some other continuing therapy for 9 months. I have been thinking about going to Al Anon classes myself to try to educate myself on how to help and deal with a recovering alcoholic. Does anyone have any other suggestions or guidance on how how I can help him, and help myself once he has finished his time and is back into society? My biggest fear is a relapse. I want to do whatever I can to help him stay on track when all this is said and done, especially since he will be on probation for seven years.

Hi. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. My advice would be to check out al-anon but more importantly I would get and read the codependent no more books and find the co-dependent groups in your area. I don't want to sound negative or rude but sweetie if you help too much or try to help too much it only makes it easier for us addicts/alcoholics, etc continue down that road. I think its wonderful for you to want to remain by his side but the best thing you could do for him is to not enable his.behavior any longer. Take care and God Bless your road to recovery.

**number8** · #**1739** 07-02-2012, 03:36 AM

Hi Syar01. If you are asking about a particular institution, then best to start in the forum for that place. That will put you in touch with others that know about that one. (each place has its own particular umm, ways) If its about having a loved on in prison, then there are several forums that may suit you. Have a look through and see where you feel most comfortable.
At the bottom of the page is a 'forum jump' you can go to any forum there, so for instance Australia/NZ forums will lead you to the institution for your partner.
If you want, PM me and i will help in any way I can.
Kia Kaha
8

LilMizSunshine · #**1740** 07-02-2012, 04:59 PM

I write my boyfriend every day. He usually writes me every other day because new stuff doesnt happen in there as often as out here lol. When i open the mailbox and see a letter from him the smile that he fell in love with always comes immediately. I sit down with a highlighter and highlight every cute thing he says to me. So when im feeling down or doubting myself or im just missing him like crazy i can easily go get my latters and have my smile back in just a few seconds. I dont think he has any idea how much he uplifts me.. i only hope i do the same for him.

victoria1127 · #**1741** 07-02-2012, 07:19 PM

my fiance and i try to communicate as much as possible although we have not been able to talk on the phone we write each other everyday. i have never been so excited to see a mailman in my life as i have since receiving letters from my hunny. right now to get my mind off of him not being here i think of our future. i just got a job with him in mind to save for an apartment and a wedding, i think of what our kids will be like, and their names and where we'll end up living. i have a really great relationship with his family which helps tremendously, they tell me stories about what he was like as a kid (he hasnt changed much) and it always makes me smile. there are days when im so bored out of my mind i dont know what to do with myself and thats when my mind goes and goes so i just have to keep busy somehow, like go to the gym so that he has a sexy woman to come home to lol. there are days when im afraid he'll stop loving me but i know its not true. i believe that in order for a relationship to last through something like this it has to be really strong to begin with and i know ours is. i love him and he loves me.

TABonelove · #**1742** 07-03-2012, 05:07 PM

I can agree with you about communication and honesty is extremely important! Here is another essential thing you must have is patience and understanding.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jillian

Many of us come here looking for support and others who are going thru if not the same thing but something similar. We all start off with the same questions how are we going to make it with him being gone. We all realize that it doesn't matter if our loved one is gone for a few months, a few years, to life we all have to deal with separation anxiety. We all have to deal with a loved one being ripped out of our daily lives, aind being placed in a strange and scary place.

I thought we should have a thread that can help all those who have questions about how to survive a prison relationship. Share what helps you get thru your days while your loved has been gone.

One thing we all have to remember is that communication and honesty is the key.

Looking forward to what everyone else will add to this!

TABonelove · #**1743** 07-03-2012, 05:11 PM

Victoria you never lied about the mailman! My husband and I have been doing this for 8 years so far, and we have not missed one day of writing from the time he went in. The mail carriers are our friends because they are so used to us getting so much mail. I wait around looking for my mail especially when the prison is on lockdown.

Quote:

Originally Posted by victoria1127

my fiance and i try to communicate as much as possible although we have not been able to talk on the phone we write each other everyday. i have never been so excited to see a mailman in my life as i have since receiving letters from my hunny. right now to get my mind off of him not being here i think of our future. i just got a job with him in mind to save for an apartment and a wedding, i think of what our kids will be like, and their names and where we'll end up living. i have a really great relationship with his family which helps tremendously, they tell me stories about what he was like as a kid (he hasnt changed much) and it always makes me smile. there are days when im so bored out of my mind i dont know what to do with myself and thats when my mind goes and goes so i just have to keep busy somehow, like go to the gym so that he has a sexy woman to come home to lol. there are days when im afraid he'll stop loving me but i know its not true. i believe that in order for a relationship to last through something like this it has to be really strong to begin with and i know ours is. i love him and he loves me.

GraceNhope26 · #**1744** 07-05-2012, 11:17 PM

I know I get depressed and down from traveling this path. I am so in love and its so hard I can't be with him physically, or see him everyday. Do you tell him when you missing him, and vent how down you feel? I worry I will overly stress him out and make him feel down too... but when that's what I'm feeling I can't pretend. So communication is key, do you do this ladies? All I want to do it wait for his calls, but I'm going insane thinking all the time, and waiting! I feel bad for him, when I get so depressed because I think it overwhelms him. Heck when he's depressed its hard on me too, I just try to send him cards, be positive, encourage him. Pray and pray somemore...crying helps sometimes lol.... what should we expect out of them to help us deal with this too? Cuz I feel like i'm doing time too, in away, with him...

mrsgivens1276 · #**1745** 07-07-2012, 07:16 PM

My man has been in a year and just actually went to prison. I miss him terribly. Nobody I know understands why I do the things I do. I still get his kids every other weekend and when he was close I took them to see him when I had them. Now I go ahead and get them so he can call them. People give me crap and tell me they are not my kids. They may not be but I love them as they are my own. I have been faithful 100% and will remain that way. I joined this sight hopeing to find others who understand what I am doing. I love my man more than anything and do all I can to keep this situation as easy on him as possible. I suffer a lot trying to keep it easier for him but I will continue to do so. Is their people on here that understand?

MyWish · #**1746** 07-13-2012, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tina

I try to focus on my daily life here with my kids. I look forward to the times when I know that William will call me, or when I know I have mail coming. I use each of those letters and phone calls to get me through till the next. Taking things one day at a time (or even less at a time if necessary helps too. I'm honest with him about how I feel or what I may be going through and I try to encourage him to do the same, even if he thinks it will put to much strain on me. I tell him that even if it does make things difficult it doesn't matter. Whatever it is we can get through it together. Also I try to find ways for us to work together as much as possible, weather it's making decisions, or each of us doing what we can to accomplish a common goal.

Thank you so much for sharing! I find my life is now measured in minutes, hours and days...the hours to minutes until he calls me back, and the days before I receive another letter from him. After all this time, time still stops for me when it gets within an hour of when I expect a call from him. I love him, but it's hard; hard, but definitely doable. He has been in my life since I was 11 years old, and after 29 years I can not imagine him not being a part of my life...

MyWish · #**1747** 07-13-2012, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mandarose

Definitely communication & honesty.... and for us laughter (lol idk just is)

I know what you mean...for me and my honey, laughter takes us outside of prison and away from the emptiness of missing one another. For that moment when we let ourself go we are both momentarily in the same place.

Princess92 · #**1748** 07-14-2012, 11:50 PM

I'm brand new to this, the website as well as a prison relationship. My fiancé has a four year sentence and we're only 5 months into it. I've been trying to keep busy, turned to god. Which was hard to do but I do believe it's kept me sane and strong. If anyone has any other advice it'd be greatly appriciated..

**number8** · #**1749** 07-15-2012, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by babydollx

this is my first time posting on here... and i have read some of your stories.. and it has kept me going... i know its only been a month since he has gone in but that first month is always the worst. just want to say thankyou for keeping me sane and knowing there are others like me out there who are doing whats right and sticking by there man.

Hi Babydollx, Welcome to PTO. You will find there are many of us here that do understand. It can be hard for friends and family to know how to react, but here, well, we are here to support each other and help where we can. Feel free to ask question, check out the forums, vent, or what ever you need at the time.
Kia Kaha
8

jowel<3 · #**1750** 07-16-2012, 09:14 PM

so im new to this!!
my boyfriend has been gone for 8 months now & has 9 more years to go

he just recently got transferred and i havent heard from him.
not hearin from him hurts so much, i can only imagine how hes feeling!!
this is so hard but ill stick it out for him.
its so hard to stay strong tho when everyone around us has negative opinions!!
its like no one understands

this page is so helpful!!