Don't beat yourself up over your child's incarceration

[soon2Bsentenced]

A lot of people have the tendency to feel guilty, like it is their fault that their child is locked up behind bars. Usually this is not the case. We often try to take the blame for others, especially for the ones we love. If this sounds like you, take it easy on yourself. Instead of spending the energy focusing on all of the things you "could have done," focus on what you will be doing today and in the future to assist your loved one both inside and once they are released.

[Jules966]

Very well said. Thank you very much. That was nice for a mother to read.

[beccasmom]

I think we cannot hear things like that too often!!!

[deborahsmiles]

We know we raised our kids well...... Sure we made mistakes!!!! But we didn't put them in the position to make BAD judgements..... They made their own choices bad The BAD thing is: we all have to live with it!!!! I made bad choices as a 20 yr old and my parents...... DIDN"T deserve it....... They didn't DO anything wrong!!!!
I DID!!!!...... I'm paying the price now!!!!! But I have a GREAT KID with A GREAT OUTLOOK on LIFE!!!!! I know he will be GREAT one DAY!!!!! In the very near future... I can FEEL IT!!!!!!!

[wickit]

I struggle with this day in and day out, I'm always wondering about the coulda, woulda, shoulda. Even though I have told people here that you can't do that, it's not your fault, it's always there in my head. I miss my son.

[MSchulz60288]

Originally Posted by soon2Bsentenced

A lot of people have the tendency to feel guilty, like it is their fault that their child is locked up behind bars. Usually this is not the case. We often try to take the blame for others, especially for the ones we love. If this sounds like you, take it easy on yourself. Instead of spending the energy focusing on all of the things you "could have done," focus on what you will be doing today and in the future to assist your loved one both inside and once they are released.

I have a brother who is locked up for a little while..... can I subscribe for them and have it given to him in Prison??? Arizona???

[bumblebee37]

But I think that guilt is a package deal along with regret, what if's and being lonely without our children. It is like a rollar coaster of emotions: Today I am up and ready to accept it but who knows what next week will bring me. And I been doing this for many years.......

[aba]

As a son facing charges, parents are always going to feel emotions that if are not specifically guilt, something similar. As stated above, regret, questioning where they went wrong (although they didn't), what might have been the catalyst for their child's actions, etc. And any caring parent will inevitably serve a sentence equally as punishing as the one their child is serving.

You sentiments are well intended. If a parent here with a child incarcerated is able to so simply 'not beat themselves up over their child's situation' then I see where that is positive and allows the parent(s) to live their own lives (which they're of course entitled to do) and even make productive plans to assist their child re-integrate and assimilate upon release. But I can tell you from looking at my parent's faces on a daily basis that your advice is MUCH, MUCH easier said then done, if at all possible.

[judean07]

Possible, maybe. My son is doing well, thanks to GOD and the lifers for that. I live each day by looking to what will be, not what has been. I can not do anything about what was, all I can do is ask for forgiveness from my GOD and my son. I did mess up a bunch and my son and I know what I did. All I can say is that I did the very best I could at that moment in time. Today, if I knew then what I know now..the mistakes would not of happen, we make mistakes so we can learn from them. Forgive yourself, for what ever mistakes were made. We all make them, we are human.