Will you have free access to their cellphone?

[LeBeau]

I have no more and no less access to his phone than he has to mine- Several of our mutual friends have their own ringtones on both phones, so we'll answer those on whichever phone rings and I will answer calls from his job if he's not handy enough to grab it but we do not read each other's texts, scroll through call histories or anything else that could be thought of as "checking up" on each other- there's just no need for it but there is a great need, with both of us being fiercely "individual" creatures, to have zones of private space and the phones (along with our computers) are among those "by invitation only" zones.
Neither of us has a darn thing to hide but we each like having little corners of our shared world that we can call "mine" rather that "ours"

[tee.dot.q]

Originally Posted by chelseagreg1427

if a man wants to cheat, he will find a way. he doesn't need technology to help him.

sorry if thats not what you were saying tee.

Yes, that is what I was saying, exactly.

And Babi, don't take it as an act of argument; I actually have some strong opinions on this whole thing so let's enjoy the debate, shall we?

Here is the thing - The technology does make it easier to communicate and so if a man (or woman) is inclined to want to communicate the gratification can be had in an instant as opposed to back before the age of wireless. That said; I firmly believe that the intent and the desire have to already exist in order for the person to pursue it, no matter how easily it can happen.

And I don't think that the infidelity epidemic is unique to the USA, we have plenty of cheaters both cyber and traditional on our side of the border too. The thing is this - before sexting and chat and email and social networking there were clubs and bars & the good ole' street to pick up women and cheat with.

I think where you have it wrong is that technology isn't making it harder for men to cheat, it's making it easier for women to catch them. Those men probably been cheating all along in stealth mode.

Technology meets the needs of the people; the people do not change to meet the possibilities of technology.

A cheat is a cheat is a cheat. Temptation is temptation. A man may possibly run into all kind of it whether it be a colleague, a sweet young thing they meet on the road, a blast from the past or some chick that decides to follow him on twitter - the bottom line = IF they are not inclined to stray - they won't. And if they are inclined well, they'd find a way regardless.

If a woman needs to snoop on his phone then she probably should be tailing him while he is in his car and hanging out at his place of work. Shoot, I think most affairs start in the workplace than anywhere else but does that mean I have to follow my man to his job everyday?

I don't know if you ever listen to dancehall reggae but a couple years ago there was a riddim that came out and if you are familiar with the genre you'll know that often a song will come out followed by rebuttals to said song with the same rhythm. Well, I laughed when I heard the first song by some dude talking about how his cell phone had gotten him to trouble with wifey. Second song was rebuttal from a woman (in role of wifey) about how she is going to put the cell phone on lock and guess what the third song was? Dude again asking for a pen and paper to write his sweetheart(s) a letter.

By any means necessary... Technology aint the problem, in my opinion.

Marriages are failing more and more because as a society we (on both sides of the border) are failing as a society. (if that makes any sense)
The dissolution of marriage is because family values have been lost and that began to happen a long time ago, long before words like sexting and facebook infected our vocabularies.

DANG, that was a novel!

It is an interesting debate, I concede to that.

[only1love]

Do I think the internet and wireless toys make cheating easier? Yes Of course I do.

Do I think he will cheat? This man will NOT cheat. He tried that once a few years back and trust me, he will Never, ever, even think of it again, and it has nothing to do with me!

Will I have access to his phone records? Possible. I managed his business accounts for him before so he might ask me to do it again.

Of the 22 employees he had 21 of them used the services multiple times for things "not work related", and he was paying for it! I pointed this out to him, and he handled it. Even after he got arrested, 11 of them took the news as license to run a muck with the business phones until I disconnected them!

[SpicaRigel]

Originally Posted by Wobabi

TGIF Loungers ,,I think I betta stay threading down here for my own personal safety,,Hahaha
But anywayz Day got me to thinking about this whole infidelity issue some more.
Like I stated in her thread,,the single point of contact for all the cheating that I have been witnessing from those recently released has been that darn CELLPHONE!
I keep in contact with a few ladies who are not on PTO and its either been Sexting, X Rated Picture Mail or plain ole these ladies busted that code and heard the voicemail.
I have a friend who is a Chicago Police officer and he said the Number one reason or cause for Domestic Violence issues has been over the CELLPHONE
So what I want to know ,,Will you have free access to their cellphone?
Will you want to check it?
If he one day decides you cant even breath on his cellphone will you think he is cheating?
Will you be tempted to check the call records ?
Or will the cellphone not bother you at all no matter what time of the night it rings?

Babi... what ARE you doing upstairs?

[Onedaycloser13]

Originally Posted by chelseagreg1427

I think tee's point is that its not about the technology.. its about the man. if the man wants to cheat, he will find a way. the majority of men on dating websites may be married, but those men clearly just want to cheat.. they would do it whether it was on the computer or not.

Sure it might be easier for many men because of cell phones, etc., however its the thought and the fact that they are actively searching out women to cheat with, not where or how they found them.

if a man wants to cheat, he will find a way. he doesn't need technology to help him.

sorry if thats not what you were saying tee.

I have to agree, men use their friends cell phones, public phones, work phones, any other phone besides their own cell phones to call another female. The bottom line is if a man wants to cheat, he will find a way to do it, no matter how much his better half "checks up" on him. NO, I do not want access to his cell phone...as I don't want him snooping in mine. Not that I have anything to hide, but if he doesn't trust me, then our relationship has bigger issues than what is (in my case not) in my cell phone. If I do not trust him enough that I have to go looking through his cell phone, then I have to re-evaluate my trust issues or the relationship itself.

[BlueEyedEllie]

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

Yes, that is what I was saying, exactly.

And Babi, don't take it as an act of argument; I actually have some strong opinions on this whole thing so let's enjoy the debate, shall we?

Here is the thing - The technology does make it easier to communicate and so if a man (or woman) is inclined to want to communicate the gratification can be had in an instant as opposed to back before the age of wireless. That said; I firmly believe that the intent and the desire have to already exist in order for the person to pursue it, no matter how easily it can happen.

And I don't think that the infidelity epidemic is unique to the USA, we have plenty of cheaters both cyber and traditional on our side of the border too. The thing is this - before sexting and chat and email and social networking there were clubs and bars & the good ole' street to pick up women and cheat with.

I think where you have it wrong is that technology isn't making it harder for men to cheat, it's making it easier for women to catch them. Those men probably been cheating all along in stealth mode.

Technology meets the needs of the people; the people do not change to meet the possibilities of technology.

A cheat is a cheat is a cheat. Temptation is temptation. A man may possibly run into all kind of it whether it be a colleague, a sweet young thing they meet on the road, a blast from the past or some chick that decides to follow him on twitter - the bottom line = IF they are not inclined to stray - they won't. And if they are inclined well, they'd find a way regardless.

If a woman needs to snoop on his phone then she probably should be tailing him while he is in his car and hanging out at his place of work. Shoot, I think most affairs start in the workplace than anywhere else but does that mean I have to follow my man to his job everyday?

I don't know if you ever listen to dancehall reggae but a couple years ago there was a riddim that came out and if you are familiar with the genre you'll know that often a song will come out followed by rebuttals to said song with the same rhythm. Well, I laughed when I heard the first song by some dude talking about how his cell phone had gotten him to trouble with wifey. Second song was rebuttal from a woman (in role of wifey) about how she is going to put the cell phone on lock and guess what the third song was? Dude again asking for a pen and paper to write his sweetheart(s) a letter.

By any means necessary... Technology aint the problem, in my opinion.

Marriages are failing more and more because as a society we (on both sides of the border) are failing as a society. (if that makes any sense)
The dissolution of marriage is because family values have been lost and that began to happen a long time ago, long before words like sexting and facebook infected our vocabularies.

DANG, that was a novel!

It is an interesting debate, I concede to that.

I agree with this post,dear tee!! I think it all comes down to character more than anything.a man of good character could have 10 cell phones at his disposal and if he truly loves his lady it won't cause him to stray.I could have 10 dunkin donuts on my street but because i'm bound and determined to not gain weight i wouldn't step foot in any of them.certain things may make cheating more convenient and easier but if it's not on a man's radar to do it,he won't,period!

[D4C]

I've gone both ways with this one. When things are cool, why check the phone? But when behaviors change and things just aren't "right" then yup, I'm gonna check.

[Daywalker]

Originally Posted by Wobabi

TGIF Loungers ,,I think I betta stay threading down here for my own personal safety,,Hahaha
But anywayz Day got me to thinking about this whole infidelity issue some more.
Like I stated in her thread,,the single point of contact for all the cheating that I have been witnessing from those recently released has been that darn CELLPHONE!
I keep in contact with a few ladies who are not on PTO and its either been Sexting, X Rated Picture Mail or plain ole these ladies busted that code and heard the voicemail.
I have a friend who is a Chicago Police officer and he said the Number one reason or cause for Domestic Violence issues has been over the CELLPHONE
So what I want to know ,,Will you have free access to their cellphone?
Will you want to check it?
If he one day decides you cant even breath on his cellphone will you think he is cheating?
Will you be tempted to check the call records ?
Or will the cellphone not bother you at all no matter what time of the night it rings?

We bought our cell phones together when he came home. He carries his, I carry mine. Neither of us checks the other's phone, although, if my hands are free, and he's busy, and his rings, he will ask me to answer it, or read him the text that came in. I pay the bills, so I see the numbers called in and out. The only reason I look is to see which ones are not costing us (same network) and which ones are. The day I have to start sneaking around checking his phone, checking his mail and e-mail, is the day I pack my stuff. I just don't have that kind of time to be running after him checking to see if he's looking for some strange.

I personally think that some women drive themselves crazy about crap like this - the same ones who wonder if he's banging a female CO. That was the absolute LAST thing I would have wasted my worry time on - I had much more to worry about that was so much more important than whether he was getting any on the inside.

[Onedaycloser13]

You know something has come to mind.....if he isn't doing anything and he feels that his girl is constantly checking on him thinking he is....not all the time, but sometimes, it drives them away....which brings out the behavior that is feared so much in the first place. I have never cheated, but I have been in a relationship that he always thought I was doing something for whatever reason...I always thought to myself..I might as well, since he questions me etc like I am. Needless to say, I left, couldn't take the lack of trust!

[Daywalker]

Originally Posted by chelseagreg1427

So if one of us all of a sudden started being secretive with our phones, the other would definitely think something is up.

Something might be up - but it might be a surprise he's planning for you Mine did that for my birthday - but he was silly about that. He would call my ex, and our brother, and start talking in here, then walk out the door. I'm thinking to myself "what the hell"?, especially when he was talking to my ex. but because I knew he was talking to guys, and because I am generally obtuse when it comes to someone doing good for me, I didn't really pay all that much attention - turned out it was a surprise birthday dinner.

Imagine how stupid I would have felt if I was insecure enough to accuse him of cheating.

[Daywalker]

Originally Posted by Wobabi

These tools have made it EASIER to cheat.
Think about it,,,the majority of men on dating websites here in the US are married men
Too many stories to tell about it on this side of the border.

Not only has technology made it easier to cheat, it's redefined cheating for some. Hell, there are even sites that are specifically for married people to meet for a hookup with other married cheaters.

I know a couple of men who insist that cyber sexing, or mutual masturbation with some chick over webcams, is NOT cheating, because in their minds it's no different than reading a penthouse while handling their *business*. However, most of the women I know do say it's cheating, because there is some conversation taking place, and more often than not, what's the first thing a man says when he's looking for sex? My wife doesn't understand me. Perhaps if he tried speaking to her, she might understand.

And yeah, Babi - my hub is an ex cop, and he told me DV calls are the ones that the cops hate the worst to run on, and it almost always involved a phone or a computer to start the fight.

[SpicaRigel]

I just remembered something...okay i had a penpal who i MWI back in 2001.
he was paroled in 2005 and we stayed in contact till the end of 2008. Long story short, after his wife left him i was paying for his cell phone...oh...he was in the mid west and im in california, we never met face to face, but he was telling me all this bull that he was in love with me which i knew wasnt true, and he insisted i was the only one he ever called on the cell. I knew he was lying, and i felt bad about doing this, and i posted on PTO about this, and the general consensus was if i was paying the bill i had the right to know, so i did access his account online and wow...i must have printed page after page after page after page of his call records, there must have been 20 pages, and trust me that man had that phone glued to his ear every minute of every day...i mean looking back i dont know how that man could talk THAT MUCH!!!
Yeah, he was banging up a storm with these ladies, and i suspect a couple of men too, and my point is... heck, ive forgotten... i went on too much!
Anyway, if a man is gonna cheat, he is going to do it and really there is nothing you can do about it.

[SpicaRigel]

Oh i know what i was going to say!
He was on the phone so much i swear he must have been talking while he was having sex...im not kidding...he could talk like there was no tommorow...
You could see the time a call was placed and how long each call was, and trust me there wasnt much time between calls... except between 1AM and 7AM.

[Wobabi]

Originally Posted by Daywalker

Not only has technology made it easier to cheat, it's redefined cheating for some. Hell, there are even sites that are specifically for married people to meet for a hookup with other married cheaters.

I know a couple of men who insist that cyber sexing, or mutual masturbation with some chick over webcams, is NOT cheating, because in their minds it's no different than reading a penthouse while handling their *business*. However, most of the women I know do say it's cheating, because there is some conversation taking place, and more often than not, what's the first thing a man says when he's looking for sex? My wife doesn't understand me. Perhaps if he tried speaking to her, she might understand.

And yeah, Babi - my hub is an ex cop, and he told me DV calls are the ones that the cops hate the worst to run on, and it almost always involved a phone or a computer to start the fight.

DAy BINGO! Its off the hook and dont get me started on the swinger sets,,,

[june5]

Originally Posted by Wobabi

TGIF Loungers ,,I think I betta stay threading down here for my own personal safety,,Hahaha
But anywayz Day got me to thinking about this whole infidelity issue some more.
Like I stated in her thread,,the single point of contact for all the cheating that I have been witnessing from those recently released has been that darn CELLPHONE!
I keep in contact with a few ladies who are not on PTO and its either been Sexting, X Rated Picture Mail or plain ole these ladies busted that code and heard the voicemail.
I have a friend who is a Chicago Police officer and he said the Number one reason or cause for Domestic Violence issues has been over the CELLPHONE
So what I want to know ,,Will you have free access to their cellphone?
Will you want to check it?
If he one day decides you cant even breath on his cellphone will you think he is cheating?
Will you be tempted to check the call records ?
Or will the cellphone not bother you at all no matter what time of the night it rings?

I don't think it helps anyone to be paranoid to the point of checking the phone all the time, but on the other hand, it never pays to be an idiot by blindly ignoring something that is clearly 'off'...so I would say I'm not worried about it, but if the phone was going off at weird times of the night, etc, definitely I would be investigating--and I *guarantee* he would do the same. To me the only thing is if you get to the point where you are doing that, you usually already know in your heart the person is doing wrong.

[HappilyHisMrs]

but I'm nosy by nature. My hubby knows it. Shoot, if I was a cat curiousity woulda done killed me. After being down for decade plus IF he gets a cell phone I'm a wonder what it's being used for if it's not me, our kids or his momma calling cause that's all he's got right now. It would be a mutual thing though, he could look through anything he wanted to of mine. I am a weird mix of skepticism and optimism I wouldn't even have to be suspicious but by golly I can't curb the nosiness. I would need rehab to curb this nosy addiction. I been nosy since I was a kid, going through anything and everything when I was bored.

[HisAngel2]

Originally Posted by Lori1817

I found out my last ex cheated on me with someone he met from a chatroom he accessed from his cell phone. I knew something was going on because he would never let me touch it, he had passwords on everything, he would even take it with him to shower. Eventually I got to sneak a peek and found the evidence. Now I am wary of the cell phones.

I'll tell you right now, yes I will look at his cell. I won't be fanatical about it and look through it every time he puts it down, but I do expect free access to it just as he will have to mine. But more than that, I will be watching his behavior. It's easy to just delete VMs and texts before you come home, so I will be watching to see how he acts with it. It's not even that I don't trust him, because I do, I just feel like I'm too sensitive to the phone issues and being cautious is more important.

Lori you are singing my song! My ex took his cellphone everywhere....yes to the bathroom when he showered. One night he came home from work and his cellphone was blowing up and I told him to answer it because it was driving me nuts and he said "nah, it's just Rod, he's been bothering me all day." So when his lying ass got in the shower, I snuck in, grabbed his phone and had a little looky-looky at his recent calls and noticed the same number (NOT ROD'S) had called like 10 times in a row...so I called it and SHE answered and said that she had plans with my man and wanted to know who I was! I told her I was his wife and she hung up.

So to Babi - YES - his cellphone and wallet are not something that are his and his alone, nor is my cellphone and my purse for that matter. I think if you are in a trusting, loving relationship, then nothing should be private or secretive. And because of my past, if he objects to me reaching for his phone or grabbing his wallet to get some cash, then for me that is going to be a HUGE RED FLAG!

[yaya'sbaby]

I know for myself...pretty much all my homegirls have found out there man has cheated thru his cellphone. Technology nowadays has made it extrememly easy for folks to hook up and cheat.

I was listening to Michael Baisden onthe radio and he said that websites (facebook, myspace etc etc..) have made is extremely easy to cheat and have affairs and is becoming the number one reason for divorce in our country . Ladies let me tell you I have male cousins, siblings, uncles and friends and every last one of them is either cheating or has cheated. They have found ex girlfirends or hooked up with chicks on the internet and its all downhill from there. These blackberrys and cellphones are addiciting and these dudes are cheating right under the poor girls noses.

I for one have gotten wrapped up in cyber flirting and texting. Its easy, fun and addiciting. So yes.....I will be keeping my side eye on my dudes cellphone and internet activites. You can call it an invasion of privacy or whatever....but im looking out for numero uno...ME!!

[NowHisWife]

Well...

I am not a man so I don't know what a man will or won't do. But I will say this. I do believe that anyone, man or woman, will do what is in their nature to do. Looking through their cellphones, social networking web pages, etc. won't stop it in my opinion. If it's what they will do they will find a way all the way around it. And that's for the man that has a woman who won't let it happen in her face as well the man who's woman just doesn't care or isn't as in his business.

I just think there are other ways to figure out if your man is cheating. And those ways should only be looked into once they give you reason to become suspect. Also for relationships that MIGHT be worth saving after infidelity, cheating is a very small part of the problem. Talking, communicating, and listening will help figure that out.

So after saying all that...I won't be deliberately looking in his cellphone but I will be looking to see if for no reason he restricts me from it. If he does then we got problems!

[selliegrl]

I dont plan on checking his phone... but if he starts taking it to the shower like someone mentioned then its on and cracking I will be putting my PI hat on and initiate a full investagation. Call me crazy I call it momma didn't raise no fool......

[Temeron0926]

I won't be checking on him, but I have nothing on my cell phone or in my purse that he can't see, so I expect that he will have nothing on his cell or in his wallet that I can't see. Hell, I have to teach him how to use a cell phone! IF he were to get picky about me seeing his phone, then we would be having a "Come to Jesus meeting" because the first time he says I can't use or see his phone, means he is doing something (not necessarily cheating) that he shouldn't be doing! I don't forsee this problem, but I don't believe for a second that it will never happen.........it could.

[Wobabi]

OMG,,,I just saw a DVD of "Mike Epps -Underrated" Live from Detriot,,,very X rated ,,But there was a part dealing with the woman checking the cell phone,,It had me in tears!!!!
He said Women make good detectives,,,LOL!
,,"Call da b$tch,,now call the next one!" lmao!