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trosa · #1 01-25-2010, 09:13 PM

I visit my son every week. I am greatful that I can. But, I am so tired. How do you all keep it all up. I work in Manhatten five days a week. My husband is at work five days a week starting at 4:00 in the morning. Now we visit there every week and the last day is for shopping, cooking, cleaning, and I work also at home proofing my transcripts from depositions I took all week. I feel guilty to tell him I need a week off once in a while. He really does depend on us coming. We have been doing this since June and I can't imagine this is my life for the next four years, never having a day off. It is not that I do not want to see him. I miss him dearly. I am just so tired all the time. How does everyone keep up with everything. Maybe I am too old for all this or maybe this made me older. Can't be sure which. I just know I would like a day to wake up in the morning and not have to go somewhere even once every month or two. Just moaning, sorry. Tina

sarrahhhsayys · #2 01-25-2010, 10:17 PM

i am very young, and i visit my boyfriend every other weekend. i dont know how youve kept it up this long. im a waitress, and sometimes work seven days a week. i work at a bar, so friday nights im there until three. in order to visit i have to leave my house by 6:00 am on saturday at the latest. therefor, i dont go to bed. after visits i go right to work, to work yet again until three. every once in a while i will have a sunday off. my boyfriend is very understanding that i can't make it every week.

im sure if you explain to your son how tired you are he will be understanding, ive never heard of anyone who wasnt. they realize that we have alot going on out here, plus a few have told me that stretching out the distance between visits makes time go by faster for them. you deserve a day off.

Mannys_Wifey · #3 01-25-2010, 10:56 PM

I dont know how you guys do it. I use to go visit my b.f every other week Wake up at 9 and come back home @ 4. It was about a 2 hr drive one way. I was gettin tired of doin it.

sftvelvet · #4 01-25-2010, 11:13 PM

I wish I knew the meaning of rest ,after a while your body gets used to not having a rest. I know what you mean about trying to get a calgon moment just for you.
Just tell your son know that you love him , but your at the state of exhaustion and you need to relax before you collaspe . He should understand.

ForMyBoy · #5 01-26-2010, 03:26 AM

I couldn't go every week but my hubby would. Some Sats up at 4 for work then straight down, 2 hr drive , 2 hr visit, 2 hrs home for the am visit. I think it's because he's used to working crazy hrs. Many days of 14-16 hrs of work got his body used to it.
Then Sunday was the crash day. He learned how to take a catnap then function to a point and get a little done. My house has suffered but it still does anyway. He hates to hire people. Aot of home improvement projects got pushed back unless really important.
Because of his crazy hours, if he gets an early day, maybe something will get fixed.
We're not that young either.
I think your son would understand if you didn't come every week, he knows you love and support him.

MrsPhil · #6 01-26-2010, 05:55 AM

I was in South Jersey and Phil is in Rahway. 2 hour drive. I used to go every Saturday, get up at 4 a.m. and leave at 5. Then I would stay at his brother's house and go back to see him on Sunday. Drive 2 hours home and go to work Monday. I did this every week for months. It got so I never had a day at home to do anything so I started going twice a month. And besides the time, it got very expensive. He understood. Now I am living in North Jersey so I will be able to see him every week. As much as we love them, we have to take care of ourselves too. We sure are a wonderful, devoted bunch of women!

Lupe · #7 01-26-2010, 05:56 AM

well try this one..I work (2) full-time jobs...2p-1030p and from 11p-7a...I work weekends only 2p-1030p and 11p-7a mon through fri...I wake up at 330a Sun mornin to visit by 8a to be back at work at 2p...that night when I get off of work at 1030p on Sunday is my only full 8hrs of sleep and thats cause he calls in the morning!!!

alexsci · #8 01-26-2010, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissWAtwater

well try this one..I work (2) full-time jobs...2p-1030p and from 11p-7a...I work weekends only 2p-1030p and 11p-7a mon through fri...I wake up at 330a Sun mornin to visit by 8a to be back at work at 2p...that night when I get off of work at 1030p on Sunday is my only full 8hrs of sleep and thats cause he calls in the morning!!!

Right after my husband's accident I worked two fulltime jobs for a few years but no way could I do that now. I think I would be dead with that schedule.

I go every weekend, my husband and daughter alternate and sometimes I go by myself. I really want to see him but if there comes a time when the weather is bad or something like a wedding or christening comes up then I will skip that weekend. My son loves us to come but he is the first to say take a break.

trosa · #9 01-26-2010, 10:07 PM

Thanks all. It is not that he would say anything, but I feel so guilty wanting a break. Maybe after he is there longer and more used to it I will take a day. It is hard cause when we get there he says that when he sees us it reminds him that he is still a person. Yardville was easier to visit, I found. Bordentown they make you spend so much time on a line that sometimes we are on line for longer than we see him. I think they do it on purpose. At Bordentown they make you wait till everyone is registered and then start patting down all the people and it takes a lot of time. At Yardville they let you in a little at a time, so at least you get to sit down and wait. It's funny though, he likes Bordentown better cause they have their own cells. Go figure. lol. Tina

Mannys_Wifey · #10 01-26-2010, 10:18 PM

My b/f was @ Jones Farm. I loved it there. You waiting in line for about 15 mins or so if that. VERY WELL ORGANIZED!

BraveOne · #11 01-26-2010, 10:35 PM

I don't get any rest....AT ALL

Inspiration · #12 01-28-2010, 09:11 AM

Tina, I know exactly how you feel! I feel like I never get to stay home. And now since he's been at Talbot Hall on Friday nights, I am up late cooking a meal for him! It's never ending! I only have Sundays to clean, shop, do laundry and IF I get a chance to do something for myself! That doesn't happen often. Plus I have a son who is on the drug court program and he needs me to run him to meetings and reporting most every night during the week! That's a job in itself! And then my fiance wants to know why I don't write as much as I used to!

I am tired just thinking about it!

Guiltily I am looking forward to the first weekend in February cause my baby will be on black out and no visits. I am looking forward to no alarm clock! Shhhhhhhhhh, please don't tell him!

jasonzwifey2011 · #13 01-28-2010, 11:43 AM

I know also how tired you get. Which is why I chose to go every other weekend and made that choice from the beginning because coming from out of state (we live in Maryland) I knew after working full time and going to school, I needed a weekend in between to take care of the house and things around here. It was an all day trip for me and I didn't even TRY to make morning visits. I left my house at 6:30 AM, made it to SWSP by 9:30 10:00 and then visits weren't til 1:00 - 3:00. I didn't get home til 6:00 - 6:30 most nights if traffic was good. So .. I can TOTALLY relate. I used to be GLAD when he'd say visits were cancelled for some reason or another. LOL

Don't feel guilty if you don't go every weekend! He will BE ok... He WILL adjust. Just let him know ahead of time so he doesn't expect you. Because if you start to wear yourself out you won't want to go at all, so take it easy and slow the trips down to every other weekend... he'll be ok. I know it.

Praying for you guys!

*~Meri~*

trosa · #14 01-28-2010, 10:41 PM

Thanks all. I am going to plan to take a day off in February for sure. maybe, hopefully, if my guilt doesn't get to me. lol. I cannot remember anymore what I did before he was in jail. Oh, yeah, I know. I ran around all the time trying to keep up his life for him. Well, that worked out well, huh? Everyone have a good weekend. Tina

Mike'sbabyboy · #15 01-30-2010, 04:06 PM

I don't get much rest either. I have the three kids (a girl-16, and two boys 9 and 10). I also have my cat and her three new babies (1 week old today). I have my mother, who suffered a stroke due to anneurysm, in a nursing home. With writing and visiting Mike, I have very little time in each day. I am actually about to go visit mommy right now. I think it's very important that the kids see their grandmother.

alexsci · #16 01-30-2010, 07:17 PM

Sorry about your mom, MBB. How is she doing? My younger sister had two strokes last summer and she is in a nursing home also. Two days after my son went in my sister had her first stroke. It wasn't too bad but then she had the second one. Sometimes I feel like I am just on a merry-go-round of visiting and taking care of other people. First my sister was in Kessler in West Orange and now she is in a facility closer to me. Yeah, it's really important for grandchildren to keep in touch with their grandparents. I am in the nursing home a lot and see some people who hardly get any visitors. So sad.

Mike'sbabyboy · #17 01-30-2010, 08:33 PM

Thanx alexsci. My mother is slowly improving. It's very hard. My mother and I are very, very close. I am her only son and favorite child. Everyone in my family knows it. It is not a secret. My sister is also in a nursing home. She has cancer and is in the last stage. But, last May, they told me my mother would not be here. She was on life support, and was not responding to anything. Now she is off all life support, feeding herself, and starting to talk a little. It's amazing what prayer can do. But I am not going to get into that too much...not the place for that. I will add your sister to my prayers. She is in West Orange. I used to work in West Orange at Friday's I opended that restaraunt.

Mannys_Wifey · #18 01-30-2010, 10:14 PM

Mike....Im sorry to hear about ur sister. My mother died sept 20th 2008 from cancer.

Mike'sbabyboy · #19 01-31-2010, 04:24 AM

sorry to alexsci and mannys. and thank you both. Not just for your kind words here, but also for your comments and support on other threads. The ladies of PTO are the greatest. You are all my girls.

cougar48 · #20 01-31-2010, 08:03 AM

This is for trosa u love ur son as much as he loves u and u need to let him know that u can make it up everyother weekend! God forbid it something were to happen to u or hubby he would ne crushed. So let him know that every other weekend is his. He will understand and u and hubby will be able to rest in between! God bless u!!!!!

Exceptions2313 · #21 02-10-2010, 12:38 PM

Hi Tina. I haven't been on in a while but I wanted to say hello and let you know I was thinking of you. Hope you and your son and family are holding up as best as you can.

Lisa

JmsGrL · #22 02-10-2010, 02:59 PM

TRosa,

I was living in Wilmington, DE at Law School and I would leave on a Weekend at 5am to drive over two hours to get to Annandale. It was tiresome. Now, he is 10 minutes away, and I still find myself getting tired of the three visits a week. I do think that there is something inside us that doesn't allow us to give up though, so kudos for you for keeping your consistency. But a break is definitely needed. He'll understand, take time for yourself, kick back, and just relax, sometimes you just need relaxation, otherwise you'll go crazy. Good Luck to you!