I Need Yall's Help

[KOStrong]

You stated that you have given up everything for him. I think that is your first problem. You need to focus on yourself and get your life together and do you before focusing on someone else, especially since he says he will continue to do weed and all that. JMO...I say no marriage. WHats the rush?

I also think that sometimes people...men...say things just to get a reaction out of others. Maybe he is just telling you he plans to come home and smoke weed to see if you will leave him or stay with him...Just a thought.

[Rejoice. . .]

Originally Posted by LeighaK7690

My fiance is currently at the Michigan Reformatory doing 5 years for home invasion. He still has 2 years left but we made the decision to get married while he's in prison and we're supposed to be married next month. I've told him a million times that I will not stay with him if he goes back to his old ways. I told him that I don't want to be the girl that is divorced after a few years of marriage, but I am not scared to be if I need to. Mind you, he is in for a property crime of which I do not know all of the details. But, I have heard from his mother and friends that it was encouraged by drugs and alcohol. I told him how I feel about drugs and that I would not be staying with him if he is going to use them again because he feels like he is above the law when doing drugs and starts acting up. He told me last night that he does plan on smoking weed a little bit when he gets out. I told him that he knows how I feel and that I made the decision a long time ago not to be with someone that does drugs. I know weed is not the worse drug out there, but that's what he was doing the night of his home invasions. His response to me was that I'd never know. I really didn't know what to say. I was not talking to the man that I was about to marry because he wouldn't at like this towards me. We have been arguing about this since last night. He just called me this morning and tried to at like nothing was wrong. When I asked him about it, he said that there wasn't a problem. I immediately lost it. I did not yell or scream though. I told him in a serious firm voice that he has some thinking to do before he calls me back. I told him that I will be gone as of today if he cannot check his priorities. He told me that he does not think it is a problem as it does not directly affect me. Am I over reacting or do I hae good reason to feel betrayed? I have given up my childhood, my family, my friends, my education, almost my job, damn near everything I have for this man. I just feel like I do not matter to him because he can't even give me something as simple as staying out of trouble and off of drugs. Please help me. I don't know what to do right now.

I think what happens w/a lot of prison relationships is the two people involved being on different pages. Even if he were to tell you "I don't plan on smoking weed," I don't think that'd be an honest statement. I think he'd be telling you what you want to hear. He has to want to change his lifestyle post incarceration for HIM. Not you. If he doesn't feel there's anything wrong w/the lifestyle he led that eventually landed him a seat in prison, he's not gonna change. I don't know what advice to give you besides, his words are loud and you should probably take heed. I definitely wouldn't be allowing him to move into my house right after he got released. He'd have to show me he's changed. I certainly wouldn't be getting married.

[secondtimer]

i don't know who it was but someone said when a person tells you who they are believe them. And while weed might not be what is considered a bad drug it most certainly can be his trigger drug that leads him to do "worst drugs" A drug is a drug and all of them are addictive.
An earlier post someone had stated that he may not be your priority.I will demand a clean and sober life over an addiction every time. And you know something he is right only you can be your priority because what he does is all on him but in no way does it not affect you if you two are in a relationship. You set those boundaries for yourself they are there to protect you. I have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt. And refuse to go there again so when i tell my husband drugs or me, I mean it. Think about you.Hold off on marrying him. Easy to marry someone much harder to divorce.
It is hard being married to an addict yes I love my husband but i chose me over his drug use anyday. No weed did not make him home invade, but he probably needed to rob in order to supply his habit, hence drug of choice leads to selfishness which leads to jail, an mental institution or death. best wishes to you.