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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #1  
Old 03-10-2010, 04:41 PM
MrsKrueger0728 MrsKrueger0728 is offline
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Default What did you tell your child when their dad went to prison?

My three year old is the biggest daddies girl ever!!! So when he went to prison as soon as it was bedtime she asked "Wheres daddy?" I looked at my bro in law and he said "Im always the one going to prison I dont know" Well aliyah had just come out of time out not too long before so I told her that daddy got in some trouble and had to go to time out for big boys. I was just wondering what everone told their kids when they noticed daddy was gone!
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Old 03-26-2010, 11:51 PM
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He got himself into trouble, he is going to be away for a while. If you need to talk or have any questions I will answer them as best I can and as honestly as I know. You can draw/color him pictures and I will make sure that he gets them. ( I never lied or sugar coated anything) My son was 5 when he left and he is 18 now and is very thankful that I was honest with him from the beginning. Some questions were hard to answer but I made the answers in words he could understand. I have also made sure that there were 'male figures' in his life so that he did not feel like he was missing out as much.
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Old 05-25-2010, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsKrueger0728 View Post
My three year old is the biggest daddies girl ever!!! So when he went to prison as soon as it was bedtime she asked "Wheres daddy?" I looked at my bro in law and he said "Im always the one going to prison I dont know" Well aliyah had just come out of time out not too long before so I told her that daddy got in some trouble and had to go to time out for big boys. I was just wondering what everone told their kids when they noticed daddy was gone!
that is actually a great way of explaining to young ones where their daddy is. "daddy got into some trouble and he had to do a time out for big boys". just wonderign how she reacted to you saying that. i tell our son that he was put in a house, and cant leave untill hes told by the bigger people that he can :S i dont think its a good idea, but i dont want to tell him about prison life. maybe i should?
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Old 05-25-2010, 11:01 AM
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OUr kids know the truth. I told them and my husband had a chance to tell them both he had to go away for a little while because he made some bad choices. I tell them that Daddy has to be there because sometimes good people make bad choices. We have always been honest with our kids.
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Old 05-25-2010, 12:16 PM
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james does not want our kids knowing AT ALL! so until they start acting weird then i tell them he is working...everyone os working or at school if they are not here eith us lOl
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Old 05-27-2010, 08:53 PM
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Our kids are 8, 6 ,4 & 3 yr old twins & I told them that daddy went to prison because he did something stupid on the computer.
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Old 05-27-2010, 09:05 PM
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He talk to the 7 and 8 year oldthey know where he is and he did something bad, they don't know what. Once they are older then he will tell them the 3 year old thinks he's in the bulig boy corner. Screwed her up some bc she thinks he's superman. I just told her he was a really really bad boy but he will be home soon. We've made it a "game" what are we going to do when dady gets home oh let's draw him a picture about our day. I've even got her writing her name out because she has to sign her letters. I don't want her to fear law enforcement either so I don't ever tell her glcops put him there. She hasn't really asked who is keeping him there but if she does I'll cross that bridge then
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Old 05-27-2010, 09:15 PM
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Well I can not lie 2 my kids...they seen him get carted off and yes they will resent the law after seeing that. I know this cause my oldest 2(11 &10) have it bad for basing the police. BUT @ the same time they talk about becoming law enforcement...lol
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Old 05-27-2010, 11:08 PM
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well we just have a 3 yr old and 4 month old. The 3 yr old thinks he is gone at work. She doesnt understand what jail is and shes a daddys girl goin through enough, so we just decided to say hes at work. She 'writes' letters, and it satisfies her.
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  #10  
Old 05-29-2010, 07:25 AM
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Our oldest know the truth see was 9 at the time it happened and saw it on tv, and also saw me a total wreak...So she knows it all.
Our baby, wasn't even born then she just turned 2 and is noticing daddy's so I'm trying to explain to her that her daddy loves her but isn't' home bc he is in a big time out (she knows all about time out lol) but we can write daddy that satisfies her at the moment and she'll draw him letters and talk to him on the phone..I'll tell her more as she gets older.
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Old 05-29-2010, 02:59 PM
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Our oldest is 6 he thinks his dad is working...the younger ones are 2, 1 and 1 so they are too young to really understand...i kno this excuse will only work so long but my fiance already knows that when the oldest starts asking questions he will be the one who has to answer them now me cuz im not the one who put him there
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Old 06-03-2010, 02:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsKrueger0728 View Post
My three year old is the biggest daddies girl ever!!! So when he went to prison as soon as it was bedtime she asked "Wheres daddy?" I looked at my bro in law and he said "Im always the one going to prison I dont know" Well aliyah had just come out of time out not too long before so I told her that daddy got in some trouble and had to go to time out for big boys. I was just wondering what everone told their kids when they noticed daddy was gone!
We have custody of our son's daughter (she's 3 yrs old too). When he went into prison she was so hurt - they had just spent 8 months really bonding. We told her that Daddy didn't listen to the policemen's rules and had to go into time out. We also explained that for grown ups time out is not a chair but a big house that they can not leave until the policemen says it's ok. We also gave her a time frame (when she goes into a certain teacher's class at preschool).

Now she calls his time out "jail" and talks about when he gets out. When she sees him she tells him that when he gets to come home & be with his family again he has to listen to the rules because she misses him when he's in time out.

Others may disagree but hearing from a child the simplicity of following rules or loosing time with your loved ones may be just exactly what my son needs. It's called the truth and even very young children know when they are lied to.

Of course that is how we handled it...each family is different. I hope you figure out what is best for your little one.
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  #13  
Old 06-03-2010, 02:19 PM
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thats the trouble, the young children dont understand, so its hard to explain where daddy is at. i feel for all you young mothers out there with youngters, and comend you on being a mother as well as a father for now,, good luck to all young mothers out there......
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Old 06-14-2010, 07:58 PM
Joe'slove Joe'slove is offline
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Well our daughter is 7 (Daddy's girl) and we didn't feel the need to tell her exactly where he is, so we told her he would be away for a few month -work related - this is supposed to be a really short time that he will be away so we figure it will work. She also writes and draws pictures for him and in the meantime I keep her as busy as possible so that she won't have much time to think, she also has spoken to him on the phone and that helps. I figure once she is older we will have to tell her the truth and we'll explain why we felt the need to keep details on his were abouts from her, she might be upset but I think I rather deal with it when she gets older, I could be wrong, but I couldn't bare her go through more traumatizing experince than need be.
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Old 06-14-2010, 08:17 PM
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my son is 5, his father is in prison, so my fiance his stepfather was helping me raise him, unfortunetly my fiance got arrested and is about to do some fed time. But, i tell my son the truth. Both his father and his stepfather did something they werent suppose to do and are in jail. thats what i tell my son. he knows that his father(s) love him very much and he talks to his stepfather everyday.
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Old 06-14-2010, 08:42 PM
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Our's are 16, 15, and 13. They full well know where he is and exactly what happened. He was out on a binge for 4 weeks before the cops picked him up on parole violation and new charges, when they found him I text the youngest to tell him I knew where dad was and he said " he is in jail again aint he" bout broke my heart these kids know an I never had to say a word, but we all slept that December night for the first time all the way through the night because even though he was in county we knew he was safe an warm. Our girl is still very angery and I cant blame her but when she gets on a role the boys get upset, that is the hard part she is very out spoken and it is hard to tell her to shut down her feelings when they are valid so as not to upset the boys. We are just taking this a day at a time an we just keep praying.
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Old 06-15-2010, 12:24 AM
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my kids are older, so we told them the truth both they and my ex were in the courtroom when it came my time to go. The kids handled it ok. one of my sons took my watch and my other son took my cross. my daughter wasn't there because she couldn't get to court in time, but she wrote all of the time. My niece was told that I went to college.
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:17 AM
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We have 3 children and they are 8, 6, and 11 months old. My son, the baby, of course doesnt understand yet, but my daughters asked as soon as I got home "where's my daddy?" It broke my heart, but I knew they knew something was wrong, so I sat them down and explained in the best way possible that.... daddy had to go to jail for awhile and we do not know how long yet, but i told them that people blamed their daddy for something he did not do (which is true) and that the police believed them and that he had to go to jail for a little while. I told them that is why we are supposed to always tell the truth and not lie because we then can get in trouble for something we did not do or get someone else into trouble if we blame them and know that they did not do it. It sounded better as I explained it to them than it does on here lol, but I advised them that daddy loves them very much and will be home as soon as he is able, that they can draw him pictures, write him, we will go see him as much as we are allowed, etc and they were ok with that for now. I feel so sorry for the little ones that have to go thru this with us. I know if it wasnt for them, tho, I wouldnt be keeping strong!!
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Old 06-15-2010, 12:17 PM
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I have 4 grandsons ages 12 to 4 their mom is looking at 6 years We basically tell them the truth...I want them to learn from this so they don't do anything to get themselves in trouble...I'm already telling the 12 and 9 year old No drinking , No drugs, No gang banging, they need to focus om school sports and a good life. My daughter tells them the same thing, she cries when she tells them that becuase of her actions another person got hurt...Now the middle one wants to be a lawyer and the littlest one wants to work for the jail...so he can see mommy...We all have to find the way to tell our kids...we chose to be up front and honest and to just use it to teach them how important it is to live right,...Their mom lived right but she made 1 stupid choice and she is paying for it...I use it as a example to them...1 bad choice and you could be in big trouble.
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Old 08-07-2010, 10:27 AM
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My daughter is 9 nine years old and watched them put the cuffs on her "daddy" which is my fiance. Her bio dad has never really had anything to do with her, so her only daddy is my fiance. So she was told up front what was going on and why, but now she blames herself for him getting arrested and doesn't believe me when I tell her it's not her fault. He is supposed to be writing her to explain everything from him and hopefully she will believe that one.
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Old 08-08-2010, 09:36 PM
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My son knows the truth. At first I tried to keep it from him but we live in a small town so he would hear things and ask me. So I was straight forward about it. He is very sad but he knows his dad is a great dad who loves him with all his heart, he knows his dad made a huge mistake and is having to pay for his actions. My son is in therapy now. It has helped tremendously.
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Old 08-25-2010, 03:03 PM
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My son's know and this weekend we are going for our first visit. My 10 year old seems like it doesn't phase him and my baby sees pictures and says "daddy?", but my middle child writes to him telling him he's andgry he's had to spend the first 8 years of his life with out his dad and since he is a repeat offender he feels like he has choosen his friends and the streets over our son. I am honest with my children so they know what their loved ones would go through should they make the same choices. They know the pain the are going through and don't want to put any loved ones through that!
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Old 08-25-2010, 07:04 PM
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that he is seeing a dr and at a hospital to fix his machines. It wont work for long but it works now.
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Old 09-08-2010, 07:32 PM
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My daughters three I havent told her yet we're at the VERY very start of the process he hasnt been sentenced yet but his PO says ell be in for 6yrs. I havent decided what to tell our daughter
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Old 09-14-2010, 09:59 AM
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My son is barely two so he hasnt realized really that his dad isnt around too much... but he understands that we had to leave daddy in texas ((we were down there visiting him for 2 weeks)) and when we said bye on the last day my son just started crying because he didn't want to leave daddy
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