We broke up now...Were back together Good idea?

[1love1life]

I worte that me and my boyfriend got into an agurement about a misunderstanding bout a letter I wrote him. He had all these thoughts in his head and I guess it came to the point where he ended it...well we both did...anyways after a while I got a letter from him and he was saying that he was sorry and that he didnt want to break it off between us and he wanted me to take his ''sorrys'' and to take him back. We went back in foward on what we wanted to do and finally I said ''yes'' and im just waiting for his letter to see what he says. I do love him and I miss him and this is a good idea right? having a prison relationship is going to be hard right?

[Doomiebey]

Greetings, 1love1life:

All relationships are difficult and take lots of work. It's the primary reason we were told - as we now find ourselves telling our children - to wait until they're mature enough to handle the rigors of committing themselves to a relationship. Needless to say, they/we don't. And as romance isn't an exact science, we're left to find our way as best we can.

Now, as for your matter: There's nothing wrong with forgiving your companion after a fall-out. Your thread is a bit vague - perhaps on purpose. But if I may be so forward to ask, during the heated exchange, was there name-calling? Threats of a direct or indirect violent nature? Did he or you bring up something from the others past that was supposed to be a sacred sharing?

If so, you may still choose to forgive, but I wouldn't necessarily forget. Here's what I suggest:

1) Should he respond favorably to your letter, ask him to tell you, in writing, exactly why he's sorry. You want to figure out if he's merely sorry for saying what he said, as opposed to being truly sorry for feeling that way. You'd be surprised at how many people mix the two up.

2) Ask him to list some things about living with his cell-partner that irk him - pet peeves. This will give you an indication of whether or not he's easily irritable about minor things. But don't ask him numbers one and two in the same letter.

3) Ask yourself if what you define as "love" is how he define it. He may have grown up in a battle-royal type of home, where "loved-ones" fought all the time. You may have been in past relationships where you have now come to believe that making up after a break-up make the incident worth while.

In any event, it's important that you all stay on the same page in all aspects of the relationship; and never assume that you know what the other person mean. Best of luck to the both of you.


- Doomie Bey

[1love1life]

Originally Posted by Beymoor

Greetings, 1love1life:

All relationships are difficult and take lots of work. It's the primary reason we were told - as we now find ourselves telling our children - to wait until they're mature enough to handle the rigors of committing themselves to a relationship. Needless to say, they/we don't. And as romance isn't an exact science, we're left to find our way as best we can.

Now, as for your matter: There's nothing wrong with forgiving your companion after a fall-out. Your thread is a bit vague - perhaps on purpose. But if I may be so forward to ask, during the heated exchange, was there name-calling? Threats of a direct or indirect violent nature? Did he or you bring up something from the others past that was supposed to be a sacred sharing?

If so, you may still choose to forgive, but I wouldn't necessarily forget. Here's what I suggest:

1) Should he respond favorably to your letter, ask him to tell you, in writing, exactly why he's sorry. You want to figure out if he's merely sorry for saying what he said, as opposed to being truly sorry for feeling that way. You'd be surprised at how many people mix the two up.

2) Ask him to list some things about living with his cell-partner that irk him - pet peeves. This will give you an indication of whether or not he's easily irritable about minor things. But don't ask him numbers one and two in the same letter.

3) Ask yourself if what you define as "love" is how he define it. He may have grown up in a battle-royal type of home, where "loved-ones" fought all the time. You may have been in past relationships where you have now come to believe that making up after a break-up make the incident worth while.

In any event, it's important that you all stay on the same page in all aspects of the relationship; and never assume that you know what the other person mean. Best of luck to the both of you.


- Doomie Bey

Thank you for your advice
Well the misunderstanding was I was down that he was thrown in and my room mate wanted me to get out and have some fun, get my mind off things...anyways My boyfriend wrote asking me what did I do lately. I repsonded that my friend took me out and we went out to play pool and have some drinks. Well somehow he got thoughts in head and he wrote back "o now your going out to the bars now that Im not there?!'' and he also wrote ''I bet you got all dress up and there better not be guys hitting on you.'' Id try to explain to him that I wasnt doing that. and he wouldnt listen and he was making me mad that he doesnt trust me but he said that he does he just doesnt trust the guys at the bar.
Anyways little agruement turn out to be a big one and we both deicide fine we should break up. So we did and I really didnt want to be he was being stupid and like I said he wrote back saying sorry

[Doomiebey]

Ah, imprisonment can bring out all sorts of psychological demons - especially the one called INSECURITY. Hey, perhaps you could let him know, in your own way and wording, that he should be PROUD that others would try to hit on his lady. Really, ask him if he'd prefer to be with someone that no one else would want? How drab would that be - make a joke of it to lighten the mood. But at the same time, remind him that the reason you feel comfortable enough to go out with a responsible buddy (one that wouldn't allow you to get drunk beyond comprehension, then leave you at the mercy of strangers) is because you're in love with a guy that has confidence in himself, his lady, and their relationship.

He may not readily admit it over the phone or in a letter, but most guys eat ego-stroking by the pound . It's like we have a tape worm. And I'll bet his issue is, in fact, that he's not comfortable with the machinations of other men. But gingerly - and I do mean gingerly - nudge him on the fact that come-on's can happen in the elevator, grocery store, in line while waiting to visit him, etc. So relax and make the most of strengthening you all's romance.

Note: I emphasized "gingerly" because you don't want to spook him. The next thing you know, he's asking you to get a mail order stuffer job from home, and order delivery meals from the carry-out.

And if the last line of your reply, "....and like I said, he wrote back saying he was sorry.", was an indication that I may have inadvertently offended you/him, please accept my apology, and kindly disregard my meddling, as one would the nosy old lady on the second floor who always seem to be in the window.


- Doomie Bey

Originally Posted by 1love1life

Thank you for your advice
Well the misunderstanding was I was down that he was thrown in and my room mate wanted me to get out and have some fun, get my mind off things...anyways My boyfriend wrote asking me what did I do lately. I repsonded that my friend took me out and we went out to play pool and have some drinks. Well somehow he got thoughts in head and he wrote back "o now your going out to the bars now that Im not there?!'' and he also wrote ''I bet you got all dress up and there better not be guys hitting on you.'' Id try to explain to him that I wasnt doing that. and he wouldnt listen and he was making me mad that he doesnt trust me but he said that he does he just doesnt trust the guys at the bar.
Anyways little agruement turn out to be a big one and we both deicide fine we should break up. So we did and I really didnt want to be he was being stupid and like I said he wrote back saying sorry

[Shush]

if you feel good being back togehter... then it seems to be a good thing!

and we grow together much more in the times where life is not showing his smiling face.....

however, to quit that easy is not what I would allow to get a habit! just in case an other problem will come up in the future. THIS is what you may talk about and find out what is good for the both of you....