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**Onedaycloser13** · #26 06-20-2010, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wobabi

We BOTH have to ask each others permission.
To *me* if a woman is going to move about on her own accord then there is no sense in trying to be a *partner* with someone.
Even in a business partnership there has to be *agreement* on how to move.
And agreement comes when one party asks the other half their permission.
Of course when it comes to a prison relationship things can get very one sided. Its not like he can get permission from us to do a damn thing on the *majority* of things he really wants to do.
The problem is when he comes home and wants to do things and not ask permission-thats when the shyte hits the fan!
And you just dont want a long term offender thinking he can come home and move about without checking first.
I am glad me and mine know that we must get each others permission on things. Saves me a lot of heartache and problems in the long run.

abyers · #27 06-20-2010, 05:16 PM

I dont know but asking to get permission but just informing him on wat im doing is just communicating my plans just so he will know, or mayb to get his advice if it has something to do with a big purchase. Asking to hang out with friends or something not asking just informing, but u know it doesnt matter in or out u just have to b consistent on wat u r doing, so if u use to ask him to go out with friends than i imagine u should continue now hes locked up, lol no for me its informing im grown and make my own decision.

Hisoneandonly · #28 06-20-2010, 05:40 PM

I"m not sure, I don't ask my hubs for permission, when he was home I'd be like I'm going to meet so and so for lunch K? more like telling him what I planned on doing but I couldn't imgine asking if I could go have lunch with friends

meximami707 · #29 06-20-2010, 06:05 PM

I guess...

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrruiz

Here is the answer. It is out of Respect. I ask my husband , not for permission but for his blessing to do things. It makes my husband feel like a man. Its out of honor that I ask. He doesn't deny me anything. His opinion is important to me, and I wouldn't want to do anything that might cause any trouble between us. Besides it is how God created men and women to be. Women should not wear the pants, if you do, what does that say about your guy. I want a real man.

gods mercy · #30 06-20-2010, 07:01 PM

i don't ask for permission, i ask for advice on something but never permission,,, if he does no want me to do something i always tell him "im ok, you can trust me, my ability is always right"

PrettyBluLuv · #31 06-20-2010, 07:08 PM

I don't ask permission to do anything. I ask if he "minds" if I do... I can't recall me ever asking to do something crazy that would make him say no like "Would you mind if I go spend the night with my ex" or some dumb crap like that so... And I expect him to do the same.

As far as the "I have to ask my husband..." I can make decisions on my own, very well I might add but there are times when I may not feel comfortable, or may want to know what he would do or if he would "mind" if...

For example:

I asked my God brother to accompany me and my mother to hubby's sentencing. My brother asked if his girlfriend was allowed to come... Now for right now she is ok... But I only met her twice in person and after our first meeting after she was really nice in my face she basically talked crap (according to my brother) behind my back... She has apologized a billion times and I finally got past it (kinda you know keeping her at arms length at all times). But she is too hyper... And a little "young" in the "mind"... My first thought was HELL no cause I don't want my husbands sentencing becoming a source of entertainment and something to talk about with friends... Plus I thought I was going to break down so I ONLY wanted people who I knew would support me in cause I did... BUT I also figured (even though he never met her) the more people that show support for him the better... So I told my god brother I had to ask hubby what he thinks about it... By the time I did I already made up my mind no because my god brother seemed to have attitude once I said I had to think about it and talk it over... Hubby said "as long as they will be there to support you (me) invite whoever you want I don't care..."

Besides that I see a relationship as a two way street. You give and take. If you just outright do things without knowing how your partner feels about it, how do you expect to grow together? No one will ever be 100% perfect all of the time and never do anything their spouse my not like or disagree with but if your like "eff it" and do something you know your partner doesn't like (I am talking about NON-controlling partners) and don't care what they think about it, do you really think they will put up with it for long?

Yes they are in jail/prison and you should be able to go out and live your life! But you should treat each other how you would when he is home. Using him being locked up and having no "real" say over what you do shouldn't give anyone the license to go out and act a fool just cause he isn't there to bug you about it...

Sorry so long I get into rambles a lot...

HesMyLife01 · #32 06-20-2010, 07:36 PM

Well..I am a grown woman..so I don't ask permisson from anyone for anything! If there's something we need to make a decision on, or some kind of idea I have for us, or whatever the case may be..I discuss it with him. We talk about things.

lovinmybrat · #33 06-20-2010, 08:34 PM

This is an interesting one and does pertain to my relationship. My friend and I decided to go to Beale St in Memphis awhile back. I told my man we were going...TOLD him...He was pissed all weekend long....When I finally got him to calm down and TALK to me...he admitted he was upset not because I went (because he says he will deny me nothing) but because I didn't ask his opinion or discuss it with him first...This I kind of understood. I pointed out to him that he didn't ask me about some of the things he does in there....which he agreed with and promised to run things by me....Point is I decided to not ASK per se, but to at least run it by him out of respect for him,our relationship,and his feelings.

iloveyoumore · #34 06-20-2010, 10:14 PM

Sometimes I do ask him for his permission. It makes him feel good that I considered his feelings. I don't feel like I HAVE to but I want to.

3nch4ntr3ss · #35 06-20-2010, 10:31 PM

I Ask for his OPINION, which I may or may not consider. I like his feed back and if he see's what I am considering in a negative way I want to know it before hand. I try to respect his wishes when it is something reasonable (like not wanting me to spend an evening alone with a male friend). I think of that as being considerate which is what I expect from him in return (not hanging out alone with another woman).

Kemo'sWife · #36 06-20-2010, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iloveyoumore

Sometimes I do ask him for his permission. It makes him feel good that I considered his feelings. I don't feel like I HAVE to but I want to.

Yes Yes Yes Exactly how I feel!

mikeswifey730 · #37 06-20-2010, 10:56 PM

Ok, I don't ask permission for ne thing I'm a grown ass woman doing what I gotta do to support our family, but I ask his opinion on everything, and his view point. A lot of decisions we make together, he's my husband why wouldn't we? But he's not my daddy so I don't ask for permission we're a team we do this together

HisBlueEyedGal · #38 06-21-2010, 02:37 AM

Max and I do our best to be considerate towards each other. That is not the same as asking for and giving each other permission to do things and I don't think anyone has the right to assume that by taking Max's feelings into consideration I'm "asking him permission" to do what I wanna do. It's not about him being in charge or one of us wearing the pants in the family (so to speak) - I feel like this man is my equal, and I feel like it's just natural for us to show each other respect and ask each others opinions or just keep each other informed. We're partners, and being someone's partner means that you have to take their thoughts, feelings, wants and wishes into consideration as well as your own.

IrishFire · #39 06-21-2010, 06:47 AM

I didn't ask his permission when he was on this side of the fence. And he dang sure didn't ask for mine when he did what he did to put him where he is

Having said that, I have, on occasion, to make him feel more a part of my life, asked if it would "bother" him if I did this or that. Fortunately, he understands he gave up all rights to decision making when he pull his little stunt. But then, I really don't do anything that would require permission.

crazy2010 · #40 06-21-2010, 05:01 PM

I don't ask for his permission to do things, but alot of times I just don't tell him things that I know would upset him. So to keep the peace I keep some stuff to my self.

scooterswife · #41 06-21-2010, 05:27 PM

I don't have to ask permission to do anything. I do things that I know I would not mind if he did. If I think I would not want him to do it then I don't do it. I do discuss things with him because he is my husband and he discusses things with me. We are equal partners and think of the other feelings before doing anything and if there are any doubts then we talk about it before hand.

rockys lil girl · #42 06-21-2010, 05:39 PM

I don't ask for permission either. I don't have to. Ain't no one helping me pay my dayum bills. We ain't kids you know we are adults. So therefor I only asked permission when i was a teenager not no more..

retired - 666 · #43 06-21-2010, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meximami707

maybe bcuz my parents are really independent from each other and I never hear my moms ask permission for her to do things .. maybe thats why i have an "issue" with that.. maybe thats why i dont get it..

Yep.

ROBERT'SWIFE · #44 06-22-2010, 11:27 AM

I wonder that as well. I was supossed to get married to my man, but he ended up getting transferred out of state. Anyways, I asked my friend if she would come and be my witness. She said no she wouldn't because her husband said she couldn't visit no other man in prison. I was irritated by this but it is what it is. I don't ask permission to do a damn thing those childhood days are over. I am a grown ass woman. I do whatever the hell I want to do. Now I will ask my mans opinion of things. If he is against it and has a valid reason for it I will compromise. Because that's just what I feel needs to be done in any successful relationship.

lovinghim777 · #45 06-22-2010, 12:14 PM

It is not really that I ask him for permission, its like asking him what he thinks about it or whats his opinion. For him being in prison, it feels like he has no say so in anything. so I make him feel good and like a man when I ask him things.

For example: "Babe, I was thinking I wanna cut my hair... what do you think?" or "I wanna color my hair but I dont know which color, what color do you think I shud do?" or "I was thinking about going to school to become a medical assistant meanwhile I still go to the university, shud I?" things like that.
then I take his opinions and advice into consideration and i make my own decision from there. But usually he is right on whatever he says becuz he is pretty smart! =]

Mitch67 · #46 06-23-2010, 12:55 AM

There is no way that I can ask permission. We talk on the phone rarely and the majority of our communication is by letter. If I wanted to ask permission I would need to plan my life about eight weeks in advance to even stand a chance of getting a letter in to and back from SQ.

I do ask his opinion. For example I have just applied for a new job and I sent him the job desscription details and stuff so that he could take a look and tell me what he thinks. That kind of thing makes him feel good and honestly I do value his opinion. Saying that if he came back and said I don't want you to do that I have to admit I would probably ignore him and explain later.

I don't get the whole asking permission thing either. Like many posters I have been looking after myself for many years hold down a job pay my way and therefore make my own decisions. However I do get that not everyone is the same and some people are folowers rather than leaders. Some people like to be told what to do and how to do it because it makes them feel safe and cared for and loved. I can see that. It just isn't for me!

BlueEyedEllie · #47 06-23-2010, 08:48 AM

Marc and i respect each other.We always know where the other is even if we don't get a chance to talk much that day.I have always been a very independent person but am discovering it's very nice to share one's life with another.

Now abusive control(ie;you may not talk to your family,go to the movies with your friends,etc etc)that kind of cutting off of you from your loved ones is abusive but otherwise,I think it's very important for both parties in a relationship to respect one another,their feelings,needs,etc.when marc goes to bible study or wherever he's going that he has to turn off his phone he just always leaves me an i love you message,and lets me know he has to turn off his phone now,but will call later.and i do the same for him before i punch in at work.We always run things by each other.Ask each other for their opinion,etc and doing things this way really works for us.

Tuesday123 · #48 06-23-2010, 11:58 AM

I know my guy well enough to know that if Im having to ask,,,,,,,, its probably something he wont approve of.

Communication is key, and mutual respect is a must.

Quote:

Originally Posted by meximami707

Hey ladies.. first of all... I DONT want to diss anyone here or come out the wrong way.. i aint trying to offend anyone

WHY DO A LOT OF LADIES ON HERE HAVE TO ASK THEIR MAN FOR PERMISSION?

I dont get that at all please help me understand that...

He aint your dad.. I understand there is a difference between saying .. oh im goin over here type of cheking in but to ask hey babe can I go?? Y??

Does he ask you to go somewhere??

HOW COME MOST OF THE TIME ITS ONLY THE GIRL ASKING AND NOT THE DUDE?!?!

I DONT THINK THATS FAIR...

Also too w/ married ladies .. I gotta ask my husband to (fill in the blank)?

I dont get it..

maybe bcuz my parents are really independent from each other and I never hear my moms ask permission for her to do things .. maybe thats why i have an "issue" with that.. maybe thats why i dont get it..

crazycasey183 · #49 06-23-2010, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gods mercy

i don't ask for permission, i ask for advice on something but never permission,,, if he does no want me to do something i always tell him "im ok, you can trust me, my ability is always right"

Couldn't have said it better myself !!! But if it something my man really doesn't care for me to do then he'll let me know and then I won't, just out of respect !!!

missjohnson · #50 06-23-2010, 01:26 PM

i RARELY ask my man for permission. Only for a few things. I think its respectful and I would like him to ask me about certain things too. Why would you want to go do something that is going to make your loved one uncomfortable?? If he disagrees on something that is unreasonable I explain my points and I usually win