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NatureJunkee · #1 02-29-2004, 11:00 AM

I am curious about something. Because I usually use "view new posts" to read new threads, I find that I am sometimes responding to posts in forums that do not have direct applicability to me. For example, sometimes I post in the SO or Lifer forum, but my boyfriend is neither. I post in there to offer support and give an opinion--but I also wonder if those of you who are directly affected by those issues would prefer that people who can relate more directly post in there. I really am curious about this--and will not be offended no matter what the response. Thanks in advance.

qwerty · #2 02-29-2004, 11:03 AM

I think it's good to have "others" post in specialized forums, as it brings in other points of view and support is always good no matter where it comes from. Of course, I do the same as you, so maybe I'm biased.

*Ken* · #3 02-29-2004, 11:05 AM

Good question...

Personally I would like to hear from anyone - as long as they are supportive - whether they are in my shoes or not. Sometimes it is that fresh opinion from someone on the outside of the situation that makes all the difference... In general, the more that respond in support the more 'supported' I feel...

I certainly hope that others feel this way too!

haswtch · #4 02-29-2004, 11:11 AM

I feel like I have so much to learn from everybody here, and even if some forums don't describe my specific situation, sometimes a thread is just too darn thought-provoking or moving not to get in on

Madcowgurl · #5 02-29-2004, 11:20 AM

I 2 also like to hear positive or negative from everybody! it's wonderful to get the different opinions, opening many doors. There are times when someone in my situation might understand more than or better, ya know? It goes both ways. So yeah I like all opinions and inputs....

JustTami · #6 02-29-2004, 11:26 AM

I think that no matter what our loved one is serving time for, we ARE all in the same boat. Someone that we love is on prison, that's why were're here.
I'd liek to see us all stay together, rather then segregate us like they do in the prisons.

blueviolet · #7 02-29-2004, 11:52 AM

I like to hear from anyone. However, I am tired of negative and bashing type of posts. We have a lot of negativity in our lives, I like to think of PTO as a refuge. There are lots of things people say in here that I don't like or disagree with, but I don't really see the point in being mean or hateful about it. Unless it's a serious ethical issue or life & death, there's no reason to get all over someone about it.

Blueviolet

NatureJunkee · #8 02-29-2004, 11:59 AM

Blueviolet: I completely agree. It seems like even in the last couple of weeks there is a small group of people who are posting really negative comments. I am curious. Do you feel like more bashing goes on from people who are not in similar situations? In other words, do you think part of the problem is what I am talking about--people posting who are not directly affected by the issues in the forum in which they are posting? OR--do you think it is "equal opportunity" bashing?

California Sunshine · #9 02-29-2004, 01:00 PM

I post in the other forums that don't apply to me personally to show support for others in different situations.
I like to hear from anyone and everyone

blueviolet · #10 02-29-2004, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NatureJunkee

Blueviolet: I completely agree. It seems like even in the last couple of weeks there is a small group of people who are posting really negative comments. I am curious. Do you feel like more bashing goes on from people who are not in similar situations? In other words, do you think part of the problem is what I am talking about--people posting who are not directly affected by the issues in the forum in which they are posting? OR--do you think it is "equal opportunity" bashing?

I think it depends on the subject and the forum. In one forum, which I won't name, I've seen an individual make mean-spirited remarks on posts they can't relate to or disagree with, for no reason except to get their 2 cents in. This was a person not "directly affected by the issues" of that post.

In another forum, an ethical matter was at issue. Some people gave constructive criticism, others just free for all bashing, as if to jump on the bandwagon. Some of the people who gave negative comments were people who had been in this person's situation, or the "victim" of that situation.

I think the type of criticism is different depending on whether the person making the remarks has actually been in the situation at issue or not. I've noticed that people not directly affected are more likely to be mean-spirited without any real advice, while those that have been in the situation will say what they don't like, they explain why in a rational way.

Blueviolet

LBoogie0810 · #11 03-01-2004, 12:58 AM

insight and support are invaluable no matter what the situation is... in 'our' case, we are all virtaully in the same boat, so any help..helps

MissOne · #12 03-01-2004, 09:41 AM

i like different opinions so i voted anyone and everyone.

then too, i know how to take what i need and leave the rest.

kreepsgirl · #13 03-01-2004, 11:16 AM

I personally dont care as long as they can offer support and advice. I dont however post in forums that I really dont know nothing about.

Roger's Girl · #14 03-01-2004, 05:18 PM

OK I will be the first to say it. I voted that it should be people directly related to that specific forum. After reading a few of your posts in this thread, I think maybe I should be more open. I try to offer support where I can, I like BlueViolet, see somethings that I just dont agree with and keep my mouth shut...

I will put it out on the table, because I am learning and it is only from being a member of PTO that I would have the courage to say it in a general forum. I belong to the Sex Offender forum, for a while I have felt like I didnt really belong there, for a couple of reasons... I went over to the Violent Offenders forum thinking maybe I would "fit in" a little better. UNTIL, I read a post from a mother who said she didn't understand how her "well read" son who had a few problems, should be in a place with murderers and rapists. I knew then that was not the place for me either.

I think maybe I should be a little more open to other peoples opinions, but because of the fact his crime is sexually related I tend to get very defensive. That is why I voted the way I did. Just a view from the other side.

NatureJunkee · #15 03-02-2004, 07:34 AM

Roger'sGirl: Thank you for your candor in your answer. If you look at how the poll results shape up, you are not alone--you are just the only person that posted an explanation behind it. I really do appreciate your feedback. Perhaps this will be the beauty of the private SO forum?

FYI--I have read all of your posts and responded to several of them. Although I have not been in your shoes, I do have a great deal of empathy for what you are struggling with. I hope you are getting answers from people who are going through the same thing.

sweetpea · #16 03-02-2004, 08:25 AM

I agree with kreepsgirl (as usual

) I love seeing all the love and support here. I've never thought of quote-unquote belonging to one forum or another, I believe that the threads are open to all members to give support, whether you've been in their shoes or not. When I come across a post where I don't understand where the 'poster' is coming from or can't relate I just don't post, because I'm sure someone else will come along who knows what they are talking about - though I believe support should always be welcome!

BOsPiece · #17 03-02-2004, 09:18 AM

Relatively new here at PTO I get around a bit on the site but must not be venturing to areas where you guys have because I have yet to come across a vindictive thread. Maybe I have and just didn't recognize 'em b/c I am not a sensitive, touchy, defensive, closedminded woman. I know the law is funny and not in a humourous way; I knowthere are two sides to a story -- the laws' side which will hem you up somethin sumthin, and the defendants'.

I came across SO on here in a regular thread or so and was like "what's an SO"? Being on here I learned, and then my thought was "who would stand by a sex offender" but on the flip of that my though was "just cause the law declares a person a sex offender, I'm interested to know the person (defendant's) version because to me, he may not be, but just a victim who got hemmed up in the labels the law will put on you.

Yesterday I venture into the SO (cause now I know what SO means) area. I like to go in all areas whether or not they apply to me because I do like to consider myself an extremely fair and very understanding and compassionate person who can easily place myself in others's shows to try and see how things are from their stance, and, from their loved ones stance. So this fella, 22 years old, has been labeled and therefore must go through the channels of being a sex offender because he had sex with a 17 year old. That blew me away, b/c to me -- and here is where I may be closed minded -- a sex offender to me is someone who offends someone sexually by way of attempting to or fully carrying out rape IN THE FORCEFUL SENSE, like a rapist, or, an adult who preys on children grammer school aged and younger. I think it's an outcry to label a 22 year old man a sex offender because he had sex with a 17 year old, but the LAW does say if the girl is under 18 it's [statutory] rape.

Off the top of my head I'm thinking about a domestic abuser. Okay, let's say a man never put his hands on a woman to fight her. Let's he never hit her, let's say she wild out on him and he smack her to calm her down. That man could catch a domestic abust charge and have to take classes and the full works, when, he's not even an abuser.

I don't think posts should be limited to only those the respective situations apply to b/c someone could go in one of those posts and learn something. I have a 21 year old son, and just from that one post I have cautioned him to NOT have sex with or pretty much even involve himself with a female under 18 because we don't know the issues with the girl and her family, and he could get caught up in the law just like that poor 22 year old fella who told his story in the SO area.

I haven't ventured into the lifer's area yet, but I'll get there.

hopefiend · #18 03-02-2004, 09:41 AM

due to java script errors i am unable to read the reply's to this post and i would just love to know what they say! would somebody please pm me with the replies. thank you!

NatureJunkee · #19 03-02-2004, 09:45 AM

I can do that for you--I just have to figure out how! I know how to pm, but not sure if I can just copy all of the replies? Let me try . . .

NatureJunkee · #20 03-02-2004, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopefiend

due to java script errors i am unable to read the reply's to this post and i would just love to know what they say! would somebody please pm me with the replies. thank you!

Poll: Do you wish there were fewer posts from people who are not in your situation?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am curious about something. Because I usually use "view new posts" to read new threads, I find that I am sometimes responding to posts in forums that do not have direct applicability to me. For example, sometimes I post in the SO or Lifer forum, but my boyfriend is neither. I post in there to offer support and give an opinion--but I also wonder if those of you who are directly affected by those issues would prefer that people who can relate more directly post in there. I really am curious about this--and will not be offended no matter what the response. Thanks in advance.

NatureJunkee

02-29-2004, 12:03 PM #2

qwerty
Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 147

I think it's good to have "others" post in specialized forums, as it brings in other points of view and support is always good no matter where it comes from. Of course, I do the same as you, so maybe I'm biased.

02-29-2004, 12:05 PM #3

tebkrg
PTO Site Administrator Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 5,460

Good question...

Personally I would like to hear from anyone - as long as they are supportive - whether they are in my shoes or not. Sometimes it is that fresh opinion from someone on the outside of the situation that makes all the difference... In general, the more that respond in support the more 'supported' I feel...

I certainly hope that others feel this way too!
__________________
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02-29-2004, 12:11 PM #4

haswtch
my karma>their dogma Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,512

I feel like I have so much to learn from everybody here, and even if some forums don't describe my specific situation, sometimes a thread is just too darn thought-provoking or moving not to get in on
__________________
Prisons don't rehabilitate, they don't punish, they don't protect, so what the hell do they do?

~Jerry Brown

Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.

~Friedrich Nietzsche

02-29-2004, 12:20 PM #5

Madcowgurl
Cow Crazy!!! Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 27

I 2 also like to hear positive or negative from everybody! it's wonderful to get the different opinions, opening many doors. There are times when someone in my situation might understand more than or better, ya know? It goes both ways. So yeah I like all opinions and inputs....

02-29-2004, 12:26 PM #6

scottandtami
Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 78

I think that no matter what our loved one is serving time for, we ARE all in the same boat. Someone that we love is on prison, that's why were're here.
I'd liek to see us all stay together, rather then segregate us like they do in the prisons.
__________________

02-29-2004, 12:52 PM #7

blueviolet
Registered User Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 325

I like to hear from anyone. However, I am tired of negative and bashing type of posts. We have a lot of negativity in our lives, I like to think of PTO as a refuge. There are lots of things people say in here that I don't like or disagree with, but I don't really see the point in being mean or hateful about it. Unless it's a serious ethical issue or life & death, there's no reason to get all over someone about it.

Blueviolet
__________________

02-29-2004, 12:59 PM #8

NatureJunkee
Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 651

Blueviolet: I completely agree. It seems like even in the last couple of weeks there is a small group of people who are posting really negative comments. I am curious. Do you feel like more bashing goes on from people who are not in similar situations? In other words, do you think part of the problem is what I am talking about--people posting who are not directly affected by the issues in the forum in which they are posting? OR--do you think it is "equal opportunity" bashing?

02-29-2004, 02:00 PM #9

California Sunshine
M's Princess Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,198

I post in the other forums that don't apply to me personally to show support for others in different situations.
I like to hear from anyone and everyone
__________________

02-29-2004, 03:30 PM #10

blueviolet
Registered User Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 325

Quote:
Originally Posted by NatureJunkee
Blueviolet: I completely agree. It seems like even in the last couple of weeks there is a small group of people who are posting really negative comments. I am curious. Do you feel like more bashing goes on from people who are not in similar situations? In other words, do you think part of the problem is what I am talking about--people posting who are not directly affected by the issues in the forum in which they are posting? OR--do you think it is "equal opportunity" bashing?

I think it depends on the subject and the forum. In one forum, which I won't name, I've seen an individual make mean-spirited remarks on posts they can't relate to or disagree with, for no reason except to get their 2 cents in. This was a person not "directly affected by the issues" of that post.

In another forum, an ethical matter was at issue. Some people gave constructive criticism, others just free for all bashing, as if to jump on the bandwagon. Some of the people who gave negative comments were people who had been in this person's situation, or the "victim" of that situation.

I think the type of criticism is different depending on whether the person making the remarks has actually been in the situation at issue or not. I've noticed that people not directly affected are more likely to be mean-spirited without any real advice, while those that have been in the situation will say what they don't like, they explain why in a rational way.

Blueviolet

Yesterday, 01:58 AM #11

freedsoul14
Missing My Dee.... Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 287

insight and support are invaluable no matter what the situation is... in 'our' case, we are all virtaully in the same boat, so any help..helps
__________________

My Angel will be home to me in.....:

Yesterday, 10:41 AM #12

MissOne
God's Gift to Daddy Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 580

i like different opinions so i voted anyone and everyone.

then too, i know how to take what i need and leave the rest.
__________________
Be Blessed!!!

Miss One
242 days until Daddy comes home.

Yesterday, 12:16 PM #13

kreepsgirl
Love my thugged out man! Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 572

I personally dont care as long as they can offer support and advice. I dont however post in forums that I really dont know nothing about.
__________________

Yesterday, 06:18 PM #14

Roger's Girl
ONE HOT MOMMA Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 123

OK I will be the first to say it. I voted that it should be people directly related to that specific forum. After reading a few of your posts in this thread, I think maybe I should be more open. I try to offer support where I can, I like BlueViolet, see somethings that I just dont agree with and keep my mouth shut...

I will put it out on the table, because I am learning and it is only from being a member of PTO that I would have the courage to say it in a general forum. I belong to the Sex Offender forum, for a while I have felt like I didnt really belong there, for a couple of reasons... I went over to the Violent Offenders forum thinking maybe I would "fit in" a little better. UNTIL, I read a post from a mother who said she didn't understand how her "well read" son who had a few problems, should be in a place with murderers and rapists. I knew then that was not the place for me either.

I think maybe I should be a little more open to other peoples opinions, but because of the fact his crime is sexually related I tend to get very defensive. That is why I voted the way I did. Just a view from the other side.
__________________
3024 days until Roger is all mine

Today, 08:34 AM #15

NatureJunkee
Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 651

Roger'sGirl: Thank you for your candor in your answer. If you look at how the poll results shape up, you are not alone--you are just the only person that posted an explanation behind it. I really do appreciate your feedback. Perhaps this will be the beauty of the private SO forum?

FYI--I have read all of your posts and responded to several of them. Although I have not been in your shoes, I do have a great deal of empathy for what you are struggling with. I hope you are getting answers from people who are going through the same thing.

NatureJunkee · #21 03-02-2004, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopefiend

due to java script errors i am unable to read the reply's to this post and i would just love to know what they say! would somebody please pm me with the replies. thank you!

I agree with kreepsgirl (as usual ) I love seeing all the love and support here. I've never thought of quote-unquote belonging to one forum or another, I believe that the threads are open to all members to give support, whether you've been in their shoes or not. When I come across a post where I don't understand where the 'poster' is coming from or can't relate I just don't post, because I'm sure someone else will come along who knows what they are talking about - though I believe support should always be welcome!
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Today, 10:18 AM #17

BOsPiece
Spittin it raw & real! Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 221

Relatively new here at PTO I get around a bit on the site but must not be venturing to areas where you guys have because I have yet to come across a vindictive thread. Maybe I have and just didn't recognize 'em b/c I am not a sensitive, touchy, defensive, closedminded woman. I know the law is funny and not in a humourous way; I knowthere are two sides to a story -- the laws' side which will hem you up somethin sumthin, and the defendants'.

I came across SO on here in a regular thread or so and was like "what's an SO"? Being on here I learned, and then my thought was "who would stand by a sex offender" but on the flip of that my though was "just cause the law declares a person a sex offender, I'm interested to know the person (defendant's) version because to me, he may not be, but just a victim who got hemmed up in the labels the law will put on you.

Yesterday I venture into the SO (cause now I know what SO means) area. I like to go in all areas whether or not they apply to me because I do like to consider myself an extremely fair and very understanding and compassionate person who can easily place myself in others's shows to try and see how things are from their stance, and, from their loved ones stance. So this fella, 22 years old, has been labeled and therefore must go through the channels of being a sex offender because he had sex with a 17 year old. That blew me away, b/c to me -- and here is where I may be closed minded -- a sex offender to me is someone who offends someone sexually by way of attempting to or fully carrying out rape IN THE FORCEFUL SENSE, like a rapist, or, an adult who preys on children grammer school aged and younger. I think it's an outcry to label a 22 year old man a sex offender because he had sex with a 17 year old, but the LAW does say if the girl is under 18 it's [statutory] rape.

Off the top of my head I'm thinking about a domestic abuser. Okay, let's say a man never put his hands on a woman to fight her. Let's he never hit her, let's say she wild out on him and he smack her to calm her down. That man could catch a domestic abust charge and have to take classes and the full works, when, he's not even an abuser.

I don't think posts should be limited to only those the respective situations apply to b/c someone could go in one of those posts and learn something. I have a 21 year old son, and just from that one post I have cautioned him to NOT have sex with or pretty much even involve himself with a female under 18 because we don't know the issues with the girl and her family, and he could get caught up in the law just like that poor 22 year old fella who told his story in the SO area.

I haven't ventured into the lifer's area yet, but I'll get there.

princessthomas · #22 03-04-2004, 04:12 PM

I Love Hearing And Trying To Help Everyone, Whether Im In The Same Situation Or Not...keep Posting Everyone..i Try To Reply To All I Can!

**Patty** · #23 03-04-2004, 09:41 PM

Regardless of our personal situation we all have or have had a loved one in prison. On that level we remain connected. I do think it is interesting to hear from persons who are in the same or similar situation as myself however there are times when I find myself posting about relationships and experiences from my past when appropriate. I enjoy different perspectives on a given topic. One area that frustrates me at times is when threads go way off topic, 'nuff said.

Patty

Joesgal · #24 03-10-2004, 10:24 AM

I try my best to give suport even if I can't relate even if it is no more then to say I am here for you.I don't always give advice but I still try to help all I can.I don't think any one should bash any one or be mean.We are all in the same boat.Our loved one is in prison and we need a friend to talk to.But some times people forget that others have feelings and are easely hurt.I think if you don't have some thing nice to say you should keep out of it.Life is hard enough with out some one setting out to hurt your feelings more.

kitty1 · #25 03-10-2004, 10:39 AM

I believe everyone has their own situation each of course is going to be different
but everyone can learn from each individual situation and from each person
so I think a forum should be open but also have the ability to deal whith each specific
person and situation because it is very comforting to know that they're are people that are having the sames problems.