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missMBC · #1 07-28-2010, 12:58 PM

I had a good conversation and got some letters that prompted this post. I appreciate him and he appreciates me as is.

I know some people has the misconception that you can change someone and make them the person you want them to be.Trying to change someone is a waste of time. The very thought of changing someone is saying that they are not good enough as they are, and it is soaked with judgment and disapproval. That is not a thought of appreciation or love, and those thoughts will only bring separation between you and that person.You must look for the good in people to have more of it appear. As you look only for the good things in a person, you will be amazed at what your new focus reveals. At least that's how I feel. I know at least for me, I love my man the way he is and know deep down he can improve and correct himself or the way he chooses to do things. I know that he will only choose to do that for himself but I do recognize the good in him. I hold on to my faith in him and i believe in him. Thank you ladies for hearing me out and for your constant support.

xoox
missMBC

SpicaRigel · #2 07-28-2010, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missMBC

You must look for the good in people to have more of it appear. As you look only for the good things in a person, you will be amazed at what your new focus reveals.

xoox
missMBC

What wisdom! Yes! Thank You! When we focus on the good things in a person, they Grow and GROW!
When we focus on the negative things, they Grow and GROW too!
Great post and so true!

Addicted_one · #3 07-28-2010, 01:43 PM

Yup you gotta love em as they are (and a little bit worse than they are because with the "world" and life it gets a bit worse) but if you don't you'll be unhappy trying to change em.

PTO-189145 · #4 07-28-2010, 04:04 PM

I love this! Very nicely put!

I have learned first hand that you cannot change someone. My mother is an alcoholic..and for a while I broke myself trying to change her.

As for my honey..I take him for who he is. His mistakes do not define him and they certainly don't give me the right to judge him. I love him for HIM..flaws and all. HE has the power and will to change..I'm just his cheerleader encouraging him along the way

GREAT thread

missMBC · #5 07-28-2010, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BooBoo<3

I love this! Very nicely put!

I have learned first hand that you cannot change someone. My mother is an alcoholic..and for a while I broke myself trying to change her.

As for my honey..I take him for who he is. His mistakes do not define him and they certainly don't give me the right to judge him. I love him for HIM..flaws and all. HE has the power and will to change..I'm just his cheerleader encouraging him along the way

GREAT thread

im glad you feel that way...but if i were to try and explain to my friends that are hating on it and ish it's as if im doing calculus in japanese...they don't get it or refuse to get it or understand...they can't accept it and dammit i dont care...i've stopped trying to justify my actions and my man...he is who he is and i love him...doesn't make me desperate doesn't make me crazy doesn't make me stupid doesn't make me naive...yah know?...thanks for the support...

xoox
missMBC

lovinMr.SPENCER · #6 07-28-2010, 05:18 PM

Ifeel like if i have to change u then 9 out of 10 i dnt need to be with u small changes r ok but its something big i say its time to walk away cuz nither of u will be happy after the fact!!!!

mama2princesses · #7 07-28-2010, 06:28 PM

I dated an alcoholic in the past and he kept saying this was gonna change and that was gonna change. A few years into it I wised up and kicked him to the curb. I realized I didnt love him like I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him love and he was never going to make me happy because of the way he acted when he drank... which was every single day.

that said I dont want my love to change. He is perfect for me just the way he is. In fact I'm worried that jail was going to change him. thats one of the reasons I write him so much.. to give him some of the good so he wont be jaded by all the distrust and bad inside those walls

BlueEyedEllie · #8 07-28-2010, 09:27 PM

I absolutely agree with you and this is a really good thread EXCEPT when it comes to sociopaths.Someone who lies CONSTANTLY without remorse,hurts other people without a care in the world,these types you can look for all the good you want but in some people there simply is none.I think sometimes women fall in love with their man's potential rather than who he really is as a man in the here and now.Your premise is great but just wanted to say,with a select few this approach does nothing or means nothing to the other person.

ps and i should add sociopaths can be found in AND out of prison.

Boomboomschick · #9 07-28-2010, 09:32 PM

Great thread. When I went to open it I was thinking "man this is going to be an argument thread" little did I realize...beautifully put!

Kenneth_Lorie · #10 07-28-2010, 09:34 PM

Why would you want to change someone that you love? Do you love him or who you want him to be. If that's the case it's not love at all. When you love someone you accept him flaws and all. If something about him bothers you so bad you want to change it because you are unable to live with it, then I say it's time to get out of that relationship. Bottom line is you are unable to change someone they have to want to change.

Temeron0926 · #11 07-29-2010, 02:27 AM

When Ray and I first met, he was doing "hard time" and he wasn't seeing a lot of good in himself. I saw good in him, that is what kept me going back at first. After recognizing that I was falling in love with him, and finding that a few of his "faults" were a bit "offensive" to my sensibilities, I realized that I wanted him to change them. It took me a while to figure out that HE needed to want to change them, me wanting him to was not going to do it. Over the years he HAS changed them, for the most part. There are a few things that still bother me about him, (I am SURE there are things about me that bother him) but in the BIG PICTURE, they are "small stuff" I love him IN SPITE of them, they are things I can live with. If I still beleived that I could change him, we would be in a world of hurt!

bigc#1baby · #12 07-29-2010, 02:46 AM

Me personally i know who my man is an i love him all the same but in his life he needs change we all need change in order to make it in this world nothing can stay the same. I want the very best for my man because i no what he can be if he doesnt change an grow he is only setting his self up for failure im not saying i can make him change but i pray daily that he allows god to come into his life an change him for the better. My man is in prison for 3yrs because he wasnt ready to change an i truely believe if he hadnt went to prison i would be buring him now he knows he has to change his life but will he only god knows an until then i can only talk to him about getting his life together now if i didnt love him i could care less what he did with is life an he is thankful that i care so much about what happeneds to him so i dont feel like me wanting him to change is not excepting him its just me wanting the very best for him.

dmf · #13 07-29-2010, 09:32 AM

Great thread

To me it's so important that you don't try to change the person you're with. If you have major concerns like your spouse/bf/gf is an alcoholic, then that should be addressed! My ex was an alcoholic...I dont know if he still drinks or not...but he would always say he was going to stop drinking, but would always go back to it. Eventually I stopped caring if he drank or not. But that was something he had to want to deal with on his own...he couldn't do it for me and I certainly couldn't make him stop. And in the end, he didn't want to stop...at least while we were together. With J though, he made the decision to change his lifestyle and he started the process before we got together. I support him in that now, but I never would have tried to "fix" or change him...it's just not possible if they aren't the one who wants things to be different. Alot of women go into relationships thinking they can help this person or that they'll turn them into the man of their dreams. It pretty much never works that way. I love J as he is with all the life experience that comes with him. However, I will say that if he hadn't made the changes he did, I would not have been able to be with him because it was not a lifestyle I wanted me or my daughter around!

missMBC · #14 07-29-2010, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andre N Lorie

Why would you want to change someone that you love? Do you love him or who you want him to be. If that's the case it's not love at all. When you love someone you accept him flaws and all. If something about him bothers you so bad you want to change it because you are unable to live with it, then I say it's time to get out of that relationship. Bottom line is you are unable to change someone they have to want to change.

so very very true....i love my man as is....i don't want to change anything about him other than his location...which is in a locked up facility....i love him for him and he loves me for me..i would hope and pray that drugs are not an option for him anymore but he'll stop those for sure when he's ready...that i get....sure we have pet peeves about each other and we aren't perfect...but together him and i are perfectly imperfect :-D...

xoox
missMBC