When the going gets tough, what pulls you through?

[ohsweetmaryjane]

Just want to say that I absolutely love this thread....it put a big smile on my face.

[BlueEyedEllie]

Originally Posted by nypurple

Simple, after a 3 year relationship 31 years ago I left, horribly, not even a Dear ____ letter; I disappeared.

The next 25 years I finished college; I celebrated in my mind with him, I married; wished it was him, had a son; he carries his name (middle), divorced; the ink was not dry before I wrote that first letter 6 years ago.

All I have to think about is the biggest mistake I ever made.

you know what,though??Everything happens for a reason!!Your relationship may turn out to be way better this time around.

[Tlina]

Somebody mentioned the "cotton candy" phase. I think that's so cute. We are definitely in that phase, not a chance for an argument yet and I hope never will. We're both AA so I understand why he did the things he did while under the influence, and what a totally different and wonderful man he is when he's not. I don't give up o him because I understand him and I know how easy it might have been for me to end up where he is for the same reasons. We're all, in the end, just another bum on the bus. Not that my man is a bum. He's the most beautiful man I've ever met. Which is another reason why I stick around LOL.

[crazy2010]

I really had to think hard on this one as no matter what I've never given up on him. Thats a really new thing for me. BUT I haver different issues, but what makes me hang on is my absolute undying love for this man I honestly can't explain it. There is no explanation its really weird that we ever ended up together. But no matter what I've been his #1 fan. He's also been such a great support to me. I really can't explain it Except to say no matter what I would never give up on him. With that said I also want to say this we were fine before I loved him he says he loved me but we weren't soul mates!!! We were what we wre it worked for us I love him and will stand by him but we both had lots of issuees that we had to work out. So we a work in progress, I guess???

[ride_or_die]

i didn't read all the posts because i figured that everyone would say the obvious, " i love him, he loves me, i cant see my life without him..." i feel the same way 100% but since i am at the very beginning of this journey (a month) what has me wanting to wait it out and not give up when sometimes that's all i want to do is write to him and tell him im not as strong as i thought i was....i dont because of you guys!!!! EVERYONE I KNOW IN PTO KEEPS ME STRONG! when i didn't get mail but once in 3 weeks, i was thinking how letters is our only communication and if he's not responding or at least sending messages through his mom when she visits than what's the point of waiting if he's not willing to do his part? well, i found this website the very same day i was planning on giving up and you guys have given me more support than anyone has ever did with this situation. You guys have brought out all the strength that i thought i didn't have, yes i do love him with every inch of me including my heart and soul. yes, i can't live without him and i want to spend the rest of my life with him but on those low...low days when i feel like we would be better as friends so i wouldn't be stressing so much, you guys give me the spark to keep trying even if its for one more day. then when i do receive a mail and he tells me that he is missing me, loving me, and thinking of my like crazy! he cant wait for us to get married and he cant wait to see me, that puts the icing on the cake that YOU GUYS BAKED!!! so, thanks so much to everyone who has helped me stay afloat when i just wanted to stop trying and drown.

[patriotslover76]

Funny you asked this question. I just returned from visit in PA, last Sunday, saw him yesterday and for a few hours today. I hadn't seen him in 9 years, we met when we were about 16 and had an on and off again relationship for about 9 years.

He has 12 years left to do and I have been down the waiting road before. But I just can't seem to walk away from it. Faith? Hope? I don't know but here I am waiting again.

[Tina]

I know I am where God put me for one, and two the thought of not having him is enough to keep me hangin on. I love him too much to lose him.

[timswife4ever]

What keeps me going is several things actually. My faith is the biggest thing that I rely on. I know that God has a plan and has a purpose for what were going through. I see everyday all the blessings and miracles he has bestowed on me in just the last few months. I will wait as long as I need to according to Gods will for me. The next thing s how grateful my husband is that I am still here. He knows that i could have very easily just gave up and not had anything to do with him at all. he tells me all the time how much it means and how much me sticking by him even when it was and is hell to do so means to him. He is a changed man as he is living for Jesus now. I see it everytime we talk, visit and in every letter he writes me. I tell him he is my gift from God. How could I ever give up on that? I cant; it isnt possible for me. Lastly my kids give me the strength. If I give up who will show them how to handle stress or a bad situation. They will learn from me so me giving up is not an option as I dont want them to think they need to give up just becasue things are hard or not going there way.

[KeithsWifeyxOx]

One time we had a guy at our house doing construction and he was acting sort of flirtacious and I didn't notice it. Keith was on the phone and he got a little heated. I said, "Keith, I doubt he even thinks I look cute right now...I just woke up I am a hot mess!" and he said, "So?! Do you think that I just fell in love with you because of how you look? I fell in love with you because of your intelligence, your morals, and your personality. Not just because you look good." It was just adorable because we were sort of in the heat of an argument...And I knew he meant it. Thinking of that gives me hope.

[Fancy]

Things get very hard for me too Beth.

It is especially stressful right now cause the state computer has his time messed up. If not fixed he will not be coming home on that parole ticker below. But, I will be the one to have to scrap him back together and stand by him if they tell him 2012.

What makes me stay?

The way he confesses his love for me.

We meet at 17 and now we are 41.

He will flat tells you that he has always loved me.

He can roll off 2 paragraphs without blinking an eye confessing his love for me.

I can feel his love.

I have to admit that sometimes I think "It must really be love or he is the best con man in the world."

[mich68]

He's It--the only one I want. And trust me, I did a LOT of test driving before I decided on this one, so I feel pretty secure in this knowledge!
We have both walked through fire to get where we are, and just when we both thought that life was going to settle down, we got smacked with THIS situation. I would give up on ME before I would give up on him.
Of course, the constant stream of appreciation for every-little-thing I do for him while he's There doesn't hurt! Invariably, whenever I have that "end of my rope" feeling, I get a letter or phone call from my sweet, telling me how awesome he thinks I am and how much he loves me. Gets me realigned every time!

[Kenneth_Lorie]

What helps me get through some of the hardest days is a song by Mary J Blige called First Tear.

Wow, this is the thread I needed to read today. Prison life is part of my life and I am becoming to see that it is a realization in my life. I talked to my husband last night and we finally had a serious conversation pertaining to how long he is going to be gone and about the kids and I. I am having a real difficult time; we have two kids and have been together for 8 years and married for almost 5 years in 20 days. Our conversation last night consisted of talking about his sentence which right now is ranging from the deal of 17 years to a maximum exposure of 35 years. His charges are not that serious and were not violent. But because of his past that is what they are using against him. The car I was using started acting up so I gave it back to my mom and now am relying on the bus to get my kids and I around. I will be using the bus to get them to daycare and to get me to work. I have never used a bus to get anywhere, I have no other choice just like with the prison system and have to make the best of what is happening right now. He told me last night that he doesn't want me doing this. I asked him, doing what? He doesn't want me to be worried about him, and his sentence. I said even if I was not with you, I would still be worried. I told him that I was here for him and not going anywhere. From day 1 I told him that once we get married there is no divorce coming from me. I said if you want a divorce you file the papers. I know he does not want a divorce from me but he doesnt want me dealing with this lifestyle. I am here to stay with him. I said my vows and meant them, I have seen too many families break up because of divorce and it will not be us. I made a vow in front of God and am living by God's way now. What gets me through each day is knowing that he will be home one day. I don't know when and I don't know in what condition because of his injury from work. But I know that he will always be my husband no matter what. I love my husband and there was a reason God put him and I together and it was for more than for us to have our two beautiful children. I unfortunately will not be able to go see him as often as I was because of my car situation but I am going to start writing more letters and sending more pictures of us. I have to refocus on my priorities, he is one of my priorities but our kids have to come first and my job next. I know he is okay in there and is getting food, a bed to sleep in. I would much rather have him home but that is out of my control and in God's control 100%. Good post, thanks

[ajsangel]

been a minute since Ive been on here. Aj and I have been through a lot since his release. up and downs & and all around. Its not easy. especially being in a relationship with a person whos been in and out the system for 10 years. he doesnt know much about living on his own and working a job to get the things he needs/wants. its been hard on us both..but what keeps us going and striving is knowing all we've been through. doing the 2 year bid with him and being able to accomplish that. I remind him and myself on those bad days that we can make it in any situation because we've made it through the darkest of days. our dedication to each other keeps the relationship going. if that makes any sense lol.

[HassGirlfriend]

Me and my boyfriend got together in jail so in the process of really getting to know one another, we figured out what we both wanted was the same exact thing. A relationship that would lead to an everlasting forever. We both would pray for patience, humbleness, faith, hope, and the ability to love one another as the other needs/wants. This prayer helps drag the relationship through whenever one or the other or both partners get discouraged. No prison relationship can ever be cottoncandy land, though at times it does have its moments, right now is mine .

God has a purpose for all things he does, including unifying your relationship. So be grateful for the moments that are both good and bad because in the end, it only makes the relationship stronger!!!

Originally Posted by akaptrosa

Before we ever decided to commit to each other we had a discussion about what it takes to make a relationship work. My number one thing was commitment. He felt the number one thing would be if we could humble ourselves to each other or not. HUH? Was my response at that time. Today, I see what he meant oh so clearly.

I have to say that it is his ability to humble himself when he is in the wrong and sometimes, even when he isn't in the wrong, but we want to go about things in different ways. He has the attitude of "Greater is Our relationship than him." I *try* to be the same way, but I think I fail at it sometimes.

Los & I have been through so many trials, that now I am at the point of being thankful when the next one comes. I know in the the long run, it will build our relationship and make it stronger. I know that it will develop us both individually and as a couple. Our greatest rewards come after times of trial.

Pray together. It's twice as powerful when you do it together. Somehow, I can never stay mad if he grabs my hand and starts praying. How can I not continue on when he writes prayers to me asking God to guide and protect our relationship? Putting God at the head of our relationship has done wonders.

I really believe God put us together for a reason. Until I get a word from God saying otherwise, I'm going to keep growing, learning and loving my man. Even when it hurts....

Never tire of doing what's right!

[HassGirlfriend]

Originally Posted by mich68

He's It--the only one I want. And trust me, I did a LOT of test driving before I decided on this one, so I feel pretty secure in this knowledge!
We have both walked through fire to get where we are, and just when we both thought that life was going to settle down, we got smacked with THIS situation. I would give up on ME before I would give up on him.
Of course, the constant stream of appreciation for every-little-thing I do for him while he's There doesn't hurt! Invariably, whenever I have that "end of my rope" feeling, I get a letter or phone call from my sweet, telling me how awesome he thinks I am and how much he loves me. Gets me realigned every time!

awww thats what happens with me 2. I love it. It seems he can smell when I need him and at that time a letter will come in or I'll get either my morning or goodnight phone call. My boyfriend has learned to be very appreciative of everything I do for him. It feels good, and I thank God for being there for him.

[jdcl0215]

Originally Posted by outinaussie

is there really any relationship that is cottoncandy 24/7??? well mine can have its cottoncandy phases..but not 24/7/365/year after year...lol..
so i'll reply
what keeps me strong on blah days.. when he tells me that without me by his side ,supporting him & loving him , he dosent know what hed do.. that i make him want to be a better person.. and how he now has something worthwhile to live for & wants to be the man that i will be proud of etc etc...
that touches me & i cant ever imagine giving up on him & us... when i know how much i mean to him.. it makes me want to fight & protect what we have even more.. and gives me the strength to go on...

i agree! i dont think there are really any relationships that are cotton candy 24/7.

my relationship with my fiance... we have our ups and downs. But I wouldn't want to have it any other way. What keeps me going ??? the thought that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this man when he gets home and that we are going to have a family together. The thought of being able to cuddle in his arms again, keeps me from giving up, because his arms is the only place that i want to be.

[BlueEyedEllie]

Originally Posted by ajsangel

been a minute since Ive been on here. Aj and I have been through a lot since his release. up and downs & and all around. Its not easy. especially being in a relationship with a person whos been in and out the system for 10 years. he doesnt know much about living on his own and working a job to get the things he needs/wants. its been hard on us both..but what keeps us going and striving is knowing all we've been through. doing the 2 year bid with him and being able to accomplish that. I remind him and myself on those bad days that we can make it in any situation because we've made it through the darkest of days. our dedication to each other keeps the relationship going. if that makes any sense lol.

Hey girl,i remember you.I'm glad you are still hanging in there.I don't care what anyone says.I think that their release can be the biggest hurdle for them to overcome.If you can make it through that,you can make it through anything!!And tenny,i feel you totally.I really,really do!!

[rhewsbbgurl]

I believe what keeps us going is our Faith, and our love for one another and our children. Rhew has made me angry by going back again but that does not change my feelings for him and never will. Also we encourage each other through this and one think I think that helps me and him is we thank each other for loving each other faults and all because none of us are perfect.

[t'slovingwife]

Wow! Great thread. There are so many things that fit in the equation for us and for me specifically. First the commitment we have to each other and our love. Second the prayers we say and I do believe in the power of prayer. Third, our communication when things are tough. And last--the honest belief that we both have that there is absolutely nobody better for us than each other. Although I could use a few straights weeks of the cotton-candy relationship you were talking about--can I order it somewhere??

[june5]

Well, I don't know about cotton candy 24/7...sometimes I want to choke the crap out of him, but I always know he's the one for me. I think to me that is the difference...I don't feel "determined" in any way, I know he's the one for me and that's the way it is. It's a nice feeling...I feel that way even when we are arguing.

[JaiDan]

Definately my faith in God. God always finds a way to keep me in check. Not even only about my Love, but about everything. Times do indeed get tough. However, I don't stay angry as often as I use to. As far as my relationship, I still believe this man and I were meant to be together at this point in our lives, after all the hardship of the past and also despite his location. I know our love is pure and fresh and we don't consistently bring up each other's dirty pasts. He makes me feel like he will always keep me safe and he reminds me that we have the same goals for ourselves and our children. I value his frinedship most and it continues to get me through each day as I wait for him to come home.