Why do we hang on to these horrible relationships?

[curegirl]

This is something that I have been struggling with. Why do we hang on to these horrible relationship? Why don't we end it when God and everybody (Including our own guts) are telling us to? Why do we draw it out so that our pain is maximized?

[West1259]

I believe we do it becuase we are still stuck on when they were here and what we see as "good" times

[vera31]

I think we hang on to horrible relationships because of low self-esteem and not realizing we can do any better. The desire to be loved and love in return is very strong. Plus I think we hope we can change people by being devoted to them.

[justcurious2009]

I think its because we want to believe what our minds thinking will some day be reality if we just hang in there. The storm will pass so to speak. I'm guilty on doing that with a lot of my past relationships. Hoping to change that

[curegirl]

I personally don't have a clue as to why. I think that all of the reasons on the poll fit me at one moment or another. I just wish I could stop it! Lol!

[ifound4ever]

I don't think that my relationship itself is actually a horrible one; it's more the situation that I find abhorrent. It's the being separated by "time and space".
My relationship wasn't horrible to begin with and so its not horrible now!! I hate that we can't do "the normal" things that other couples can do; but because I love him I stay!! "Anything worth having is worth waiting for" and he most definitely is well worth the wait!!!

I've never been one to take the easy way out and so I look at this as just another hurdle that we'll get over!!

[curegirl]

Originally Posted by ifound4ever

I don't think that my relationship itself is actually a horrible one; it's more the situation that I find abhorrent. It's the being separated by "time and space".
My relationship wasn't horrible to begin with and so its not horrible now!! I hate that we can't do "the normal" things that other couples can do; but because I love him I stay!! "Anything worth having is worth waiting for" and he most definitely is well worth the wait!!!

I've never been one to take the easy way out and so I look at this as just another hurdle that we'll get over!!

Best wishes for a happy ending!

[HisLoveAwaits]

Originally Posted by ifound4ever

I don't think that my relationship itself is actually a horrible one; it's more the situation that I find abhorrent. It's the being separated by "time and space".
My relationship wasn't horrible to begin with and so its not horrible now!! I hate that we can't do "the normal" things that other couples can do; but because I love him I stay!! "Anything worth having is worth waiting for" and he most definitely is well worth the wait!!!

I've never been one to take the easy way out and so I look at this as just another hurdle that we'll get over!!

Shefound4ever above took the words right out of my mouth! YEA! What She said

[curegirl]

Originally Posted by ifound4ever

I don't think that my relationship itself is actually a horrible one; it's more the situation that I find abhorrent. It's the being separated by "time and space".
My relationship wasn't horrible to begin with and so its not horrible now!! I hate that we can't do "the normal" things that other couples can do; but because I love him I stay!! "Anything worth having is worth waiting for" and he most definitely is well worth the wait!!!

I've never been one to take the easy way out and so I look at this as just another hurdle that we'll get over!!

When I said horrible relationships, I didn't mean prison relationships in general. I meant the ones like those we have been discussing in the when the relationship is over forum. If you look around this forum, you'll see several people (Myself included) who have stayed in toxic relationships for far too long and are having trouble ending them for good. You know cutting all ties, severing it completely. But, it is good to know that love still exists. Gives us something to hope for.

[curegirl]

Originally Posted by HisLoveAwaits

Shefound4ever above took the words right out of my mouth! YEA! What She said

My best wishes to you as well!!!

[ifound4ever]

Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay well yeah I've been in 1 or 2 or few of those before too and lord knows I have absolutely no idea why I stayed. Well actualy I think that it the the dependancy of it all (insert whatever that dependency is) i.e money, sex, image etc.

During my very first serious relationship we had a baby young and my biggest fear was how others would percieve me. I knew I didnt want him (my ex) in that respect yet as I was so concerned with others opinions of me that I put my feelings on the back burner so to speak. I was so busy trying to prove to everybody else that we could make this work when all I really wanted to do was run. I just didnt want to be embarrased!!!!!! Couldn't fathom the "I told ya so's.


Curegirl i wish you nothing but Love and laughter and i hope that you find it real soon

sorry i misunderstood the thread!!!!!!

[curegirl]

Curegirl i wish you nothing but Love and laughter and i hope that you find it real soon
Thank you that's very sweet!

sorry i misunderstood the thread!!!!!!
No worries! I just didn't want you to think I was bashing prison relationships! Post away!

[imissmybaby14]

well the way i see it is that every body deserves a second cheance in life and just because they are at their down of worse it dosent mean we are going to live them hanging. if you are in love with a person is for good or bad, just think you would not want them to live you just because it would happend to you.

[Luiz'swife]

Woops.. I think this forum wasn't for me.. Lol my relationship isn't horrible!

[Angelslady]

Originally Posted by imissmybaby14

well the way i see it is that every body deserves a second cheance in life and just because they are at their down of worse it dosent mean we are going to live them hanging. if you are in love with a person is for good or bad, just think you would not want them to live you just because it would happend to you.

You took the words right out of my mouth! Not too many people know that I am involved with a man in prison but the ones that do know feel as though I should leave him alone because of the things that I have told them. They dont know everything just somethings and of course its not all good. I know his history, his troubles, his fears, his joys, his aspirations. It is hard to walk away from someone when you know so much about them and the life they lead up until they were locked up and to know things that they have done even after being locked up that they may not be proud of. I feel that if I give up on him I will be just like everyone else in his past that came in only for a short while to satisfy their curiosity of who he may be and then left, only adding to his insecurities, not helping. I dont like to give up on anyone at all in my life and cant turn away from a loved one when they are at their worst because to me I know what they can be like at their best and I wont stop helping until I see the happy person back in front of me. Change for some people is difficult but it makes it slightly easier when they can look to either the left or the right and know that there is in fact someone there encouraging them to be the person that they want to be. I say that the ladies that hold on when they are in a bad relationship are loyal and passionate about the person they love and want only the best for them even when that person may not know what they themselves are capable of....we know and thats why we don't give up.

Whew i'm finished now

[hoppin]

I didn't stay, but still think about him allot. I still can't imagine he could be so cruel. Even when I was the brunt of his cruel game. I thought our 2 year relationship was solid. He wrote to me one week professing all his love for me and the next week he dumped me for someone else.

I will never understand why he did that. It was like he deliberately built me up for 2 years to the point where I trusted him and believed he really loved me and one day he looks at me and said, "psych! I was just kidding." Just for some kind of sick entertainment.

The main reason I did not try to get back with him (which would have been easy to do) is because I am tired of this type of foolishness--I've had enough of it over the years. If I were younger I probably would have fought for him even after he treated me that way--"because I love him."

[hoppin]

I've gotten to the point where if I can't find a man that I love, AND THAT LOVES ME BACK, I'd rather be single. There is nothing wrong with being single--there is a lot to say for it.

[missudaddy]

ive been working on this ? in therapy and have come to realize that 1. my self esteem is in the toilet and 2. the fact that i never had a dad growing up has me stay in destructive relationships so that my kids can call someone daddy. it makes me sick to think about it. y is it so hard to choose no daddy over bad daddy??

[curegirl]

Originally Posted by Angelslady

You took the words right out of my mouth! Not too many people know that I am involved with a man in prison but the ones that do know feel as though I should leave him alone because of the things that I have told them. They dont know everything just somethings and of course its not all good. I know his history, his troubles, his fears, his joys, his aspirations. It is hard to walk away from someone when you know so much about them and the life they lead up until they were locked up and to know things that they have done even after being locked up that they may not be proud of. I feel that if I give up on him I will be just like everyone else in his past that came in only for a short while to satisfy their curiosity of who he may be and then left, only adding to his insecurities, not helping. I dont like to give up on anyone at all in my life and cant turn away from a loved one when they are at their worst because to me I know what they can be like at their best and I wont stop helping until I see the happy person back in front of me. Change for some people is difficult but it makes it slightly easier when they can look to either the left or the right and know that there is in fact someone there encouraging them to be the person that they want to be. I say that the ladies that hold on when they are in a bad relationship are loyal and passionate about the person they love and want only the best for them even when that person may not know what they themselves are capable of....we know and thats why we don't give up.

Whew i'm finished now

Sweetie, I am not talking about prison relationships. I am talking about abusive ones. You should never allow anyone to abuse you whether it be physical, sexual, verbal, or mental. I am loyal and passionate about my ex and I wish him the best, but I will not allow him to abuse me. If someone abuses you, they don't love you. No matter what they say. The abuse negates any other words or actions on their part. It doesn't matter that they were abused. Nothing that has ever happened to them is an excuse to abuse another. NOTHING!

[only1love]

I have to assume that the OP is referring to relationships that were all bad from the get go. If there is a long history of a good stable, loving relationship that suddenly takes an ominous turn, it makes sense to weather the storm and evaluate the damage afterward. I know a minister who preaches that no one should marry until they have experienced a catastrophe together. How a person reacts says everything about their priorities and coping skills. I was not about to end our relationship until I had first exhausted every possible remedy sine the basic history was positive and healthy

[Tuesday123]

Because your heart is broken and your not ready to let go. There is nothing wrong with that.

Maybe you still have a million unanswered questions?

Your heart has to heal.

and until your heart and mind are both in sinque, there will be pain.

They say you can equate the pain you suffer is equal to the duration of the relationship.

I know its not in stone, but there is something there.

If nothing else, six months mimimum to heal.

Originally Posted by curegirl

This is something that I have been struggling with. Why do we hang on to these horrible relationship? Why don't we end it when God and everybody (Including our own guts) are telling us to? Why do we draw it out so that our pain is maximized?

[Shine0749]

What keeps us holding on is a lot of what was said already; the length of time involved, the depth of our feelings, us hoping for the best, etc. But what I also think keeps us in it is familiarity and convenience. I'm a major proponent of change but the fear and anxiety caused by actually having to change kills me. I dread having to start over, so for me it's more beneficial to continue dealing with his foolishness than to move on. Like they say, "no pain, no gain" but to continuously subject myself to unnecessary pain is useless. Sometimes it takes longer to reach that point when I realize I'm only hurting myself by staying.

[HiZ*BaByGiRl]

I think everyone has different reasons for staying or holding on. I know I am a good woman, and I know what I have to offer someone. I may not be a beauty queen or a super model, but I am loyal, dedicated, trustworthy, and genuine! Unfortunately for me, i've been giving it all to someone who is taking it for granted and doesn't deserve it. Being with her for 6 years plays a part, but for now, I don't want to let her go. BUT...I'm hanging on to me and how I feel...I LOVE HER....but does she love me???? She isn't showing it!!!! That should make me walk....

[BettrDayz]

Originally Posted by vera31

I think we hang on to horrible relationships because of low self-esteem and not realizing we can do any better. The desire to be loved and love in return is very strong. Plus I think we hope we can change people by being devoted to them.

The last part of your post is sooooo true, only I didn't realize it till now.

[BettrDayz]

Not sure if I'm doing this right.....anyway I just got out of a 4 yr relationship. And even though I know its for the best its not easy getting over it. Then I start second guessing myself, maybe its me I expected too much, etc. etc. I miss her though.