Why do we hang on to these horrible relationships?

[bigc#1baby]

For me i really believe that any relationship has some sort of struggle none is prefect if u want it to work u both have to put up a fight to make it work a prison relationship is one of the hardest relationships to maintain you have some many people in both your ears it crazy he has his little prison homies telling him u cant trust her you dont not what she is doing an then u have your friends an fam telling u why the hell are u waiting for this man live your life i try to stay away from the drama but it always finds a way to come into our relationship this has been a hell nof a fight an i will not give up until i feel its truely not worth fighting for anymore

[bigc#1baby]

Originally Posted by bettrdayz

not sure if i'm doing this right.....anyway i just got out of a 4 yr relationship. And even though i know its for the best its not easy getting over it. Then i start second guessing myself, maybe its me i expected too much, etc. Etc. I miss her though.

my mom always told me sometimes you have to let things go an if its meant to be you will find your way back to each other so dont second guess yourself because if its goin to be it will be....

[skellerton]

Originally Posted by bigc#1baby

my mom always told me sometimes you have to let things go an if its meant to be you will find your way back to each other so dont second guess yourself because if its goin to be it will be....

How true. After all, if it's real, a truly two-way street, then how can it end? We wouldn't let it. But if it only goes one way, then no matter how much we love the other person, they will be unable to fully feel it and,return it, and in that case, leaving is a better choice than hanging on to continuous grief.

[Rosetta]

Originally Posted by curegirl

This is something that I have been struggling with. Why do we hang on to these horrible relationship? Why don't we end it when God and everybody (Including our own guts) are telling us to? Why do we draw it out so that our pain is maximized?

Dear Curegirl-Don't beat yourself up. I think for me I was hanging on because the man I thought I loved use to say and be all the right things to me, everything I never had. I felt loved by him, like a princess for awhile. Then he came home and he started to be very possesive and would verbally attact me and accuse me of all kinds of things. I thought it would pass and that he just had to adjust to the outside world again but it only got worse. There is more to it and I blame myself for getting so involved without really knowing him but I did and God knows my weakness and desire to be loved. Like you all my friends would try and stop me and they could not understand how I allowed him to treat me like that. What i realized is only God can fill the void and emply spaces in our lives. After many attemps, I finally severed it. I feel so free now and have forgiven myself and Fernandez. I pray for him and ask God to take care of him. I think a part of me will always love him but I felt God was telling me not to go forward and I didn't listen for a long time. Please Curegirl, listen to your heart and most of all your God. You will feel an emptiness in the beginining but now your making room for God. God Bless you, Rosetta

[curegirl]

Originally Posted by Rosetta

Dear Curegirl-Don't beat yourself up. I think for me I was hanging on because the man I thought I loved use to say and be all the right things to me, everything I never had. I felt loved by him, like a princess for awhile. Then he came home and he started to be very possesive and would verbally attact me and accuse me of all kinds of things. I thought it would pass and that he just had to adjust to the outside world again but it only got worse. There is more to it and I blame myself for getting so involved without really knowing him but I did and God knows my weakness and desire to be loved. Like you all my friends would try and stop me and they could not understand how I allowed him to treat me like that. What i realized is only God can fill the void and emply spaces in our lives. After many attemps, I finally severed it. I feel so free now and have forgiven myself and Fernandez. I pray for him and ask God to take care of him. I think a part of me will always love him but I felt God was telling me not to go forward and I didn't listen for a long time. Please Curegirl, listen to your heart and most of all your God. You will feel an emptiness in the beginining but now your making room for God. God Bless you, Rosetta

Dear Rosetta,

Thank you for your kind words. In the beginning, I felt foolish. I even wondered if I had pushed him away. I worried and second-guessed myself so much. Now, I know that he is just a piece of...crap! He is a horrible person. He is pathetic and a liar. He is someone that I don't want. I don't forgive him. I can't yet. I have tried. I really want to though cuz then I could forget him. I know that it will come with time. Someone said a minimum of six months to get completely over it. Unfortunately, I am only at 3 1/2 weeks. Lol! But, it's lots better. I don't think of him all the time. I don't want revenge. I just want him gone! But, I'm in school. I have two beautiful children. I am dating again. So, all in all, all's well.

As for my original question as to why we hang on to these relationships, my new theory is "It's all Hollywood's fault!" We watch these movies where this douchebag realizes that he really does love the girl that he's treated so badly and then they live happily ever after. What a crock! Here's some advice, if they're a db in the beginning, they don't like you. They won't ever like you. Give up and walk away. No RUN!!! Don't make excuses for them. Don't think what if. You cannot love the douchebagginess out of someone. It's not possible. You can't "support" him enough. Some people are just takers, users, and manipulators and to them you're just a game. The sooner we realize this the better. A REAL man will never purposefully hurt you. A REAL man will never put his comfort and feelings over yours. A REAL man will love you as much as you love him. Everyone deserves someone who loves you as much as you love them.

[sweetdaisydream]

I don't know. I think most people hang on because they are thinking that that's the best they deserve. I think that's why I tend to run away from anything I know I can't handle, or don't think I can handle. I run away because I hate watching people complain about their significant other and say they are going to leave them ... break up with them and get back with them a day later. Nothing more sick to me than an adult that cannot make up their mind. I run because I know I deserve better than the break up to make up ... than the back and forth . One day I will stop running

[Johnston90]

I hear you cutegirl - I wish I knew why...I'm struggling with this very topic right now. Some days I want to just throw my arms in the air but then...I don't....

[curegirl]

Originally Posted by Johnston90

I hear you cutegirl - I wish I knew why...I'm struggling with this very topic right now. Some days I want to just throw my arms in the air but then...I don't....

Here's a big hug! I hope everything gets better for you.

[skellerton]

Originally Posted by curegirl

"It's all Hollywood's fault!" .

LOL! Yeah, you know what they say about Disneyworld: Look how real all this fake stuff looks ....and to think I paid to see it!

Truthfully, though. Many of these guys are just too messed up to be in any relationship. ITs' impossible to have love for somone when you don't know how to love yourself. Makes it easier to see how it CAN"T happen rather than won't. Good to see you bein' feisty!

[curegirl]

Originally Posted by skellerton

Good to see you bein' feisty!

Thank you, ma'am! It's good to feel feisty!

[BlueEyedEllie]

Originally Posted by curegirl

Dear Rosetta,

Thank you for your kind words. In the beginning, I felt foolish. I even wondered if I had pushed him away. I worried and second-guessed myself so much. Now, I know that he is just a piece of...crap! He is a horrible person. He is pathetic and a liar. He is someone that I don't want. I don't forgive him. I can't yet. I have tried. I really want to though cuz then I could forget him. I know that it will come with time. Someone said a minimum of six months to get completely over it. Unfortunately, I am only at 3 1/2 weeks. Lol! But, it's lots better. I don't think of him all the time. I don't want revenge. I just want him gone! But, I'm in school. I have two beautiful children. I am dating again. So, all in all, all's well.

As for my original question as to why we hang on to these relationships, my new theory is "It's all Hollywood's fault!" We watch these movies where this douchebag realizes that he really does love the girl that he's treated so badly and then they live happily ever after. What a crock! Here's some advice, if they're a db in the beginning, they don't like you. They won't ever like you. Give up and walk away. No RUN!!! Don't make excuses for them. Don't think what if. You cannot love the douchebagginess out of someone. It's not possible. You can't "support" him enough. Some people are just takers, users, and manipulators and to them you're just a game. The sooner we realize this the better. A REAL man will never purposefully hurt you. A REAL man will never put his comfort and feelings over yours. A REAL man will love you as much as you love him. Everyone deserves someone who loves you as much as you love them.

I would LOVE to frame your last paragraph for some women.not so much for the hollywood part but about if they are a DB in the beginning,RUN,and most esp the part where you say you cannot "love" the douchebaginess out of a person.I could thank you 100 times for these words.you have no idea who you may help with these words!! I do want to add,i didn't realize there is a disorder called,"dependent personality disorder" so maybe in some cases it's extra hard for a person to leave despite bad treatment because they really do have this disorder.

[curegirl]

Originally Posted by marcsbeth

I would LOVE to frame your last paragraph for some women.not so much for the hollywood part but about if they are a DB in the beginning,RUN,and most esp the part where you say you cannot "love" the douchebaginess out of a person.I could thank you 100 times for these words.you have no idea who you may help with these words!! I do want to add,i didn't realize there is a disorder called,"dependent personality disorder" so maybe in some cases it's extra hard for a person to leave despite bad treatment because they really do have this disorder.

Thank you very much!

[dallaswife2b]

I have always asked myself this is it that i dont know how to be alone am i desperate do i feel worthy or am i just doubtful about a good man that made a bad decision and is incarecerated

[Retlew]

Angelslady, you have got a point. It seems to me that all of you guys are women (does this statement make sense??). Women somehow seem to function differently. How many guys are out there waiting for their lady who is in prison?? Many women, not all of them, are incredibly loyal. I'm waiting for a lady to get out within the next 6 months to two and half years max. After many letters and a contact visit as "uncle," I know that she is it. I know exactly how you guys feel. It is a hard situation, and in the final analysis, only you know whether you are doing right or wrong. It's a dilemma with the potential to hurt you and also to bless you.

[SexyChef1]

In my case I stayed out of fear Fear of being alone. This was in a relationshio I had on the outside. I knew from dAy one it wasn't going to work yet I continued to delude myself and cling to Someone who wasn't worthy of me. In time u won't care and when God removes a person from your life he is being kind and merciful but at the time we can't see he is closing a door to open a better one.

[WonderingCoCo]

I think the reason why I held onto my bad relationship for so long was because I thought that I was never even good enuf for him and he is locked up for 10 years. But then I started to realize that I am good enuf if not better because I want to better myself and he seems to stay in the same bad grind, and our relationship was not that great before he got locked up, he was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to me and since he has been locked up the mental and emotional abuse has been even worse. So I have finally decided to end my misery, even thou I am in love with this man and I know that he is CRAZY in love with me............I just have to figure out how to let go completely and I am confused and it is so hard........................

[J.A.D.E]

i think people hang on to something because there lonely and there scared to be alone but being single doesnt mean you have to be lonely you have your friends and family

[loveroflife54]

Because love never fails

[Forever&aDay]

My relationship isn't horrible. The fact that he's in prison is horrible but that will be over soon enough. The fact that we can't have a date that doesn't involve visiting machines and cameras isn't cool but that's also temporary. But the most important fact is that my relationship with him is bigger than all of those things and the time we spend together is wonderful, we get along great--he's my best friend and the love of my life. I love him for who he is now, which includes how the good and the bad past has shaped him into a better man--One I can love, honor and respect. Horrible relationship----I think not!!!!
No disrespect, I'm just saying

[pisces317]

for unsurmountable of reasons,mine i fell in love with the illusion of falling in love,i wanna this man and did almost anything knowing in my gut that he was'nt for me,but as humans some not most want what's not for them and eventually realize the hard way why,other's cause of the kids and most outta the history built with this person

[pisces317]

my story is simple i fell in love and the feeling was'nt mutual nothing strange or sinister and it just wasnt for me,sometimes i want something so bad without thinking fully that everything comes with a price a payment of some form ,as a woman we have to work overtime on our relationships while many including myself are'nt with the right guy,why that's question that has so many responses that no one answer can fully answer it.i tried this past summer to try again but myxx has'nt change to meet me half way a least so i was given no other choice but to walk

[wolf409]

i personally believe it's fear. we FEAR the process of the hurt...we FEAR the lonely nights of crying ourselves to sleep...we FEAR the process of finding someone new..etc. at least for me, it is certainly fear. the FEAR that i may make a terrible mistake and perhaps want him back later...but it may be too late by then. if that makes any sense...

[sweetpeasluv]

I held on to a bad relationship for 7 years the first 3 were good then i found out he was cheating with a young girl and she had his baby , anyway we continued for 4 more years but it was downhill from there it was really hurting me, he wasnt a nice guy, and then he hit me which i never thought he would .. i got him arrested and was found guilty , i still think about wat we had but i had to let it go, its hard wen u have history with that person but its not always healthy so you need to move on.

[thunder]

Originally Posted by curegirl

This is something that I have been struggling with. Why do we hang on to these horrible relationship? Why don't we end it when God and everybody (Including our own guts) are telling us to? Why do we draw it out so that our pain is maximized?

For me, I listened to my mother. She loved him so much and reminded her of my father (the good side). Boy, I wanted out years ago and God provided a way for me to exit, but my mother said - "you never kick someone when they are down" I listened to her and that was the worst and most expensive mistake of my life. Now I am paying for this and he's dead. This might sound cold, but I felt relieved, b/c he was spiraling out of control and there was no reaching him.

I have no regrets; but if I had to do it over again, knowing what I know - I would never enter into a relationship with someone who did a lot of time in prison. JMO I would never judge anyone who made the decision to enter into a relationship with someone who is in prison and or who is a convicted criminal.

[delapenakl]

This is hard for me. There are million people out there thinking I'm stupid for getting in this relationship and not bailing. I thought of doing it the other day....just thinking if it would be better. The answer is no. He is my everything and I'll wait because I love him so much.