Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

noname2 · #1 09-13-2010, 11:25 PM

I am a guy who was going through some tough times with his girlfriend. I was working very long hours, 12+/day, and very stressed. She was working hard as well. We both said and did things we regret. We ended up going our separate ways, but never truly got over each other. I may have jumped into a relationship too quickly, and she in turn came and fired multiple shots into my apartment, but luckily no one was harmed.

Needless to say, she is now incarcerated and facing a litany of charges for her reckless behavior with a firearm. I care about this individual greatly and I constantly find myself thinking about her. She has called me 6 times, but I have only been able to speak to her once. Is there any chance of regaining what we once had after an event like this occurs? Do I help to minimize her time by working with her attorney and writing letters to the judge? Can I ever trust this person again?

As I stated, this is one heck of a predicament. All comments and suggestions are appreciated.

crazy2010 · #2 09-14-2010, 10:10 PM

I think you should find out if there is a no contact order in effect. You don't want to end up in trouble. I'd think she pretty much ruined any chance of you ever having a normal relationship! So sorry that this happened. Thank God she didn't kill you or someone else.

jmcky · #3 09-14-2010, 11:25 PM

i have been in a weird situation myself. Not exact situation but in the same kind of way similar. I opened up myself to be hurt but found out we both regretting things we said and did. With that in mind i visit him and am still married to him now. he gets out in 2 years and we are closer and stronger than we were prior to the crazy stuff. Good Luck!

noname2 · #4 09-16-2010, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazy2010

I think you should find out if there is a no contact order in effect. You don't want to end up in trouble. I'd think she pretty much ruined any chance of you ever having a normal relationship! So sorry that this happened. Thank God she didn't kill you or someone else.

Her family has been reaching out to me and is encouraging me to speak with her. I just do not know if there is an ulterior motive. It is very difficult to trust someone after they try to shoot at you, regardless of how much under the influence they say they were. It is only love that makes you blind and try to forget the bad.

noname2 · #5 09-16-2010, 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmcky

i have been in a weird situation myself. Not exact situation but in the same kind of way similar. I opened up myself to be hurt but found out we both regretting things we said and did. With that in mind i visit him and am still married to him now. he gets out in 2 years and we are closer and stronger than we were prior to the crazy stuff. Good Luck!

Did you and your partner discuss the situation to reconcile? I am not sure if it is a sensitive subject for her still, I would imagine it is. How long until we can discuss what happened? I am hoping to at least salvage a friendship, if that is possible.

crazy2010 · #6 09-16-2010, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noname2

Her family has been reaching out to me and is encouraging me to speak with her. I just do not know if there is an ulterior motive. It is very difficult to trust someone after they try to shoot at you, regardless of how much under the influence they say they were. It is only love that makes you blind and try to forget the bad.

Listen to me someone tries to shoot you they are trying to kill you!! Is her family as nuts as she is?? You say this and you sound like a nice person don't be stupid some one pulls a gun and shoots lead thats not love thats going for blood!! She needs help let her family help her don't feel sorry for her stupidity. Don't let them drag you in even further. Get some help from a domestic violence place or victim advocate, because you are the victim and you will not always get that lucky your one of the ones who lived to tell of this lots of people don't!!

nimuay · #7 09-16-2010, 01:51 PM

I would say that you need to look very carefully at her character before you make a single move. What else is there in her background that might cause anyone to go 'Hmmm". There's not enough real info in your post, nor would I expect it to appear here on the world-wide web. This has to be a thought experiment for you. You might discuss it with someone who knows her - but not her family!

MamaB58 · #8 09-17-2010, 06:49 AM

I agree. If she hasnt been sentenced yet, then by you sticking up for her, it could make a difference in her sentencing. Maybe this is why her and the family are reaching out to you. Dont be a victim twice.

jmcky · #9 09-17-2010, 08:53 AM

It took almost 6 months for us to really talk about what happened what was going on and what we wanted. I was very angry, hurt, and confused as well. But my heart was with him. We are wonderful now but the first year that we decided to "try it again" was very tough we both had to try hard. You still have pain that you have to do deal with on both sides i'm sure.

KamisSister · #10 09-19-2010, 08:25 AM

You need to look out for yourself. Sometimes people that you care deeply about are not good for you.

There is not an excuse for this. Lots of people work long hours and even get done very badly in long term relationships, cheated on, left with nothing. They do NOT go and shoot at the Ex. Best case, she knew you were not home, she was selfish enough not to care that someone else might be in there for some reason. This is very immature and shows huge anger issues.

I don't know your situation like your age or anything but I do know that the very last thing you want to do is end up having kids with a woman with these kinds of problems that go untreated. You will have hell for the rest of your life unless she decides to get herself straightened out. And so will any children that you have.

Don't make your life dependent on someone else making changes in theirs. You got free from her, step back, take a few months and then see how you feel You have been through a major ordeal here, a breakup and also you have been the victim of a crime. Give yourself some time alone to get things into perspective before you make decisions about her.

And I am not so sure that you working with her attorney and writing letters would help reduce her sentence much anyway. It might even hurt her if you get a judge or jury that sees you as manipulated, that fears for your safety and sees you as a battered partner.

tkirkpsu99 · #11 10-21-2010, 10:19 AM

As someone who is getting therapy herself....I think you should encourage her to take care of her OWN mental health first....before you consider anything else. You can support her as a friend... my two cents

immarepp · #12 10-21-2010, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noname2

I am a guy who was going through some tough times with his girlfriend. I was working very long hours, 12+/day, and very stressed. She was working hard as well. We both said and did things we regret. We ended up going our separate ways, but never truly got over each other. I may have jumped into a relationship too quickly, and she in turn came and fired multiple shots into my apartment, but luckily no one was harmed.

Needless to say, she is now incarcerated and facing a litany of charges for her reckless behavior with a firearm. I care about this individual greatly and I constantly find myself thinking about her. She has called me 6 times, but I have only been able to speak to her once. Is there any chance of regaining what we once had after an event like this occurs? Do I help to minimize her time by working with her attorney and writing letters to the judge? Can I ever trust this person again?

As I stated, this is one heck of a predicament. All comments and suggestions are appreciated.

acknowledge your love for her and move on she tried to injure if not kill you..

crazigirl · #13 10-22-2010, 12:49 PM

HMMM I would say she lost her mind i MAY be strange but i would want to know what she was thinkin was she tryin to kill u or just scare u not that that would be right either is she mentally ill did she have temporary insanity i dont know has she ever lost it before call me crazy but i would want to know how someone i love got this messed up i would what she had to say people make huge mistakes as we all know only u know if u can forgive her i have seen people forgive way worse than this

**LeBeau** · #14 10-22-2010, 08:39 PM

She tried to kill you.
What would you tell your baby sister or your favorite aunt if she told you that some dude had "came and fired multiple shots into {her} apartment"

Violence is no more excusable when it is at the hands of a woman and you need to really take a long look at why you are still calling her your girlfriend- Someone who fires a weapon into your residence does not love you. Period. She may be infatuated and/or obsessed but "love" never, never, never makes someone take aim in the direction of its object.

You and she probably both need the help of qualified therapists but you REALLY need to break free of this relationship.

Fancy · #15 10-22-2010, 09:05 PM

People do get emotional and do crazy things.....

It is hard when you really love someone not to remember all the good things and minimize/justify the bad things.

I think what you are going thru is somewhat normal. You know you love her, you know she got emotional over the breakup and for 2 minutes she lost her mind and shot at you.

I understand.

But, are you will to be back in a relationship for her....
What happens the next time she gets mad?

My heart goes out to you.

HisBlueEyedGal · #16 10-23-2010, 12:17 PM

I do believe in second chances, but please don't help her get a lighter sentence than what the courts are recommending. She fired a gun into your apartment. Either 1.) she didn't bother to think of the actual consequences of her actions, or 2.) she didn't care. A violent temper always leaves victims in it's path. Would you still love her if one of those bullets had lodged itself in your spine, or your brain?

Let her do some prison time - she needs to fully realize the reality of what she did. Then, let her go through some very intensive therapy for that violent temper. It's not normal to pick up a gun and fire it into your sweetheart's apartment because he hurt your feelings. Tell her family that all the kissing up in the world will not make what she did seem "okay" or even remotely "forgivable".

PandasAmoureux · #17 01-31-2011, 09:32 AM

I think you could make it work, but keep in mind that if you ever leave her again there's a chance she might kill you, herself, or someone you love. If she showed up at your place with a gun, it implies that she premeditated her actions that time... I'm assuming here that she wasn't the kind of person that kept a gun in her car or on her person regularly.