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Danielle88 · #1 09-14-2010, 11:54 PM

I have no idea where my life goes after today. I was living with my husbands family and today I got into a HUGE fight with his niece, whos my age, and his younger brother, who he helped raise after thier mother was killed. Lately the family has gotten back together and they have been having long discussions about things that happened in the past and they have all decided that my husband was the source of all the problems in the family. They told me that he used to keep his younger brother locked in the basement and make them all bathe in old bath water and just some things that are so awful, if they are true. On the top of the list, his niece told me that they had pictures of him kissing some bitch at a party while I was upstiairs (because i was pregnant and not feeling well). Now she was mad when she said this and was just trying to hurt me so I asked his sister and she said that he only had his arm around her but that he deleted the pictures the next morning.
Now my sister tells me that (at the time she was dating his brother) that she had heard from his brother that my husband and his nephew were actually in the basement screwing this girl!!!

Im not his girl, Ive been cheated on by my ex who was the scum of the earth, and Im not going thru this again! But I know my husband and cheating is such a huge issue with us. We promised never ever to do that to each other and as our 1 yr anniversary is coming up in December Im heartbroken. My entire world has crumbled. I dont know who or what to believe. I've always been so good to him and he has been so good to me, hes my angel. He's never even hinted about another woman of even looked at a girl in public so I dont understand this. I want to curl up and die. I dont know what to do. I was living with his family and now im sitting in a motel with my son wondering what im going to do. I need your help ladies, i know my husband, hes not like that but at the same time something must have happened, right?

Im sick with grief.

johnsgirl81 · #2 09-15-2010, 12:01 AM

I would take what they said with a grain of salt, especially if it was said in anger. Try to talk to him about it though I'm not sure of how you'd approach the subject...but listen to your gut and your heart. I hope for everyone's sake that they are lying. *hugs*

Danielle88 · #3 09-15-2010, 12:19 AM

We have no communitcation except our letters and theres about a month delay between those. My gut tells me that he wouldnt do something like that but he was SUPER drunk at the time and hes a different person drunk but I still dont see him cheating on me.

baby_ bird · #4 09-15-2010, 01:00 AM

I'm so sorry you're going through this!
I don't really have any advice or words of wisdom really but you can PM me if you ever just want to talk. I'm sure you must be heartbroken and so frustrated at not being able to get a straight answer for so long.
Maybe it's not true............why didn't anyone ever bring it up before? It was probably said out of anger, then again your sister heard rumors about him screwing some girl. Why didn't she tell you that? I mean that's your sister. I don't know but I hope that you get some answers soon and figure out what you're going to do. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you do. And keep us updated.

josephswife · #5 09-15-2010, 01:03 AM

If your gut tells you that he wouldnt do something like that then maybe he didnt. Has your husband ever gave you a reason not to trust him? If he hasnt then don't believe them maybe they were just mad and we're trying to hurt you. I know its hard when you've been cheated on by an ex you keep thinking that every guy might be the same way he was but you cant be stuck in the past. This is a different relationship and just trust your hubby until he proves it otherwise. Good luck!!

HisBlueEyedGal · #6 09-15-2010, 01:14 AM

Think about it, hun. Your husband's entire family decided to turn on him. I wouldn't trust their words because they were said in anger, plus they might be trying to chase you off just to hurt him. Plus, your sister said that she heard a rumor from his brother. Did she actually see your hubby head to the basement with his brother and a chick? If not, I'd dismiss it all as rumor. Hey...after fighting like that and being stuck in a hotel room with no idea where you and your son will stay, you've gotta be feeling tremendously upset. I know that when I'm upset all rational thinking goes right out the window. Just sleep on it, okay? Get a _really_ good sleep in and you'll wake up feeling calmer. See how you feel then. And most of all, take care of you and your son.

crazy2010 · #7 09-15-2010, 01:25 AM

I would go to the source as soon as possible, if he didn't do this then he needs to here this stuff from you. I really wouldn't take something said in anger as the truth. His family doesn't sound to nice, I'd want to look my guy in the eye's and ask that way you'll know. Its a shame your going through this, I know I wouldn't have any peace of mind until I got my answers. I hope they are lying, but it seems like an awful thing to make up.

Danielle88 · #8 09-15-2010, 01:31 AM

My sister has only been with his brother for a month and it turned out that within that month he was hitting her and shes 7 months pregnant. Now Ive got her with me because If she goes home he"ll kill her for not taking his side. My husbands family is all afraid of him. They told me that they think that he will kill them once he's out of prison for "ruining his life". Never in my life did I think that I would have to question his faithfulness. He's always treated me like a princess and I felt like I was safe from the world with him. Now I feel like maybe it really was too good to be true.

I will be the FIRST one to admit that my hubby was a horrible person at one point in his life, but he also had an evil woman pulling the strings and making him treat his family and kids like garbage. He just wants to love and be loved in return, but when it comes to women he is such a sucker and will do anything for the woman he love, good or bad. He's a 100% different person now and I believe that God can change anyone and thats what hes done with Chad. They dont see that, they think hes a monster.

Danielle88 · #9 09-15-2010, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazy2010

I would go to the source as soon as possible, if he didn't do this then he needs to here this stuff from you. I really wouldn't take something said in anger as the truth. His family doesn't sound to nice, I'd want to look my guy in the eye's and ask that way you'll know. Its a shame your going through this, I know I wouldn't have any peace of mind until I got my answers. I hope they are lying, but it seems like an awful thing to make up.

Unfortunatly hes 8 hours away (one way) so I will have to be patient about when I'll get to ask him, but I agree because I'll know if hes lying to my face. His family is far from nice. I would say that 95% of them are lying, backstabing, two-faced people who will rob you blind and do you in.

HisBlueEyedGal · #10 09-15-2010, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danielle88

My sister has only been with his brother for a month and it turned out that within that month he was hitting her and shes 7 months pregnant. Now Ive got her with me because If she goes home he"ll kill her for not taking his side. My husbands family is all afraid of him. They told me that they think that he will kill them once he's out of prison for "ruining his life". Never in my life did I think that I would have to question his faithfulness. He's always treated me like a princess and I felt like I was safe from the world with him. Now I feel like maybe it really was too good to be true.

I will be the FIRST one to admit that my hubby was a horrible person at one point in his life, but he also had an evil woman pulling the strings and making him treat his family and kids like garbage. He just wants to love and be loved in return, but when it comes to women he is such a sucker and will do anything for the woman he love, good or bad. He's a 100% different person now and I believe that God can change anyone and thats what hes done with Chad. They dont see that, they think hes a monster.

Sounds to me like they're not really in a position to judge if he's a monster or not.

That bad news about his brother beating on your sister like that pretty much nullifies anything he says in my opinion. People can change, girl. All of us are in love with Felons - people who've made poor choices and bad mistakes in their past. If your husband really treats you as well as you say he does, then maybe he IS trying to turn his life around.

Whatever happens, I wish you, your son, your sister and her little one all the best. You two have had it rough. Hang in there and see what your hubby has to say, okay?

Damask8 · #11 09-15-2010, 01:52 AM

He is your husband and the two of you are a team.... if his family is turning their back on him, they are turning their back on you too! Displace yourself from that toxic mess, you don't need that in your life- or your sons life either.

crazy2010 · #12 09-15-2010, 02:17 AM

I'd stay as far from these people as possible. Your far nicer then I'd be in these circumstances. I hope things go ok for you and your sister and the babies!! Ignore them as much as you can if you can't get a restraining order against these people.

box4two · #13 09-15-2010, 05:14 AM

My man's mom did the same thing when he was first arrested... She was upset that I was still willing to be with her son (she doesn't care for me because of my past). So when she came to our town to help me move his stuff out of his house, she told me that he cheated on me- and even brought the girl to her house. When my man got out on house arrest, I confronted him about it in front of her... HAHA! She back tracked her story so fast her head was spinning! None of it had ever really happened. She had made the hole story up in the hopes that I would leave her son!

In the end, I would have trusted him anyway. My man and I are a team, we're in this thing together. I've been cheated on in the past, and so I know that its hard to trust someone when the possibility of cheating comes up again... But ultimately, it comes down to whether or not you feel he's being honest with you. And only you and him can figure that out. You should talk to him about it for sure!

I hope everything works out for you however its supposed to! But please, for your own sanity, keep in mind that things aren't always meant to happen the way we think they should. Love and sympathy to you!

Danielle88 · #14 09-15-2010, 06:28 AM

I appreciate everyones thoughtful advice and kind words. Im going back today to move out the rest of my stuff. As far as my husband goes, Ill wait until I can talk to him and hear his side of the story to make any conclusions. Im still mad but I think that in my anger I forgot all the reasons I love my husband, one of them was because I know he wouldnt cheat on me, I guess I'll have to wait till he comes home to make a final decision because even if something did happen, I wouldnt just drop him while hes still in prison.

crazy2010 · #15 09-15-2010, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danielle88

I appreciate everyones thoughtful advice and kind words. Im going back today to move out the rest of my stuff. As far as my husband goes, Ill wait until I can talk to him and hear his side of the story to make any conclusions. Im still mad but I think that in my anger I forgot all the reasons I love my husband, one of them was because I know he wouldnt cheat on me, I guess I'll have to wait till he comes home to make a final decision because even if something did happen, I wouldnt just drop him while hes still in prison.

VERY SENSIBLE DECISION. Keep your head up!!!

esteli · #16 09-15-2010, 06:43 AM

I don't think you should let this get to you too much. Don't stress about it. He loves you and has been very good to you. Now you got all these different versions of what happened. So all you know is something happened and he was probably drunk and maybe all that happened is he put his arm around her. Regardless, it isn't something you need to take drastic measures on. It was probably nothing. And even if anything happened it was a one time mistake. Remember no one is perfect and once in a while we will find out about flaws, a slip up, something stupid they did. Something like this doesn't mean he is cheating on you. Talk to him when you can about it and he can tell you the truth and you two can hopefully heal from this. I'm sure he loves you and you are his priority. Nothing has changed between the two of you.

BlueEyedEllie · #17 09-15-2010, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danielle88

My sister has only been with his brother for a month and it turned out that within that month he was hitting her and shes 7 months pregnant. Now Ive got her with me because If she goes home he"ll kill her for not taking his side. My husbands family is all afraid of him. They told me that they think that he will kill them once he's out of prison for "ruining his life". Never in my life did I think that I would have to question his faithfulness. He's always treated me like a princess and I felt like I was safe from the world with him. Now I feel like maybe it really was too good to be true.

I will be the FIRST one to admit that my hubby was a horrible person at one point in his life, but he also had an evil woman pulling the strings and making him treat his family and kids like garbage. He just wants to love and be loved in return, but when it comes to women he is such a sucker and will do anything for the woman he love, good or bad. He's a 100% different person now and I believe that God can change anyone and thats what hes done with Chad. They dont see that, they think hes a monster.

I really don't have any advice.it could be all lies.then again,there may be some merit to it.either way,i doubt your husband would admit any wrongdoing now.I do want to say that NO ONE,man,woman or beast can "MAKE"another do anything.If he treated his family and kids like garbage that is really awful but that was ultimately HIS choice.He could have been with the evilest woman in the world but it was still his choice to be with her and do what she said.I'm also very wary when a man really puts down or blames his ex'es for all the bad that happened in their previous relationship.I know my opinion may be unpopular but it's how i feel.And i don't think it will benefit you to minimize or brush off things.the way he treated his family and kids would bother me far more than whether he cheated or not.just my

ohsweetmaryjane · #18 09-15-2010, 06:57 AM

Wow, it always amazes me how badly family members can treat each other. And in the end, they're treating YOU badly, you're bearing the brunt of all of this!!!

I'm glad you're able to move out of their house. I hope you hear from him ASAP but it sounds like they're lying to get back at him.

Danielle88 · #19 09-15-2010, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marcsbeth

I really don't have any advice.it could be all lies.then again,there may be some merit to it.either way,i doubt your husband would admit any wrongdoing now.I do want to say that NO ONE,man,woman or beast can "MAKE"another do anything.If he treated his family and kids like garbage that is really awful but that was ultimately HIS choice.He could have been with the evilest woman in the world but it was still his choice to be with her and do what she said.I'm also very wary when a man really puts down or blames his ex'es for all the bad that happened in their previous relationship.I know my opinion may be unpopular but it's how i feel.And i don't think it will benefit you to minimize or brush off things.the way he treated his family and kids would bother me far more than whether he cheated or not.just my

Your right, I was concerned in the past about how he treated his kids, his family im not concerned with cause they are aweful, but his babies yes. He has realized that he wasnt the father he should be and his 13 yr old daughter forgave him and loves her father dearly now. His sons 4 and the apple of his eye anyway, that boy could do no wrong to begin with. Our son together is only 8 months as it is so i havent got to see them interact yet. I wont allow him treating kids badly once hes home but I really dont see it as a problem anymore because he's come such a long way.

*#1AndOnly* · #20 09-15-2010, 09:25 AM

I'm sorry, it's always so easy to talk ish and put blame on someone that isn't in your face.

I just can't believe a family would do all that ...

Trust your gut, it sounds like you aren't stuck with your head in the clouds and will keep it real with yourself. Take your time, you don't have to make a decision today that's for sure.

Heluvedme1st · #21 09-15-2010, 09:30 AM

Hugssssss ... I'm soo sorry that your are going through this... Be strong and talk to your husband about the situation

JaiDan · #22 09-15-2010, 09:32 AM

I don't have much advice, but I do carry you in prayer. I would be a mess too. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please feel free to PM me and if you ever want to meet for coffee or something just to vent, I am not so far away from you. Sometimes by speaking things aloud to someone who understands how you feel can really help you find some answers. {{HUGS}}

nimuay · #23 09-15-2010, 09:33 AM

I know you want to think the world of him, but I'd have serious questions about him.

I'll give you several reasons:
1) nobody can 'make' someone else treat others like shit
2) you acknowledge that he's had a really poor past
3) the fact that his brother acts this way. Abusers have generally been abused - whether by his brother or his parents is an open question. If it's abuse by parents, then your guy was also exposed to it, and may well have much of that same behavior in him.
4) You're trusting that jail and God have changed him. Perhaps for the time that he's in he has been changed, but I would never trust that beyond the bars. there are lots of jailhouse Christians who lose it about one hour after they're out.

Yes, the family may have suddenly ganged up on him and made him the scapegoat and they're all completely gaga, or perhaps they are all, including him, completely unsafe people, just plain dangerous.

LittleWing13 · #24 09-15-2010, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danielle88

My sister has only been with his brother for a month and it turned out that within that month he was hitting her and shes 7 months pregnant. Now Ive got her with me because If she goes home he"ll kill her for not taking his side. My husbands family is all afraid of him. They told me that they think that he will kill them once he's out of prison for "ruining his life". Never in my life did I think that I would have to question his faithfulness. He's always treated me like a princess and I felt like I was safe from the world with him. Now I feel like maybe it really was too good to be true.

I will be the FIRST one to admit that my hubby was a horrible person at one point in his life, but he also had an evil woman pulling the strings and making him treat his family and kids like garbage. He just wants to love and be loved in return, but when it comes to women he is such a sucker and will do anything for the woman he love, good or bad. He's a 100% different person now and I believe that God can change anyone and thats what hes done with Chad. They dont see that, they think hes a monster.

I'll be honest....in my opinion...his faithfulness would be at the bottom of my worry list. I find it a little more disturbing that his own family is terrified of him. Locking his nephew in the basement? Making them bathe in old bath water? Sounds like he should be getting fitted for a straight jacket. If I was you I would be more concerned with mine and my son's emotional and physical well being, than his faithfulness. That's just me...and I'm just going to leave it at that.

*#1AndOnly* · #25 09-15-2010, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

I know you want to think the world of him, but I'd have serious questions about him.

I'll give you several reasons:
1) nobody can 'make' someone else treat others like shit
2) you acknowledge that he's had a really poor past
3) the fact that his brother acts this way. Abusers have generally been abused - whether by his brother or his parents is an open question. If it's abuse by parents, then your guy was also exposed to it, and may well have much of that same behavior in him.
4) You're trusting that jail and God have changed him. Perhaps for the time that he's in he has been changed, but I would never trust that beyond the bars. there are lots of jailhouse Christians who lose it about one hour after they're out.

Yes, the family may have suddenly ganged up on him and made him the scapegoat and they're all completely gaga, or perhaps they are all, including him, completely unsafe people, just plain dangerous.

I'm not knowledgeable on this myself but this is my first reaction as well. Good input as always Nim !!