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inlovewithj · #1 09-19-2010, 03:16 AM

I used to be a co at a prison in New Mexico. I was wondering if anyone knows about getting approved for visits if you used to work at a prison? I quit my job. I wasn't fired, but I did get caught writing him a letter. There was never anything illegal going on. We never had sex and I never brought him in anything, nor were we ever accused of either of those things. He also never received a misconduct report for our relationship. I really miss him, but I know a former staff member at our prison who was denied visitation. She was caught making out with her inmate and bringing him stuff in, though. I only quit a month ago so I'm afraid if I apply, then I'll be put on a list or something to be permanently blocked. Anyone else have experience with this kind of thing in New Mexico?

Tuesday123 · #2 09-19-2010, 03:53 AM

With all due respect if I may, Im just curious, after you go through all the schooling, all the training, what is it about an inmate that makes a co willing to throw away their job?

Former CO is different, but maybe you have some insight. I know it wasnt easy to get where you were.

From what I have heard, the only way you will have the contact you seek is if you marry, and still the warden can deny it because of your previous job status.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlovewithj

I used to be a co at a prison in New Mexico. I was wondering if anyone knows about getting approved for visits if you used to work at a prison? I quit my job. I wasn't fired, but I did get caught writing him a letter. There was never anything illegal going on. We never had sex and I never brought him in anything, nor were we ever accused of either of those things. He also never received a misconduct report for our relationship. I really miss him, but I know a former staff member at our prison who was denied visitation. She was caught making out with her inmate and bringing him stuff in, though. I only quit a month ago so I'm afraid if I apply, then I'll be put on a list or something to be permanently blocked. Anyone else have experience with this kind of thing in New Mexico?

TyronesWife · #3 09-19-2010, 06:38 AM

Sorry OP I tried to find some info but New Mexico is great at hiding their policies online. However, I really wanted to address this post...

Quote:

Originally Posted by lil_athena

With all due respect if I may, Im just curious, after you go through all the schooling, all the training, what is it about an inmate that makes a co willing to throw away their job?

It's not about an "inmate", its about a person that you send numerous hours with, getting to know them in the harshest possible circumstances, seeing them at their best and their worst, and realizing that this is the person God destined for you. Regardless of what that person has done to get locked up, love beats a paycheck every time. There are other jobs out there but you only have one true soul mate. In other words, it's the same reason anyone chooses to be with another person, it's all about love.

inlovewithj · #4 09-19-2010, 07:59 PM

Yeah, like Tyroneswife said, it's not about the fact that he's an inmate, I fell in love with the man. I worked there for 2 years and never even was tempted by any other inmate. I spent more time with these guys than I did with my family. I was hit on all the time, but I just brushed it off. J never hit on me and never asked me to bring him in anything, which was I started talking to him. I've seen him upset because of family stuff that was going on and I've seen him so happy after he got a visit. I've seen him at 3am when I had to wake him up for work, and when he's exhausted from working 16 hours a day. He never takes a day off and is an extremely hard worker. When we started talking, I tried to look at him like any other inmate, but I couldn't get him out of my mind. I was actually in denial for a long time about the way I felt. One day he said something that make me laugh and I told him he was awesome. He got a cheesy grin on his face and said, "Do you love me?" Until that point I had been telling myself he was just a friend. Then, I realized I had fallen in love with this sweet, sexy, funny, smart, confident, amazing guy, that just happened to be in prison. I told him, "Yes, do you love me?" He said, "Yes." I knew then that I wanted to be with him forever. I would risk anything to be with him. He's my soulmate. You can't help who you fall in love with and I would marry him tomorrow if I was allowed.

lil peep · #5 09-19-2010, 08:31 PM

I don't know anything about New Mexico either, but if you quit a month ago, I would say the probability that they'll approve is pretty slim even if you weren't fired. Also it seems like most prisons won't let you go back into the facility you worked in unless it's been at least a year. Maybe you could wait six months to try applying for visitation?

inlovewithj · #6 09-19-2010, 11:12 PM

Yeah, I've heard different things from different people on pto. One lady was approved after 30 days, but in Texas apparently you have to wait 2 years. I couldn't find anything on the New Mexico DOC website addressing it at all.

lil peep · #7 09-20-2010, 07:02 AM

"Due to security concerns, current and/or former employees of the Department or Contractors will not be allowed to visit any inmate at any facility, unless they are a lawful spouse or relative and have been approved by the facility Warden. Marital status will be verified by marriage certificates or marriage license."

I found this while I was looking on the New Mexico DOC site today. It was under the visitation policy.

firefly369 · #8 09-20-2010, 11:28 PM

Good luck... I was approved in Oregon 2 years ago, 9 years after I fell in love with 'an inmate' and quit DOC - then last week, durring a 2 year review they revoked my visitation because I was ex DOC. We are appealing, but I honestly dont know if they will allow me back on. It is so heartbreaking and I sympathize with you from the bottom of my heart.

inlovewithj · #9 09-21-2010, 05:25 AM

Thanks to everyone. Lilathena, well that's good new then. At least there's a possibility of getting a visit. We talked about getting married before I quit. He even told me he has it planned out how he's going to ask me after he gets out, but this changes things. Now I've got a lot to think about.

BobbiPynn · #10 11-05-2010, 12:46 AM

I just wanted to say I believe this speaks so highly of your character. I've been with my husband (an "inmate") for 16 years, I have never worked for DOC, but my husband is a wonderful human being (and father) who made some bad choices. The fact that you fell in love with someone who happened to be incarcerated shows that you have a heart and see people as people-not an "inmate", an animal, or a number. Too many don't see them as human beings with families and feelings. It's so much more important than a 9-5, its a law that is above man's laws, in my opinion. Its morally right. Its just a shame the DOC lost you as an employee.