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lovernotfighter · #1 09-30-2010, 08:30 AM

hey everyone. so my lifer has done a complete 180. when we first started talking he wasn't very optimistic of ever leaving. he knew he had a life sentence and seemed to be at peace with that. ever since we started our relationship he is always talking about being at home with me. he doesnt say it like it may happen or it could happen, but that it is going to happen. what concerns me is that he has grasped this so firmly and believes with all his heart that no matter what the state of la has to say he will walk out of those prison gates a free man in the near future. he's lwop, so i know his chances arent tremedously high, but of course i stick by him. im just worried that he's setting his hopes too high too soon, without thinking things through. he recently told me that he's more determined now than ever to leave that place. i guess im just curious if what he's talking about is more a sense of false hope or a new sense of determination

gods mercy · #2 09-30-2010, 08:34 AM

sorry to hear he is a lifer, but hey if he wants to dream that one day he will be out of prison, then let him, maybe that is the way he gets threw each day, a glimpse of hope, out of those gates.

Doll Eyes · #3 10-01-2010, 11:21 AM

This is my advise and OPINION ONLY......

I understand where you are coming from, my Lifer (LWOP) tells me almost daily he will be coming home......sometimes my heart cries for him, as I know in the back of my head, he very well may not. Sometimes he will tell me when I am crying "You cry because you think I am never coming home". I never say anything back when he says that. When I AM crying for that reason, amoung others, his young life that he has spent in prison, our future, what it may or may not hold.

If he holds on to that hope, let him. It could be what gets him though each and every day....what keeps him going. I never discourage this hope in him....although thoughts of him never coming home enter my mind, I keep it to myself. Although I am completely aware that he may not come home, it doesn't stop me from helping and encouraging him.

Try putting yourself in his shoes, what would keep you going on a day to day basis? My Lifer has told me that if he doesn't believe that he will be coming home one day, it would be very easy to slip into complete dispair.

All that being said, WE will never give up.......

Peach&Cream · #4 10-02-2010, 11:34 AM

I'm not married to a lwop, but in California random term lifers have the same fate as lwop - even those who have never had a write up and or have gone far beyond what the courts expectations were.

I'm not speaking on behalf of my man's hope other than to say we have it and married one another to prove it.

I think your lwop's method keeps him happy, which is a fabulous approach for someone in this situation to take. Having you there to share his hopes with make it all the more wonderful. God bless you both.

kendra425 · #5 10-18-2010, 08:53 PM

My man talks about coming home almost every day. You'd think that he only had 3-5 years left instead of life. I just let him go and think what ever he wants to think. He needs that hope because it makes his time go by easier. Every once in a while he will have a depression when the reality of his sentence hits home and he worries that i won't stick it out for him. But he has a very positive out look and I try to encourage that. I also think that sometimes the guys are overly optimistic when they are in a relationship because they worry that the gf/wife won't stay if they don't have an out date, which I WILL of course, but he worries that I won't.

cjSweetwater · #6 10-21-2010, 12:04 AM

Steve says that without hope he would have nothing but me to get him through his days. For him...no hope=death. I know that MY GOD works miracles every day and I need MY MAN to believe that and keep working on his life. So I encourage hope and will continue to work along side my Baby to do whatever we can to get him home no matter what it takes or how long!

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovernotfighter

hey everyone. so my lifer has done a complete 180. when we first started talking he wasn't very optimistic of ever leaving. he knew he had a life sentence and seemed to be at peace with that. ever since we started our relationship he is always talking about being at home with me. he doesnt say it like it may happen or it could happen, but that it is going to happen. what concerns me is that he has grasped this so firmly and believes with all his heart that no matter what the state of la has to say he will walk out of those prison gates a free man in the near future. he's lwop, so i know his chances arent tremedously high, but of course i stick by him. im just worried that he's setting his hopes too high too soon, without thinking things through. he recently told me that he's more determined now than ever to leave that place. i guess im just curious if what he's talking about is more a sense of false hope or a new sense of determination

MELROSEPL · #7 10-24-2010, 09:51 AM

it is hope. My lifer, is dealing with a lawyer now, a Rule 30 thing, not quite sure what it is exactly, but it does give him hope and a change, been locked up over 26 years since he was 18 y/o......and yes, hope and faith is what is needed to get thru these tough times.