Please Help. I Dont Know Where Else To Turn...

[brokenheart05]

Please...Hes Been Beating Me For Over A Year Now. Hes Broken My Nose, My Cheek Bone, Teeth, Cracked My Forehead && Given Me Black Eyes. 2 Days Ago He Held A Knife To My Throat && Told Me Hed Kill Me. He Stole My Car Keys && Took Off. I Called The Police && Pressed Charges For The First Time. They Held Him In Jail Over Night && I Now Have A Restraining Order. Hes On The Loose Again.

I Dont Know What To Do. Im Not Strong Enough To Deal With The Heart Break Of Losing The Man I Loved && The Emotional Pain Of Having Been Abused For So Long. For The Longest Time I Just Thought "Just Keep Your Mouth Shut && Take Your Beating Like A Good Girl && Itll Be Okay." I Refused To Acknowledge The Emotional Pain. But Now That Its Over With, I Cant Handle Myself. I Dont Know How To Cope.

I Apologize If I Shouldnt Be Posting Here Since Hes Not Incarcerated. I Dont Mean To Offend Anyone. But While My Friends && Family Are Being As Supportive As They Can, They Dont Understand What Its Like. I Feel Like I Need To Communicate With People Who Have Lived Through My Situation. Thank You To Anyone Who Responds, && Apologies To Anyone Ive Upset By Posting Here.

[jameswife1269]

hi there, im so sorry to hear that you are going through this. i went through that with my kids father for almost 4 years. when my son was about 4 months old and the ex beat me so bad i blacked out, i took my son and left and never went back.
that has been 2.5years, and emotionally im still scarred and have some flash backs, but im with a great man that i know would never hurt me emotionally or physically.
take things one at a time, it will get better. i would suggest going to the dr and getting some anti depression meds (I'm on zoloft) and an anti anxiety meds(xanex or valium) also helps, the depression meds will take a couple weeks to work, but you will feel so much better. they will probably tell you that you have PTSD(post traumatice stress disorder) so those meds will help with that also. I also found out that talking to a counselor (non family, non involved person) really seemed to help. it was hard to talk about at first, but it started to help after a couple sessions. anything else you need PM me.
remember ***** 1 DAY AT A TIME *********

[nimuay]

Honey, you get yourself to a domestic violence agency RIGHT NOW! You can find one http://www.opdv.state.ny.us/help/dvhotlines.html

They can help you with just about everything, and you need to get that help IMMEDIATELY!!!

Doesn't matter if he's inside or not, because your terror is all you need to post here.

[#1AndOnly]

Dear Girl you are more than welcome to post here regardless if he's locked up or not. I have no advice but just want you to know you aren't alone and pls come to share the burden, we'll be here with a shoulder.

[mooshy]

Keep posting - there's stacks of great advice and resources with the folks here.

And yes, there are some strong shoulders to be found here so come lean.

And welcome. It's not the greatest place to think of to meet new people - but it truly is a great place and I will always be grateful I found it.

Let us know how you're getting on.

[Onedaycloser13]

Originally Posted by nimuay

Honey, you get yourself to a domestic violence agency RIGHT NOW! You can find one http://www.opdv.state.ny.us/help/dvhotlines.html

They can help you with just about everything, and you need to get that help IMMEDIATELY!!!

Doesn't matter if he's inside or not, because your terror is all you need to post here.

Exactly my thought when I was reading... my local shelter was a great help to me trying to get away, resources for emotional help and many more when I was away.....they are great and understand everything you are going through.

[chozngirl777]

hang in there mamas, and what ever you do, don't go back! that is not love girl, no matter how bad it hurts to admit it. i went thru that for 8 years with my ex husband, the minute i finally let him go, i felt as free as a bird. yes you have a lot of emotional healing that needs to take place, but you will get thru it and only end up stronger on the other side. my prayers are with you girl, keep ur head up, stay strong, and God bless...

[brokenheart05]

Thank You All So Much. Ive Spent The Past Few Hours Reading Through Other Posts In This Forum && It Gives Me Hope To Know Im Not Alone In This Struggle. Something Tells Me Ill Be Using This Web Site As A Major Part Of My Support System. (If Thats Okay).

Ive Contacted Vera House. I Have An Appointment For Monday For A Support Group. Ive Also Seen A Doctor To Not Only Have My Physical Injuries Nursed, But I Was Also Placed On Xanax && Lexapro.

Im Feeling Desperation, Hopelessness, && Like I Am Not Worthy Of Love From Anyone. As I Said, I Have A Restraining Order In Place But That Didnt Stop Him From Kicking In Our Apartment Door This Morning To Come After Me Again For Having Him Locked Up.

I Packed Everything I Could As Quickly As Possible When He Finally Took Off && Im Now At My Mothers House. I Contacted My Landlord To Have My Name Removed From The Lease Because Of The Restraining Order.

Has Anyone Any Suggestions On How To Cope With This Horrible Heart Wretching Pain? I Know I Did The Right Thing By Finally Leaving Him. But Its Not Like I Can Just Turn Off My Feelings For Him. I Wish I Could. I Miss Him, Even Though He Was Awful To Me. Feels As Though Im Going Insane. All I Do Is Scream && Cry Out For Him, Even Though I Dont Really Want Him Here. I Suppose I Could Compare It To The Feeling Of The Death Of A Loved One.

I Know This Will Take A Long Time To Heal And That The Hardest Part Of The Journey Is Still Ahead. But On The Same Token, I Still Need To Be Able To Fuction So That I Can Go Back To Work. I Just Want To Lay In Bed && Not Move.

[nimuay]

You will start to end your pain when you begin to see that what you loved was a fantasy that he carefully constructed. It will also help to go to therapy at the agency. It will help a whole lot! You will start to understand why you had the weak spots that he exploited and you'll also learn how to be stronger against anyone who might try
this again.

[Sunflower]

Hello! Its a long process but you will get through it. One day at a time. You have found a great site with lots of support. Everytime you start to miss him try to think about what he did to you. Please be carefull with the Xanax and Lexapro the side effects can be horrible and Xanax can be very addicting, I was prescribed Xanax and took one and threw the rest out its some strong stuff. Also remeber that restraining order is just a peice of paper, be very carefull....the shelter should be able to help you with a safe plan, Its very important. I have one even thogh my attacker is in jail my safe plan is like a security blanket.
You will have to learn to put yourself first again, and relize how strong you are and you deserve so much better. Surround yourself with positive people.
Good Luck and
God Bless!!
Lisa

[sidewalker]

Im so very glad to read that you have taken the first baby steps to get away from this *man* (I use the term loosely)
good for you!!!!!!
It does not matter that your abuser isnt locked up (should be, imo)
just read read read in here. Let others help you. These ladies have all been there, done that......hell...they wrote the book!
Im so very glad to know your Mother is there for you! awesome!

As for the pain in your heart?
I cant answer that, except to say, you can get thru that too.
Sure it will hurt for a while, but it WILL get better!

Use your local resouces thru the court system as well. They can provide you with your local info for getting help.

Bless you and Im so very happy you found us, and even happier your safe!

[JayJsgirl]

It is a very long processs on the road to recovery. Don't think that it's your fault because it's not. I don't know your religious beliefs but praying do help. God hears you and he knows exactly what to do to ease your pain and constant battle. Contact your local human resources they may be able to help you with housing and different things. With tomorrow being Sunday if you feel comfortable go to church and go to the alter and ask God for strength. Trust God and know that he loves you it's not an accident that you ended up on this web site.

[tnm8]

We have all been where you once were: broken, beaten down, couldn't see the light....
But as time went on I found myself feeling OK. As time went on, I learned to LOVE me. I learned that I do deserve respect. I learned that I'm not all the mean things he once made me believe. I learned that a man that loves you won't hurt you with his words or fists...He'll honor, cherish, and respect who you are. He won't want to see you hurt...

BUT YOU ARE STRONG. You have done the first step. You came here and admitted there was a problem. You put a restraining order on him. YOU LEFT! YOU FOUND YOUR OWN VOICE, TOLD YOURSELF, "I DESERVE BETTER!" AND WE DO! You are STRONG. We are STRONG!

[Sweetswife]

Most all counties in every state have a help hotline. Please call and find a women's group of some sort. Don't be shy about contacting a local person or group that can help. You need to come up with a plan if you are unable to leave immediately and if you are able to leave immediately then do so. Violence intensifies the longer you stay with the abuser. I will tell you from my own experience, it gets easier with each passing day you are away from him. Sometimes it means starting over TOTALLY and when my abuser left (the police took him and he went to prison) I slept sooooooooo good. Be prepared for some PTSD and sadness but hang in there and keep safe. I now am marrying a wonderful man (MWI) and looking forward to a brand new life. I was very careful when getting to know my new man the past year and some odd months but I have a confidence with him that never existed with my abuser. You will know when the right one comes along. By the way, good girls walk away from beatings. They don't have to tolerate them. Pray and keep the faith. You can DO THIS!!!!!!

Originally Posted by brokenheart05

Please...Hes Been Beating Me For Over A Year Now. Hes Broken My Nose, My Cheek Bone, Teeth, Cracked My Forehead && Given Me Black Eyes. 2 Days Ago He Held A Knife To My Throat && Told Me Hed Kill Me. He Stole My Car Keys && Took Off. I Called The Police && Pressed Charges For The First Time. They Held Him In Jail Over Night && I Now Have A Restraining Order. Hes On The Loose Again.

I Dont Know What To Do. Im Not Strong Enough To Deal With The Heart Break Of Losing The Man I Loved && The Emotional Pain Of Having Been Abused For So Long. For The Longest Time I Just Thought "Just Keep Your Mouth Shut && Take Your Beating Like A Good Girl && Itll Be Okay." I Refused To Acknowledge The Emotional Pain. But Now That Its Over With, I Cant Handle Myself. I Dont Know How To Cope.

I Apologize If I Shouldnt Be Posting Here Since Hes Not Incarcerated. I Dont Mean To Offend Anyone. But While My Friends && Family Are Being As Supportive As They Can, They Dont Understand What Its Like. I Feel Like I Need To Communicate With People Who Have Lived Through My Situation. Thank You To Anyone Who Responds, && Apologies To Anyone Ive Upset By Posting Here.

[Sweetswife]

I looked at your post a second time and see you ARE already away from him. GOOD FOR YOU. Keep yourself safe and put yourself first. Don't even think of dropping that restraining order. That is very important should he ever violate it. You have put up with the abuse long enough. You have taken a very positive step in leaving him. One day at a time and each day is better than the one before.

Originally Posted by Sweetswife

Most all counties in every state have a help hotline. Please call and find a women's group of some sort. Don't be shy about contacting a local person or group that can help. You need to come up with a plan if you are unable to leave immediately and if you are able to leave immediately then do so. Violence intensifies the longer you stay with the abuser. I will tell you from my own experience, it gets easier with each passing day you are away from him. Sometimes it means starting over TOTALLY and when my abuser left (the police took him and he went to prison) I slept sooooooooo good. Be prepared for some PTSD and sadness but hang in there and keep safe. I now am marrying a wonderful man (MWI) and looking forward to a brand new life. I was very careful when getting to know my new man the past year and some odd months but I have a confidence with him that never existed with my abuser. You will know when the right one comes along. By the way, good girls walk away from beatings. They don't have to tolerate them. Pray and keep the faith. You can DO THIS!!!!!!

[DarkStorm]

Originally Posted by brokenheart05

Thank You All So Much. Ive Spent The Past Few Hours Reading Through Other Posts In This Forum && It Gives Me Hope To Know Im Not Alone In This Struggle. Something Tells Me Ill Be Using This Web Site As A Major Part Of My Support System. (If Thats Okay).

Ive Contacted Vera House. I Have An Appointment For Monday For A Support Group. Ive Also Seen A Doctor To Not Only Have My Physical Injuries Nursed, But I Was Also Placed On Xanax && Lexapro.

Im Feeling Desperation, Hopelessness, && Like I Am Not Worthy Of Love From Anyone. As I Said, I Have A Restraining Order In Place But That Didnt Stop Him From Kicking In Our Apartment Door This Morning To Come After Me Again For Having Him Locked Up.
Has Anyone Any Suggestions On How To Cope With This Horrible Heart Wretching Pain? I Know I Did The Right Thing By Finally Leaving Him. But Its Not Like I Can Just Turn Off My Feelings For Him. I Wish I Could. I Miss Him, Even Though He Was Awful To Me. Feels As Though Im Going Insane. All I Do Is Scream && Cry Out For Him, Even Though I Dont Really Want Him Here. I Suppose I Could Compare It To The Feeling Of The Death Of A Loved One.

I Know This Will Take A Long Time To Heal And That The Hardest Part Of The Journey Is Still Ahead. But On The Same Token, I Still Need To Be Able To Fuction So That I Can Go Back To Work. I Just Want To Lay In Bed && Not Move.

Oh gosh sweetie..my heart breaks for you. I know exactly where you are. I have been there myself. It took YEARS for me to break away from him not just physically but mentally as well. PLEASE do your best to get in a safe place where he can't find you and take it one day at a time. I promise you will eventually be where I am. I know it seems so painful and hopeless but you are special and deserve a good life and you can have one!
I cried till I couldn't cry anymore...what did I do wrong to deserve this? How can someone be so mean to me when I love him so much? The answer is that he does not love himself so he inflicts pain on you to take away from him having to look inward. You deserve so much more. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope and pray you keep on track with leaving him and getting the support you need. If you ever need to talk or reach out you are welcome to message me. I remember it all like it was yesterday and it is the reason I read these so that if I am able to support any woman in such pain and help her in any way, I feel blessed. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
It is ok to take some time for yourself to heal as well. Work is important but you have been traumatized and must be kind to yourself.
I hope you are able to get away from him completely, abuse is NOT LOVE.
And I know you feel love for him but if you stay away long enough and get the support you need, you will find out eventually that you did not deserve to be treated in such a way.
I am hugging you tight and I want to ensure you that it can get better..with time and being king to yourself! Be your own mother so to speak. A bright day lies ahead. I was in darkness for what seemed like forever..and then one day, the sun came out. I see the red flags now. And I feel better about myself. I stay far away from anyone controlling or unkind. I NEVER thought I could be where I am. And you can too.
Stay strong sister! Even if you don't feel strong, you will find you will surprise yourself. You've already taken the first step! Very proud of you!
Hang in there...