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carla510 · #1 11-08-2010, 03:45 PM

SO my fiance got transfered to another prison n dat prison is on lockdown n since i got his first letter he only talks about dat he is scared that he is going to lose me because im goin to get tired of waiting to get a visit n dat is really making me mad because if i didnt LOVE him then i wouldnt be wit him. I love him soooo much dat im not goin to leave him just cuz i cant see him every weekend

hisprettygirl10 · #2 11-08-2010, 03:49 PM

mine tells me he is scared i might get tired of this and leave to not because he really believes i would but because of his past. this is his first time ever in trouble, but all his ex's and both babymommas did him rlly dirty. He is starting to realize im not goin anywhere though we have deep convo's about our trust issues and its getting better. have you tried gettin your man to write out his faults & insecurities and you do the same just to try to get on the same level?!

MicrowaveMassacre · #3 11-08-2010, 03:51 PM

He will need constant reassurance especially in the beginning. Be prepared for this. If at all possible, send more mail even if its some article out of a magazine. As long as he gets mail, this should keep him assured that you really do love him and not planning on going anywhere.

Also, try and get your phone approved ASAP.

Kemo'sWife · #4 11-08-2010, 03:54 PM

My fiance tells me all the time that he's scared of losing me but I try and reasure him all the time that I'm not going anywhere. He has a terrible past wit exgirlfriends either leaving him for someone else or getting pregnant by someone else while he's locked up. I tell him I'm not going anywhere cuz I'm deeply inlove wit him and I wanna spend the rest of my life wit him.

mysticblue07 · #5 11-08-2010, 04:00 PM

Like the others have said, you will probably have to reassure him ALOT. I know I do, in just about every letter. The sad truth is so many guys/girls in prison hear that someone is going to be there, and then a few months later they are no where to be found. Just try to keep positive and let him know that you are in this no matter where he is.

carla510 · #6 11-08-2010, 04:01 PM

We have only been together for 6 months n i have been their for him ALL da time so in my mind he should kno dat i LOVE him, i tell him all the time dat im NOT goin anywere n omg i write him every day. His ex did leave him wen he got locked up n i think dats wat he thinks ima do but he just needs to stop thinking that way cuz i dont like hearing dat cuz i feel like i am not doin enough to show him my LOVE. IT even harder wen ppl are putting things in your head cuz they dont understand how you feel n wat goes on in relationships like da ones we have, it alot of work.
DO you guys have ppl dat dont understand you and think you are doin a bad choice?

DaMeS_GiRl88 · #7 11-08-2010, 04:02 PM

My bf tells me that but that's before he went to prison I try to make him feel like I'm always here for him through out this whole bid he thinks he has such a long time I'm like honey dip its only 2 years lol but anyways just let him know your not going anywhere and try and visit every chance u get

mysticblue07 · #8 11-08-2010, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carla510

We have only been together for 6 months n i have been their for him ALL da time so in my mind he should kno dat i LOVE him, i tell him all the time dat im NOT goin anywere n omg i write him every day. His ex did leave him wen he got locked up n i think dats wat he thinks ima do but he just needs to stop thinking that way cuz i dont like hearing dat cuz i feel like i am not doin enough to show him my LOVE. IT even harder wen ppl are putting things in your head cuz they dont understand how you feel n wat goes on in relationships like da ones we have, it alot of work.
DO you guys have ppl dat dont understand you and think you are doin a bad choice?

There are always going to be people that don't understand and think you are making a bad choice, but its your life. You have to live it for yourself, not for others. As for him not thinking like he does, unfortunately he will probably always think this way until he walks out of those gates. My BF and I MWI and even after a year of writing everyday, talking 2-3 times a week, visits every 2 months, etc I still have to remind him I'm not going anywhere

Iblieventink · #9 11-08-2010, 04:12 PM

During our conversations yesterday both on the phone and at the visit he said he was scared that he had lost me forever. (We had been apart for a while, now we are finding our way back to each other.) He said he didn't want to just settle for anyone, that I am the one he wants.
My advice is make sure he knows you are here for him. Send him lots of mail and just make sure he knows that you love him and that you are always going to be here for him.

carla510 · #10 11-08-2010, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvmyLAboo

There are always going to be people that don't understand and think you are making a bad choice, but its your life. You have to live it for yourself, not for others. As for him not thinking like he does, unfortunately he will probably always think this way until he walks out of those gates. My BF and I MWI and even after a year of writing everyday, talking 2-3 times a week, visits every 2 months, etc I still have to remind him I'm not going anywhere

You are right n dats why i really like dis site cuz it makes me feel better about my relationship. How long have u been with ur BF if you dont mind me asking? i guess i have to tell him im not goin no were in every letter until i get to talk to him n see him

carla510 · #11 11-08-2010, 04:18 PM

I dont understand why he thinks about it, i always tell him his MY PRINCE CHARMING

n to me he is. I even have my mind set dat he is da one i wana marry n have my kids wit n he knows dat but he probly just wants to hear it from me

Hisoneandonly · #12 11-08-2010, 04:32 PM

Yes, even though he should know better, this is still one of his biggest fears.

Dric's BabyGirl · #13 11-08-2010, 04:34 PM

Dric used to be scared to death that I was gonna leave him for someone on the outside. For the most part he knows I'm not going anywhere but he still has his moments. I just keep reassuring him; usually more by action (more letters, longer letters, romantic cards). But I also make it a point to tell him every time we talk that he's stuck with me

At one point, pretty early on, he didn't get any mail from me for like 4 days (I was writing, he just wasn't getting them) so he writes me this long a$$ letter saying, "I guess you don't f*ck wit me no more. What you do find yourself a man? Its okay, you'll always be MY baby girl but I knew it would come to this. I'm no good to you behind bars. You deserve to be with someone on the outside anyway." I was flipping out cuz I'd be writing every day so I didn't understand where it was coming from. And we didn't have phone calls back then. Took me about 2 weeks of letters and cards to convince him that I hadn't gone anywhere, that I hadn't found anyone on the outside, and I wasn't going anywhere. We've had a couple of similar incidents since then.

Just remember that he doesn't know what's going on on the outside, that he will sometimes feel useless to you, and that there are probably people inside telling him you won't be waiting, you're cheating on him, etc. Keep reassuring him, keep writing, keep talking, and visit every chance you can. Eventually he'll see that you AREN'T going anywhere. But even then he'll still have his moments

4EVER4ALWAYS · #14 11-08-2010, 04:35 PM

My husband has always told me that. We've been through a lot so he's scared one day Ima just up and go. I love him stupid much though so he has nothing to worry about.

carla510 · #15 11-08-2010, 04:40 PM

Thank You ALL i some times have my moments of not knowin wat to do cuz i have NO one to talk to cuz they dont understand n so now i spend all my days on here lol

hisboo4life · #16 11-08-2010, 04:42 PM

I have been with mine for over six and half years, he been in for a lil over six months and he still needs reassurance. Not constant like at first and before he went in was horrible! But they get in and see how the other guys girls treat them and hear the sad stories that a lot of them have, and then begin to worry. I know that mine had leveled out then three guys in his pod got "I'm sorry, I screwed up" letters and he began to stress more than usual. Just don't let it upset you, be patient, and let him know you are there for him.

mrz.crusha2005 · #17 11-08-2010, 05:10 PM

My fiance needed a lot of reassurance in the beginning. Although we have been together for 5 years he thought I was gonna leave him. The guys in there are always tellin him that I'm gonna leave him or I'm out messing around. After letters and emails of me telling him if I was gonna leave I would've left already he finally got the point.

ILoveMyInm8 · #18 11-08-2010, 05:23 PM

My B/F has never said that he's afraid of losing me, but he has said that he's afraid I'll get tired of the situation he's in and leave him or that I'll find someone to replace him (he has a little less than 7 years to go until his PPD)... Maybe I'm being too technical, but I really do wish he would say that he's afraid of losing me.

Truth be told, I'M the one who's terrified of losing him --- especially now that he's set to be transferred to a prison a lot closer to his hometown...and his ex-girlfriends. He says he wants nothing to do with any of those b!tches and that if they came to see him, he'd refuse the visit, but as much as I want to trust him...as much as I want to believe him when he says that I am his everything, his destiny, the love of his life...I do have my doubts. (I guess you could say that I'm REALLY insecure!!)

I know this post has kinda-sorta deviated from the poll & its associated message, and for that I apologise, but I just wanted to add my two-cent's worth...

lilsoldierette0 · #19 11-08-2010, 05:33 PM

When I found out he was sick....he lied and didn't tell me how sick, cuz he thought if he did I would leave LOL....hmmm well you are in jail...and you afraid Imma leave cuz you sick?! Please. I aint going no where

carla510 · #20 11-08-2010, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Misfit_In_AZ

My B/F has never said that he's afraid of losing me, but he has said that he's afraid I'll get tired of the situation he's in and leave him or that I'll find someone to replace him (he has a little less than 7 years to go until his PPD)... Maybe I'm being too technical, but I really do wish he would say that he's afraid of losing me.

Truth be told, I'M the one who's terrified of losing him --- especially now that he's set to be transferred to a prison a lot closer to his hometown...and his ex-girlfriends. He says he wants nothing to do with any of those b!tches and that if they came to see him, he'd refuse the visit, but as much as I want to trust him...as much as I want to believe him when he says that I am his everything, his destiny, the love of his life...I do have my doubts. (I guess you could say that I'm REALLY insecure!!)

I know this post has kinda-sorta deviated from the poll & its associated message, and for that I apologise, but I just wanted to add my two-cent's worth...

But to visit they have to be approved by them cuz they cant just go. Your man has to give them a sign form so they wont go even if they tryed. I kno dat feeling dat his EX mite want to be in his life, My finaces EX gf was tryin to get to visit him n he told me n i got SUPER mad n he just assured me that she wasnt cuz he wasnt going to give her a form n then she send him a letter n OMG i was ready to go find her cuz he send me da letter she sent him i was soooo MAD but now all does hoe$ dont matter cuz i kno he does Really love me. Its ok we are all here to get how we feel out

PaigePnsc · #21 11-08-2010, 06:36 PM

I have had the same thing happen with my man. He was not getting my letters and he thought I was not writing him. Then he told me he got six letters in one day. For some reason he thought my exhusband was in town and i was seeing him.... I want nothing to do with my ex and he is in another state. In fact my ex does not even know my man is locked up. I plan on keeping it that way. But my man wrote me mean letters about not getting as many letters and that the letters he did get were short. I told him I am sole caretaker of two children and my daddy that just had open heart surgery cut me some slack. He said he knew and he was sorry.

skunkyju · #22 11-08-2010, 06:52 PM

my man would never admit he's scared to lose me. he was down 14 years w/ LWOP when we met and had resigned himself to going it alone until the end. quite the opposite of what you are all talking about he fought letting me in every step of the way. i got a tattoo for him at 6 months. it took 9 monthsfor him to say, "I luv you" and 10 months to spell it right. he refused to cross the platonic line until he was certain i wasn't going anywhere.

carla510 · #23 11-08-2010, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skunkyju

my man would never admit he's scared to lose me. he was down 14 years w/ LWOP when we met and had resigned himself to going it alone until the end. quite the opposite of what you are all talking about he fought letting me in every step of the way. i got a tattoo for him at 6 months. it took 9 monthsfor him to say, "I luv you" and 10 months to spell it right. he refused to cross the platonic line until he was certain i wasn't going anywhere.

was ur man already locked up wen u met him?