Visit Come Down

[Inhishands]

I am just blah, we finally got our visits and I tell you it was such stress and anticipation leading up to it. And I rushed over to visit and completely froze, I know he is stressed now because he said "Girl sometimes people commit to something and then find out they can't handle it, I understand" I tried to reassure him it wasn't that at all. But now I am just not sure I feel like something must not be right or I wouldn't have frozen like that. I hear all these great stories about how at the first visit, bells went off and all that BS, and I just knew that I knew when I looked in his eyes. Yeah, It wasn't like that at all. It was actually more sad. We talked about everybody but us, for the whole first day and most of the second visit as well, when I was finally starting to loosen up it was over.

Anybody else ever have such a off visit that it makes you question feelings and everything???

[dragon_92503]

Originally Posted by Inhishands

I am just blah, we finally got our visits and I tell you it was such stress and anticipation leading up to it. And I rushed over to visit and completely froze, I know he is stressed now because he said "Girl sometimes people commit to something and then find out they can't handle it, I understand" I tried to reassure him it wasn't that at all. But now I am just not sure I feel like something must not be right or I wouldn't have frozen like that. I hear all these great stories about how at the first visit, bells went off and all that BS, and I just knew that I knew when I looked in his eyes. Yeah, It wasn't like that at all. It was actually more sad. We talked about everybody but us, for the whole first day and most of the second visit as well, when I was finally starting to loosen up it was over.

Anybody else ever have such a off visit that it makes you question feelings and everything???

I knew my hubby before he went in, but still... Our first prison visit came after almost 5 years of not talking to one another. Him and I were both (as he likes to put it) stuck on stupid. Not knowing what to say, both of us not being our selves. Me being so certain that we were going to "just be friends".... Then he kissed me... oh wow... yea my stomach still flutters with remembering that kiss.
If this was your FIRST, FIRST visit EVER then yea of course you were "stuck on stupid." Its one thing to carry on conversations on the phone or on paper,, but that first contact... right in front of them, feeling completely vulnerable you are not going to be yourself no matter how hard you try.
Don't stress too much about it and your visits will get easier with time.

[ohhsochar]

The anticipation sets such high standards, but it doesn't have to be all you expected it would be every time. I've had an off visit with my boyfriend. To date, it's only been one, and it was our second, but I think it was the pressure of how great our first visit was and how much we know we like eachother. The letters can build those same pressures. Sometimes it's the reality of the situation that sort of slaps you in the face and you realize that it's an adjustment. Give yourself some time, talk to him about how you feel about the visit, and allow yourself the chance to keep trying cause it gets better

[Brandy]

Originally Posted by Inhishands

I am just blah, we finally got our visits and I tell you it was such stress and anticipation leading up to it. And I rushed over to visit and completely froze, I know he is stressed now because he said "Girl sometimes people commit to something and then find out they can't handle it, I understand" I tried to reassure him it wasn't that at all. But now I am just not sure I feel like something must not be right or I wouldn't have frozen like that. I hear all these great stories about how at the first visit, bells went off and all that BS, and I just knew that I knew when I looked in his eyes. Yeah, It wasn't like that at all. It was actually more sad. We talked about everybody but us, for the whole first day and most of the second visit as well, when I was finally starting to loosen up it was over.

Anybody else ever have such a off visit that it makes you question feelings and everything???

Wow, that sounded like my first visit with hubby (which was just my bf at the time). I brought my son with me so ease the awkwardness, and it helped b/c that day I only went for the day, and we hardly talked at all. I think he talked more with my son than he did with me in the whole 6 hours. hahah! I left thinking "omg he thinks I am just crazy, gosh I'm lame" as he thought I thought the same thing, he thought for sure I was not going to come back the following weekend (by myself), and I was just going to forget him. He wrote me saying that he would understand if I just wanted to walk away but was hoping that I wouldn't but he would understand my decision. I wrote him saying the same thing It was crazy! So when I went back the second visit the following weekend, we both laughed about it b/c it's so awkward, the whole "omg is he/she going to think I'm nuts, am i dress ok, what does he eat, what should I get, OMG is my breath cool, I wonder how he/she will approach me, THE KISS, OMG!", and etc! I had to reassure in PLENTY of times, after visit's that I was here and not going anywhere, and here we are today, married.

Oh yeah and BTW we are basically MWI other than a brief in counter in '03.

[ForeverHis86]

Originally Posted by Inhishands

I am just blah, we finally got our visits and I tell you it was such stress and anticipation leading up to it. And I rushed over to visit and completely froze, I know he is stressed now because he said "Girl sometimes people commit to something and then find out they can't handle it, I understand" I tried to reassure him it wasn't that at all. But now I am just not sure I feel like something must not be right or I wouldn't have frozen like that. I hear all these great stories about how at the first visit, bells went off and all that BS, and I just knew that I knew when I looked in his eyes. Yeah, It wasn't like that at all. It was actually more sad. We talked about everybody but us, for the whole first day and most of the second visit as well, when I was finally starting to loosen up it was over.

Anybody else ever have such a off visit that it makes you question feelings and everything???

Inhishands
Everyone Reacts to situations differently...Give it time and let it fall into place. ..

[Inhishands]

Originally Posted by Brandy

Wow, that sounded like my first visit with hubby (which was just my bf at the time). I brought my son with me so ease the awkwardness, and it helped b/c that day I only went for the day, and we hardly talked at all. I think he talked more with my son than he did with me in the whole 6 hours. hahah! I left thinking "omg he thinks I am just crazy, gosh I'm lame" as he thought I thought the same thing, he thought for sure I was not going to come back the following weekend (by myself), and I was just going to forget him. He wrote me saying that he would understand if I just wanted to walk away but was hoping that I wouldn't but he would understand my decision. I wrote him saying the same thing It was crazy! So when I went back the second visit the following weekend, we both laughed about it b/c it's so awkward, the whole "omg is he/she going to think I'm nuts, am i dress ok, what does he eat, what should I get, OMG is my breath cool, I wonder how he/she will approach me, THE KISS, OMG!", and etc! I had to reassure in PLENTY of times, after visit's that I was here and not going anywhere, and here we are today, married.

Oh yeah and BTW we are basically MWI other than a brief in counter in '03.

Thanks so much we are basically MWI we met briefly like 15 years ago but that's it. I wrote last night and I got his after visit letters I'm going back again this weekend we'll be fine but thanks again your story gives me just what I needed to hear I just need to relax and guess what, not everything has to be perfect, for us to be perfect for each other.

[JnV4ever]

J and I have an extensive past. On our first visit, after 10 yrs. of being apart, I took our 2 kids, I was excited when he walked through the door, but the first visit was awkward especially being we hadn't seen one another in so long coupled with knowing we had decided we were getting back into this for life. Rockets didn't go off. I wasn't sure how I felt. It's been 13 months since that visit. Each visit after that went better and better and our comfort levels increased as we became comfortable with one another.

It's one thing to talk on the phone and write letters and a whole nother thing to sit before a person and expect things to go off without a glitch.
It'll get better. January 26, 2010 we got remarried. Our lives couldn't be better.

[MLJ&JLJ]

I can remember our first visit to. It was so weird we hardly talked with one another at all. He ran around tugging me along talking to all the "guys" that he had not seen for a while! Plus his sister was there with me to visit his "celly"...so he talked with her alot. So later that night when he called I told him that I didn't think I would ever hear from him again. He said I was nuts...that he did all of that because he was so nervous. He said never in his life had he been that nervous. The next time I went to see him it was like HEAVEN...so it should all be okay and work out for you. :-)

[Peach&Cream]

my husband and I are MIW too - we had a lot of contact via phone and letters B4 our first contact visit ~ talk about anticipation... we went "years" with adding to it ~
my husband's half black ((you know most black men have full luscious lips, lol)) well mine does so I thought our first kiss was going to rock my whole damn world, lol - girl he's left handed & we never even thought about how that would effect our kissing..... he turned his damn head the same direction I did and there went our heads back and forth as if they were freaking trying to block one another from going somewhere, it was awful! the kiss threw us way off for the rest of the 6 hour visit, lol..... i totally parted with other guys that night ~ it took me a while to realize what lifer and i truly had - it wasn't detected in our visits, of course they helped, but only time can tell ya.

[traviesita]

Inhishands you two will be fine... Its just nerve wrecking and the enviornement dont help.lol

My first visit was behind the glass he was in the SHU and boy from the moement he told me to take a seat we both were like chirping birds. But not knowing what he sounded like was nerve wrecking. I thought 'oh my what if he has a squeecky voice' lol. We are MWI and we had been writitng for months but never heard his voice. lol

But our very frist Contact visit I ran the other way. lol and when he kissed me he swallowed me

[Inhishands]

Originally Posted by traviesita

Inhishands you two will be fine... Its just nerve wrecking and the enviornement dont help.lol

My first visit was behind the glass he was in the SHU and boy from the moement he told me to take a seat we both were like chirping birds. But not knowing what he sounded like was nerve wrecking. I thought 'oh my what if he has a squeecky voice' lol. We are MWI and we had been writitng for months but never heard his voice. lol

But our very frist Contact visit I ran the other way. lol and when he kissed me he swallowed me

Our was a SHU visit as well and yes we will be fine thanks for the encouragement

[kendra425]

Our first contact visit (which came after a year of waiting) went so badly I thought I was going to have to break up. He acted like a 7th grade boy sitting next to his crush. At first I thought the teasing and kidding around was cute, but it didn't take long to get annoying. I got mad. When we finally talked it over I told him "do you realize how long I was looking forward to this visit?" And his answer was spoken so soft and sweet..."For as long as I have." And then I realized, he had been locked up without touch for so long and he was so nervous around me that he hadn't known quite how to act. I forgave him and we have had plenty of ups and downs since but I'm with him for the long haul. The build up to that first visit can be a little over whelming and I wouldn't worry about it if it doesn't go as beautiful as you expected it to.

[Inhishands]

Thanks to all of you for your input and support. Thanks for all of you being here, I'm glad to know we aren't the only ones that had a not so perfect first visit, you gals give me hope and are an ispiration to me. Much love to all of you. And next time you talk to your men you tell them I said they are very, very lucky (like they don't know that already)