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MurphyGirl · #1 11-22-2010, 11:22 AM

Well that title is kinda tricky, I mean I will always be tied to that lifer of mine and will always care for him, but the glue has lost it's holding power. I'm now moving on with my life. Well, at least trying to move on.
As I said in an earlier post, (I think anyway) I signed as joinder in the divorce and agreed to his visitation schedule.
But alas, the lifer is holding our divorce hostage. He has placed his ransom demands in the form of a letter to the judge.
His demands?
The lifting of all restraining orders, Our daughter being placed back on his visiting list and her in his presence before he will continue with the divorce.
The DOC won't lift the no contact order without a court order and no such order is forthcoming without the lifer filing the paperwork!
So we are at a stalemate. Everything has grinded to a halt.
I have been pretty upset over his unwillingness to proceed but something happened this weekend.
I had a talk with this amazing guy that I've been seeing.
He says to me, Babe, why are you letting him have all the power in your life? Why are you letting him get to you? Let's put that bull aside and enjoy each other and have some fun! I don't care about a piece of paper that says you're his woman! your right here in my arms at this very moment and that look your giving me says that in time you just might want to be my woman. Let's just concentrate on that and forget about him.
He promised me that if it came down to where we wanted to move in together or get married he'd hire an atty for me and he'd make sure that I got everything I want in the divorce.
So that's exactly what I am going to do. I'm going to enjoy the holidays with this amazing guy who pampers me every time we're together. He's even making plans for Vegas after the holidays so maybe it's best that I can't get married just yet! ya never know what happens in Vegas!

so that's my update, life after the lifer, I never thought I could have one but it's proving to be amazing.

hugs,
A

nimuay · #2 11-22-2010, 11:40 AM

Hey, girl - good to see you, and even better that you've got a loving man in your life again!

MurphyGirl · #3 11-22-2010, 11:56 AM

Thanks, Girl! so how's that man of yours? he's got to be crawling out of his skin waiting to get out! It's close right?

MurphyGirl · #4 11-22-2010, 01:49 PM

Nimuay! i'm sorry hun... I've lost my mind! I was thinking of someone else who's guy is getting out soon!

hugs,
A

Peach&Cream · #5 11-22-2010, 02:21 PM

I'm just glad your finally getting some peace, but even better I'm thrilled that you're going to be enjoying yourself with a man who spoils you, i know you deserve it.

Sin city ehy? drugs, rock'n roll, late night booty calls, bad ass shiny disco balls, hahah have a blast (( mmmmuahhh )) <-- thats a kiss from me to you.

nimuay · #6 11-22-2010, 02:29 PM

Yeah, I knew it wasn't me you were referring to ;-))

MurphyGirl · #7 11-22-2010, 03:49 PM

Peach! It's going to be gambling, shows, very nice restaurants and well, you know!

nimuay! hopefully one day your guy will come home, I'm praying for all of you to have a different outcome with your lifer's than mine.

nypurple · #8 11-22-2010, 05:36 PM

My one and only fear through all that DOC's has thrown at us that upon his release, we will not have a clear definition of our relationship.

WHAT??? You are not a 'prisoner' and I am not the supporting girl friend???

Most here will not understand what I am saying. In 2 very short weeks he walks out those doors......I am vested into the past; it does not encompass or incorporate the future. I have dreamt, envisioned and imagined but until I live it, it is simply not a reality.

Point being is there are no guarantees. EVER. It's OK to reevalute, change course, set new sails, let the wind take you where ever. I think of it as a soft breeze brought us together, it may be the storm that takes us out.

I understand that our particulars are very different, but where ever this life ship takes me, near or far, it's comforting to know there is a safe harbor.

Thank You.

united · #9 11-26-2010, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MurphyGirl

Well that title is kinda tricky, I mean I will always be tied to that lifer of mine and will always care for him, but the glue has lost it's holding power. I'm now moving on with my life. Well, at least trying to move on.
As I said in an earlier post, (I think anyway) I signed as joinder in the divorce and agreed to his visitation schedule.
But alas, the lifer is holding our divorce hostage. He has placed his ransom demands in the form of a letter to the judge.
His demands?
The lifting of all restraining orders, Our daughter being placed back on his visiting list and her in his presence before he will continue with the divorce.
The DOC won't lift the no contact order without a court order and no such order is forthcoming without the lifer filing the paperwork!
So we are at a stalemate. Everything has grinded to a halt.
I have been pretty upset over his unwillingness to proceed but something happened this weekend.
I had a talk with this amazing guy that I've been seeing.
He says to me, Babe, why are you letting him have all the power in your life? Why are you letting him get to you? Let's put that bull aside and enjoy each other and have some fun! I don't care about a piece of paper that says you're his woman! your right here in my arms at this very moment and that look your giving me says that in time you just might want to be my woman. Let's just concentrate on that and forget about him.
He promised me that if it came down to where we wanted to move in together or get married he'd hire an atty for me and he'd make sure that I got everything I want in the divorce.
So that's exactly what I am going to do. I'm going to enjoy the holidays with this amazing guy who pampers me every time we're together. He's even making plans for Vegas after the holidays so maybe it's best that I can't get married just yet! ya never know what happens in Vegas!

so that's my update, life after the lifer, I never thought I could have one but it's proving to be amazing.

hugs,
A

Dear A,

It's sooo good to know that you have someone who loves and pampers you! I wish you all the happiness on earth! Enjoy - be happy!

Big HUG ,
united

calidreamin · #10 11-26-2010, 10:04 AM

hope things go really well for you .

united · #11 11-26-2010, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nypurple

My one and only fear through all that DOC's has thrown at us that upon his release, we will not have a clear definition of our relationship.

WHAT??? You are not a 'prisoner' and I am not the supporting girl friend???

Most here will not understand what I am saying. In 2 very short weeks he walks out those doors......I am vested into the past; it does not encompass or incorporate the future. I have dreamt, envisioned and imagined but until I live it, it is simply not a reality.

Point being is there are no guarantees. EVER. It's OK to reevalute, change course, set new sails, let the wind take you where ever. I think of it as a soft breeze brought us together, it may be the storm that takes us out.

I understand that our particulars are very different, but where ever this life ship takes me, near or far, it's comforting to know there is a safe harbor.

Thank You.

Dear NYPurple,

I understand your fear. Most of the partners of long term inmates will have to face that situation upon their loved one's release. Not inmate and supporter anymore, you will need time to adjust to 'just' being lovers and define your new roles in everyday life - while much of the prison will still be in him, and he will need your loving support probably more than ever... This time of transition will not be easy, but if you hold on to your love and put understanding each other (and thus confidence, communication, and respect) a #1 priority - you will have a good chance of successfully sailing the waves of the stormy seas to a safe haven.
Have faith. And don't be afraid to ask for help if needed.

Wishing you two a good journey!

Many blessings,
united

LamontLover · #12 11-27-2010, 05:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MurphyGirl

Well that title is kinda tricky, I mean I will always be tied to that lifer of mine and will always care for him, but the glue has lost it's holding power. I'm now moving on with my life. Well, at least trying to move on.
As I said in an earlier post, (I think anyway) I signed as joinder in the divorce and agreed to his visitation schedule.
But alas, the lifer is holding our divorce hostage. He has placed his ransom demands in the form of a letter to the judge.
His demands?
The lifting of all restraining orders, Our daughter being placed back on his visiting list and her in his presence before he will continue with the divorce.
The DOC won't lift the no contact order without a court order and no such order is forthcoming without the lifer filing the paperwork!
So we are at a stalemate. Everything has grinded to a halt.
I have been pretty upset over his unwillingness to proceed but something happened this weekend.
I had a talk with this amazing guy that I've been seeing.
He says to me, Babe, why are you letting him have all the power in your life? Why are you letting him get to you? Let's put that bull aside and enjoy each other and have some fun! I don't care about a piece of paper that says you're his woman! your right here in my arms at this very moment and that look your giving me says that in time you just might want to be my woman. Let's just concentrate on that and forget about him.
He promised me that if it came down to where we wanted to move in together or get married he'd hire an atty for me and he'd make sure that I got everything I want in the divorce.
So that's exactly what I am going to do. I'm going to enjoy the holidays with this amazing guy who pampers me every time we're together. He's even making plans for Vegas after the holidays so maybe it's best that I can't get married just yet! ya never know what happens in Vegas!

so that's my update, life after the lifer, I never thought I could have one but it's proving to be amazing.

hugs,
A

If this new man is bringing you contentment you have deserved for so long, then you need to take this leap of faith and do THE DAMN THING!!! Go for it, Ann...life's too short and love's looking mighty good right now!
-Lamont's Delphine

gabbygirl372001 · #13 11-27-2010, 07:21 AM

I agree, have fun. You have been married a long time to your lifer, and its been bad for quite awhile. It makes it much easier to move on when someone is waiting in the wings. Listen to your man, the divorce will happen. Its not your fault, hes being a jerk about it. Have fun in Vegas!

MurphyGirl · #14 11-27-2010, 11:27 AM

Delphine and Gabby! Thank you both for your support. Gary is an amazing guy. He has that really tough biker exterior but he's really just a big Teddy bear. He's so thoughtful! He kept texting me myesterday to see if I had made it safely from one place to the next because we have snow and ice.
As for Vegas, it's doubtful the divorce will be final by then but that's probably a good thing, there's too many chapels and as impulsive as I am, I'd probably get hitched!

LamontLover · #15 11-27-2010, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MurphyGirl

Delphine and Gabby! Thank you both for your support. Gary is an amazing guy. He has that really tough biker exterior but he's really just a big Teddy bear. He's so thoughtful! He kept texting me myesterday to see if I had made it safely from one place to the next because we have snow and ice.
As for Vegas, it's doubtful the divorce will be final by then but that's probably a good thing, there's too many chapels and as impulsive as I am, I'd probably get hitched!

Right about now, I need a trip SOMEWHERE!! He's mad at me because I hung the phone up in his face when he reminded me of how saving money and I are like oil and water. I HATE/ABHOR it when he does that and I told him, "I dont want to talk about that right now" and then introduced him to Tone. Thing is, I did that lil emotional action at 2:17pm Turkey Day and he hasn't called me back yet. No email at Coleman USP (Florida) and of course my Taurus nature is kicking into high gear. He's such a damned Aquarius and I love him so much. He warned me a few months ago not to do that to him and I simply forgot-he just made me so mad

!! But now...he's never taken so L- O- N- G- to call me back and now that he's been transferred to Florida, I just dont know what to expect. I even called the facility to check for LD status and OF COURSE no one answered the phone

! So now...I just need for Lamont to call me so I'll know SOMETHING...I cant fuss at him and I feel as if I'm losing my mind. HE BETTER F&*^%$G CALL ME TOMORROW

!!! He KNOWS I'm not really good with this waiting thingy...
And with all of that, I say...ANN...be happy. I'm just so damned happy for you (for real!! )!! I want (no, need) for this with BikerDudeLove to work out for you...true story.

Down In The Dumps Delphine

MurphyGirl · #16 11-27-2010, 11:17 PM

Delphine! You know that sweet man of yours is just taking back the control from you! He told you to never hang up on him and you did, so now he has to back up his words with action, I'd do the same thing in his shoes!
Just know he will call you soon, he won't have the will power to resist you for long!

As for biker, yep, I'm going to get me some of that! Did I mention he's younger than me!? Meow!

Hugs,
Ann

kendra425 · #17 12-04-2010, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MurphyGirl

Delphine! You know that sweet man of yours is just taking back the control from you! He told you to never hang up on him and you did, so now he has to back up his words with action, I'd do the same thing in his shoes!
Just know he will call you soon, he won't have the will power to resist you for long!

As for biker, yep, I'm going to get me some of that! Did I mention he's younger than me!? Meow!

Hugs,
Ann

Oh you cougar you!

MurphyGirl · #18 12-04-2010, 10:46 AM

well don't applaud me just yet, he's turning into a cling on! I need someone a little more secure than he is!

kendra425 · #19 12-04-2010, 08:05 PM

Well no one said you had to keep him, enjoy the new freedom and date a variety! Why not? Have a second adolescence, you've earned it. When I turned 40 I told everyone one that I was just turning 20 for the second time around! LOL

Peach&Cream · #20 12-07-2010, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kendra425

Have a second adolescence

oh yeaaaah... now that's the way to think!

MurphyGirl · #21 12-07-2010, 01:04 PM

I'm not going to stop looking until I find exactly what I want. Very few men have swept me off my feet, two to be exact, one I married and the other I had no business being with in the first place.

qylaila · #22 12-07-2010, 02:30 PM

I'm glad ur happy. That's what matters at the end of the day. :-)