What makes you his wife?

[Heluvedme1st]

My and My Hubby talk about this all the time... I was just wondering your input on the subject... I personal don't take that a marriage licenses make you a wife or husband... Its the things that you do and the responsiblity you have to them... I was my Hubby wife way before the marriage license was in the picture... What do you guys think?????

[Snowbaby62]

You were not his wife before the marriage license was printed. You might have done "wifely" things, you might have loved him as a wife loves a husband however it is the marriage bond, the one that can only be done under the ordainment of God, that makes you his wife. Personally as a truly married woman, one who stood before God and promised to love my husband as the Lord ordained I get a little perturbed by others who claim that title but who have not made the commitment that gives them the true right to claim that title in the first place...JMO

[prodicaldaugter]

My marriage certificate that was issued by the state of Florida ... and the fact that my husband and I were joined together by God and exchanged vows before a ordained woman of God and a woman approved by the State of Florida to legally preform our wedding vows.

But I get what you are saying I was a Super girlfriend also prior to exchanging wedding vows ... Us being married just gives him something to brag about what he has in me ... I love my Husband

(But honestly to me it sounds more committed when you are husband in wife ... In a sense)

[Hugaboom]

You were not his wife before the marriage license was printed. You might have done "wifely" things, you might have loved him as a wife loves a husband however it is the marriage bond, the one that can only be done under the ordainment of God, that makes you his wife. Personally as a truly married woman, one who stood before God and promised to love my husband as the Lord ordained I get a little perturbed by others who claim that title but who have not made the commitment that gives them the true right to claim that title in the first place...JMO

Devil's Advocate: This is an assumption that marriage is a spiritual or religious contract. That's not necessarily true. Many people that lack a belief in the afterlife still feel a deep love and commitment to their significant others and get married without a declaration to God. Moreover, it's actually becoming a trend these days for people to get married out of convenience rather than any deep spiritual/religious belief. Economic times are tough.

Like it or not our government and the laws that are supposed to guide it were set up to accept those of any religion or belief system or even those without any.

The phat ring on my finger weighing down my poor lil hand!! Lol and what ^they^ said- sealing it with the Marriage Certificate!

[esteli]

a marriage certificate makes you husband & wife. anything before the marriage certificate is boyfriend & girlfriend no matter your level of committment.

[His Goddess]

I Agree with u!! I thk its tha committment!! That paper is not goin to keep ur relationship healthy. I can wave a paper and a "phat ring" all day but if im not committed, loyal, understanding, willing to compromise, & real with mine it could be over in a heart beat. I get what tha other posters are saying but to me that paper is just a paper bond.

[Allye]

Originally Posted by esteli

a marriage certificate makes you husband & wife. anything before the marriage certificate is boyfriend & girlfriend no matter your level of committment.

100% agreed. Regardless of whether it's religious or civil, a person is not a wife or husband until you are legally married or have met the common law marriage marriage requirements in the few states that recognize this relationship . As an unmarried significant other, you have no legal rights of a married spouse...you cannot even have input into medical decisions in the event that your significant other is unable to make them for him/herself unless the two of you have signed formal medical power of attorney.

If you care enough for someone to want the honor of the title, the simple solution is to get married!

[alleykitten]

To me the licsence is just the legal aspect of a marriage that makes it legal to the government and others. A good marriage is not based just because you have a paper that says you are married. It has to come from a commitment deeper than a paper can give. No you may not be legally married if you dont have the paper but a marriage is based on lot of things starting with commitment and a deep love for each other a true partnership. I feel more married to my man now and we are not legally married than i did my ex husband i had a paper that said i was married to him. We will make it legal when we can get an approval from the prison but as for now im still his wife at heart its the way he feels and me also. I agree in a sense of the legal part that in certain situations i cant make any descisions on some things.

[garciabby44]

I agree with HIS GODDESS 100%...girl you took the words right outta my mouth. =)

[SexyChef1]

In my faith there is no marriage certificate because some practice polygamy. Does that make her any less his wife because she doesn't have that piece of paper? Nah sorry but I'm not buying that one. For the record me and mine don't practice polygamy.

[secondtimer]

Marriage is sanctified by god and performed by whom is ordained and liscense by which ever state you happen to be in. Prior to marriage all one does is perform like a wife and husband with nothing to hold them. Sure I had a bond with my husband prior to our marriage once the ring was put on my finger and our license signed it was like god smiled on us. The bond got so much stronger. No the paper may not make your relationship healthier that has to do with the two people involved and god, the certificate is proof.
I know some will say marriage doesn't hold you but for me and my house god holds us therefore it it all in his hands and I dare any man,woman, or child to take it from him.

[Tiny xo]

being married doesn't mean your relationship will suddenly be greater than it was when you were boyfriend & girlfriend. & yea, the paper won't make your relationship, cause you both gotta have everything, communication, trust, love, loyalty, etc. but you're not WIFE until he marries you. i wouldn't settle for less & consider myself his "wife" until he takes the step to ASK ME to be his wife. cause that's sooo much better than just claiming the title IMO.

[SexyChef1]

I refuse to play esposo y esposa (husband and wife) when he ask me to marry him I will until then. He knows better than to even ask me to do wifely things. I've played house too many times I'm too old for it and so is he.

[Heluvedme1st]

Originally Posted by His Goddess

I Agree with u!! I thk its tha committment!! That paper is not goin to keep ur relationship healthy. I can wave a paper and a "phat ring" all day but if im not committed, loyal, understanding, willing to compromise, & real with mine it could be over in a heart beat. I get what tha other posters are saying but to me that paper is just a paper bond.

Thanks... I know a lot of people that are married on paper but are not married in your real life... Marriage without a bond and commitiment is just two people joined on paper

[Miss_A]

Originally Posted by Tiny xo

being married doesn't mean your relationship will suddenly be greater than it was when you were boyfriend & girlfriend. & yea, the paper won't make your relationship, cause you both gotta have everything, communication, trust, love, loyalty, etc. but you're not WIFE until he marries you. i wouldn't settle for less & consider myself his "wife" until he takes the step to ASK ME to be his wife. cause that's sooo much better than just claiming the title IMO.

I agree. He claims me as his wife, even uses his last name when he addresses his letters to me and I used to do the same. I also used to wear a ring on my left hand, but he has yet to propose to me. We've discussed his reasoning why. So until he does, I'm no longer wearing a ring and I will no longer be using his last name on my letters to him. I'm not officially his wife and I don't want to be referred as such. I feel we're merely playing a roll w/o actually having to go through with the marriage and I'm not gonna do it anymore. Marriage is not something to take lightly and I believe to be something so special and spiritual. Him thinking I'm his wife ain't gonna cut it in my book.

[Heluvedme1st]

Well I don't think that because a women don't have that piece of paper then she's playing wifey...can anyone show me in the bible where it says that they Pastor, Priest, Lawyer, etc married anyone... I have read it say and he took her as his wife meaning they had sex together... Marriage license and Weddings are made made... I do believe that you have to be join together before God and make the promise before him

[JaiDan]

Heluvedme1st, it seems you tried to post something light-hearted for conversation and it changed to a debate about "does a legal document make you a wife?" I've been on both sides of this type of PTO stuff and I commend you for handling it well. <3

Though I am not Suge's wife yet, I will be soon. I take on "wifey" duties now that consist of being his sole supporter emotional, financially and mentally and I help strengthen his spiritual growth also. He sends me his write-ups, counseling summaries, child support court stuff and settlement support stuff to review and mail out for him. I also have full control over the home he will be paroling too and where he will be living as my husband shortly after he is home. I would say those are wifey duties and I know that is why he calls me his wife and addresses my mail with his last name. Our outside world is different than the inside world though and I call him my fiance here. I am very excited to make it official when he comes home though.

[LeBeau]

Without BOTH the legal and emotional contracts and commitments, no marriage exists.... but to be a true partner and mate without marriage is not less "legit".

I'm his "wife" because we stood before God, a minister and a roomful of our collective family and friends and made vows and signed paperwork.

I'm his partner and his mate because we love one another, we share common values and goals, we try hard, each of us, to base our choices on what will serve our common good.
We try to divide the work of our life fairly (as it stands now, each of us thinks we've got the better end of the deal )and because when push comes to shove, each of us will do anything within our ability to make things better, easier, less horrible for the other.

I was in California visiting when it became clear that his grandmother was nearing the end.... He told me I did not need to change my plans and that he'd see me when I got home in a few days- I made a 1,200 mile drive back to Montana (300 of it in a flat out blizzard) in just under 30 hours.... in time to comfort him and to hold her hand and say goodbye, to help my husband choose the suit he'd wear when he served as her pallbearer.... Funny thing is, his whole family still thinks I did something remarkable by racing back... it never crossed my mind to finish out my trip as planned.

When a beloved friend of mine was dying of cancer at the same time as my grandmother was recovering from a fractured pelvis, he never batted an eye at my absence or the expense when I quit my job to to to Seattle and just gave me all the time, space and comfort he could and joined me in Seattle whenever his work allowed- This went on for several months and I'd have never survived that horrible year without his generous, kind, unconditional support.


And so it goes- When things are good, we enjoy it and work together towards our goals and when the road gets bumpy, we each devote ourselves entirely to the good of the other.

[Heluvedme1st]

Originally Posted by XOXO120410XOXO

Heluvedme1st, it seems you tried to post something light-hearted for conversation and it changed to a debate about "does a legal document make you a wife?" I've been on both sides of this type of PTO stuff and I commend you for handling it well. <3

Though I am not Suge's wife yet, I will be soon. I take on "wifey" duties now that consist of being his sole supporter emotional, financially and mentally and I help strengthen his spiritual growth also. He sends me his write-ups, counseling summaries, child support court stuff and settlement support stuff to review and mail out for him. I also have full control over the home he will be paroling too and where he will be living as my husband shortly after he is home. I would say those are wifey duties and I know that is why he calls me his wife and addresses my mail with his last name. Our outside world is different than the inside world though and I call him my fiance here. I am very excited to make it official when he comes home though.

Don't get me wrong I'm not against the marriage license, cermony, or anthing like that... But I don't think that that's what make you a wife no more then having a child make you a parent... I don't think this has turned into a debate we are just voicing our opinion freely... But you have some good points... But I think this is a warmless conversation I'm getting married in February 2011 with a marriage license lol

[Miss_A]

If the thread was meant to be light-hearted, I didn't see it. Sorry. I'm sitting here with some major back pain going on and I'm not in the greatest of moods.

However, I still stand by what I said. LOL. Marriage is a touchy subject for me right now. And it's something I'm trying not to allow drive a wedge between myself and my man, but I'm havin' a REAL hard time not doing so. Yes, I perform wifely duties. How can I not, we've been together almost 4 years. But I just want more. That's all.

[Heluvedme1st]

Originally Posted by Miss_A

If the thread was meant to be light-hearted, I didn't see it. Sorry. I'm sitting here with some major back pain going on and I'm not in the grb
eatest of moods.

However, I still stand by what I said. LOL. Marriage is a touchy subject for me right now. And it's something I'm trying not to allow drive a wedge between myself and my man, but I'm havin' a REAL hard time not doing so. Yes, I perform wifely duties. How can I not, we've been together almost 4 years. But I just want more. That's all.

I can totally understand your fraustration I would feel the say way if I was in your shoes... I hope that everything works out the way that you deserve really soon

[JaiDan]

Miss_A, you know I love you! *BUT* let me tell you..... this thread got me thinking...... got me googling..... I want the marriage license, I want the combination of our names, I want the wedding and our union being blessed by God. I'm with you, sister!

That being said, I can also see by my research that biblically, there is nothing that says you have to be married by paper. Just saying. I wish it did say it so that it was clear, but I didn't find anything. Please, if anyone knows where it says it, please let me know. I can see how some women may be offended to be judged as NOT a wife just cuz there is no ceremony or legal commitment.

I will say this though as far as why "I" want to be legally married. I encourage it to my children as a man making an honest woman of the woman he loves and wants to sleep with. I want to be his legal wife to have rights to him, especially in emergency medical situations. Nowadays not a lot of people marry or find the importance of it, but so many people are cheating and making babies with other people. Call me optimistic, but I think a man and woman when they choose to marry have less desire to step out on their spouse. If that was the case, why marry? Yeah, I sometimes live in a big tub of peaches and cream.

[SexyChef1]

Ok folks Jesus wore sandals and a robe year round we don't do it now. So for me having sex wouldn't mean I'm his wife if that's the case I'd be married more times than ill EVER as a lady admit hehehe. I'm loving everyones response though. That's why its a discusiion.

[Heluvedme1st]

@Empress1 lol your too funny