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Randy4755 · #1 02-16-2011, 09:17 AM

My name is Randy and i have 2 boys age 20 and 17 the 20 yr old is about to go 2 prison for the most 6 yrs and a 17 yr old who just got busted for drinking and smoking pot.

mates001 · #2 02-16-2011, 09:34 AM

Randy4755, so sorry to hear about your boys. It truly is heartbreaking when our kids get themselves into a mess. You have come to the right place. This group is so supportive and informative. Pour heart out, ask any questions that come to mind, there are threads here that will answer just about anything you can think of, if not, ask it. We are all in different stages of grief and are plugging through all of this together. Don't isolate yourself, stay with us and we can get through this. So glad you found us and welcome to the club nobody was planning to be a member of.
Lila

jancy · #3 02-16-2011, 12:16 PM

sad and for a dad...I am sure you feel the need to "do" something to rescue and help your sons. I am sorry their choices are bringing you pain. They had other choices but this is what they decided to do. They did not follow your advice, I am sure. That is what is so frustrating. We try and try to help them not get themselves in deeper and deeper, but they think we don't know about life. They think they can defy rules and nothing will happen to them.

when they get caught, we suffer as well. please do not let your life stop while they are learning their lessons. you deserve peace of mind, too.

mrsrimoldi · #4 02-17-2011, 12:39 AM

Welcome to PTO~ where do you go from here? Forward, it's the only direction. This is a hard road we all find ourselves on. Having a young son go to prison for such a long time is a very scary thing. Write your son often, give him hope for the future~ without hope we have nothing~ advise him to use his time to learn as much as he can so he can help himself in 6 years.
The younger son~ he is probably acting out his anger. I'd try to get him in some sort of treatment. Take him with you when you are able to visit~ let his older brother "scare him straight" talk about your feelings if you are able to. Come here to PTO's parents forum, ask any questions, read the posts and KNOW you are not alone in this. Hugs to you and your sons.

Niki · #5 02-17-2011, 01:57 AM

Welcome to the parents forum and to PTO, Randy. I'm so sorry to hear what is happening with your sons. As a parent there's only so much that we can do. The 20 year old has made his own poor choices and now he's going to really pay for them. All you can do for him is be there for him to provide unconditional love and encourage him to make the best out of this bad situation and use this time to better himself however he can. It's sad what drugs are doing to our youth. I think you will find that the majority of us with children in prison will tell you drugs had something to do with their childs incarceration.

Some people (like your son's probation officer) seem to think that we are bad parents when we are not able to prevent our teenagers from using drugs or drinking. I don't think there's a parent here that will tell you that there's any way to stop them from doing these things (short of chaining them to their bed- which is considered abuse) if that's what they are determined to do. Hopefully the judge will recommend some sort of rehab program or other diversion program for your son instead of prison/ jail because he's certainly not going to get much help for his problems there.

I encourage you to visit the Indiana forum here on PTO. There's lots of good information that will come in handy as you are trying to figure out how things work in the prison system there. Once you know where he will be going you might even find others with loved ones in the same prison.

Beyond that just try to take some time for yourself everyday so you don't get overwhelmed by everything that's happening with your sons. You won't be much help to them if you're a basket case yourself. Come back here often and post whenever you like. If you take some time to read some of the other threads you'll realize that you're not alone on this journey with your kids. We're all here for the same reason and we can help you get through this. PTO is the best place there is for support, understanding and information related to having a child in prison (or headed that way) and the parents forum in particular is frequented by some of the most non-judgemental and supportive folks that you're ever going to meet. Feel free to ask if you need any assistance. Once again, welcome. I hope to see you back here real soon. Hugs....Niki